Thatkidsam.muffin/cartoon violence

Overview

Thatkidsam E-Mail #30

It's the Season Twelve Finale! Thatkidsam will try whatever he can to destroy Lawrence in the cartooniest way ever.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Icreature, Brent, Lawrence, Bubs, Hyperma, Evil

Places: Masdiktaht Jet, VirtualCopter, Bubs' Conession Stand

Computer: Sega Dreamcast

Date: April 10th, 2005

Lines: 72

Transcript

{Thatkidsam is reading an "Email Statistics" page.}

DREAMCAST DREAMAIL.EGG STATISTICS
Emails Answered Fully: 29
Video Games Made: 3
News Articles: 3
Not Quite Emails: 1

Deaths: 5,350

THATKIDSAM: Woah! Have I really answered that many emails? I'm going to have to take extra care of this email, I wouldn't want to break it! Well, let's get checkin'! {Presses "back" and it takes him back to an email.}

Dear Sophisticated Sam,
I think violent cartoons have
negative effects on our children.
Do you agree? I don't want our
future to be run by crazy, violent
madmen. Do you agree?

-A Concerned Mommy

{Thatkidsam tries to keep a straight face when he reads the first "Do you agree?" He breaks out laughing, and instead of the rest of the email, he says, "Our future blahty blah, sentence two again. From, Pansy-Face Pinkington.}

THATKIDSAM: {Laughs and falls out of the couch} Man, this is truly the most hilarous email I've ever recieved! Pinkington, you've made my day with that stupidity! Bwa ha ha ha... {Hiccup}

{Thatkidsam recieves another.}

Dear Thatkidsam,
I'm serious! They have bad effects, and I never want
to seen one of those again!

-A Concerned Mommy

THATKIDSAM: Oh, man... You were serious!? Icreature, put that footage on a Dreamcast disk, we're saving it!

ICREATURE: {Drops the camera and takes out the tape, then putting it in a strange machine. It copies the tape, and he rips out the tape inside, wrapping it around a disk.} (Done and done!)

THATKIDSAM: Well, as to your reply, Pinkington, {Types "Hootington," but quickly erases it} I will fully answer this email exactly like I answer every one... {Mumbles and folds the keyboard. A red button is inside, and he presses it.} BONK'D!!

{The Dreamcast says "Bad command or file name."}

THATKIDSAM: What!? Oh, I get it. MOON CANNON'D!!

{An airship from Skies of Arcadia appears and blasts the email with a laser. It displays the message "EMAIL OBLITERATED."}

THATKIDSAM: Heh heh heh... Onto the next email!

Mua Ha Ha Puny Being!!
*Ahem*
Dear Thatkidsam,
If you hate Lawrence so much, why
don't you kill him?

--great_leon

THATKIDSAM: {Reads "Mua" as "Mew-a" and "great_leon" as "great! Space, leon."} Hm... A good idea... Let's see where he is now.

{Thatkidsam takes out the E-Mail disc and replaces it with a Lawrence-Dar disc.}

THATKIDSAM: Let's see where he is... {A flashing dot appears.} Ooh! He's right near Bubs'! Let's see... If I use the December in July bomb, I'll have to aim it craftily to not hit Bubs'. I'm going to need something from that place this afternoon. To the Samcopter!

BRENT: Kill Lawrence? Alright!

THATKIDSAM: Um, you're kind of behind. Listen, go convert the VirtualMobile into a helicopter, 'kay?

BRENT: {Sigh} Okay... {Leaves}

THATKIDSAM: What's taking you so long!?

BRENT: What? I just left!

THATKIDSAM: Shut up and go make it!

{An hour later... Cut to inside the modified VirtualMobile. Brent is piloting it, and Thatkidsam is wearing sky goggles and holding a large, cartoony white bomb.}

BRENT: Okay... Drop the bomb!

THATKIDSAM: Yeah! {Drops the bomb}

{Cut to the concession stand.}

LAWRENCE: Do you sell bomb insurance? Something tells me I'll need it in a few seconds.

BUBS: Here's your card, mista Lawrence. Just sign it and you'll have it!

LAWRENCE: Meh, I'll just stamp it. {Picks up a spiked stamp and stabs the card, then hands it back}

BUBS: Thank you, come again!

{A cartoonish whistling sound gets closer, indicating that the bomb is falling. It stops. Cut to the sky, where some weird nerd with dragonfly wings and compound eyes is flying, holding the bomb.}

HYPERMA: Hey, I caught the bomb! Yay, finally, I'm going to get a raise from- {The bomb explodes, freezing him and he falls to the round and shatters} Ow... Human Fly down... Over...

LAWRENCE: Who was that guy?

BUBS: He's one of those bomb insurance workers.

{Cut to the VirtualCopter.}

THATKIDSAM: NO!!! That stupid Hyperma must have been hired!

BRENT: Here, just take the cartoony mallet and get smashing. {Holds up an unusually large brown mallet}

THATKIDSAM: Yeah! {Grabs it and jumps out of the plane, then lands on his face on the concession stand} AGH!! That hurts! {Notices Lawrence standing there}

{Thatkidsam goes and whacks Lawrence to the ground, who shrinks in a cartoony fashion and becomes flat.}

LAWRENCE: You cannot destroy me, for I am the terminator! {Pause} Um... I am the terminator! {Gestures with his hand}

THATKIDSAM: Sorry, this is a children's cartoon.

LAWRENCE: Argh!

THATKIDSAM: Just listen to the sound of the mousetraps unloading onto your entire body. {The camera zooms out, showing Hyperma in a dump truck, this time dressed as a construction worker. Thatkidsam gives him a thumbs-up, and he unloads the mousetraps onto Lawrence.}

LAWRENCE: Hyperma, you traitor!

HYPERMA: Maybe you should have thought before using someone else's stamp!

{The camera zooms in on the stamp Lawrence used, which is now on Bubs' counter. It says "Thatkidsam" on it.}

LAWRENCE: Argh! {The mousetraps start snapping.} Ow!

THATKIDSAM: Hyperma, I said I wanted bear traps!

HYPERMA: Okay, fine. I'll go get my shipment.

LAWRENCE: All... Bones... Broken... Must... Use... Extended... Use... Of... Elipses...

{Cut back to the Dreamcast.}

THATKIDSAM: Even though I didn't kill him, I still felt good stealing his client and unloading those bear traps onto him. Well, just keep sending me your emails, and I might answer them! I might!

{A Dreamcast swirl unrolls a message reading "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on bear traps to see the scene where Lawrence gets bear trap'd.

LAWRENCE: Hey, {Clank} GAH! That- GAH! Kid- GAH! {Clank} I'll {Clank} get you {Clank} GAH! for this... {Snap} OW! I don't think that was supposed to happen...

• Click on client to see Hyperma's job by night.

{A shadow of Hyperma is standing on a tall building. A theme song is playing.}

HYPERMA: I guard the night. I slay The Cheat. I am... FRUITBATMAN!! {He turns around, revealing his black costume with a banana on it}

EVIL: Shut up and eat your apples, you bad apple!

HYPERMA: Since when are you fighting for good?

EVIL: Um... Er... I'm changed. Here, fetch! {Tosses a crate of lemons over the edge of the building}

HYPERMA: Oh, goody! {Jumps over the side}

Fun Facts

• The statistic "Deaths: 5,350" is from the Season Four ending movies from Bonus Stage.
  • Evil, shown in one of the easter eggs, is also from Bonus Stage.
• "Hootington" is from Waterman, where in Episode 5, Waterman's pet owl/parrot is Hootington.
• The easter egg with the bear traps was from clip show.
• "Human Fly" is a reference to The Simpsons.
• "FruitBatMan" is an obvious reference to Batman.

Author's Comments

• Rating: C
• This started out as the 30th email, but got bumped to the 31st spot while in production. I finally decided that this was going the right way after some editing and now it gets its spot as the finale, woo hoo! So, I don't really know where this came from... At all. It was going to be a flashback to the Astrocade era, but I decided against it.