Thatkidsam.muffin/assassination

Overview

Thatkidsam E-Mail #28

The Legion of Thatkidsams unite to stop a great evil. Yeah, a pretty generic plotline.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, The Simpsons, Yeoldesam, Thatladsamuel, ThatkidSamus, Ultrama, Stickly Man

Places: Masdiktaht Jet, MMO-RPG

Computer: Sega Dreamcast

Date: April 7th, 2005

Lines: 86

Transcript

THATKIDSAM: We gotta check all the emails, we gotta check them good because it's midnite!

To any Thatkidsams this might concern
I heard from some strange dark corridor that
there was a person trying to assassinate the
past present and future of you!

From any Ekuls it concerned.

THATKIDSAM: {Reads "assassinate" as "ess-a-sinnit"} Hm... A dark corridor, eh? You mean, like, Nocturne's hallway?

{Cut to a dark corridor presumably in Thatkidsam's house. A tumbleweed tries to fly by, but it gets sucked into a black hole. A voice laughs.}

THATKIDSAM: {Back at the Dreamcast} Man, that place is scary... I'm not going in there, even for, like, a jillion dollars... Man, that girl needs to get a grip. {Clears the screen} Well, an assassin, eh? Sounds like someone trying to rip off each and every Thatkidsam! I'll just call the Legion of Thatkidsams. {Flicks a lightswitch on the Saturn couch, and several time portals open, tossing several video game characters into the room, confused.}

MARIO: Hey, a-you! What's-a the emergency?

CLOUD: This better be important.

LINK: {Makes a frustrated noise}

ELIWOOD: What did you call us for?

ZELOS: Oh, you must be that Chosen from Sylvarant.

THATKIDSAM: Ugh! I pulled the wrong switch! Okay, go back to your lives of saving generic princesses, killing dragons, and restroring the world to peace. {Pulls a chain, and there's a sound of a toilet flushing. Each character is sucked into a portal in the floor. He flicks another switch. The Simpsons appear.}

BART: Woah! I'm all... Shaded!

LISA: It appears that we are not in our own town.

HOMER: We what-what that we what-what?

THATKIDSAM: Off you go! {Pulls the chain, and flicks another switch. Different Thatkidsams appear.}

YEOLDESAM: Enter yon... Thatkidsam's room!?

THATKIDSAMUS: Aw, man! I was this close to getting a high score on Final Fantasy MCVIII!

THATLADSAMUEL: Hm... A family reunion! Splendid!

THATKIDSAM: Yeah, okay, old-timer. Anyway, peoples, it seems that our past, present, and future are in the hands of... Us! Just look at this email I got!

To any Thatkidsams this might concern
I heard from some strange dark corridor that
there was a person trying to assassinate the
past present and future of you!

From any Ekuls it concerned.

THATKIDSAMUS: I got that email on my PlayStation 832!

THATLADSAMUEL: I think I saw those letters in a telegram one day!

YEOLDESAM: I found ye text on yon parchment on ye day!

THATKIDSAM: It appears to have been sent through time. Anyway, the Legion of Thatkidsams must find this assassin and stop him!

EVERYONE: YEAH!

THATKIDSAM: So... Any ideas on how to find him?

{Every Thatkidsam mumbles random stuff and looks at eachother.}

THATLADSAMUEL: Back in my day, we didn't have to come up with ideas to get rid of nasties!

THATKIDSAM: Everybody calm down! Somehow, in anime cliché, the bad guy will suddenly attack the city and reveal himself.

{A huge explosion is heard out the window, and everyone is thrown back to the wall.}

THATKIDSAM: That's gonna hurt tomorrow... Hey! It's that evil assassin guy! He's here!

{A guy in a blue jetpack in a black suit with a highwayman mask appears and starts laughing.}

ULTRAMA: Hee hee hee ha! You will die, and I will unplug your past! You will naturally disappear with time flow! {The boomerang on his head glows and spins.}

THATKIDSAMUS: Ultrama! I should have known it was you...

ULTRAMA: ThatkidSamus!? How am I going to beat that thing!?

THATKIDSAM: Samus, don't get in over your head. This is 2005. You can't use any futuristic equipment.

THATKIDSAMUS: What!? {His armor falls off, and he is just a scrawny nerd.} Heck with this! {Jumps through the TV, into 7838}

ULTRAMA: Hee hee hee ha! You'll never beat me now! Hee hee hee ha!

THATKIDSAM: Oh, you're right. We'll only beat you... 5833 years in the future! {Grabs Yeoldesam and Thatladsamuel and follows ThatkidSamus}

ULTRAMA: What? Aw, I don't have anyone to fight now! Being a supervillan is boring when there are no superheroes around... {Jumps through the TV}

{A mugshot of Ultrama appears on the screen, and his sprite appears, posing. The word "ULTRAMA - MASTER OF PHONY SUPERVILLANRY" appears next to it as music plays. Cut to a futuristic battleground, where ThatkidSamus and Ultrama are facing off.}

ULTRAMA: Now, I get to use my supervillanpowers! {Tons of robotic armor attracts and flies toward him, and it makes him even bigger}

THATKIDSAMUS: Samus away! I mean, ThatkidSamus away! {His hair turns all golden and his muscles bulge, and he flies toward the robotic Ultrama.}

{A Tetris Attack-esque puzzle screen appears, and the center shows two sprites of ThatkidSamus and Ultrama doing a battle pose. The two actual people are controlling cursors to try to line up three or more of the same color block to carry them over to the opponent's field.}

THATKIDSAMUS: Must... Create... Chain... {Three red blocks line up and disappear.} Yay!

ULTRAMA: Fool! That doesn't carry over to my field! You must have four or more in the same combo!

THATKIDSAMUS: D'oh!

ULTRAMA: Yes! I have the perfect chain! {He moves one piece, and it falls onto two other blocks and creates a huge chain of disappearing blocks until there are no blocks left over on his side of the field} HA!

THATKIDSAMUS: {Makes frustrated angry noise} I'll show you HA!

{Yeoldesam walks onto the playfield and sees a cloning device.}

YEOLDESAM: What's ye trinket? {Touches the cloning device and it creates another one} Ooh, shiny! {Touches it a ton of times, and millions of clones are made}

YEOLDESAM #32049: Ooh, a cubematic block! {Eats one of the blocks, waits a second, and then starts eating through millions of blocks until there are no blocks left}

THATKIDSAMUS: You idiot! I was going to send them over to his side!

YEOLDESAM #32049: Oooh... I ate too many cubematic blocks...

{Stickly Man comes rushing to it, and the screen zooms out so far you can't see anything. When it zooms back in, Stickly Man is rushing to the other side with a bottomless jar, filling up his screen with useless gray blocks. The screen is filled up, and Ultrama gets a Game Over.}

ULTRAMA: NOOOOOOO!!! {His sprite explodes}

THATKIDSAMUS: Heh, that was easy!

{Cut back to the Dreamcast.}

THATKIDSAM: Well, Ekul, it seems that my relatives are no longer in danger, as well as me. That's it! No more evil assassins trying to wipe me out from time. {His entire body starts flickering.} Hey, why am I so fuzzy? {His sprite flickers even more.} AAAAH!!! {He disappears completely}

{A Dreamcast swirl unrolls a message reading "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• If you wait for 15 seconds, a voice will say something.

VOICE: To be continued... In the year 2012.

• Click on the spot where Thatkidsam's head should be to play Pac-Yeoldesam. It is a joke, and he will collapse after eating one dot to be consumed by the Ghost Blocks.

Fun Facts

• Stickly Man coming to collect a "certain substance" is a reference to A Jumping Jack Contest.
• The "puzzle duel" is a reference to many Puzzle-Fighting games such as Super Puzzle Fighter.
• This is the first planned Spacewarrior episode that hasn't focused completely on Spacewarrior.
• The scene with Ultrama's mugshot, as well as the music, are a reference to the Mega Man series.
• The video game characters near the beginning are from the following games: Super Mario Bros, Final Fantasy VII, The Legend of Zelda, Fire Emblem, and Tales of Symphonia.

Author's Comments

• Rating: C+
• If I had known I was going to steer this episode toward time travel a little bit, I would have done the time travel email a little bit later or a lot earlier. I don't like to reuse concepts very much.

Author Commentary

THATKIDSAM: Hey, guys! Welcome to the EXTREME commentary by ULTIMATE Thatkidsam and AWESOME Dinoshaur.

DINOSHAUR: Yep, Awesome Dinoshaur. Well, this is my favourite Email.

THATKIDSAM: I think this was better than time travel. It had more of a plot, and it was shorter.

DINOSHAUR: What? Shorter? Who cares! We want feature characters!

THATKIDSAM: Shorter... I mean it was less boring in parts. Yeah, I liked this one because I was juggling character ideas and created Ultrama, Hyperma's 7838 form, before Hyperma.

DINOSHAUR: Eh... Well I liked Thatkidsamus in this one. Every time I watch it I'd go "five points to Thatkidsamus!"

THATKIDSAM: Yeah, even though he was getting kinda lame around email 49, the plot saved him. He's my favorite character other than Icreature. {Pause} Heh... I love that thing that flushes the entire room into a hole. Don't know where I came up with that.

DINOSHAUR: Uh, the toilet? I thought that's what represented the "triumph of Emails to date". Whoa, where did this pizza come from?

THATKIDSAM: ...Guh? Oh, it must be abstract or something. And I don't know where the pizza came from.

DINOSHAUR: No one likes your style Yeoldsam. Not even Neb-1. Yeah, stick it to da man Thatkidsamus! Five points!

THATKIDSAM: ...I love this part. "Back in my day, we didn't have to come up with ideas to get rid of nasties!" That'd be my Quote of the Week if I bothered to update it.

DINOSHAUR: Yeah, ooh, I love this part, yay for Jewel Stack!

THATKIDSAM: I only have two words: "Cubematic block".

DINOSHAUR: Seems more Pac-Manish to me. Whoa, where'd that pizza go?

THATKIDSAM: Uh... Uh... Yeoldesam ate it. ...That huge combo Ultrama racked up earlier reminds me of my brother. He's really, really good. HEY, SLODETH! YOU'RE GOOD! I doubt he's reading this.

DINOSHAUR: Uh... {Looks around for the pizza} Yeah, bonus stage and all that... 2012, I'm gettin' all of that...

THATKIDSAM: Heh. I might've stolen that from some other show. Like in previous commentaries, I sometimes accidentally steal jokes. Okay, so... Insert cool closing phrase here!