User:Ekul/Email/69

Overview

Ekul travels to a labratory. Chaos ensues

Lines: 101

Cast (in order of appearance): Ekul, C11, Kyves, Scientists, Strange temperature creature

Transcript

EKUL: Toohs. S'ti neeb elihwa.

Ekul,
I just need to ask you something
My son Stinkolad has been going
crazy lately he keeps saying
the worlds gonna blow could you
look after him for me
Thanks,

Limoman

EKUL: Ok. This is it. No more of that guy. I've had enough with StinkoLunatic or whatever.

MANIAC'D!

EKUL: Erg... My inbox is doing horribly. Why won't anyone send me anything anymore? Ah... I'll have to do that other type...

Dear Ekul,

If you had three wishes, what would the second
one be?

Much Crap,
Brandon Hofer
Judson College

Elgin, IL

EKUL: More like it. Now, why don't you like my first and third? Because they're odd? Because they're strange? Because they can't be evenly divisible by two? Ah, whatever. Second wish? Err... That I'd have more superpowers. Like, the power to change the temperatures around me! Yeah! It's not my first wish or my third wish. Let's check it out. Oh, Kyves!

{Pan out. Kyves walks in.}

KYVES: Yeah?

EKUL: I need to be mutated so that I have super powers.

KYVES: What kind?

EKUL: Temperature changing!

KYVES: Wait, that's not fair! Iceman can only make it cold, and Pyro could only make it hot! You want to do BOTH?

EKUL: They don't change temperature directly. Iceman makes ice, Pyro controls fire.

KYVES: Oh. Let's go to a Genetic Research labritory where we can see mutations and other stuff that would be fun to make fun of.

{Ekul and Kyves run out the door. Cut to the outside. They are in the slums of a city.}

EKUL: Shoot. I forgot to put the coordinates again.

KYVES: Yeah... That's a problem. Now we have to go all the way back in.

{Ekul and Kyves head back in. Ekul opens a panel on the wall.}

EKUL: Kyves? Could you type the coordinates so that they are eight years, three months, seventeen days, fifty six minutes, forty two seconds and fifty six thousand threehundred and eighty six point ten three four five eight microseconds after the required time, and four hundred and sixty two point three three zero two zero zero six four miles off,(Or seven hundred and forty five point six nine three eight seven two kilometers, if you prefer metric}

KYVES: Gotcha!

{Kyves begins typing. Ekul opens a panel in the wall.}

KYVES: What are you doing?

EKUL: If the coordinates are in the right time and place, and I mess with the controls, we should get there perfectly. I've been fixing the Trash Can. It won't malfunction the same way it used to now.

KYVES: Wait, you forgot to tell me the third dimensional degrees

EKUL: Ah! Right you are. If we considered polaris north, negative sixty seven point five two eight three degrees horizontally, and seventy nine point eight two five three four vertically.

KYVES: Right right.

{The Trash Can shudders. Then it jerks once and stops shuddering.}

EKUL: Here we are! Trash Can, diagnostics!

TRASH CAN: Random errors which cause harm to the owners when they lock coordinates, usually consisting of hot liquid, disturbing noises and pain... terminated.

KYVES: YOU DID IT!

C11: DREEP! KOCOLOC!

{Ekul, C11 and Kyves leave. They come out into a labratory, which has many jars ans cages containing animals. There are paper bags here and there. It looks primarily white, but oddly enough, there are some neon colors and wierd posters. The animals looks a lot different from usual animals, some looking grotesque.}

KYVES: Eugh... This place has a creepy resemblence to a cross between a chemical labritory, a zoo, a potluck lunch area and a stand up comedy stage stage...

EKUL: {Disgusted} Thanks Kyves... Now I will never look at stand up comedy or potluck lunch the same way again.

{A scientist comes over.}

SCIENTIST: Ah! Ekul! How are you today! Why don't you enjoy the eating area?

KYVES: Ok, but... {Muttering} I've got a bad feeling about this...

{They walk over to a place that still looks like a lab, except for tables and even more paper bags. They sit next to another few scientist. Some are still working on their jobs! One guy is drinking out of a container that says "Biohazard." You can hear a conversation in the background.}

SCIENTIST: ...So then I come back, and my painful virus in liquid form is gone, and in it's place is a container of orange juice. I don't see the reason for this...

{A person comes up to Ekul, C11 and Kyves}

WAITER: May I get you something?

KYVES: Uh, no.

EKUL: I, er... already ate...

{The waiter leaves}

EKUL: {Whispering} And I don't want it to come back up.

{The scientist that greeted them sits across from them}

SCIENTIST: So what do you need?

EKUL: Er... I'd like to know of anything that can change the temperature. I kinda wish I had that power, but don't worry. I won't do anything rash to get it.

SCIENTIST: Ah! So you wish to wonder what it would be like?

EKUL: Exactly!

SCIENTIST: Right this way.

{Ekul, C11 and Kyves follow the scientist into a coridor, then into a bridge that is glass-bottomed. A strange creature the size of a dinosaur, looking like a cross between a tiger, a lizard and an ape rages below trying to destroy his quarantine, and several parts of the area are either frozen or melted. The door at the edge seems to be an elevator into the creature's quarters}

KYVES: Whoa. That thing's crazy.

SCIENTIST: Yeah. The only way we could stop it from detsroying the lab was to send chemicals to stop it from getting stronger. It also made it more homicidal, hence we had to give it more.

EKUL: It's a wonder the glass hasn't failed. I mean... Glass isn't the best for withstanding-

{Ekul jumps, and the glass breaks. He falls screaming in front of the monster.}

EKUL: AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGH!

{The creature looks happy to have something to destroy. Ekul gets out his saber and engages into combat, dodging flames and ice. The creature starts hovering, and tries to crush Ekul with his hands, which have three fingers with claws on the end. Ekul stabs each hand about five times before they stop. Ekul runs up and stabs the creature in the chest, and it falls over, unconsious. Ekul glows, and a message at the bottom of the screen appears and the music from Metroid plays}

MESSAGE: You reaquired the Freeze and Burn abilities. Hold the Jump button to hover. Hold R, B and Y to use fire. Hold R B and X to use frost.

{The message dissapears. Ekul gets into the elevator.}

SCIENTIST: Good job! Now the creature will be more peaceful. I want you to attend an award cerimony.

EKUL: Why?

SCIENTIST: Why? WHY? WHY?!?!??!?! DO YOU REALISE WHAT YOU DID??!!?!

EKUL: Yup.

SCIENTIST: Well, Now I don't. I forgot.

KYVES: Ekul knows how to get out of unnecessary plot scenes. Good thing, too. Or this would be a REALLY boring end to an email.

{Ekul and Kyves leave.}

EKUL: Now, where were we? C11... Where were we? C11? WHERE ARE YOU?

KYVES: AHHH! We forgot about him again!

{Ekul and Kyves dash out. They run back to C11 who is powered down and charging. Ekul yanks out the cord}

EKUL: You were barely in this episode. That's it. You are confined to the Trash Can next episode. If you can't help out or at least nmake jokes people can understand, but yet miss the funny part, you shouldn't see the sights. I hereby declare the "Strong Mad" principal on you.

C11: Doorp...

KYVES: Yeah. You are a mechanic and a computer, not a ranger. So you should at least stay here next mission.

{C11 dejectedly puts up the "Email Ekul. Please.}