Thatkidsam.muffin/campfire

Overview

Thatkidsam E-Mail #40

Thatkidsam and company tell scary stories around a campfire. Really scary ones. I swear, I'm not lying.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Icreature, Hyperma, Brent, Lawrence (easter egg)

Places: Masdiktaht Jet, Lawrence's House (easter egg)

Computer: Sega Dreamcast

Date: April 24th, 2005

Lines: 40

Transcript

THATKIDSAM: {Clears throat} Emails and the Dreamcast, the bond will last! How you ever learn to chiggly check so fast?

Dear Thatkidsam,

Have you ever told ghost stories? I bet you'd
be really good at them!
From,

FromageMeister

THATKIDSAM: {Pronounces "From, FromageMeister" as "From-From AgeMeister".} As a matter of fact, From-From, I wouldn't bet on anything because you probably need to save your social security money! {Clears screen} Well... I stopped going on them Boy Scout campouts about twelve years ago, or pretty much anything to do with Boy Scouts, and I lost all of my supplies because of that stupid nerd, but a name-brand Kitchen Kampfire will do just the trick! We can tell ghost stories around a big, electric lamp instead of a flaming pile of maggot-infested branches! I'ma go get some supplies. {Gets up}

{Thatkidsam and Icreature are sitting around the kitchen table, with a buzzing lamp in the center.}

THATKIDSAM: ...And then the cows descended on him, and then it was the cow-pocalypse!

ICREATURE: (Thatkidsam... That's not scary. You've been telling me that story for years, and I have practically memorized it by now.)

THATKIDSAM: Oh yeah? Well, let's see if you can do better!

ICREATURE: (Okay. There was this bear... And he was possessed... And he snuck up on the people who weren't at a real campfire and-)

{A fake- looking bear with a top hat sneaks up the two.}

BEAR COSTUME GUY: Roar.

THATKIDSAM: What, was that supposed to be a bear? Icreature, you need to work on this. Hire better people!

ICREATURE: (I didn't hire that guy! Why is he in our house?)

THATKIDSAM: This is my house, not yours.

{The bear takes off his top hat and starts to speak.}

BEAR COSTUME GUY: Hello, I'm a member of Bear Scarers Inc. Would you like to hire my services as a scary bear to scare someone?

THATKIDSAM: WHAT!? Icreature, you hired this guy!

ICREATURE: (No, for once in my life, I'm telling the truth. I didn't hire this guy.)

THATKIDSAM: Yeah, uh, we'd like to hire you for one cent. Go spook Lawrence.

BEAR COSTUME GUY: Yes! My crappy jobs finally pay off!

THATKIDSAM: Wait a minute... I know that voice! {Pulls off Bear Costume Guy's mask, revealing Hyperma} I knew it, Hyperma!

HYPERMA: Aw, geez, I just wanted some money!

THATKIDSAM: I thought you already had a job as a bomb insurance guy!

HYPERMA: I wanted some action scaring people.

THATKIDSAM: But you scare all of us with your creepy costumes!

HYPERMA: Um... I'm going to go do what you want me to do. {Runs off}

ICREATURE: (Well, that brought this campfire to a screeching halt. I'll go get the age-old campfire food.)

THATKIDSAM: Yeah, and for once in my life, I agree with you. Hyperma is annoying!

ICREATURE: (But not as annoying as me! Mee hee hee!) {Quickly gets something from the fridge and etches "Thatkidsam sucks" with his laser}

THATKIDSAM: You got a TV dinner for our campfire!? And the name brand says I suck!? From now on, I'm getting the groceries. I'm not eating this crap!

ICREATURE: (Well, it isn't as bad as YOUR cooking!)

THATKIDSAM: Despite the fact that it is corrosive to your skin, I baked it with love!

{Brent walks in.}

BRENT: What's going on here? And why does the table smell like bears and catfood?

THATKIDSAM: Well, you see, I found out that our cat isn't actually stuffed, and-

BRENT: If you want to have a campfire, have one! Get out of my house! {Punts Icreature out of the door}

ICREATURE: (What did I ever do to you...)

THATKIDSAM: Aww, why'd you have to mess up our electric campout?

BRENT: Well, there's the fact that you used my snail's shell as a lampshade.

THATKIDSAM: But... How'd you know?

{A Dreamcast swirl unrolls a message reading "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on the lampshade to see Hyperma's job.

BEAR COSTUME GUY: {Sneaks up on Lawrence at the Tandy 800} Roar.

LAWRENCE: ...

BEAR COSTUME GUY: Roar.

LAWRENCE: ...

BEAR COSTUME GUY: I said, ROAR!

LAWRENCE: ...

{A real bear comes up.}

BEAR: Roar!

LAWRENCE: Oh, hi, Hyperma.

BEAR COSTUME GUY: AAAAUUUGH!!! {Falls over}

Fun Facts

• This email's intro is a re-wording of an older email rap.
• Thatkidsam's first ghost story about the cow-pocalypse is a reference to Bonus Stage.

Author's Comments

• Rating: C+
• Ah, TV dinners. The most campfire-y food on the planet. Well, not really, but this email was just plain weird. I liked the part about Thatkidsam's cooking.

Author Commentary

THATKIDSAM: Hey guys! Welcome to the campfire commentary by Thatkidsam and Teh Almighty Noid...e.

THE NOID: Hello, and this is thatkidsam email...what is this? 40?

THAKIDSAM: Something like that. Anyway, I was on vacation in New York when I made this, and I was just getting home, and I forgot that my laptop lost its internet connection. Long story short, it took me a couple days to transfer the text file to one with internet access.

THE NOID: Hey, I live in New York. Didja go to the City?

THATKIDSAM: Yeah. I saw the Statue of Liberty, I went to some museum, and... I saw this really weird parking lot slash field slash... GIR slash GAZ. I mean, yeah. Take out the GIR slash GAZ part.

THE NOID: Oh. I live in western. Anyways, lets get off the subject of New York and on the subject of campfire. This is a good one.

THATKIDSAM: Yeah, I liked this. The indoor campfire has been a family joke. It wasn't that funny until I made this and showed it to my five siblings. The three youngest (14, 17, 17) liked it.

THE NOID: Yaeh, indoor campfire is proody funny. I liked the Cow-opalypse thing too. But I prefer "Apocolypse Cow".

THATKIDSAM: Apocalypse Cow, eh? Yeah. Don't punch those.

THE NOID: Hah, Wiki Running gags. I need to put that in one of my emails...

THATKIDSAM: Running Gags are pretty important, alright... I like my Pwnage the best.

THE NOID: {writes PWNAGE down on scrap paper} I have a few myself...the meaning of life one and that one where they refrence the eightees a lot. I guess thats not a running gag, though.

THATKIDSAM: Isn't that "the meaning of life" thing a reference to something? Because it's pretty funny, and it sounds like something from The Simpsons or something.

THE NOIOD: To tell the truth I'm not sure. I just thought it woulrd be funny to that. And yeah, I guess it IS a refrence. Webcomics like PvP hve done that before (in fact, I got the idea from there)

THATKIDSAM: Heh. I knew it. Anyway, this ends one of the most toastpaint commentaries EVER.