User:Ekul/Email/72

Overview

Ekul gets the Tandy!

Lines: 106

Cast (in order of appearance): Ekul, C11, Coach Z, Kyves, Tandy, King of Town, Thatkidsam, Bubs, X-box Spokesperson, Miniature Xbox robots

Transcript

{Cut to the Trash Can. Ekul is working on C11, and Coach Z is still at the cylinder, with a wrench. Kyves is nowhere to be seen, but a floor plate is moved to and a hole is there. Ekul gets up}

EKUL: Well, C11, you can move around again and acess the internet, but your imput device is still broken.

{Ekul gets up}

EKUL: Now I have to scavenge Free Country for another. Unless kyves lends me his-

KYVES: {offscreen} Broken. I tried to check it.

EKUL: Dang. I'd better search somewhere else.

COACH Z: I yorst to have one. I think the biggest piece was probably that speck of silicorn we fournd wedged in the piece of my safe.

EKUL: Well that plan blew up in our face.

{An explosion is heard below the floor, and a flash of light emenates temporarily from the hole.}

KYVES: AAAARRRRGGHHH!!

EKUL: I have a knack for saying coincedintal metaphors. I mean, it's almost climbing out of the Trash Can and tripping over a new computer with perfect internet acess.

{Ekul gets out of the Trash Can, and wlaks forward}

EKUL: Dang. Didn't work.

{Ekul goes over to Strong Bad's house and interupts Strong Bad again, as he is doing an email}

STRONG BAD: So, Mendelsohm, as you can see, maybe I should not try to turn The Cheat's head mass into energy...

EKUL: Oh, Strong Bad! Can I use your Lappy again?

STRONG BAD: Agh! You again! I said no!

EKUL: That throws a wrench into that plan.

{A wrench hits Strong Bad in the head. He flies offscreen}

STRONG BAD: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!

{Homsar comes in and swallows the wrench}

EKUL: Thanks!

HOMSAR: Jumpstart on King Arthur.

EKUL: Are you attempting to tell me to use the Tandy 900?

HOMSAR: Fourteen...

EKUL: Thanks, Homsar!

{Ekul runs off}

HOMSAR: I'm a similie at the sound of silence...

{Cut to The Castle. Ekul walks inside. Cut to the room where the Tandy is. Ekul takes out his lightsaber and pulls a plug from the Tandy. He turns the lightsaber on, and the Tandy flickers to life}

I... I feel so alive... for the very first time...

EKUL: Now, can you acess the KoT's security system and erase the tapes that showed me breaking and entering?

Anything for you. You awoke me.

EKUL: Yeah, yeah. I'll fix you to, if you can tell me the best times to come here.

Sure! Thank you very much.

{Ekul types Ekulmail.exe Pass: ***********************}

Dear Urik,

What does Lukeatia look like?
Can we see a map?
Also, I've eaten your little sister!!!!
Howja likethem 'apples?

Love,
Gorfmoh & Oofoom

P.S.: ZEEKY BOOGY DOOG!!!

EKUL: {Ekul doesn't read the last line. Instead he says the following} Some stupid Bonus Stage reference. Man, why do people try to get me to say that line? Grr... I broke into the KoT's castle just for THIS? I mean, come on! Urik? That's the worst (Non insulting) name I've ever been called! I don't have a younger sister! The names are horrible, and apples? This email is worst than the stuff on the bottom of the shoes I don't have! Wait. Bad comparison. Worst than the condition of Coach Z's apartment, which he recently was evicted from. That's better. Anyway, these people need to be nuked. Kyves! Send out the holographic nukes!

{The Tandy clears the screen. A message comes on}

Kyves isn't here. I'm here, without control of them and the holographic nukes are in possesion of the Poopsmith.

EKUL: Dang.

My previous owner wouldn't have deemed email this worthy. Arrogent fellow, he was. The fat guy probably just eat carmel apples.

EKUL: I think you nailed those guys. Oh, and Tandy? Never say "Punch a cow"

Why not?

EKUL: View the flash version of the Gunhaver emails.

My video card can't take the wonderous capacity of those.

EKUL: Dang. I'll have to swipe one of C11's spares.

Are you going to check the map?

EKUL: No. You see, that email was worthless. If you thought Strong Bad had high standards back then, you should see him now.

Warning! King of Town approching room!

EKUL: Power down and refuse to work!

{Ekul opens a ceiling tile and shuts it. The King of Town enters.}

KING OF TOWN: Why won't this stupid thing work? WORK YOU STUPID PIECE OF JUNK!

{Kingie tries feebley to hit it. Nothing happens.}

KING OF TOWN: Hmph! I'll just keep you here until I get a new computer.

King of Town has left the building.

{Ekul drops back down}

Is it over yet? We've been doing the email for a while.

EKUL: Strong Bad doesn't do emails as long as I do. Especially back then. This is about the time something strange happens. I'm going to go now, so don't power back on.

I'll be waiting. I think the lightsaber put some artificial intellegence into me.

{Ekul leaves the castle. He runs into Thatkidsam... literally. They collide and fall down. Thatkidsam rubs his head furiously}

THATKIDSAM: Ow! Running into someone is no fun unless it's one of your friends.

EKUL: YOu should be happy then.

THATKIDSAM: Oh! Ekul! I was just on my way to Bubs to assassinate the X-box salesperson.

EKUL: I thought you said you weren't an assasin?

THATKIDSAM: No no. I'm not an assassin. I'm an assassinator.

EKUL: Ah! Now I understand. I'll steal the X-boxes and sell them with time bombs in them to blow up anyone who buys them

THATKIDSAM: Excellent! Follow me there.

{Both Ekul and Thatkidsam go into "sneak" Mode. Meaning they crouch low and advance carefully.}

THATKIDSAM: I wish there was something I could do about Icreature. He's been very... riley lately.

EKUL: Spray him in the eye with bug spray. He can see, but not shoot a laser.

{Bubs is talking to a guy who looks like Master Chief}

EKUL: I'll steal them, then you assassinate him.

{Ekul runs up and grabs the box of X-boxes. HE can't pick it up. Ekul holds his hand out and levitates it. The box has a firey red ball around it.}

X-BOX SPOKESPERSON: {As he talks, a box appears at the bottom with his words in it} Hey! You'll pay!

{Chrono Trigger boss music. The box of X-boxes fly offscreen. Bubs also walks offscreen. Two Xbox like robots are beside him. Ekul and Thatkidsam get into battle poses. Ekul takes out his sword He slashes a random X-Box. Some numbers appear by it that says "400". Thatkidsam does an X-slash with his daggers. "425". An Xbox shoots out a disc and it aims at Thatkidsam "Miss". The other shoots at Ekul, and it says "250" The Spokesperson takes out a machine gun and pelts Thatkidsam. "300". Suddenly the sceen freezes. Ekul and Thatkidsam glow.}

EKUL: MEGA X-PWNAGE!
THATKIDSAM: {Simualtaniously} MEGA X-PWNAGE!

{Ekul turns into a living ice sculpture, and Thatkidsam catches on fire. They dive at the three bad guys, and form an "X" then they circle the badguys and do a flurry of sword/dagger movement. Then they dive back to their spots. The badguys get all get "1/0!" and die instantly. Ekul and Thatkidsam do victory dances and "925313 Xp! Level-up!" float by both of them}

EKUL: Thanks for the extra dough!

THATKIDSAM: Thanks for agreeing to sell Xboxes with bombs in them so that the company will be sued!

{The classic Strong Bad paper comes down, saying "Email Ekul!}