User:Ekul/Email/73

Overview

Ekul talks about piracy

Lines: 169

Cast (in order of appearance): Ekul, C11, Coach Z, Kyves, Tandy, King of Town, Commodore, Ex ninth in command (new eighth in command), Ex eighth in command (new junior eigtht in command), Ex junior eighth in command (New Senior ninth in command), Ex senior Ninth in command (New ninth in command)

Transcript

{Ekul once more is fixing C11. Coach Z is working where the screen was. Kyves is on the ceiling with strange boots. He is working on a ceiling tile. Ekul looks around, then quickly takes a card out of C11's spare parts container.}

EKUL: Well C11, it looks like your internet modification thing is dead. That includes email. It'll take a while to fix it. Fortunately I have another computer.

{C11 jerks around, and a visor turns red}

EKUL: Well, I'll get something real quick.

{Ekul runs into a room that has a lot of parts in a room. He takes a few things. Then he climbs out of the Trash Can, still with a big box in his hands. He runs into the castle. He runs into the Tandy room}

EKUL: Okay, here I am Tandy. I'm going to upgrade you. Then I'll leave your shell here.

Sorry. The King of Town is always suspicious. He put a thing in my main processor that would alert him instantly if somebody leaves this room with me

EKUL: DAng. Oh well.

{Ekul types "Ekulmail.exe Pass: ***********************"}

Dear that pirate orange apple man,

I heard pirates steal.
STEALING IS BAD!!!!!!D!!!!11
Anyway, if you're a pirate, do you pirate
video games? Cuz I could use some pirated
popular games patched so they have Bonk
in them. Don't tell anyone!

From,

thatkidsam

EKUL: {Typing aloud} I don't deny that it is wrong... Except for one thing. Eighty five percent of our stealing goes to the poor. But the government... Noooo... they steal the money back. So we have to constantly steal to feed the poor.

Good job Ekul. You sure did-

EKUL: NO! Don't say it!

Don't say what?

EKUL: It looks like you were going to say "Punch a cow"

That reminds me, you still need to upgrade me. and NO I was not going to say that. But that was a clever way to refrence GEmails two emails in a row.

EKUL: Yeah. Oh wait. I need to finish this email. {brings the email and response back up. Then types aloud again.} But, seeing as a certain creature. {Coughihackcoughcreaturehack} destroyed you home, sure, you qualify even more than if you were a friend.

Can you put it in now?

EKUL: Yeah. Along with this AI card, new exterior, cloaking device and mobility!

{Ekul opens the tandy. He takes everything inside and puts it in a new shell. He puts some new cards and chips in there (Not playing cards or potato chips) and puts some more gagets in there}

EKUL: In all it's glory... The Tandy E-99000

{Ekul turns the new tandy. He opens "Ekulmail.exe", and a message comes up}

Pass?

{Ekul types "***********************"}

Whoa... I feel so... upgraded....

EKUL: I bet. Now I don't even need to type. I salvaged many parts that were incompatible with C11, since they were tandy parts. And you also have one of C11's video cards.

Awesome! And I actually have emotions... Maniacle marauder

EKUL: Maniacle Marauder? Isn't that my homsar equivalent? Rehtul the Maniacle Marauder who lives in a china cabinet? That guy creeps me out...

Whoops. I've offended you, haven't I?

EKUL: I won't retort, since you're new to emotions.

Thanks.

EKUL: Don't mention it. Can you download all the games on my favorites list and that I even like onto Thatkidsam's system?

Pirating 4359 games... 100%

EKUL: Whoa! You're fast! Email all to Thatkidsam.

ALARM! PIRACY ALERT!

EKUL: {Typing} Delete "Piracyalarmgovernmentfile.exe"

File deleted.

EKUL: Can you hack into the United States weapons control and give all power to me?

No.

EKUL: WHAT? Why?

It's against my ethical programming

EKUL: Stupid ethics... They always work against me except when I work for them. Okay then, can you hack into Switzerland hidden defence grid?

That's also against my programming. Not only am I made in Switzerland, but I also cannot force a pacifist country defence into a pirate's hands

EKUL: Stupid pacifism. Only my enemies should be pacifists.

KING OF TOWN: {Offscreen} POOPSMITH! I'm home!

EKUL: Dang. Activate teleportation to the inside of Bubs'.

That is against my programming. Bubs sold me, and it's because of him you have me.

EKUL: Stupid logic... No wait. Stupid vender code of honor... Activate invisibility.

Activating...

{The tandy and Ekul dissapear just as the King of Town enters.}

KING OF TOWN: What was that? Chwoka putting a tack in my chair? Thatkidsam putting termites in my keyboard? Stotheb putting a smokebomb in my monitor? Joshua sawing a hole in the ground under my chair? I guess I'd better get it over with...

{The King of town sits at the Tandy Shell, and attempts to type something in}

KING OF TOWN: Hmm... That's odd. No traps... Something is awry. Ominous... Oh well. I finnally memorize the tandy handbook and- phooey! I forgot chapters nine through one thousand four hundred and twenty three, chapters two thousand and forteen and two thousand ninehundred and fifty eight, and all the chapters above three thousand forty nine! Not again! Oh well. At least I remember one new chapter. Let's see if I can fix it. Wait... The power! MAybe it needs a new supply! I'd never thought of that! Never! Ever! PLEVER! JI-

{Imitation Strong Bad runs in and slaps him}

IMITATION STRONG BAD: I apreciate that you are trying to refrence me and all, but not someone as uncool as you.

{Imitation Strong Bad runs away}

KING OF TOWN: I really wish people would hit me less. That's the forty-seventh time... today.

{The King of Town leaves. Ekul and the Tandy uncloaks.}

EKUL: Tandy, when I leave, cloak.

You should leave now. He'll be back soon. Go display your piracy techniques elsewhere.

EKUL: Ok. See you later, Scared-of-the-Cops 'puter. HE'D BETTER NROBYT CATCH ME!

{Ekul runs. Cut to the wharf. There is a big series of docks. Penguins run amok, building, getting ready to sail. Ekul runs up to a random penguin who has a a commodore's hat}

EKUL: So, how's the dock and ships doing, Commodore?

COMMODORE: We're stlilko woorgtsiing hebulore. We're almost dampone, thoicemach.

EKUL: I see you're using my secret codes.

COMMODORE: Yeah. I memorized the vocab.

EKUL: I guess we should get on our first raid in the Homestar Universe. EVERYBODY! LET'S GO!!! THE TERRELL IS IN THE POT!

{The penguins throw their fists up}

PENGUINS: YEAH!!

{Ekul and all the penguins flood into ships. The ships look similar to the one they used to go to Hawaii. Ekul's ship is the biggest.}

EKUL: Shields!

{The ships' canopys come down.}

EKUL: Ignition!

{The ships start to rev. Ekul drops his lightsaber.}

EKUL: Oh BLAST!

{The ships think he's saying "Blast off", and do just that. Ekul hits the wall. The lightsaber almost hits him. The ships blast foreward.}

EKUL: AAAAAAAAUUGHHHH!!!!

{A penguin Jumps off the deck and helps him up.}

EKUL: Thanks. You're promoted to ninth in command.

PENGUIN: I am ninth in command.

EKUL: Err... Oops. Eighth?

NINTH IN COMMAND: Ooh, really? Wait a second... If it wouldn't have been me, I would have been demoted!

EKUL: Um... It was the um... first position that popped into my head...

FORMER NINTH IN COMMAND, NEW EIGHTH IN COMMAND: You demote people randomly?

EKUL: You reminded me of the tenth in command. That's why it popped into my head.

EIGHTH IN COMMAND: Oh.

EKUL: Besides, be optimistic. You were promoted.

{Another penguin jumps down}

PENGUIN: What's the ruckus?

EIGHTH IN COMMAND: I got promoted.

PENGUIN: Hey wait... Aren't you the guy just under me?

EKUL: Uh-oh... {Clears throat and talks somewhat exasperated} Hello eighth in command...

NEW EIGHTH IN COMMAND: Ex-eighth in command, you mean!

EX EIGHTH IN COMMAND: WHAT?!?!

EKUL: Yeah, you're the ninth in command now.

NINTH IN COMMAND: That's not fair! Why couldn't he be the senior ninth in command or the junior eighth in command.

EKUL: Err... I guess he's been due for a promotion for his diligence!

NINTH IN COMMAND: Can I at least have one of those?

EKUL: Fine. You get junior Eighth, the junior Eighth becomes senior ninth, and senior ninth becomes ninth.

{Just then, two penguins some strolling by}

PENGUIN 1: I'm telling you! I'll be at your position soon! You won't be at your position anymore!

PENGUIN 2: No freakin' way, man. Here's the boss right now. He'll clear up the abiguity.

EKUL: What's the problem, guys?

PENGUIN 2: Senior ninth in command right here thinks I'll be demoted.

{Ekul takes a deep breath}

EKUL: Well, I got news for both of you.

BOTH PENGUINS: What?

EIGHTH IN COMMAND: I got promoted to eighth in command from ninth, and eighth in command went to junior eighth.

PENGUIN 1: Are you trying to tell us...

JUNIOR EIGHTH IN COMMAND: You're both demoted by one spot!

NEW SENIOR NINTH IN COMMAND: NO! I LOST MY POSITION!

NEW NINTH IN COMMAND: Oh well. I may have been demoted, but I won the bet.

SENIOR NINTH IN COMMAND: I forgot about the bet...

NINTH IN COMMAND: And I bet that you would lose your position, not-

EKUL: Ahem.

NINTH IN COMMAND: Oh sorry admiral. I forgot about the vocab. And I bet that you would lose your position, nrobyt that I would take place!

SENIOR NINTH IN COMMAND: Why you! I'll kill you Eighth in command for bumping me down!

{Senior Ninth in Command jumps on the Eight in Command, and they start fighting. Junior Eighth in command walks over to Ninth in command}

JUNIOR EIGHTH IN COMMAND: It's actually my fault that he got demoted, but at least he's beating the guy who got me demoted up. Come on, let's go.

NINTH IN COMMAND: Thanks for helping me win the bet!

{The two of them stroll off. Senior Ninth in command shoots at Eighth in Command and misses and hits the pilot. The ship goes veering into another ship. Both are badly damaged}

EKUL: MAYDAY! CALL OFF RAID!

{Cut back to the Trash Can. Kyves is leaning on the Control Cylinder}

EKUL: ...so then I demote that fool and the Ninth in command takes his place, making me get a new ninth.

KYVES: Confusing. Well I guess that's the faulty logic in promoting somebody.

EKUL: Yeah... I guess I'll have to raid Dortugul later.

{The classic Strong Bad paper comes down, saying "Email Ekul!}