Thatkidsam.muffin/sidekick

Overview

Thatkidsam Email #57

Part #3 in Finding Stinko

ThatkidSamus orders Brash to create a sidekick for him to go save Stinkoman.

Cast (in order of appearance): ThatkidSamus, Brash, Ultrafashions Ninja, Rejected Sidekicks, Sherlock, Dark Lawrence, Stinkoman, Unknown Villan

Places: Ultrafashions, MMO-RPG

Computer: Playstation 832

Date: July 27, 2005

Lines: 90

Transcript

THATKIDSAMUS: {Plugging the Playstation 832 into an outlet at Ultrafashions} There! Now, to check some emails on my break. {Turns the Playstation on}

Dear ThatkidSamus
Why don't you get a sidekick?
Brash is outlandish, and you
SERIOUSLY need a new one.
Froaum,

dark_predator

THATKIDSAMUS: {Reads "Froaum" as "Fursona" and "dark_predator" as "Fursona Man".} Well, my unfortunately-named friend, you're quite right about one thing: Brash sure is outlandish. Pokemon is down, yo. It's been going downhill for X0 years.

{Cut to Brash.}

BRASH: Humph! {Holds up a sign that says "POKEMON STILL RULES"}

{Cut back to the Playstation.}

THATKIDSAMUS: So, I may need to get a whole new sidekick. One who always agrees, and is a lot stronger. Seriously... You should see his muscles. They're... Nonexistent. So, in order to start the audition-

ULTRAFASHIONS NINJA: Lunch break's over! Come on, come play your Stinkoman role.

THATKIDSAMUS: Just a second. {Picks up a ridiculously tiny cell phone and presses a button. Brash appears on the other side of the screen.} Hey, Brash?

BRASH: Yes-

THATKIDSAMUS: I need you to make me a sidekick. I need it to, um, not replace you, and... Get me... Tuna... Pie. Okay, bye! {Hangs up and ThatkidSamus' half of the screen disappears.}

BRASH: Well, that was quick... So, a sidekick for getting some disgusting pie, eh ThatkidSamus? I'll get right to it.

{Cut to Brash's lab room on MMO-RPG.}

BRASH: The secret to a good sidekick is... Wait... This doesn't feel natural. Let's see...

{Brash pulls out an unplugged keyboard and puts it on a table. The screen zooms in on where the monitor would be if Brash had put it there.}

BRASH: Much better. Anyway, the secret to a good siekick is... There is no secret. It could be anything. Let's try a couple ideas.

{Cut to a picture of Crackotage with a robotic look.}

BRASH: Here we have Crackotage 3.5. He could make a good sidekick for the patient. Pros: He can fly planes despite having no fingers.

{Cut to Crackotage 3.5 in the cockpit of a helicopter, flying.}

BRASH: Cons: He's so freakin' annoying!

{Cut to several clips of Crackotage laughing.}

CRACKOTAGE 3.5: Hoo hoo, hee hee! Hee hee, ha ha! Ha ha, hey hey! Hoo-

{Cut to a picture of The Worm with a more realistic hole.}

BRASH: You get the picrure. So, here's The Worm 3.5. Pros: Provides a pretty useful hole if you ever need to hide in one.

{Cut to Brash and The Worm 3.5. A huge, metal copy of Sherlock flies above, and Brash jumps into the hole. Sherlock pauses, groans, and continues flying.}

BRASH: Cons: Cannot leave the spot where his hole is.

{Cut to Brash and The Worm 3.5 on the sidewalk.}

BRASH: Let's go stop a bank robbery!

THE WORM 3.5: {Goes out and into his hole three times} Up, down... Up, down... Up, down... (Sounds like "wuh, yah...")

{Cut to a picture of Strong Sad F, even fatter and bigger than Strong Sad.}

BRASH: Here's something Stinkoman wouldn't want: Strong Sad F. You might be able to guess that the F stands for fat. Pros: Makes a great meat shield.

{Cut to Dark Lawrence firing a huge cannon labeled "GIANT ROCKETS OF 1337NESS" at Strong Sad F. The rocket goes into his huge stomach and stays there, not exploding.}

BRASH: Cons: Well, obviously, being fat, he's extremely out of shape, getting rid of any hope in the world of being able to run away.

{Cut to Strong Sad F pitifully trying to run away from a Dark Lawrence. Dark Lawrence catches up very quickly.}

{Cut back to Brash.}

BRASH: But, then again, why would I want to give ThatkidSamus a good sidekick? He's good enough with me! The cuteness of Pokemon shall rule to no end! But I might as well make a sidekick anyway, just to make him happy. Let's see... {Faces a time-travel portal in the corner of the room}

{The screen fades out then fades in. Brash is pushing Homestar into the portal. There is another copy of Homestar in the other corner of the room.}

BRASH: Out you go, that's all I need from you, old man.

{Brash mumbles and pulls out a remote labeled "Genetic Thingymabobber" and presses a few buttons. At first, the Homestar clone in the corner of the room switches eyes with random people, then his legs start changing colors, but then, his legs shorten to a ridiculously short lengh.}

BRASH: That's better! I name you, uh... Short... Shortstar Runner! {Slaps an "S" onto Shortstar's star}

SHORTSTAR: I feel weird. I don't think I can run that fast anymore...

BRASH: That's okay, you're only going to be ThatkidSamus' sidekick.

SHORTSTAR: Good, Gron Sad. So, are there any teddy grahams around here? Or maybe some little mushroom men?

BRASH: Uhh... {Looks away, then pulls out a Pokeball and presses a button on it, shooting out five tranquilizer darts.}

SHORTSTAR: {After getting shot} This feels like... Pop rocks... {Falls unconcsious}

BRASH: Good thing he didn't interfere. Now, let's go appeal to the master...

{Cut to the Ultrafashions studio where ThatkidSamus is talking to Brent, holding a cage holding unconscious Shortstar.}

THATKIDSAMUS: No. That thing is the most idiotic waste of life I've ever seen.

BRASH: Will you take him?

THATKIDSAMUS: No.

{Cut back to Brash's lab, where Crackotage 3.5, The Worm 3.5, Strong Sad F, and Shortstar Runner are standing next to Brash.}

BRASH: Sorry, guys, but you guys are going to need to find another place to stay. I can't keep you here for the moment.

CRACKOTAGE 3.5: Oh, no, that can't be good, when we can't stay in our neighborhood! Hee hee, ha ha!

THE WORM 3.5: Ees no vereh neece.

STRONG SAD F: {Sadly groans}

SHORTSTAR RUNNER: That's okay, right, guys? We'll form a clan of hard-to-beat criminals! We'll be hard on the citizens of the world! Let's go, soldiers! {Marches out of the room, and the others follow}

BRASH: Something tells me I shouldn't have let those guys go.

{A TV suddenly turns on, and Brash looks at it.}

NEWS ANCHOR: News flash! A short woman by the name of Cruelskull Killer...

{Another anchor whispers something to him.}

NEWS ANCHOR: Oh, I'm sorry, that would be a short man by the name of Shortstar Runner, has recently robbed a bank along with three associates.

BRASH: Crap.

{Omni runs across the screen, leaving a banner with the message "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Brash to see a short scene.

BRASH: How'd they rob it so fast, anyway? It's only been, like, two seconds since I saw them go.

• Click on the TV to see Stinkoman's location.

{Cut to a dark room. Everything is black except for Stinkoman's eyes, simply glowing in the dark. After a few seconds, another pair of tall, dark eyes appear.}

STINKOMAN: WAAAUGH! Who are you, and why did you kidnap me!?

UNKNOWN VOICE: So... We meet again, Stinkoman...

{Lightning flashes, revealing for a few seconds the silhouette of a round person with an oval-shaped face. Dun dun dun!}

Fun Facts

• Fursonas are strange, humanoid animal characters.
• Brash's sign is the same as the Cheat Commando Steve's.
• Shortstar Runner's love for teddy grahams is a reference to couch patch.
• Shortstar might be referring to Gruffy Guff Mushrooms when he mentioned "little mushroom men".
• Cruelskull Killer is a fake character.

Author's Comments

• Rating: C+
• This email was mainly to get the plot going, not for humor, but I still could have worked in more humor somehow...

Author Commentary

THATKIDSAM: Thatkidsam and the One Rebel present: Commentary of Sidekick! Starring Dinoshaur.

DINOSHAUR: Right you are Thatkidsam! By the way, Fursonas can be any colour. Anyway, I hate playstations! I still got my old DOS sleeping in the corners...

THATKIDSAM: Heh... Josh's Daisy Chats were funny. Yeah. Sony is supposed to be the underdog to the crappy Videlectrix system a buncha years in the future.

DINOSHAUR: Heh, Pokemon still rules... YEAH RIGHT! They stopped ruling whenever GEmail "Stealing" came out. And it got WORSE when they tryed to make it better by getting Arny Shwarts in there.

THATKIDSAM: I'm pretty anti-pokemon, as shown in clip show. I'm anti-all Western anime... Especially One Piece, Yugioh, Duel Masters, and that weird Bobobobobobobo thing. Whatever it's called. NARUTO ROCKS!!

DINOSHAUR: Brash is a random character. Please explain.

THATKIDSAM: 7838 version of Brent, seen first in battle royale. Yeah, I thought some people would have forgotten him.

DINOSHAUR: So, this Email is great. Bye. {He tasers himself and falls to the ground.}

THATKIDSAM: That doesn't sound good... One last thing: Shortstar Runner was originally going to be something like "Brinstar Runner" or "Brinstar Striker". Brinstar's a Metroid World. Yeah. Bye.