Thatkidsam.muffin/research

Overview

Thatkidsam E-Mail #33

Thatkidsam tries to stall the fact that he doesn't want to research Icreature at all. Brent finally forces him.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Icreature, KristIcreature, Marzipan, Mrs. Regibliss, Brent, Strong Sad (easter egg)

Places: Masdiktaht Jet, The Stick

Computer: Sega Dreamcast

Date: April 16th, 2005

Lines: 55

Transcript

THATKIDSAM: {Imitating a particularly horrible Southern accent} Swing your partner round and round, and then, check your email!

Dear Thatkidsam,
I think Icreature is very, very weird!
Could you maybe do a little research on the species?

from JiggyWiggy Jr.

THATKIDSAM: Um... Jiggleson, you're definintely on the right track with thinking that Icreature is weird. That's for sure.

{Cut to Icreature on Strong Bad's lawn. He is using his laser to write something in the grass.}

ICREATURE: {Finishes burning away the words} (Strong... Bad... Is... A... Dirty... Rotten... Taxing... Liar... Done! Heh heh heh... That'll teach him to be my banker!)

{Cut back to the Dreamcast.}

THATKIDSAM: But there's one little thing wrong with your email: Nobody would ever, ever devote the time to researching Icreature. I mean, he's hard to restrain! He'll give you unnessessary eye surgery if you poke him, and you need to wear lacrosse gloves every time you're around him! And there's also one thing... He's the last of his species! KristIcreature isn't what she seems!

{Cut to KristIcreature and Icreature at The Stick.}

KRISTICREATURE: (I have to reveal something, Icreature.)

ICREATURE: (What is it? This can't be good...)

KRISTICREATURE: (I am actually...) {Pulls off a costume, revealing Marzipan} MARZIPAN!!

ICREATURE: (Ack! I was dating her all along?)

{The real KristIcreature is just a few feet away, and the camera zooms out to show her.}

KRISTICREATURE: (What!? You impostor!) {Shoots Marzipan with her laser}

{Marzipan is burnt to ashes. Cut back to the Dreamcast.}

THATKIDSAM: Um... I don't exactly like how that turned out. So, I guess you've got me there. I just don't want to do the freakin' research!

{Mrs. Regibliss appears and starts throwing books at Thatkidsam.}

MRS. REGIBLISS: YOU!!! YOU WILL HAVE TO STUDY ALL OF THESE BOOKS FOR OUR ICREATURE TEST TOMORROW!! HA HA HA, YOU'LL NEVER PASS THIS TEST!! YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD!

THATKIDSAM: {Pauses} Hm... You really misuse the Caps Lock key. Lemme save the fans' ears. {Pulls out a strange box labeled "Caps Lock Unlocker"}

{Thatkidsam opens the box and presses the button inside. Mrs. Regibliss isn't angry anymore.}

MRS. REGIBLISS: NO! MY... Voice... I can't yell at you anymore. Argh. You may have survived this, but you won't survive the musical we're watching tomorrow. Ha ha ha ha. {Leaves}

THATKIDSAM: Phew... That was close. Kudos to Brent for making that thing. {Clears screen} Well, that was a pretty big delay, Custardman. So, I'm already not going to research Icreature, so I can't.

{Brent appears, very angry.}

BRENT: SAM! Did you use my Caps Lock Unlocker that I was saving for Strong Mad when he comes to visit!?

THATKIDSAM: Um... Yes. {Pauses} But, she was going to flunk me! My teacher! She's evil! Trust me!

{Brent storms out of the room, then throws another book at Thatkidsam titled "Icreatures Are Fun To Touch"}

BRENT: Here, use THIS to answer the email! You can pay me $60 later to replace my manuscript and the machine... {Grumbles}

THATKIDSAM: Wha- Well, I guess this email will be easy. I'll just have to read this.

{Thatkidsam opens the book and starts reading it. Happy music plays with a chorus of babies.}

THATKIDSAM: Icreatures are fun to touch, by Brent Delabor.

{Turns page to show a kid under a tree with an Icreature.}

THATKIDSAM: I know an Icreature. Do you know an Icreature? I know an Icreature.

{Turns page to show a close-up of an Icreature's claws.}

THATKIDSAM: They have black claws. Did you know that black is a dark color?

{Turns page to show an Icreature eating a doughnut with a laser}

THATKIDSAM: They use a laser to eat. Do you know what laser means? It is a dangerous thing. Don't touch it.

{Turns page to show an Icreature morphed into Strong Bad}

THATKIDSAM: They have very squishy bodies, and they can mold themselves into different shapes. They are fun to touch.

{Turns page to show an Icreature and a human dancing and prancing together}

THATKIDSAM: We all love Icreatures. They are a man's best friend.

{Closes book and chucks it out the window}

THATKIDSAM: Man, Brent! {Sarcastically} You're a writing genius man! You can make this a best-seller! {Stops being sarcastic} Seriously, that was the worst book I've ever read. Go to Yale, man!

{A Dreamcast swirl unrolls a message reading "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on best-seller to see a clip of Strong Sad's Reading Show.

STRONG SAD: And we have a new best-selling book that I would reccomend.

{A graph of the best-selling books appears}

1. Icreatures Are Fun To Touch (Tahtdikmas, Brent)
2. The Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold! (Chapman, The Bros.)
3. Ark Angel (Horowitz, Anthony)

• Click on worst book to see Strong Bad's edition of the book.

Homestars of Any Type are Bad, by STRONG BADelabor. 
I HATE a HOMESTAR. Do you HATE a HOMESTAR? I HATE a HOMESTAR.
HE IS PRANCIBALD. Did you know that PRANCIBALD is a BAD TRAIT?
HE uses a SPEECH IMPEDIMENT to ANNOY PEOPLE. Do you know what IMPEDIMENT means? It is a THING THAT MEANS YOU'RE VERY BAD. FOR
THE LOVE OF PETE, DON'T GET ONE!
HE has a very WHITE body. IT IS FUN TO WHACK WITH A GUACOMOLE GOLF CLUB.
EVERYONE HATES HOMESTAR. I THINK YOU SHOULD TOO, OR YOUR COOKIES ARE AT STAKE.

Fun Facts

• "Strong Bad being my banker" is mentioned because this email came out on the deadline for taxes.
• "Brent Delabor" is a reference to Thoraxcorp.
• One of the quotes mentioned in the book (The page after the title page) is from E-Mail Birds, one of the DVD extra emails.
• Yale is a real college and is known for its excellent writing classes.
• Strong Bad calling Homestar "Prancibald" is from flashback.
• The parody of the kids' book is from kids book.
• "For the love of pete" is from animal.
• Ark Angel is a real teens' book by Anthony Horowitz.

Author's Comments

• Rating: B
• I made this on my laptop on vacation. This wasn't very good at the beginning, but my ka-razy math teacher and my real life brother's mention of a de-caps lock program surfaced it. And I was thinking about college at the time, so I made a Yale reference. Also, my little brother was reading Scorpia (the book before Ark Angel) so I decided to reference that. I just really needed to surface the entire cartoon's low standards due to the last email.