Thatkidsam.muffin/The Regibliss Files

Overview

The Regibliss Files

Thatkidsam gets out of school and gets the new Fire Emblem game, only to discover it is only for the Game Boy Advance. Bubs is involved in an accident with Mrs. Regibliss, accidentally teleporting her into the future.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Mrs. Regibliss, Lawrence, Fashionmore Henchman, Bubs, Brent, Mortimer, Strong Sad

Places: Generic High School, Fashionmore, Bubs' Concession Stand, Gruffy Guff Mushrooms Blimp

Date: June 5th, 2005

Lines: 309

Page Title: Congraturation Class of Tooty-Too!

Transcript

{The intro credits roll, being written on a blackboard with chalk. They are erased after each line.}

THE REGIBLISS FILES
WRITTEN BY THATKIDSAM
EXPERIENCED BY THATKIDSAM AND MARCUS
GUEST-STARRING PETER JACKSON

{Thatkidsam and Lawrence, among other kids, are at a graduation ceremony. A banner that says "NOT HIGH SCHOOL GRATURATION" is in the back.}

MRS. REGIBLISS: Now, all stand for our song. That means you, parents. Stand for the song! NOW!

{The parents stand and some mumbling is heard. The kids start singing the song.}

KIDS: MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
IT'S REALLY REALLY GREAT!
You can do anything
If you try!
MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
IT'S SO EASY!
Reach for the sky, you can do it!
Children are helpless
Little pieces of trash
Unless you feed them and nourish them!
You have to teach them everything
They want to know and more
Because knowledge is the power
That guides them through each day!!!!!
YOU CAN LIGHT THE WAY!!!!!
Make a difference!
It's really really great!
You can do anything
If you try!
Make a difference!
It's so easy!
Reach for the sky and you can do it!

{Thatkidsam and Lawrence are talking during it.}

THATKIDSAM: Ugh... Why did they make us sing this song?

LAWRENCE: This is probably the only thing I agree with you on. Mrs. Regibliss is not the greatest music teacher in the world.

THATKIDSAM: This is pointless. Seriously, "Children are helpless little pieces of trash"? It's pretty obvious Mrs. Regibliss wrote this herself.

LAWRENCE: Yes, it's almost over!

{Everyone sits down. Mrs. Regibliss steps up to the podium.}

MRS. REGIBLISS: We hoped you enjoyed our song, {Looks at note cards} Corntasia. Now, we have some {Looks at note cards} sad messages. We have a number of teachers retiring this {Looks at note cards} year. Please rise when your name is called. Vanessa Evil. Killbot Watson. Deadly Pack. And, finally, me, Diablo Regibliss.

{The audience mumbles and some people chuckle.}

MRS. REGIBLISS: Hey... Who's been messing with my note cards?

{Thatkidsam and Lawrence are whispering.}

THATKIDSAM: Heh. I didn't know it would be so easy.

LAWRENCE: Heh... Diablo Regibliss. Genius.

{Mrs. Regibliss walks over angrily to the two.}

MRS. REGIBLISS: IT WAS YOU!!! I'LL TURN DIABLO ON YOU!!!

THATKIDSAM: {Gulps}

LAWRENCE: I didn't do it. Seriously. My shirt says it.

{Cut away from the screen. The three can be overheard.}

MRS. REGIBLISS: I KNEW IT!!! YOUR LOW GRADES AND BAD BEHAVIOR GAVE IT AWAY!!

{Pain noises, cut back to the stage, the audience is staring at Mrs. Regibliss.}

AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: She's crazy!

AUIDENCE MEMBER #2: I don't want her teaching my kids!

MRS. REGIBLISS: Uh... Aheheh... Get... Get out... Erm... Uh... This... This graduation is over! NOW GO EAT SOMETHING AND GET OUT OF MY FACE! AND NO LAWSUITS!

{The screen wipes to Thatkidsam standing outside Fashionmore.}

THATKIDSAM: Hm... I'm a little late for this. BUT FIRE EMBLEM IS OUT!!! Yeah!

{Thatkidsam runs inside screaming. He finally arrives in the GamePots store and rushes to the WonderSwan Color section, looking for Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones.}

THATKIDSAM: Well, it isn't here. Puzzling.

FASHIONMORE HENCHMAN MANAGER: That game's only for Game Boy Advance.

THATKIDSAM: What? There's no illegal port of it made by Chinese game pirates?

FASHIONMORE HENCHMAN MANAGER: Some guy didn't accept our bribe for letting us accept them.

THATKIDSAM: Crap... Lousy hard-to-bribe people!

{Cut to Mrs. Regibliss at Bubs' Concession Stand.}

MRS. REGIBLISS: ...And so, then, I said, "And then the cows will fall on you! It'll be the COW-POCALYPSE!"

BUBS: I'm getting the feeling you're too old to be hanging around here. There's the Wrinkly Drinkly bar over there if you want to see it.

MRS. REGIBLISS: I'M NOT TOO YOUNG!!! I CAN DO ANYTHING!!! {Suddenly starts floating off the ground and her hair turns gold and spiky, then turns back to normal and bends over} OWW, my back!

BUBS: If that was a joke, it wasn't funny.

MRS. REGIBLISS: Nothing in my life is funny anymore. {Sniff}

{Cut to Thatkidsam and Brent in his room, Thatkidsam depressed, holding the Fire Emblem box.}

BRENT: You bought that? {Keeps trying to keep a straight face}

THATKIDSAM: Laugh and I'll kill you.

BRENT: Look... I know you don't actually have a Game Boy Advance, so why'd you buy a game for it?

THATKIDSAM: You'd let me use the DS, right?

BRENT: NO! IT'S MINE! {Grabs the DS out of a drawer on his table and quickly covers it in chains} I must sit and play generic liscensed games all day, and you won't stop me!

THATKIDSAM: Woah. Since when are you this cranky?

BRENT: Let's just say I found out about caffiene.

THATKIDSAM: YOU GOT MY STASH!! I was saving that coffee for when I miss all of the stuff that comes out on Homestar Runner while I'm at camp!

BRENT: Look... I know someone who can help you. You might know him.

THATKIDSAM: Mortimer Mouse?

BRENT: No, but he IS called Mortimer.

{Cut to the Wrinkly Drinkly, where a very old bartender is yelling at Mrs. Regibliss.}

BARTENDER: I'm blind and I can see you're too young for this drink joint! You'll probably come back in here with some sort of portable phonograph!

MRS. REGIBLISS: But I'm seventy-

BARTENDER: TOO YOUNG, BABY! GET OUT OF HERE!

{Mrs. Regibliss walks out of the bar and sees Bubs with a welding mask, working on what appears to be a giant mirror sticking out of the ground.}

BUBS: Now, if I can teleport Strong Sad into the past, he can teach them how to be uncool, and then I'll be the coolest guy in town! {Laughs}

MRS. REGIBLISS: Hey, what's this little trinket? {Touches the mirror, but falls through}

BUBS: NO!! ...Hey, she's even less cool! I'm going to be AWESOME! {Laughs maniacally}

{Cut back to Thatkidsam's room, where a very short person with a big nose, dressed as a handy-man, is standing on Thatkidsam's bed.}

THATKIDSAM: Who are you and why are you in my house.

SHORT GUY: This is your house? I was the one who was flying this blimp when you shot it down over that field!

THATKIDSAM: Oh, yeah... Um... Sorry about that...

SHORT GUY: It's okay. It only made me six feet shorter. But Brent knew me, but didn't know I was flying, so-

THATKIDSAM: Tell me you name! Why are you here?

SHORT GUY: I am Mortimer, the Magical Prince of Ever-Morrow! I am also a master mechanic!

THATKIDSAM: Sounds more like the Magical Oaf. Heh... Magical Oaf...

MORTIMER: That isn't very nice!

THATKIDSAM: Ever-Morrow... Sounds like some really, really corny town from some anime show...

MORTIMER: STOP IT AND I'LL SOLVE ALL OF YOUR TROUBLES!

THATKIDSAM: Okay, whatever. But I think we have enough mechanics around here. I'm a mechanic... Brent's a mechanic... Lawrence's a mechanic... That nerd guy is probably a mechanic too...

MORTIMER: Err, whatever. I am also the MAGICAL PRINCE OF MECHANICRY! {Spins around and his clothes change to a large wizard hat and robes}

THATKIDSAM: Sure, go ahead and change this Game Boy Advance game to an N-Gage QD game.

MORTIMER: Sure thing! Please do not be creeped out by my family's age-old ritual.

{Mortimer starts dancing around and chanting, and an anime tear-drop appears on Thatkidsam's head.}

MORTIMER: Okay, here you go! A nice, flat GameCube disc! I've heard they have lots of memory and better graphics than that stupid N-Gage QD you said.

{Thatkidsam's eye twitches, and the camera blacks out. Mortimer screams and glass breaks. Cut to 1938 where old men in brown cloaks are standing around Mrs. Regibliss.}

MAN #1: Is Bubs mad at us? He tells us he'll send us that one fat guy to tell us how to be cool, and he sends us this woman!

MAN #2: Let's make him pay! GET THE CANNON!

MEN: YEAH!

MRS. REGIBLISS: I'll never make retirement now...

{Mrs. Regibliss is in an old-fashioned cannon. The men fire her back into the portal. Cut to present-day.}

BUBS: I'm sorry, Strong Sad, but I can only have two entrances and an exit through the portal. I need that teacher to get back to this time, or something bad will happen!

STRONG SAD: {Sigh}

MRS. REGIBLISS: AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

{Mrs. Regibliss flies through the portal headfirst and hits Bubs in the stomach, then bounces back into the portal. The portal closes.}

BUBS: Well, that's the end of that. Nothin' we can do anymore. Just sit back and wait for time itself to collapse.

{Cut to 1938. Mrs. Regibliss and the men are standing around as buildings in the background fade and disappear from time.}

MAN #1: Well, I guess we're stuck with you... Can you teach us how to be cool?

MRS. REGIBLISS: I know one thing... JUST SHAKE IT!!

{Everyone old-timily dances around as the screen fades.}

THE END

Fun Facts

• The page title is a reference to Videro Games and Tooty-too.
• Graturation is a reference to Videro Games.
• Lawrence is wearing a Bart Simpson "I Didn't Do It" shirt.
• Peter Jackson, the creator of the Lord of the Rings movies and mentioned in the beginning, can indeed be seen in the audience of the graduation.
• Thatkidsam's quote, "Laugh and I'll kill you", is from Fire Emblem.
• Mortimer Mouse was the original name for Mickey Mouse.