Thatkidsam.muffin/president

Overview

Thatkidsam E-Mail #46

Thatkidsam becomes the supreme ruler of Free Country, USA and beyond.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Omni, Bob Smith, Presidential Bodyguards, Jack-John Johnson-Jackson, Bubs, Marzipan, Homestar Runner, The King of Town

Places: Unknown House, The White House, Bubs' Concession Stand, Homestar's House, The King of Town's Castle

Computer: Sega Dreamcast

Date: May 8th, 2005

Lines: 62

Transcript

{The Gameslayer logo appears on the screen, and a black figure labeled "Omni" runs across the screen with a banner reading "Version: THE QUIETEST AMP IN THE WORLD" Then, three icons appear: "Feathered Serpent", "Omni-Mail", and "Add New Game".}

THATKIDSAM: Ohhhh, OMNI-MAAAAIL!!!!

{The Thatkidsam Omni runs over to the "Omni-Mail" icon and taps it. The screen transitions to an email that pops up.}

Dear thatkidsamm,
What would happen if you
got to meet the president?

~Hackysack 202

THATKIDSAM: I already did meet the president! Remember? With that virus?

{Flashback!}

PRESIDENT SMITH: Now, to leave this world for good! {The snow globe opens, and he hops in. It closes and launches off into space.}

{Present times!}

THATKIDSAM: Yeah, they had to pick a new president after that.

{Cut to a poster of the 2004 election.}

JACK JOHNSON vs. JOHN JACKSON

THATKIDSAM: They both got the exact same number of votes due to the fact that they both have the exact same opinions. So, the solution was to weld them both together as siamese twins so they could both share the office. I don't really think it was nessescary, but it's pretty funny watching them make a speech. So, uh, yeah. I'll go invade the White House now.

{Thatkidsam is in a reinforced VirtualCopter, flying above the White House.}

THATKIDSAM: {Echoing voice, through an intercom on the bottom of the copter} Attention, Mr. President! We have you surrounded. Please come out with your hands out.

{Thatkidsam presses a button labeled "Virtual Clone Generator", spreading clones of the copter all around in a circle above the White House}

THATKIDSAM: Heh heh heh, I got him fooled- ACK!!! {Machine gun fire erupts onto the copter}

PRESIDENT JACK-JOHN JOHNSON-JACKSON: Eep! I'd better escape in the EarthProbe! {Presses a button on the wall, revealing a space-snowglobe.}

{President JJ-JJ climbs into the snow globe (with difficulty) and it flies away through the roof. At the same time, the VirtualCopter crashes into the EarthProbe, making the copter explode, but surprisingly, the EarthProbe survives, and it keeps going up. Thatkidsam is now lying in the Slightly Non-Straight-Edged Rectangle Office.}

THATKIDSAM: Ooohhhh...

{The camera angle changes to show that his head has been impaled on The Stick, yet again. He gets up, apparently fine.}

THATKIDSAM: Awesome, yet another president has to be elected!

{The Presidential Bodyguards come in, armed with Flamethrower, Shurkien, Machine-Shotgun-ArrowLauncha 50000.}

THATKIDSAM: ACK! Don't kill me!

PRESIDENTIAL BODYGUARD #1: Phew! President Thatkidsam Masdiktaht, you're all right!

THATKIDSAM: Huh?

PRESIDENTIAL BODYGUARD #2: We thought you had been killed by that evil terrorist Dr. Johnson-Jackson!

THATKIDSAM: But I'm-

PRESIDENTIAL BODYGUARD #1: It seems that you were going to issue some laws in that rowdy city, Free Country, USA. We will have the forged signatures of everyone in the Senate.

THATKIDSAM: Heh heh heh. This'll be fun!

{A loudspeaker is now broadcasting new rules for Free Country USA at Bubs'.}

LOUDSPEAKER: New laws are now effective! Now, possums are now illegal to sell as food. Isn't that right, Bubs. Your corn dogs are illegal.

{Marzipan is in line.}

MARZIPAN: What? I was eating baby possums?

BUBS: Uh... Aheheh... About that...

{The loudspeaker is now in Homestar's house.}

LOUDSPEAKER: Public nudity is also now illegal.

{Cops come in and arrest Homestar.}

HOMESTAR: You've got the wrong guy here! I have long pants! I'm a long pants man, long pants long pants!

{It is now in The King of Town's castle.}

LOUDSPEAKER: And, King of Town, you're the King of Town. So that means you have to be buried underground in a box of scorpions.

{Cut to underground, where The King is now underground with the scorpions.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Wow. These guys are tasty! {Slurp}

{Cut to Thatkidsam laughing in the office.}

THATKIDSAM: Bwa ha ha! Now, to press the Red Button of Neuclearness!

{Thatkidsam attempts to press the button, but The King of Town breaks in.}

THE KING OF TOWN: You're under arrest!

THATKIDSAM: You can't control me! I'm the president!

THE KING OF TOWN: I'm the president now, thanks to The Poopsmith voting! Nobody knew about the election except for me and him, so I'm the new guy! Move over!

THATKIDSAM: But, how'd you get out of that box?

THE KING OF TOWN: I ate my way out. And I went back in for seconds!

THATKIDSAM: Eugh...

{Cut back to the Gameslayer.}

THATKIDSAM: Well, that went pretty well until I got overthrown, but at least I didn't leave Earth in one o' them snow globes. Man, people would go crazy in that kind of thing!

{Omni runs across the screen, leaving a banner with the message "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on crazy to see a scene about the EarthProbes.

{The EarthProbes of both President Bob Smith and President Jack-John Johnson-Jackson are near eachother.}

PRESIDENT JACK-JOHN JOHNSON-JACKSON: Ugh... So hungry... Hey, it's Bob Smith!

PRESIDENT BOB SMITH: {Insane laughter} I'm a pretty girl, I'm a pretty girl! {Shivering}

• Click on overthrown to see The King of Town's law.

LOUDSPEAKER: New laws will be announced! First of all, every day at lunchtime, all families must sit in the shape of a steak. The earth will also be stretched to be the shape of pig. Also, The White House will now be The Steak House. And taxes will now take everyone's Twinkies and deoderant instead of money.

Fun Facts

• The scene where President Bob Smith escapes in the snow globe is from program.
• The Slightly Non-Straight-Edged Rectangle Office is a parody of the Oval Office, a part of the White House.
• This is another case of a The Stick Impaling.
• The scene with Homestar is a reference to long pants.
• The scene where Thatkidsam orders the King of Town to be buried underground in a box of scorpions is from different town.
• Twinkies are a snack food by Hostess.

Author's Comments

• Rating: A
• You'll notice that the style of this email is similar to gossip and program. It shows a bunch of peoples' reactions to the crazy things Thatkidsam is doing.

Author Commentary

THE NOID: Aha! Beat ya thatkidsam! Anyaways, this is like, email...46. I think.

THATKIDSAM: Presenting... The comentary with Teh Supeh Noid!! Aww, I'm late.

THE NOID: Thats why I said I beat you. Anyways, I'm re-reading this right now, and it's pretty good.

THATKIDSAM: Jack Johnson and John Jackson are from Futurama. I got the entire idea of generically-named presidents from it.

THE NOID: Thats a pretty funny joke. I like the Snowglobe thing. This is some really good writing right here...right.

THATKIDSAM: Yeah, those EarthProbes serve no real purpose. But I do like "Slightly Non-Straight-Edged Rectangle Office".

THE NOID: Heh. That possum part makes me laugh.

THATKIDSAM: These new laws are really funny. They're obvious laws, but everybody breaks them. Heh. Homestar's funny.

THE NOID: Yeah. And what the King says at the end cracks me up. "We shall stretch the world so it's shaped like a pig". LOL.

THATKIDSAM: I like Bob Smith going insane.

THE NOID: Yeah, that was funny. "I'm a pretty girl". So, since we're talking about Easter Eggs, that implies that the email is over. See yall next time.