User:Ekul/Email/63

Overview

From a hole to infiltration, this has it all!

Lines: 260

Cast (in order of appearance):Ekul, Kyves, C11, Guy, boss, The Fetts, The brothers Chaps, the twelve Homestarruner characters, guards, technical workers, hitmen, the seven WWtbaM fighters.

Transcript

Ekul: rray... limae...

Dear Luke,

Strong Bad, The Cheat or Homestar Runner?
YOU DECIDE WHO SHOULD WIN $1 MILLION!!!
Write your vote on a slip of paper and
drop it down the hole that will suddenly
appear in the middle of your room.

Thank you for your time,
The Who Wants to be a Millionaire Society

Ekul: Who is this Luke fellow? This was CLEARLY misguided.

Kyves: Yeah, but maybe there was a mixup in names.

Ekul: Ok then, but this is the last Email that I will answer to Luke to. Next email like that will be Maniac'd.

Kyves: Even so, there's a hole-

Ekul: WHAT?

(Ekul looks at the cylinder)

Ekul: Somebody put a hole in my Trash Can!!!

Kyves: They told me to put it there!

Ekul: B-but there's a hole in my- (growling) Never mind... never mind

Kyves: Oops! They told me not to tell you or the'd kill me!

Ekul: Well, there's only one thing left to do.

(Ekul tears a paper into five pieces. He attaches a bead to two of them. Ekul, Kyves and C11 write on the other three. Kyves sandwiches the three things with stuff written on it inbetween the ones with the beads. The beads stick out on either side. Cut to a person opening the box. Another guy walks in. He has a badge labled boss. The other person has a badge labeled "guy")

Boss: We should give the winner a billion instead! It would make Homestarrunner watchers love us! It's perfect!

Guy: Boss! All the votes are covered with ink! Wait...

(Guy picks up the three votes that were sandwiched together. He then picks up the ones with the beads.)

Guy: Look! Someone inked out the rest of the votes using an ink pourer! They cheated! And now, these were the only three votes that survived. And they were protected from the rest.

Boss: Well, I suppose that means the outcome is probably going to be definite, since there's an odd number of all of them. Alright, the camara's ready! What does the first one say?

Guy: This one says... Strong Bad!

Boss: No suprise there! He's probably going to win. He only needs one of those other votes.

Guy: This one says... Homestar!

Boss: Or Homestar. I hope the next one has either of those, but please not-

Guy: The Cheat
Boss: (In unison) The Cheat

Boss: (Clearly bothered) Well, folks! How suprising! They've all won, and we already promised the winner a billion instead of a million. We'll get back to you later...

(A clicking sound is heard. The boss then procedes to start pulling his hair)

Boss:NO! WE'RE RUINED!

(Guy puts his face in his hands.)

Guy: This puts us in financial trouble. That's three billion dollars, down the drain. I never anticipated this

Boss: Wait...

(Boss picks up the one that says "Homestar" on it)

Boss: This is Ekul's handwriting!

Guy: And the Strong Bad one is too perfectly done, as if by a robot!

Boss: And this one!

Guy:Kyves!
Boss:(In unison) Kyves!

Boss: That's it! Get the mobsters! Get the hitmen! Get the assassins! Get the assassinators! The terrorrists! The terminators! KILL THEM!

Guy: I don't like mobsters either, but killing all of them might be hard.

Boss: No, you fool! Kill Ekul, Kyves and their little tin dog thing!

Guy:... right. They'll be going to the space mall.

Boss: Perfect! Send thousands of killers! Have other stations do so as well!

Guy:Apparently the government wants them as well, because when the governments bet on them, they all lost

Boss: That's right! There was a big international bet! Billions want them dead!

Guy: Everyone lost so where did all the money go?

Boss: homestarrunner.com! Our plan worked in a twisted way... AT OUR EXPENSE! THAT'S IT! KILL THOSE THREE AND THE CHAPS!

(The Slave I lands nearby)

Guy: Look! Boba/Jango!

Boss: That's impossible! It's fake!

Guy: Why are YOU complaining? Come on, we've got some international terrorists to kill!

(Cut to the Chaps' house. A person with a gun comes in.)

Hitman: Give all our money back now.

Mike: Matt! Somebody's come to kill us!

Matt: Oh no... We were cheesed off! Our money got stolen!

Hitman: Lier!

(The hitman raises his gun)

Matt: I sware!

Voice: Oh no, you don't!

(A reacher grabs the guy by his helmet, and he falls backwards, shooting into the air. The grabber retracts to show it belongs to Strong Bad. Homestar runs up and kicks him in the gut, the guy falling down)

Matt: Strong Bad? Homestar?

Mike: That's impossible!

Strong Bad: Not quite! I got a ride on some Fett character's ship.

Homestar: And I took some kinda ship called the White Star!

Matt: (In Homestar's voice) Hey guys! Would you mind taking us somewhere safe?

Strong Bad: Sure! With two billion dollars, Me and homestar can take the guys who created us ANYWHERE!

Mike: Great!

(The Trash Can beams in. Ekul, Kyves, C11 and Strong Sad come out)

Ekul: Guys! Quick! Into the Trash Can!

Matt: Will our house be in danger?

(Kyves gets out Ekul's X-Gamestation 2)

Kyves: It'll be safe in Lukatia.

(Kyves presses a few buttons. Suddenly, they are transported into Lukatia)

Ekul: Welcome to Antarctica!

(Matt, Mike, Homestar, Strong Bad and Strong Sad look around)

Homestar: Awexome!

Ekul: Now, they no doubt are chasing you, so we will take you to the Space-Mall with us.

Strong Bad: Why are we going there?

Matt: I bet I know! We're going to build something!

Strong Sad: But what about the rest of free country?

Kyves: We're going to drop you off and get Coach Z, Bubs, Strong Mad and The Cheat. Maybe Homsar, too. And Marzipan... What the hey, we'll take all of you. Except the KOT and you.

Strong Sad: Oh...

Ekul: He's kidding.

Kyves: Yeah, We're taking kingie.

Ekul: I'm warning you...

(All of them get into the Trash Can. Cut to the Trash Can materializing in a closet. All of them step out.)

Coach Z: Oh! That was the first time I ever traveled in a Trash Can

Bubs: Hmm... A mall in space... Good advertizing ploy! (Bubs writes something down.)

(They all step out of the closet.)

Kyves: Now, everybody should listen to Matt and Mike. They have the most imagination and ideas for strategy.

Mike: But... What if we can't? We just write cartoons!

Strong Bad: HEY! Just write cartoons? You created me! And Homestar! Even if he is a dummy!

Ekul: I could tell you two ways. First, the corny way. You need to reach inside yourselves and bring out the real you! The cool way. Are you going to stand there, or TAKE THE EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME?

Everyone: YEAH!

Ekul: That wasn't a yes or no question.

(Everyone runs back into the Trash Can, except Strong Mad. Cut back to the control room, where everyone except Strong Mad is. Matt and Mike are sitting at computers. Strong Mad runs in with a pamplet.)

Strong Mad: MAP OF STATION! DONE WITH DUTY!

Ekul: Good. Now, except for Matt and Mike, who have been working on a plan, are you all ready for things that may occur? Every one has been trained proficiently in battling?

Kyves: Well, We've trained all the squadrons. We have the battle squadron, the reconnaisance squadron, the planning squadron and the supply squadron.

Ekul: Good! Lets review... C11, put the squadrons on the wall.

Battle

---

Ekul, Kyves, Strong Bad, Homestar, Poopsmith, Coach Z, Pom Pom

Reconnaisance

---

The Cheat, Homsar, King of town, Strong Sad, Marzipan, Pom Pom, Strong Mad

Planning

---

Ekul, Kyves, C11, Strong Bad, Bubs, The Cheat, Matt, Mike

Supply

---

Poopsmith, Homestar, Strong Mad, Strong Sad, Homsar, The King Of town, Bubs, Coach Z

Ekul: Any questions?

Strong Sad: What are we trying to do?

Ekul: We're trying to break into the also-in-space secret hideout of the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire building. We are going to get all the money they never paid, and give it back to the governments.

Strong Sad: Why would the Free country residents care about that?

Ekul: We owe them money.

Strong Sad: I-

Ekul: Shut up. Any more questions? Good. Get to work!

(Cut to a montage, with P.O.D.'s "Execute the Sounds" playing. The Cheat, C11, Ekul, Kyves, Strong Bad and Pom Pom sneak along down the hallways, The Cheat with a map. Homestar, Homsar, Poopsmith, Strong Sad, Strong Mad, The King, Bubs and Coach Z are in a meeting room. They all have Homestarmy Hats on. Homestar and Bubs are at the front, with a black board. Homestar's mouth moves, with his classic Homestarmy glare on his face. Cut to Matt and Mike, who are furiously working. Cut to Marzipan just walking around. The music stops. Cut back to The Cheat, C11, Ekul, Kyves and Pom Pom, they walk up to a door labled "EMPLOYEES ONLY!! DEFINITELY NOT A SECURITY CAMERA AND GRAND MAINFRAME ROOM!")

Strong Bad: Ok, is this the Security slash grand mainframe room?

The Cheat: Mehr mez!

(Pom Pom tries the knob, but it's locked.)

C11: borp.

(C11 tries to use a terminal to open it. It doesn't work.)

Ekul: Ok, then. Stand back!

(Ekul draws his lightsaber, then rushes at the door. He hits the door with the hilt of the lightsaber without turning it on. The door opens. Inside, we see a room with many floors. There is scaffold and on the lowest floor has quite a few guards and the most tech support. On the scaffolds, there are a few guards and tech workers.)

Kyves: Everybody, get ready to attack!

(Strong Bad pulls out a Nunchuck Gun, Kyves draws his swords, Ekul ignites his lightsaber, C11 opens a socket and gets a raygun out, The Cheat gets a chain out and Pom Pom pulls out a pistol. They quietly step in. A few alarms are in the room. They whisper to each other.)

Kyves: Ok, guys. It seems we need to get rid of all ten alarms. No one has noticed our arrival yet.

Strong Bad: I'll take out the one closest to a guy. Err... That one! C11 can use his the same way. Then we can rush in and get rid of the rest.

Ekul: Oh! And remember... No killing! Use stun or whatever

Kyves:' Ready... Go!

(Strong Bad and C11 both fire at the most conveniently placed alarm buttons.)

Tech dude: Whoa! Guys! RUN FOR THE ALARMS! GUARDS!

(The guards in the room become instantly alert. Some have rubber hoses and some have guns. Ekul and Strong Bad jump straight into the fray. C11 flies to a platform and fires down from a position above. Just when one alarm is about to be hit, he snipes it. Kyves fights around the sides of the fight, and manages to destroy one alarm. Pom Pom bounces around and shoots peaope from above. Strong Bad manages to destroy a computer that has an alarm on it. Then Ekul cuts one off the wall. The fight ensues a while until all of the guards are down and the alarms are all inactive.)

Ekul: Now what are we going to do about all these bodies?

Strong Bad: You know, we DO need some new construction workers in slavery...

Pom Pom: (Eyes narrow. HE bubbles)

(Cut to another montage, but this time with the A-Team music playing. We see Homestar walking into a store, then walking out with bundles of wires of wires, cut to Strong Mad grabbing gar by car out of a lot and putting them into a cart that goes off the screen, then we zoom very far out to see that it is about the size of a football stadium, filled with cars. Cut to Coach Z pushing a gigantic hunk of metal about the size of a bedroom on a bunch of scooters. Cut to the Poopsmith coming out of the bathrooms holding a bunch of pipes. Then we cut to Bubs as the montage ends walking into the place that Ekul, Kyves, C11, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Pom Pom ransacked. He is still humming the song, and walks into the room.)

Bubs: Hey, guys! This is the main security center, right?

Strong Bad: Yup. The sign outside is a little misleading.

Bubs: Yeah, yeah.

Strong Bad: Well, you can monitor the screens and contact all of the suppliers.

Ekul: Now, we need the Recons to looks for hitmen. Pom Pom can stay here, since he's distiguishable, but he can still direct people.

Kyves: Strong Bad, we should go walk around and hunt down all the hitmen. Let's go.

(Kyves and Strong Bad leave. Cut to Strong Mad. A hitman walks behind him, about to stab him, when he turns around, and knocks the guy over, then he steps on him, then looks down. The guy is crushed.)

Strong Mad: EXCUSE ME!

(Cut to Strong Sad. Two hitmen are behind him, talking about him.)

Man 1: Ooh! Look at those elephant feet! Those could-

Man 2: Shut up! They're snoolds. Let's hit a him with a club!

(Hitman two walks up, and hits him on the back with a club. However, his grip wasn't stable and it flew into his back, bounced off the rubbery guy, causing him to fall on another assassin. The club hits hitman one, and shoots straight up in the air. The Hitman falls down.)

Man two: Are you alright?

(He kneels down, and while he's trying to wake him up, the club comes back down and hits him in he back of the head. He falls on top of the other guy. Cut to The Poopsmith fiddling the bathroom sink. four hitmen walk up to him, all armed with baseball bats. He turns around and rips the soap dispenser off and hurls it at a guy. The soap goes into all five openings on his face; His nose, mouth and eyes. He falls to the ground, writhing. The other three advance on him and he blocks all hits on him. He manages to hit a guy behind his knees, and his head smashes onto the ground. His bat flies up, and the Poopsmith hits it with his shovle into the next guy. There's only one left. They exchange blows and the Poopsmith eventually hits him int the gut, then on the head. He goes back to the sink. Then cut to a sniper, then we see through his scope. He aims right at The King of Town, but then a yellow bowlers hat appears right as he fires. The shot goes back at him, and he falls off of his position. Cut to Homestar and Coach Z walking down a hall that is devoid of shoppers.)

Coach: Yeah, I've done that too. But I also dropped one on the coach of an opposing team! It took him seventeen days for the smell to come off!

(They laugh. suddenly several hitmen ssurround them. A face is projected onto the wall by a minion's projector,)

Face: Hello. I am the head of security at "Who Wants to be a Millionaire Society". You will now die.

Homestar: Oh crap. How will we do this? We'd need a diversion!

(A gunshot echoes from one driection of the hall. Instantly everyones attentio is turned to one side of the hall. The projection turns off. Coach Z's watch turns on. A floating watch (Probably on Homestar's arm) turns on as well. Kyves' face is on them.)

Kyves: Jump!

(The two jump as a electrical Shockwave passes under and every hitman is instantly shocked. A little more than half of the crowd drops to the ground. Cut to the info center)

Bubs: We got everything! Sound the retreat for everyone who isn't a fighter.

Pom Pom: (bubbles)

Bubs: Oh! I mean all the fighters should hold on until we get everyone out.

Ekul: BEaming...

(Cut to Lukatia. Store goods start appearing everywhere. Cut back)

Ekul: The reason we didn't do that immediately, is beacause they are unstable for a few days before solidifying. That would've taken too long. Bubs, get outta here.

(Strong Mad walks in)

Strong Mad: WE SAVE CHEATY!

(Ekul and Pom Pom follow Strong MAd to a cage with The Cheat in it, and is guarded by bad guys. All three beat the guards up, using fists to be quiet, and Ekul cuts The Cheat out using his lightsaber. Cut to Kyves, Homestar, Strong Bad and Coach Z finishing up th last guy. They all get into the Trash Can IT beams away. On the screen, it shows the station)

Kyves: We did it! And with only injuries, no causualties on either side!

(On the screen, suddenly the mall spontaniously explodes)

Kyves: Dang it!

(They beam onto the secret space headquarters of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" To be more specific, next to the vault of money. A strange limo comes out of the Trash Can, and suddenly, the cameras in the room explodes, the alarm is disabled, all the guards fall onto the ground, and the door falls off.)

Ekul: And all the governments money goes back to-

Boba Fett: Not so fast!

Kyves: No! We were-

Jango: We want to help you, seeing as you have all their money.

Ekul: Good. Take all this money back, take this money to keep, and spread all this to poor people.

Jango: You got it!

(They leave. Suddenly, some people walk in. They all look ferocious. The leader is the same guy that was on the screen.)

Leader: Seven of ours versus seven of yours.

Strong Bad: Me, Kyves, Ekul, Homestar, Poopsmith, Coach Z, Pom Pom, that is our fighting team.

Leader: I have it. Janitor, you fight this Poopsmith. Electrician, you can take the duck. Computer geek...

Geek: HEY!!!

Leader: You can take this redheaded eggman. Delivery guy, you can run fast, so you take this star guy. Smart Alec Trebec-

Smart Alec: Wise guy. (mumbling) calls me a jepordy name...

Leader: Take the baloon. Construction guy, you can take out the miniture penguin then help out someone else. I'll take the Coach guy.

Ekul: But this is MY email show! Your supposed to have Coach Z take the big guy and me, you! They matche better! It makes no sence!

Leader: Tough.

(Everybody takes one step foreward and punches their opponent on the nose. The leader falls on a button placed on the floor.)

Computer: Selfdestructing in 60, 59...

(Everybody stares at it.)

Computer: 58 57 56 55 54 53 52 51 50 49 49 47 46 45 43 41

(Yes, it skips over 42)

Computer: 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 6

(It skips over seven, as well)

Computer: 5 4...

(Suddenly, everyone is alert.)

Everybody: RUN!

(They barely make it in. C11 is already projecting "Email Ekul")