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Thatkidsam.muffin/prize

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Overview

Thatkidsam Email #58

Part #4 in Finding Stinko

ThatkidSamus rips the fabric of space-time and meets the Red Vortex, a group dedicated to restoring the fabric of reality to normal and battling the apparently evil Pan Clan.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, ThatkidSamus, Icreature, Ian Stretcheyerus, Strong Bad, 20X6 The Cheat, Vector Strong Bad, Red Vortex

Places: Computer Camp, Ultrafashions, Gruffy Guff Mushrooms Blimp, Lawrence Sagrasso, Red Vortex Flagship

Computer: HP Pavilion 514n, Playstation 832

Date: August 4, 2005

Lines: 96

Transcript

{Thatkidsam walks into a large room filled with computers and sits down at one.}

THATKIDSAM: Well, they might not be consoles, but I can still check email! {Shouting} Behold, the HP Pavilion 514n!

{Everyone stares at him.}

THATKIDSAM: What? I'm used to having cameras follow me everywhere. D-don't laugh! Ergh... Idiots.

THATKIDSAM: {Stops reading at "ThatkidSamus"} Ugh... Another one for that Samus guy? There has to be SOME emails for me in this huge inbox. {Types in "forward to <speed-forward>" and pulls up another email.}

THATKIDSAM: Ooh, this one looks good! It starts with... Thatkidsam! ...Us. Wow, that sucks.

{A counselor taps Thatkidsam on the shoulder.}

COUNSELOR: Could you do us a favor and not read your emails out loud? I'm afraid we now have to pay for the window you broke with that loud voice of yours.

{The camera shows a broken window.}

THATKIDSAM: Woah... Am I really that loud? {Looks at the screen} Sorry, guys, but I can't check emails. I have to go to Un-Pop Games class. {A window is heard breaking.}

{Cut to ThatkidSamus checking email on the Playstation 832.}

THATKIDSAMUS: Check-a, check-a, check-a, check-a, check-a EMAIL!

Dear Thatkidsamus,
You have won $1,000,000,000! To claim
it, tell Dark Lawrence he is ugly. I hope you
do not in any way get your butt kicked. Then,
come to my house!

Laser Printer

THATKIDSAMUS: Well, Laser Printer, {Types as l4z0r Pr1nt0r} I'm going to have to get back to work soon, but I'll come up with something to help me insult that Lawrence guy.

{ThatkidSamus pulls out a strange purple machine with a large blade and slashes a circle in the air. It leaves a purple hole in the air, and he reaches into it. Chaos ensues. Cut to Icreature on the couch.}

ICREATURE: BWA HA HA! I love this show! It's so true!

{Suddenly the entire room becomes inverted colors and the gravity shifts to the left. The TV, while sliding along the ground, displays the Ian Stretcheyerus message. A very strange, glitched Homeschool Winner pops up on the screen and his words appear in captions... backwards}

IAN STRETCHEYRUS: {Extremely high voice} Mee hee hee hee! {Helicopter sounds, and his voice changes to Arnold Schwartzenegger} All your base are belong to us. You will die in seven days! {Extremely high voice} HIYA!! I like TOTALLY like shopping! {Helicopter sounds, long pause, Arnold S. voice} You will DIE!!

ICREATURE: Uh-oh. I didn't do that.

{A green flash envelops the screen and the text "Aussie Evil offers great prices" flashes onto the screen, then "Fanstuff Guidelines are hard to follow", then "IT'S A CONSPIRACY!!!". Cut to an icy place, where Strong Bad momentarily teleports.}

STRONG BAD: What the crap- {Teleports somewhere else} crap- {Teleports somewhere else} crap- {Teleports somewhere else} crap- {Teleports somewhere else} crap is happening!? {Waves arms wildly}

{Cut to a very large 20X6 The Cheat talking in a mechanized voice.}

20X6 THE CHEAT: MUA HA HA HA!! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO {Voice changes in pitch for each name} PRINCESSHOME-STOTH-EINOO-EKU-STRONG SADER!!

{Cut to a shifting-colored background with Vector Strong Bad's head bouncing crazily around the screen.}

VECTOR STRONG BAD: YOUR BLATANT ADVERTISEMENT FOR CHEX MIX {A bag of Chex Mix appears} A SPLODE.

{The Chex Mix explodes. Cut to ThatkidSamus, who is moving, but when he moves, several clones of him stay behind in the places he moved around in.}

THATKIDSAMUS: That ought to do it.

THATKIDSAMUS #34: Oww, my hand is stuck inside someone's back!

THATKIDSAMUS #99471: Oww, my leg is inside your head!

THATKIDSAMUS #238: Now I know what it's like to be a siamese twin... Move your head!

THATKIDSAMUS #4504: Okay!

NUMEROUS THATKIDSAMUSES: AUGHHHH!!!!

THATKIDSAMUS: Okay, guys, quiet down. One of you guys go down to Lawrence Sagrasso and tell Dark Lawrence he's ugly!

THATKIDSAMUS #548: I'd do that, but most of my body is connected to someone else's.

THATKIDSAMUS: Don't worry! {Sticks his hand in the rip in space-time and a giant purple explosion destroys all but one clone and the original ThatkidSamus} Done. Now, go to Lawrence Sagrasso!

THATKIDSAMUS #548: That's the restaurant five light years south of NOOB-1337, right?

THATKIDSAMUS: Shut up. You already know that. You're my clone, right?

ULTRAFASHIONS NINJA: Hello! It's time for filming, ThatkidSamus... Let's go, come along! {Pushes the clone into the filming room}

THATKIDSAMUS #548: But, wait, you don't understand-

ULTRAFASHIONS NINJA: You truly ARE a master of illusionary techniques, ThatkidSamus. I saw you at the Naruto booth.

THATKIDSAMUS #548: But I-

THATKIDSAMUS: Ugh... Looks like I'll have to go myself. See you, ThatkidSamus! {Leaves}

{Cut to the outside of Lawrence Sagrasso. ThatkidSamus pushes the door open, only to see that the inside is entirely empty except for a swarm of green particles.}

THATKIDSAMUS: Holy crap, what happened?

{The green particles swarm around ThatkidSamus, and he disappears in a green flash.}

THATKIDSAMUS: AUUUGH!!

{Cut to a large, black and red-carpeted room. Several red-clothed people with white spears are standing around the doors at either side of the room. In a flash of green light, ThatkidSamus falls into the room, and the soldiers surround him.}

SOLDIER: Raise the alarm, it might be a Pan Soldier!

{The room flashes red and a female soldier runs in, with a slightly more high-ranked-looking uniform.}

FEMALE HIGH-RANKED SOLDIER: What? You thought HE was a Pan Soldier? He isn't black and white, and he's just fat, not of the Pan species.

THATKIDSAMUS: What the heck is going on, and why are you saying I'm fat?

FEMALE HIGH-RANKED SOLDIER: {Sigh} Bring him to the Boring Plot-Related Explanations Room.

SOLDIER: Yes, Ma'am! {Fiddles with something on his spear, then presses a button, firing more green particles at ThatkidSamus}

THATKIDSAMUS: Why does this have to happen so many- AUUGH!!!

{Another green flash of light. Cut to a large, black room with no gravity. After a flash of light, ThatkidSamus, some soldiers, and the female soldier are all floating around.}

FEMALE HIGH-RANKED SOLDIER: Okay, so... Let's start off with the basics. I'm Sheikra, and I'm an officer in Red Vortex, a group dedicated to repairing the often-broken fabric of reality and space-time.

THATKIDSAMUS: Do you also repair the fourth wall? I bet that's been broken really often.

SHEIKRA: We tried protecting it for a while, but it was broken too often. Some idiot named Thatkidsam kept breaking it, and he formed a clan telling people to break it. It was too hard, so we quit. So, anyway, we were horrified when an extremely huge hole in the fabric was broken, and it turned out to have been broken by the infamous Pan Clan, led by Ponnel de Pan. We were never able to destroy their clan, so they're still out there, armed with giant weapons that alter reality.

THATKIDSAMUS: You mean, like this? {Holds up the purple machine from earlier}

SHEIKRA: {Gasps} That... Give me that! {Takes the machine and throws it to a soldier, who pockets it} So, the damage in one particular galaxy was so disastrous, we had to repair it over 100 years with technology unknown to us. But it recently ripped again, and we had to use portals to go back in and fix it. We tried to close the portal, but it was too big, and it almost destroyed the place we put it in. Some place called Sagrasso Lawrence.

THATKIDSAMUS: Nice going!

SHEIKRA: What?

THATKIDSAMUS: Uhh, you destroyed the place my worst enemy works at.

SHEIKRA: Good for you. Anyway, I need to tell you something about the Pan Clan... They've-

{A loud crash is heard, and the room shakes. An intercom system turns on, with a frantic soldier.}

INTERCOM: Officer Sheikra!! It's the Pan Clan's flagship! We need your help!

SHEIKRA: {Bleep} it! Take us to the bridge!

{Yet another flash of green light. Cut to the bridge.}

SHEIKRA: Captain Chandler! Is it really him? Ponnel de Pan?

CAPTAIN CHANDLER: Yes, we're certain. We would be doomed... If not for me purchasing a new cannon. Load the Time-Execution Cannon, you lousy dogs!

SOLDIER: Yes, sir!

THATKIDSAMUS: Oooh, time-execution! Sounds cool.

CAPTAIN CHANDLER: But we've only got enough fuel for one shot... If we miss, we're definintely doomed.

SHEIKRA: But... Why did we only get enough fuel for that? Does it really require so much fuel?

CAPTAIN CHANDLER: No, it's just a plot device.

THATKIDSAMUS: Wow... Even members of Red Vortex break the fourth wall!

{Omni runs across the screen, leaving a banner with the message "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on Sheikra to see another Vector Strong Bad comment.

VECTOR STRONG BAD: YOUR EASTER EGGS A SPLODE.

{Boom!}

Fun Facts

  • The HP Pavilion 514n is a real computer at Thatkidsam's grandparents' house, due to the fact that he was there when he wrote this.
  • Ian Stretcheyerus is from program.
  • The Wiki Users mentioned during this email are: Aussie Evil, PrincessHomestar, Stotheb, Einoo, Ekul, and Strong Sader.
  • Chex Mix is a snack similar to trail mix containing Chex cereal.
  • The "space-time reality rip" sequence is all similar to virus.
  • Sagrasso is a hideout for bandits in Star Fox: Assault.
  • Ponnel de Pan is a reference to the Japanese game Panel de Pon.

Author's Comments

  • Rating: B
  • I really liked the whole space-time rip sequence. It was better than what I tried to do it in virus!?.


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