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About

Kalt knows nothing about christmas.
CAST: Marissa, Maloa, Nicholas, Kalt, Santa
SETTING: Marissa's bedroom, atop the staircase, the foyer, the living room

Transcript

{cuts to marissa's room. maloa, nichoas, and kalt pop there heads in from the door way.}

MALOA: Pss. Marissa. It's 3 o'clock.

MARISSA: {slowly getting up} Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?

NICHOLAS: We more wanted to warn you that albino's gonna want to rush downstairs in two hours.

MARISSA: {yawns} Why?

NICHOLAS: So that you can check an email.

MARISSA: Fine. {gets out of bed. the view changes to the carpet in the room. everyone has a white pajama shirt on, except kalt, who's wearing a squid costume. marissa is wearing green pajama pants, maloas wearing blue pajama pants, and nicholas is wearing sweat pants.} {singing} Time to check the earliest email yet. {opens the watch screen}

YOU'LL BE SINGING IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN
EVERY DECEMBER THE FUN NEVER ENDS!
SING IT UP, SING IT LOUD
EVERY CHRISTMAS SHOULD BE THE SAME...
SINGING IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

KALT: {stops marissa reading at should be} What's christmas?

MALOA: A dey to comemorate the birth of our savior, jesus christ.

NICHOLAS: The day a guy we don't know leaves us presents.

MARISSA: You don't know about christmas?

KALT: Well, no.

MARISSA: Do you remember anything from new york?

KALT: Well, I think memories of the places I visited washed them out.

NICHOLAS: He did travel the world for most of his life on a squid.

MARISSA: We might as well leach him the symbols.

{cuts to atop the staircase. marissa, kalt, maloa, and nicholas enter.}

MARISSA: There are two symbols here: The gate and the laucher.

MALOA: How?

MARISSA: We always put up the gate to stop nicholas from launching himself downstairs, but that doesn't stop him.

KALT: I don't see the launcher.

MARISSA: It's right here. {pulls a handle on the wall, revealing a wall slowly going backwards} To symbol two! {everyone but nicholas go downstairs. the wall then darts foreward, sending nicholas flying offscreen}

NICHOLAS: Weeee!

{cuts to the foyer. red and green garland are handing from the ceiling. on a small side table are some carolers. nicholas lands on the ground}

MARISSA: Next, people use red and green.

NICHOLAS: They represent both ends of some ruhbarb.

MARISSA: They represent the blood that was shed for us, and the life given to us.

KALT: Since when is blood green?

MARISSA: Anyways, can you spot out the next symbol of christmas?

KALT: Oh! Oh! {pulls what appears to be a very brown cinnamon bun wiht red frosting from the carolers} The krispy kreme obsessino.

MARISSA: No, the carolers. But you still get bonus points for finding that.

KALT: What do they represent.

{short pause}

MARISSA: Moving on.

{everyone follows marissa into the living room. cuts to the hearth. on the mantel is a nativity scene. the four walk in}

NICHOLAS: The next scene is the fireplace, where the fat man I mentioned before lands and gets third degree burns.

MARISSA: No, it's the nativity scene. It shows the scene of jesus's birth.

KALT: Then, why is there a homestar up there? Come to think of it, everyones up there.

MARISSA: I'll kill the deadm'n later.

KALT: Is that logical?

MARISSA: Moving onwardly.

{cuts to the christmas tree. santa is here, putting gifts unde rthe tree. the four walk in, none of them noticing santa.}

MARISSA: This is the christmas tree. The star on top represents the star that the wise men followed to the manger that the baby jesus was lying under.

NICHOLAS: And the orniments represent the random crap tha twas floating between the manger and the star.

MARISSA: What is wrong with you?

KALT: What about the presents?

NICHOLAS: They represent the folded franks, cents, and gir they brought to the baby jesus.

MARISSA: Gold, frankensence, and myrr.

KALT: What about the guy leaving mysteriously wrapped packages?

MARISSA: That is santa clause. He is a symbol used to represent the three kings, bringing presnts like they brought the spices and such to jesus.

{the four walk off}

{cuts back to marissa's bedroom. everyone sits back down}

MALOA: Hey, how come none of us even reacted to santa?

MARISSA: I don't know.

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Easter eggs

Click on kalt at the end to see a bonus clip.

KALT: So, christmas is all about putting up decorations?

Fun facts

  • NO, I DON'T STILL BELIEVE IN SANTA.
  • The obsessino joke was inspired by one edit comment strong intelligent made.
  • Krispy Kreme is a chain of doughnut stores.
  • Zoo often wonders why kids don't think abuot santa falling onto a fire.