Thatkidsam.muffin/schoolteacher

Overview

Thatkidsam Email #53

Issue 2 of Senior Citizen Squad is released and the four become schoolteachers.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Omni, Crustyskin, Youngster, Georgia Hick, The Fattest One, Ian Stretcheye (easter egg)

Places: Gruffy Guff Mushrooms Blimp, Old Folks' Home, Generic High School

Computer: Gameslayer

Date: May 28, 2005

Lines: 53

Transcript

{The Gameslayer logo appears on the screen, and a black figure labeled "Omni" runs across the screen with a banner reading "Version: Programmed in Mom's Basement" Then, three icons appear: "Omni-Mail", "Games Folder", and "Add New File".}

{The Thatkidsam Omni runs over to the "Omni-Mail" icon and taps it. The screen transitions to an email that pops up.}

Dear Thatkidsam,
Who is fqhwgads? What is the speed of dark? Where am I? When will I stop asking questions?
Why are there never any fleas for sale at the flea market? How many licks does it take to get
to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
Sincerely,

Curie Ous.

THATKIDSAM: {Instead of the entire body of the letter, he says "A lot of stupid questions that I don't want to answer" and instead of "Curie Ous" he says "Unnessess Ariepun".} Hm... The question is, when WILL you stop asking questions? Okay, you got me. I can't really answer your third-grade-quality questions. But I know who will!

{Thatkidsam quickly exits out of Omni-Mail, chooses Games Folder, and adds a file called "NeonPaint". He starts working, and it cuts to an issue of Senior Citizen Squad.}

NARRARATOR THATKIDSAM: Senior Citizen Squad!! Crustyskin! {Retired but still works, somehow!} Youngster! {Old nicety!} Georgia Hick! {The guy with the accent!} The Fattest One! {The always chubby science guy!}

{The four retired citizens are all sitting in old, antique rocking chairs in the Old Folks' Home.}

GEORGIA HICK: What should we do today, hyuck!

CRUSTYSKIN: Well, I am having a small shortage of dollars and cents.

YOUNGSTER: Shouldn't you be saying "cash" like everyone cool?

CRUSTYSKIN: Well, I do want some more parts for golf cart customization. Let's all get low-paying jobs as teachers!

YOUNGSTER: Don't you all get social security?

THE FATTEST ONE: I got a new hearing aid, everyone!

GEORGIA HICK: Nobody cares, hyuck!

CRUSTYSKIN: TO THE OLD SCHOOL! WE'RE GOING TO DO IT OLD SCHOOL, LIKE THE OLD SCHOOL!

GEORGIA HICK: Let us go!

YOUNGSTER: Let's go!

THE FATTEST ONE: What?

{Cut to Generic High School.}

THE FATTEST ONE: I got a job as a science teacher!!

CRUSTYSKIN: I'm a math teacher!!

YOUNGSTER: I'm going to teach first grade!

GEORGIA HICK: I'm a janitor, hyuck!

ALL FOUR: LET US GET TO OUR CLASSES!!!

{Cut to The Fattest One teaching science. The blackboard behind him says "The Fundamentals of Fat-Destroying Chemicals".}

THE FATTEST ONE: So, you see, that is how the mixture of Ooolongium and Singyum is used in many diets and can simply completely melt fat.

STUDENT: Wouldn't it be good for your health if you simply slipped it into water and fed it to someone?

THE FATTEST ONE: What? {Leans head forward, not noticing that his elbow knocks over the beaker of Oolongium Singyum}

NARRARATOR THATKIDSAM: CHEMICALLY DISTORTED!!

{The beaker spills onto The Fattest One, making him extremely thin. He simply falls over and breaks into tiny pieces. Cut to Youngster.}

YOUNGSTER: That's nice! You get a sticker for correctly spelling "whiz"!

KID: YAY!!! I'm better than you!

{Youngster turns his back and one of the angered kids throws a paper airplane.}

YOUNGSTER: Ooh! {Catches paper airplane} What does this say?

I do indeed love having Youngster as a teacher.

It just warms my heart.

YOUNGSTER:' That's so sweet!

{Youngster begins to heat up and turn red.}

NARRARATOR THATKIDSAM: HEARTWARMINGLY BURNED TO DEATH!

{Cut to math class where Crustyskin is teaching.}

CRUSTYSKIN: And that is why Pi is very, very useless and you should never even eat pie in your entire life. Any questions?

STUDENT: What is the answer to Butts ÷ Pie?

CRUSTYSKIN: I said no pie! And that question is a good question! We'll just do butts... Draw a little Homestar butt right there... Look how stupid it is... And... Dang it, I'm stuck!

{Cut to some elderly readers in real life.}

OLD MAN: My god, he said "butt"!

OLD WOMAN: And that other person said "pants"!

OLD MAN: {Faints}

NARRARATOR THATKIDSAM: Aw, man! I have to cancel this. CANCELLED!

A COMIC CALLED SENIOR CITIZEN SQUAD IS OVER!

{Omni runs across the screen, leaving a banner with the message "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on SENIOR to see Georgia Hick.

GEORGIA HICK: Hyuck, why am I always the one who is forgotten completely?

• Click on IS to see a new news story.

IAN STRETCHEYE: Our top story today... The words "butt" and "pants" have been made illegal to print in the newspaper or a comic book. Goodbye, PantsMan! Leo T. Masdiktaht has also been arrested for printing "butt" in his new comic, Senior Citizen Squad.

Fun Facts

• This "version" of Gameslayer software Thatkidsam uses is a reference to virus.
• Oolongium and Singyum are a reference to japanese cartoon where a name in the credits was "Oolong Singy".

Author's Comments

• Rating: B-
• This was better than the other issue. 'Nuff said.