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User:Ekul/Email/83

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Overview

Ekul tries to help somebody. Zooming. Organ music.

Transcript

{Ekul's Trash Can fades back in}

EKUL: {Offscreen} I'm BAAAAACK!

{Ekul gets out of the Trash Can. Zoom in slowly on Ekul. Organ music plays.}

EKUL: It's good to be back! And after a month of no updates, my record is gone. Gone to shreds. Stupid Conchris. Sounds like a job for, SYSOP ABUSE!!! Nah. Not yet.

{Ekul walks into Free Country USA.}

EKUL: Well, I guess it's time to check my email. Well, I'll see if the King is still around from the predicaments I caused him.

{Ekul walks to the castle. The Castle has gigantic packages of food for the King of town in the front lawn}

EKUL: I guess he is back-

{The King of Town walks out of the castle, and begins pushing the food inside. When he sees Ekul, he becomes instantly enraged}

KING OF TOWN: YOU! When I'm through with you... You'll be my DINNER!!!

{Zoom in on Ekul. Organ plays}

EKUL: This sounds like a job for: UNNECCESSARY ACTION SCENE

{Pan out. Ekul runs away, and the King tries to keep up, but he fails and Ekul gets away. Cut back to the Trash Can}

EKUL: Well THAT was a dissapointment. Ah, well. Tandy?

{Ekul goes to the Tandy}

EKUL: I gues my inbox must be, like, bursting, right?

EKUL: WHAT?!?!? Over three months of no updates and four new messages?

EKUL: That's... That's not fair! I have over 80 emails! They are one hundred or more on average! Doesn't ANYONE want me to release any emails? Doesn't anyone want me to have a nice selection?

EKUL: Logcally, that would work. In reality, people do it so much, it's unoriginal and nobody likes that. Just display the newest one. THEY obviously care about my email show. The Noid, thank you on so many levels...

EKUL: {reads Email} Well, it appears that instead of helping me out, somebody wants-

{Quickly zoom in on Ekul. Quick dramatic Organ music}

EKUL: Oops.

CHARACTER CORRECTION!!

EKUL: Oh well. That's why I'm here. Answer questions, save the helpless, and add unnecessary action scenes wherever possible!

{Pan out. The Blacksmith is next to him}

EKUL: Wah! How'd you get in here?

BLACK SMITH: I fell into this trash can thing somebody left open and in the middle of the field when I was chasing you, and I woke up in here!

EKUL: Um... ATTACKING YOU NOW!

{Ekul draws one of his hypercutlasses, and the Blacksmith swings his shovel. Ekul jumps and swings at the Blacksmith's facemask. Sparks fly, but the mak isn't damaged.}

BLACKSMITH: Foolish pirate! I have anti-spark spray! You cannot damage me with that teaspoon of a weapon! I like tea anyway.

EKUL: I notice that the KOT hates peas. do you?

BLACKSMITH: Yeah, why?

EKUL: Well if my teaspoon won't work, then witness.. MY PEA SHOOTER!

{Ekul shoots the blacksmith with green discs from his disc shooter. apon impact, the discs explode and green pellets fly everywhere. The Blacksmith writhes in agony}

BLACKSMITH: AAAAAAUUUUUGGGHGHGHGHGHGmercurymercury

{The blacksmith is knocked unconsious. Ekul stuffs him into a floor panel, then ties him up and seals him down there.}

EKUL: Now that THAT rejected Homestar Runner character is taken care of for quite a few emails, and also now that an unnecessary action scene is done, it's time to get rolling outta here!

{Ekul scans the email's email root}

EKUL: This is The Noid's adress. But it's from the chairman of Place. Why would...

{Zoom in on Ekul. Dramatic organ music. Pan out. Kyves walks in}

KYVES: Need anything?

EKUL: Well, I need C11 for once.

KYVES: {Gasps} but we NEVER use him! We only ever use him if we need a third not-homestar runner-related character or a robotic companion!

{Slowly zoom in on Ekul as organ music plays.}

EKUL: I know... but there's one thing that I need him for... I need him more than ever now...

KYVES:{Offscreen} You never really needed him in the first place, if you think about it.

EKUL: Oh. Yeah.

{Pan out again. Kyves walks offscreen, then C11 rolls onscreen.}

EKUL: C11, I need you to hack in and trace this email.

C11: {Beeps}

{Ekul sits back as C11 connects to the computer. Fade to black. Cut to a heavily damaged shuttle. Cut inside of a room. The Chairman of Place is very badly injured. He types on a keyboard, then, as he hits Enter, the Trash Can fades in. Ekul, Homeschool, Loyalshot, C11, Kyves and Coach Z come in in that order. Marty is absent.}

COACH Z: Wow... This plorce looks worse than Borba Yorga's hut!

LOYALSHOT: Whatever THAT is supposed to mean.

COACH Z: You know! Borba Yorga...?

LOYALSHOT: No. Get away from me, you creepy old man...

COACH Z: Fine then! I'rl find someone else tor talk tor!

HOMESCHOOL: Okay... Tell me what your theories are.

COACH Z: Ooh! I know! It must have been that king Graham fellow! I never trusted him since he copied a bunch of fairy tale stuff.

HOMESCHOOL: Never tell me your theories again.

CHAIRMAN: Are... you guys... done yet...?

EKUL: Yeah. Sorry.

{Zoom in on Ekul as he makes a threatening gesture to Loyalshot, Coach Z and Homeschool. Organ music again}

CHAIRMAN: So far we have no idea... what the enemies are... they hurt me bad... I don't know if any people are dead...

KYVES:Ah. So, you want us to explore this ship and see the enemies are run off so that you can make it back to Place.

CHAIRMAN: Exactly. And... take me with... you...

COACH Z: So you wanna be a hero? TOURF! You neird to stay hor fer safty reasons.

HOMESCHOOL: yes... We just can't risk it.

CHAIRMAN: ...fine... You need... this map of the area... I oulined... the areas you might want to visit...

EKUL: One more thing. Why were you using Marty's adress?

CHAIRMAN: I- what?

EKUL: His email adress.

CHAIRMAN: I used... mine...

EKUL: Strange... Hey, where is he anyway?

{Cut to a wide view of he room. Everyone looks around. Zoom in on Ekul as creepy organ music plays}

EKUL: He's GONE!

KYVES: Stop that. It got old about the third time you did it.

{Pan out}

EKUL: Oh. But... it's dramatic!

{Thatkidsam appears}

THATKIDSAM: Hah hah hah! You docked me point three points on CGNU Evaluations for breaking the fourth wall too much! AND NOW YOU HAVE BROKEN IT! HAHAHAHAHAH!

EKUL: WHAT?!?! OH NO! I BROKE THE FOURTH WALL!

{Zoom in on Ekul slowly. Sombre organ music plays in the background}

EKUL: I never wanted to... but now I have... wat else is there to live for...

KYVES: You know, by recognising that you broke the fourth wall, you just broke it again.

EKUL: I don't have time for this. Thatkidsam, how did YOU get here?

THATKIDSAM: Oh I just jumped haphazardly into a creepy blue portal that randomly appeared where my refrigerator used to be. {Zoom in and creepy organ music as he says this} And now I'm hungry and want to go home.

EKUL: Since you're here, why don't you come with us?

THATKIDSAM: Sure.

EKUL: Alright. Let's have Coach Z and Thatkidsam get into the security systems and find out who it is, and where they came from.

THATKIDSAM: Actually, I would normally attribute random space exploration mishaps to Thatkidsamus.

COACH Z: Wait... Spaceship? Enemy search ship? Crazy man giving us all the advice in a computer room? IT'S THE SARIENS!!

KYVES: Cool it with the Sierra refrences, Coach Z!

EKUL: Kyves! C11! go to the mainframe and get this thing up and running

C11: {Beeping}

KYVES: Sure. With C11, I don't need to put up with running email gags.

EKUL: Kyves, cool it with the {Clears throats} RUNNING EMAIL GAG ABOUT EMAIL GAGS!

KYVES: Oh. Sor-

EKUL: And shut up altogether while you're at it. Loyalshot, you know good evacuations and stuff from all that hiding work you do in your universe. Get the passengers to a safe place.

LOYALSHOT: By your command!

EKUL: And I, being the Email show's leader...

KYVES: {Quickly} Another fourth-

EKUL: {Zoom in. Angry organ music.} I SAID SHUT UP! {Zoom out again} ...will find the enemy.

COACH Z: Maybe it's the Pirates of Pestulon!

EKUL: Nah. Those guys aren't even pirates. They just suck. Posers. Okay, everybody. Let's go.

{Ekul begins running down the hall. He meets two red armored men}

ARMORED MAN: It's time for you to suffer the penalty of YOU DIE!

{The Armored men hold their weapons (A beam sword and a lasor gun) Ekul arms himself with a machine gun on one arm and a hypercutlass on the other. Zoom in on Ekul and organ music}

EKUL: OVER MY DEAD BODY!

{Zoom out.}

OTHER ARMORED MAN: Um... His point exactly

{Everyone suddenky relaxes as they ponder this. Then they start fighting}

EKUL: Yay! Action scene time!

{Cut away to C11 and Kyves running down the hall}

EKUL: {Voice over} Aw nuts.

{Music starts playing as a montage activates. Kyves finds an armored guy facing the other direction and uses his random superpowers for taking the guy buy the chestpiece and slamming him into a wall. Then, he meets a group of them. Suddenly, they contract into a ball of armored guys. C11 pushes the ball down the hall, and it rolls over many other unlucky fools. Yes I'm being a biased transcript, so THERE! HAH HAH- ahem. Cut to Loyalshot, who begins sheparding people out of rooms they sealed themselves in. Then cut to large escape pods flying off, then cloaking. Then cut to Thatkidsam and Coach Z. The montage ends.}

COACH Z: ...So then, that's when ther cormputor lorcked up!

THATKIDSAM: I told you to stop telling me about your entire Kings Quest series marathon run through about TWO HOURS AGO! At least we're here.

COACH Z: Okay, "Open Door" "Look Room"

{The scene freezes, then the words PWNAGE appear at the bottom of the screen as Thatkidsam's eyes turn red and his daggers lengthen. That's when we pan sideways to reveal a bullet right next to him}

THATKIDSAM: Oh. That was close. I guess I won't be taking my anger on Coach Z anyway!

{Thatkidsam knocks the bullet out of the way. Pan even more sideways to see a group of enemies, then we see a large metal bar on the ceiling}

THATKIDSAM: Hmm... Might as well scare 'em before finishing them off.

{Thatkisam throws both of his daggers at the chains holding up the bar. His red eyes fade and the metal bar falls on top of the group of armored people.}

COACH Z: Wow! Jorst like that orne Quest for Gleary game, except a chan-

{pan up. A metal bar is revealed to be falling. It falls right on top of Coach Z}

COACH Z: ORGH! Sorve me!

{Cut to Ekul. There is a docking port next to him. Suddenly, he gets a funny look on his face}

EKUL: {Strange, not Ekul voice} What is happening... to me?

{Ekul falls to the floor. Zoom in on his body. it suddenly begins glowing. ORGAN MUSIC!! Cut back to C11, who is at the ships controls and Kyves is at the pilots controls}

KYVES: Okay, now we should be ready to leave. We just have to wait until Ekul detaches us, and then Coach Z and Thatkidsam to learn more from the data.

{Suddenly a rumbling occurs.}

KYVES: Wha- What was that?!

C11: {beeping noises}

KYVES: They're GONE?!

{Cut to Coach Z (Who has bandages) and Thatkidsam}

COACH Z: I'm goring to beat you bettor tharn Captain Quirk! You just wait...

{Cut to Thatkidsam's monitor (The one he's looking at). He's watching the enemies take over the ship. Suddenly, the rumbling happens to them, and the people on the screen dissapear.}

THATKIDSAM: Wha- What happened?!

COACH Z: Their efforcts are steill there! That tea he wors holding! Whort the...?

{Thatkidsam and Coach Z start typing in to see what became of Ekul. Cut to Loyalshot. He doesn't seem to mind when the rumbling occurs.}

LOYALSHOT: Eh, it's just the enemies firing at my allies.

{Cut to Kyves and C11, who run out to find what happened to Ekul. Where Ekul was laying, there is a silver haired penguin. He has a large weapon in his hand. He turns around and starts to charge up his weapon}

KYVES: What the-

C11: {Beeps furiously}

{Suddenly the penguin falls to the ground, and changes into Ekul. Thatkidsam is standing behind him}

THATKIDSAM: That... was wierd. Who was that man?

KYVES: He must have found a way to replace himself with Ekul.

COACH Z: Or maybe Vohaul has sent the Pukoids to take-

THATKIDSAM: We don't need your Sierra Theories.

{Ekul stands up}

EKUL: What happened?! Why was I laying on the ground!?

{Ekul turns to the docking node, shipless. Zoom, organ music}

EKUL: AND WHAT ABOUT THEM!!??! Where did they go?

KYVES: {sighs} The truth is stranger than fiction.

THATKIDSAM: This IS fiction

{Zoom in on Ekul}

EKUL: WE DON'T REFRENCE THE FOURTH WALL ANYMORE!

{Space Quest music plays on the organ.}

COACH Z: {Offscreen} Yay!

KYVES: {Offscreen} Oh shut up.

{The paper comes back down and pleads you to email Ekul}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on Ekul to get an extra scene

Easter Egg transcript

THATKIDSAM: Finally! An Easter egg that's not hidden in the actual email in the HTML!!

EKUL: SHUT UP! YOU JUST SPOILED MY OLD REAL EASTER EGGS! Now everyone will be searching through my old email's Wikicode for hidden messages... Thanks. And now we've broken the fourth wall again.

Fun facts


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