Thatkidsam.muffin/videlectrix

Overview

Thatkidsam E-Mail #49

ThatkidSamus is invited to design some stuff for Videlectrix.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Omni, ThatkidSamus, The Videlectrix Guys, Videlectrix Mascot

Places: Unknown House, The Tower

Computer: Sega Dreamcast

Date: May 14th, 2005

Lines: 71

Transcript

{The Gameslayer logo appears on the screen, and a black figure labeled "Omni" runs across the screen with a banner reading "Version: PLOT HOLES ARE FUN!" Then, three icons appear: "Omni-Mail", "Games Folder", and "Add New File".}

THATKIDSAM: Omni-Mail, you get an F. See me after class and bring some better emails.

{The Thatkidsam Omni runs over to the "Omni-Mail" icon and taps it. The screen transitions to an email that pops up.}

Dear Thatkidsamus
Have you found a way to hack into stuff and reprogram
robots to be good istead of bad, Y'know, stuff like
that...
Your pal's pal

Zyves

THATKIDSAM: {Stops at "Thatkidsamus"} Oh. It's time for someone else to answer an email. Well, I do have to go play some Star Fox. See ya!

{Cut to 7838, ThatkidSamus is checking an email on his Playstation 832.}

THATKIDSAMUS: Email, have you ever let me down?

Dear Thatkidsamus

Have you found a way to hack into stuff and reprogram
robots to be good istead of bad, Y'know, stuff like
that...
Your pal's pal

Zyves

THATKIDSAMUS: {Reads everything exactly as written} You know, Zyv-vess, I really need to do that to my ice maker, and my screwdriver, and my girlfriend-

{The power goes out.}

THATKIDSAMUS: What? No! There can't be a dark plasma shortage now! What am I going to do? I just did so much on Yet Another Generic Puzzle Game! I have to go get some spare dark plasma! {Runs out of the room, screaming}

{Cut to The Tower, a little tower sticking out of the ground reminscent of The Stick. The Videlectrix Guys, their heads in jars on top of robotic bodies, are standing there.}

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: ThatkidSamus should be here any second.

VIDELECTRIX GUY #2: This was a smart idea to get him over here, but do you think it was a little mean? He could have been using something and suddenly lost his progress.

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: Oh well. It isn't as if he's using one of our consoles, anyway. There he is!

{ThatkidSamus races toward The Tower.}

THATKIDSAMUS: Oh. {Notices The Videlectrix Guys} Uh... Hey! This was a trap!

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: Well, it's the only way to get you to do stuff for us. Remember the appointment you had with us about a month ago?

VIDELECTRIX GUY #2: And how you lied and said you were AT SCHOOL, working on a project about the Spirii?

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: Well, we found out that you were lying. That was a month ago... Over 5000 years ago! And it wasn't even you!

THATKIDSAMUS: But- Oh, all right... I'll do what you want.

{Cut to the Videlectrix headquarters.}

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: We've been losing sales due to that stupid underdog system, PlayStation 832.

{Videlectrix Guy #2 whispers something to the other, and ThatkidSamus' eye twitches.}

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: And, uh, by that I mean the PlayStation 832 is a... It's a good system. I'm not lying.

THATKIDSAMUS: Good.

VIDELECTRIX GUY #2: So, getting to the point, can you help us be a better company?

THATKIDSAMUS: Sure, whatever.

{Cut to a clip of The Videlectrix Mascot. He is skipping along, holding flowers, and doesn't fall down at all.}

THATKIDSAMUS: {Voice-over} Look at him. Look at that pitiful mascot. You've been using that mascot since you started over five millenia ago! You need to have a better mascot.

{Cut to a blank screen. ThatkidSamus' changes happen to it as he says them.}

THATKIDSAMUS: You need something with attitude and appeal to others at the same time. Like, a pickup truck that is smiling and has big old eyes on its headlights. Ooh, I forgot the attitude part! Give it really, really big wheels. And get rid of its mufflers, put spikes on all of the bumpers... And add flowers onto the mirrors. That's one great mascot!

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: Let's name it "Videlectrix Mascot".

VIDELECTRIX GUY #2: No way! Let's call it... "The Videlectrix Mascot"!

THATKIDSAMUS: No, no, and no. It shall be called... The New Videlectrix Mascot!

VIDELECTRIX GUY #2: How'd you come up with that? That's amazing!

THATKIDSAMUS: Okay... Now that we have the mascot, we need a huge lineup of games with him in it. Like... Videlectrix CarFighter!

{Cut to a commercial for Videlectrix CarFighter.}

SPOKESMAN: You've seen the new Videlectrix mascot... And this time, he's bad! Control over two different cars and smash eachother to pieces as you use a super-unrealistic physics engine to sprout legs and arms and CRUSH PEOPLE!!! Now available on Funmachine Dolphin.

{Cut back to ThatkidSamus.}

THATKIDSAMUS: And maybe Videlelctrix Pink Puzzles...

{Cut to a commercial for Videlelctrix Pink Puzzles.}

FEMALE SPOKESMAN: New, finally! It's a game for girls! Switch the flowers around to form a line of three or more to get them to disappear... Into the flower shop! Even though that didn't make any sense at all, it's a great game! And it's for girls!

{Cut back to ThatkidSamus.}

THATKIDSAMUS: Heck, you could even make an edutainment game!

{Cut to another commercial, voiced by a spokesman with a "first grade teacher" high voice.}

TEACHER SPOKESMAN: Hey, kids! You can now play with Videlectrix and spelling at the same time! Spell out the word "Car" over and over with the help of Videlectrix's new mascot! Kids, beg your parents to buy you Videlectrix Spelling Challenge!

{Cut back to the Videlectrix HQ.}

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: Great ideas, Videlectrix Guy #3!

THATKIDSAMUS: Um, my name's ThatkidSamus. And you people don't call eachother #1 and #2, right? Like in this email's script?

VIDELECTRIX GUY #2: No, it's just that the writer for this crappy series is too lazy to think up names for us.

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: Yeah, remember when-

THATKIDSAMUS: Shut up! We've had enough fourth wall breaks in this email! So, uh, you might want to get ahead of the crew by launching a new system.

VIDELECTRIX GUY #2: {Cockily} Oh, so the Funmachine, the Super Funmachine, the Funmachine Portable, and the Funmachine Dolphin aren't enough systems to be released since our founding in 2002?

THATKIDSAMUS: Well, yeah. Sony has released 1779 consoles.

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: Sh-shut up!

THATKIDSAMUS: Just remember this one thing: Graphics aren't everything.

VIDELECTRIX GUY #1: Yes they are! A game can be great with no gameplay whatsoever!

THATKIDSAMUS: Fine then, you can go without me. {Leaves}

VIDELECTRIX GUY #2: We can make a system without him! Videlectrix Guy #1, go get the hammer and the boomerang and the hospital needles so we can cram them into a system as extra features!

{Omni runs across the screen, leaving a banner with the message "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Videlectrix Guy #2 to see Videlectrix's new system.

SPOKESMAN: The new Videlectrix FeatureWeasel! It has so many features, you can cram your entire life into it! It has a built-in hammer, sunbed, phone, and much, much more!

Fun Facts

• Yet Another Generic Puzzle Game is an actual game on the Wiki.
• The Dolphin was the codename for the Nintendo GameCube.
• The Videlectrix Guys are reffering to research when they mention ThatkidSamus writing about Spirii.

Author's Comments

• Rating: C
• One word: STRETCHED.