Thatkidsam.muffin/attempted coolness

Overview

Thatkidsam E-Mail #31

In the thirteenth season premiere, Thatkidsam and his buddies attempt to be cool.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Icreature, Hyperma, Generic Cool Guys

Places: Masdiktaht Jet, Teh Sk8 Park

Computer: Sega Dreamcast

Date: April 11th, 2005

Lines: 47

Transcript

THATKIDSAM: Here's another one up at the podium, guess what it is? It's number thirty-one, coming up now!

Hey thatguysam,
Why don't you try having ICreature turn into a sk8b0rd and do some
xTReAM STUNTZ!!

Pixelated

THATKIDSAM: {Reads "sk8b0rd" as "skuh-eight-b-zero-ar-dee" and "xTrReAM STUNTZ" as "ex-Tree-Am Stuntzee" and "Pixelated" as "Pixelattéd"} Hm... Just let me fix you, coffee man. {Folds the keyboard and presses the secret button} LUNAR CLEANSING'D!

{A sprite of some white-dressed girl comes up and uses a spell, probably a healing spell. The email is fixed up.}

Hey Thatkidsam,
Why don't you try having Icreature turn into a skateboard and do some
extreme stunts?

Pixelattéd

THATKIDSAM: Now, there's an email I can answer! Well, coffee man, Icreature can turn into many, many things, including scooters, waverunners, jetboards, and snowboards with wheels. But he cannot turn into the most important things, like skateboards. But I do have this experimental cottage cheese that can upgrade his abilities so he can do that! All I have to do is slip it into my mushroom tops can.

{Cut to a shifty-eyed Thatkidsam pouring radioactive cottage cheese into a Gruffy Guff Mushrooms bag.}

THATKIDSAM: Naturally, when he eats them, I will intercept him and force him to turn into a skateboard.

{Cut to a shifty-eyed Icreature finishing off the last of the mushrooms. He starts morphing uncontrollably into a gorilla, a car, and a blocky game sprite, and eventually Thatkidsam jumps on top of the skateboard. It can't roll.}

THATKIDSAM: Rats! Meh, I'll just use a real one. {Pulls out a Fry Guy Skateboard.}

{Cut to the Skate park, called "Teh Sk8 Park".}

THATKIDSAM: So, that's like SO COOL!!

HYPERMA: {Flies up wearing generic rapper's clothes} No, I'm the coolest! Teh Gaingstuh is the coolest!

THATKIDSAM: Get lost, insuranceman. So, Icreature...

ICREATURE: {Strange noises}

THATKIDSAM: You read my mind! Let's go try to look cool.

{Some really cool guys walk up.}

GENERIC COOL GUY #1: Well, you're not cool, so you can't be here in the skate park.

GENERIC COOL GUY #2: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

GENERIC COOL GUY #1: Yeah... What he said.

THATKIDSAM: I'll show you! I'm the coolest guy ever!

{Thatkidsam starts rapping.}

THATKIDSAM: Yo, yo, yo! We gotta go wit the show! We gotta keep on rappin'-

GENERIC COOL GUY #2: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

GENERIC COOL GUY #1: Shut up, nerd! Whitey!

THATKIDSAM: I'll show you a whitey!

{Hyperma appears, this time dressed up as Homestar Runner.}

HYPERMA: Home Win Walk Go!

GENERIC COOL GUY #1: Let's beat him up! He's a no-armed whitey!

GENERIC COOL GUY #2: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

{Commence beating.}

GENERIC COOL GUY #1: Well, who are we gonna beat up now? Hey, you with the blue hair. Try to impress us so we don't beat you up.

GENERIC COOL GUY #2: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu {Cough} uuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

{Thatkidsam pulls out his skateboard and jumps with a 90 degree spin.}

GENERIC COOL GUY #1: Wooooah! He's so much better than us! He did an Ollie 90! He's so cool! Let's worship him! {Starts bowing down}

{Cut back to the Dreamcast}

THATKIDSAM: Well, folks: I nearly escaped beating by cool guys by using a well-known fact that deep down inside, all cool guys don't really know how to skateboard. And I also used Hyperma's lame costumes, too. Well, I'm gonna go hide the evidence of that cottage cheese.

{A Dreamcast swirl unrolls a message reading "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on don't really know to see the cool guys again.

{The two cool guys are driving on a highway.}

GENERIC COOL GUY #1: Woooah, a bird! I've never seen one o' thems before! Let's chase after it! {Lets go of the wheel and jumps out of the car, and it crashes into the car in front}

• Click on the evidence to see what happened to Thatkidsam's house.

{Thatkidsam's room is glowing blue. The TV sputters and melts, and a crazed, glowing blue rat scurries away, hands out like a zombie.}

Fun Facts

• "Gruffy Gruff Marshmallows" is a reference to Fluffy Puff Marshmallows.
• Hyperma saying "Home Win Walk Go" is a refernce to the Theme Song Video.

Author's Comments

• Rating: B-
• I was going to do this a LONG time ago, but then I got an email from Ekul. I wanted to answer that, and then I forgot about it... Okay, let me explain the cool guys: Nobody considered "cool" in a nerdy school is actually that cool in the real world. They may be slightly cool, but they are outdone by real cool people.