Thatkidsam.muffin/electric stuff mk2

Overview

Thatkidsam E-Mail #39

Thatkidsam attempts to polish the old by removing the bad taste electric stuff put in out mouths.

Cast (in order of appearance): Thatkidsam, Ekul, Pop tire, Brent

Places: Masdiktaht Jet, Annual Hick Convention '03

Computer: Sega Dreamcast

Date: April 23rd, 2005

Lines: 59

Transcript

THATKIDSAM: I've got a lot planned for today! I had three pots of coffee, and now I can check plenty of emails.

ERROR! INBOX EMPTY

THATKIDSAM: WHAT!? My inbox is empty!? I'll see about that!

{Thatkidsam opens up Talk:thatkidsam.muffin.}

Man, these emails used to be good. --Ekul
Yeah. They suck now. --Pop tire
Let's do something about it. --Ekul

ATTENTION THATKIDSAM MASDIKTAHT! PLEASE RE-MAKE EITHER OLD TIMEY OR ELECTRIC STUFF! THEY BLOW! --Ekul

THATKIDSAM: Oh, man... Yeah, I have to admit, some of my current emails are blowing right now. I guess I will have to re-do that crappy email. Let's pull it back up...

Dear Shim-Sham-Sam,

What would you look like
as old timey
Sincerlyelle,

Jamie Ruskel

THATKIDSAM: {Doesn't read the email out loud} Ugh! I'm not answering that. Something tells me I still can't make it funny. Let's pull out that other really crappy one that happened before Ekul put me in a coma. Ah, the money I got from that lawsuit... Good times...

Dear That Non-Adult Sam,

I have a theory that everyone has had one day that pretty much sums up
their life so far. What's yours?
Sincerely,

Einoo

THATKIDSAM: {Skims over the email} Non... Theory... Sums... What's... Einoo... Well, good question, Einoo! What are you? I bet you're some kinda Sterrance clone! Wow... That'd be weird. So, you want me to tell you about the day of doom, eh? Well, seeing the Pong Movie was a pretty cool day, but you've already seen that. And I wouldn't want Ekul to not watch this, would I? Well, I have another thing I want to show you. It's the Annual Hick Convention '03! It summarizes all of the misery in my life and multiplies it by three. Yup. Want a scientific formula? You can't have it.

{Cut to the Hick Convention. Thatkidsam is sitting in a corner while several drunken hicks sing karaoke off-beat.}

THATKIDSAM: Why did you force me to come to this hick convention, Brent!? It's just a bunch of fat guys in pink leotards with tight fanny packs and hairy legs and huge straw hats eating cheese cubes getting drunk!

BRENT: You must celebrate your Southern heritage by going to these conventions, you know.

THATKIDSAM: I'd rather be at E³ sampling those crappy Disney Interactive games than be here! And as far as I'm concerned, I'm half German!

BRENT: Oh, come on... We'll all get drunk, stagger around, shoot a couple of guys with shotguns, and not take showers for a whole month! Doesn't that sound fun?

THATKIDSAM: Sounds about as fun as watching paint dry.

BRENT: Oh, you want to see that? There's an exhibit over there. {Points to the right}

{Some hicks are watching paint dry.}

HICK #1: Come on, blue! Dry! Dry faster, hyuck!

HICK #2: Oh, red will dry much faster than blue! It has more pyrocrygaughenetic molecules than blue!

{The music stops.}

HICK LEADER: What!? Signs of intellectualism!? That isn't Southern! Get 'im, boys!

{The camera blacks out and a gunshot is heard. Cut to some hicks trying to sing.}

HICKS: Sweet. Sweet home Alabama... Where all the... Skies... Are... Blue... {A hick falls over} Sweet... {The rest fall over}

HICK LEADER: Okay, folks, there go the rest of our conscious people... We'll be needing some more karaoke people in just a second. So, we will search our area with our shotgun-equipped pickup trucks. Begin the search!

{Tons of pickup trucks start swarming the area.}

THATKIDSAM: (Come on... Don't notice me... I don't want to be here...)

{Alarms sound, and Thatkidsam is pushed up to the mike.}

HICK LEADER: Now, the next song is "The Greatest Hick Of All - The Song Of Hicks - The Hicky American National Anthem"! And our karaoke person will be expected to sing completely in tune without a lyric sheet.

THATKIDSAM: But- Those guys on the floor were singing very out of tune! And they were off-beat!

HICK LEADER: You will sing our national anthem, and you will sing it right!

{Thatkidsam starts sweating, and a spotlight goes onto him. Music starts playing.}

THATKIDSAM: I am a hick
A super-Southern hick
I drive all day
In a pickup truck
My distinct accent
My pink leotard
My large straw hat
Are the symbols of a hick!
We all want to be hicks
And drink like The Man
And wear the sparkliest leotard
But the only way to be
The best hick of all
Is to wear a tight fanny pack!

{The crowd roars with excitement.}

HICK LEADER: That was the best song ever, despite all of the wrong lyrics. We will adopt it as our new Hicky National Anthem! Yeah!

HICK #2: Yeah, okay. But what are we going to do with the old one?

HICK LEADER: Make it the actual national anthem.

{Cut back to the Dreamcast.}

THATKIDSAM: Ugh... Just seeing those guys in sparkly pink leotards and tight fanny packs that are almost covered by the fat is sickening. Seriously, you don't want to see it.

{A Dreamcast swirl unrolls a message reading "Click Here to E-Mail Thatkidsam @ [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on the TV when Thatkidsam mentions "some kinda Sterrance clone" to see an evil Sterrance.
• Click on see it to see a picture of The Greatest Hick of All, with the sparkliest leotard and the most body fat.
• Click on the fat to see the "mathematical formula" Thatkidsam mentioned.

  Misery (Brent)  
  Misery (Self)  
  Misery (Lawrence)  
  Misery (Retards) 
+ Misery (Other) 
-------------------
A Lotta Misery

  A Lotta Misery
X 3
------------------- 
Misery (Hick Convention)

Fun Facts

• Ekul putting me in a coma is a reference to behind the scenes where he (lying) said he put me in a coma for eight days.
• E³ is a real convention, where lots of game companies show off their games and previews.
• Disney Interactive is a real company, known for their less-than-stellar liscensed games.

Author's Comments

• Rating: B+
• Man, I had just gone to a hick convention in real life, and it wasn't half bad, but I wanted to make fun of it here. And those sparkly pink leotard guys with fanny packs and 100% body fat tainted my thoughts the moment I thought them up.