Thatkidsam.muffin/undead

Overview

Thatkidsam E-Mail #45

It's Thatkidsam's birthday, and the Gameslayer is born!

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Brent, Icreature, Nocturne, Omni

Places: Unknown House,

Computer: Gameslayer

Date: May 4th-7th, 2005 (Quatro de Mayo '05)

Lines: 56

Transcript

{Everyone in the Unknown House is singing Happy Birthday.}

BRENT, ICREATURE, NOCTURNE: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to-

BRENT: Aw, heck with it. Blow out that candle I made from Icreature!

{Thatkidsam attempts to blow it out, but Icreature takes his squishy body from the candle in a very quick manner.}

ICREATURE: (HAH! Now you won't get to wish for lightning to strike me!) {Realizes that the part of his body he grabbed was still on fire} (AAAAAUUUUGH!!!!) {Starts floating around frantically}

{All of time stops, and Thatkidsam's eyes glow pure blue. The words "WATER PWNAGE" appear at the bottom of the screen, and he turns aqua blue and jumps around the room. The flames go out, and time continues.}

ICREATURE: (AAAH- Hey, what was that?)

THATKIDSAM: That's your next birthday's present.

ICREATURE: (Aww, May 13th won't be the same this year!)

THATKIDSAM: Well, the fact that it's on a Friday this year doesn't help.

BRENT: Shut up and open presents. Nocturne has a date, or that's what she's saying. I don't really believe her.

NOCTURNE: Me get flowers covered in spiders! {Holds up dead flowers, with cockroaches crawling on it}

THATKIDSAM: Okay, fine. {Opens one present} Awesome, a Cake-Inator! {Picks up a watch from the box and presses a button on it}

BRENT: No! Don't point that thing at me!

{A green cake flies out of the watch and lands in Brent's face.}

BRENT: I... I was saving that for Lawrence... {Leaves to the bathroom}

THATKIDSAM: Ooh, this one looks good! {Opens a huge present} Is it a pony? No, I was close. No, I was... COMPLETELY WRONG!! WHAT THE HECK? Is this a Gameslayer? Woah, how could anyone afford this?

BRENT: {Comes back} I used your fake credit card.

THATKIDSAM: I didn't even know this existed! I thought it was just this scam in some book my little brother read!

BRENT: Uh... I am your little brother.

THATKIDSAM: Hm. That's disturbing. So, does it do everything? Does it work?

BRENT: Sure. Try it.

{Cut to Thatkidsam, sitting in the Sega Saturn couch, plugging in the Gameslayer. He finishes.}

THATKIDSAM: Yeah! Now, to see if this is really it!

{The Gameslayer logo appears on the screen, and a black figure labeled "Omni" runs across the screen with a banner reading "Version: EVIL SILHOUETTES ALERT!" Then, three icons appear: "Feathered Serpent", "Omni-Mail", and "Add New Game".}

THATKIDSAM: Woah! This thing is awesome!

{A figure of Omni drops to the bottom of the screen. A red light comes out of the Gameslayer, scanning Thatkidsam. Omni transitions into a replica of Thatkidsam with a big head.}

THATKIDSAM: Is that thing me? That is extremely disporportionate. {The actual Thatkidsam's head grows to the size of the Gameslayer version, blocking the screen.} Well, I do admit it's high-tech. Wait a second... {Goes up to the Gameslayer and looks under it}

GAMESLAYER

OVER 10 SOLD!!

THATKIDSAM: Oh, good. It's unpopular, too! This birthday is awesome!

{The Thatkidsam Omni runs over to the "Omni-Mail" icon and taps it. The screen transitions to an email that pops up.}

that kid sammy:
Where do you keep all of your severed heads?

--mk5dude

THATKIDSAM: {His text is showing up on the screen as he says it, without typing} Well, uh... I need a keyboard, or something- Eh... Hey, it hears me! This is awesome! Well, ZOMGMK5D00DXORS, you should probably make an MK6 version of yourself, because it seems that your MK5 version sends stupid emails to people! Well, I don't actually have any severed heads yet, but I do know how to get some!

{Thatkidsam's head returns to its normal size as he walks away. He grabs a zombie costume and puts it on, and a silver sword appears in his hand. He brandishes it. Cut back to the Gameslayer a few seconds later.}

THATKIDSAM: Well, that felt good. Now, I have some severed heads! And, to answer your question, now I keep 'em taped to the leaves of a magnolia tree.

{Brent comes in, and another figure of Omni comes in on the screen, eventually transitioning to Brent's figure.}

BRENT: Don't you think showing that tree would get us on grounds for being banned? It says right in the Fanstuff Guidelines that there's no blood or PG-13 stuff.

THATKIDSAM: Aww, I don't read the Fanstuff Guidelines, because I'M A STUPID UNREGISTERED NOOB!!! I TYPE IN ALL CAPS!! I USE BAD GRAMMAR!!

BRENT: Um... You know that's not funny.

THATKIDSAM: BUT I STILL DO IT BECAUSE I'M A STUPID UNREGISTERED NOOB!!!

{The magnolia tree with severed heads appears for half a split second, then disappears when Brent unplugs something.}

THATKIDSAM: Hey! Why'd you unplug my darling Gameslayer?

BRENT: I'm afraid it's slaying your sense of- No, your entire brain!

THATKIDSAM: Hey, doesn't it have that "realistic pain synthesis" thing? Ugh... Why did you... {Falls over, apparently dead}

BRENT: I knew that system was evil!

{Omni runs across the screen, leaving a banner with the message "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on tree to see Thatkidsam's tree of severed heads, all clones of his head. Oh, and the blood is all green and unrealistic for the sake of everything that's kid-friendly. (My little brother reads this!)

Fun Facts

• Thatkidsam's "WATER PWNAGE" scene is a reference to financial difficulties.
• The Gameslayer is from Eagle Strike, as is Damian Cray, and everything Thatkidsam said about him.
• Omni, when he is seen running around in this email only, looks very similar to the first enemy in 3 Foot Ninja.

Author's Comments

• Rating: B
• Let me explain the duct tape flower joke. Once, my brother went to a date in a tuxedo made of duct tape, and that's a little joke for me. I still have his duct tape flower. So, uh, I made the Gameslayer a computer because...
  • 1) I didn't actually own any other "unpopular" systems other than the Turbo Grafx-16, the Dreamcast, and the Virtual Boy (Which is already the VirtualMobile).
  • 2) My little brother begged me. He got annoying. (Oh... And, in case you're wondering, he also persuaded me to name Brent after him.)