Markie & BurninatorBoombox Emails/font special

Overview

Today Markie is in prison for acts of heinous wedgies. Find out what happens to Stuporman!

Cast (in order of appearance): King Apple Maro, Markie, A Spaniard, Toad Guys, Random Person, Guard, Lower Mans, Kozantiero, Maruux-II, Eddy Toad, Jimmy Toad, G-Toad, Markie.EXE, Homestar Runner (or Stuporman), BurninatorBoombox, Homsar, Prisoners, Rotten Brats

Page Title: Markie VS. Solitary Confinement: Round 1/2

Transcript

{Cut to one of those prison rooms where the halfpoint is separated with a glass wall and booths each labeled “TALK ATCHA WITH THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM POLICE…TYPES”. In one of these booths is Markie with an orange jumpsuit (“MKPRISON #5552”) on one side of the glass and King Apple Maro on the other.}

KING APPLE MARO: …so as you can see, that’s how the queen disappeared. My wife.

MARKIE: And kids?

KING APPLE MARO: Are you implying some kind of…memory?

MARKIE: Nah, it’s a sitcom. On…stuff.

{Flashback to Markie watching TV in his treehouse. What he is watching is unclear.}

SPANIARD: …and so I said to him, “Your mother!”

MARKIE: Wait, is this episode number 6ABFGD? This feels more like-

{Those same two toad guys barge in again.}

TOAD GUY #1: OH MY GOD! HE’S WATCHING A RERUN OF AN ESPANOL CRAP-PER-VIEW FOR $4.99!!!

TOAD GUY #2: {brandishes chainsaw and puts on sandbag mask} QUICK! HIDE THE EVIDENCE! THE MUSHROOM GOVERNMENT WON’T KNOW!!!

{Record scratch, cut back to prison. King Apple Maro is bewildered.}

MARKIE: You have just read my mental images?

KING APPLE MARO: {snaps back} Oh, right, sorry. Anyways, BurninatorBoombox and this midgety guy…wanted me to give you this.

{King Apple Maro pulls out a saliva coated Bluey OS 289. It has the following email on it:}

What would it be like if
nothing was formatted correctly?

{The glass wall opens, and King Apple Maro pushes the Bluey to Markie. The glass slams down immediately.}

RANDOM PERSON: {off-screen} Ow, my brass knuckles!

MARKIE: Ewww. Coated with the randomnestnest of salivation. Thanks for the heads-up, Kingy. Now if you excuse me, I need to serve my time here.

KING APPLE MARO: But-

{Buzzer sounds.}

GUARD: Time’s up, your highness!

KING APPLE MARO: Alright. I’ll see you in a bit. {walks offscreen}

MARKIE: Don’t forget the- {door slams} …mashed potatoes…okay, now that he’s gone…{reads email} What would it be like if nothing was formatted correctly? Sincerely, none of your freckling beeswax paper rolls on tortilla grandé zero zilch. Wha? A wiki question? Duuuuuuude, these things…need to be answered on the wiki. For this I will defleet it. {does so}

DEFLEETED!!!

{Another email pops up.}

hey you,

why can't i read your main page font?
in lowercase,

thomas schubert

MARKIE: See you, why can’t I read your main page font? In lower case, The Schwab. Oh, sounds like a stuporhero name. Let’s give it a berating, shall we? {clears screen and starts typing} Look, I’ve fixed it already-

DEFLEETED!!!

MARKIE: Holy carp! And I was about to do it! What perfect timing it makes. {brings up another email}

Dear Markie,

Two words:
Different font.
My eyes, they burn.

-JJB

{reads “JJB” as “James Joshua Judges Ruth Samuel Buttonzors”}

MARKIE: Guh! Not another one! This one’s worse than Stanley “Tookie” Williams on Death Row! No offense. A-digga-digga-digga-digga-

DEFLEETED!!!

MARKIE: Argh! It happened again! But for the good of mankind, I guess. {brings up email}

Dear Markie,

YOU HAVE BROUGHT SHAME TO ONE'S SOLE!!!
YOU SHALL BE CURSED WITH 1000000000 EMAILS!!!

-The Purpose of Life

{record scratch when he reaches “SOLE”, then stops}

MARKIE: Wha-guh-guh-sha? {gasps} Oh no. Not…the heel, the Achilles tendon, or worse…{close up of nose as brass hits play in the background}…THE THING EVILDOERS EAT!!!

{Cut to a projected slide of what appears to be someone’s soul. Generic elevator music plays in the background. What is actually on the slide is a bowl of cereal with tissues in it. Cut back to Markie.}

MARKIE: {reads} YOU SHALL BE CURSE WITH ONE BILLION CRAPATOLAS!!! Dash, 42. {pause} Uh… {pause} …oh.

{Quickly pan out to the control room of the Macro Siren Bread Army HQ. Lower Mans and Kozantiero are eating crouton popcorn while lounging in bean bags and watching the email from a modified WiFi movie projector.}

LOWER MANS: Yes, for he shall be cursed with a billion deaths.

KOZANTIERO: I’ll probably spray a billion bullets in him if you don’t shut up.

LOWER MANS: {grunt} Whatever. I like my types of death to be painless. You’re going to be executed earlier if you put more “oomph” in your bread launchers.

KOZANTIERO: {stuffing the whole bag of crouton popcorn in his mouth} Msssggmnmpsh shaggmmmph? (Say what?)

LOWER MANS: I take that back. That was kind of rude for me being a freeform deity.

KOZANTIERO: {stuffed} Mrrrghhhyeah, mmmmuuhhh bmmmmphr. (Yeah, you better.)

LOWER MANS: Alright. So here’s the deal…

{The WiFi movie projector blows up with the flick of Lower Mans’ wrist. Kozantiero is appalled. Crouton popcorns falls out of his mouth.}

LOWER MANS: …we’re going to capture those two idiot toads. Those smelly toads. Those toads who serve the Mushroom Resistance. Jimmy Toad and Eddy Toad.

KOZANTIERO: And I have just the plan to capture them!

(SCENE MISSING)

{Cut to the Mushroom Kingdom Death Row. In the lobby is King Apple Maro with Maruux-II, who is currently tinkering with his sword/katana/melee weapon. They are sitting on benches, waiting for Jimmy and Eddy Toad.}

KING APPLE MARO: What are you doing tinkering with your sword?

MARUUX-II: Commencing Phase Three of Operation “Takeover”. {takes out taser and gives his sword a zap or two} Ah, there we go. My sword’s now electric-y. {a blue aura covers him}

KING APPLE MARO: So that’s the “Takeover” I’ve been hearing about. You’re with the Mushroom Resistance, right?

MARUUX-II: Allies.

{Pause}

KING APPLE MARO: …I see.

{Toilet flush is heard. Jimmy runs out of one of the hallways, dripping wet and toilet papered. Eddy is next to him, laughing and holding an axe for no reason. Maruux-II and Apple stare at him. He stops laughing.}

EDDY TOAD: What?

{Cut to a cellblock. In one of the finely sealed cells is Markie, who is stereotypically playing the harmonica. A forcefield surrounds the cell bars. He stops playing when he hears footsteps.}

MARKIE: That’s weird. Footsteps in the middle of the day.

MARKIE.EXE: {muffled} Markie, that’s a prison guard over there.

MARKIE: Riiiiiiiight. Hey, wait-

{The forcefields turn off and the cell door swings open. A G-Toad throws the Bluey at Markie. It hits him in the head and lands on his lap.}

G-TOAD: I’m sorry son. We checked through your database. It’s too hard to read. {walks off}

MARKIE: Man, even my problem is their problem now. What could happen next?

MARKIE.EXE: Ahem, obligatory Homestar Runner reference.

MARKIE: Since when do we obligatorize Homestar Runner againymore?

{A crash is heard.}

G-TOAD: {off-screen, echo} Wha- ? The crap? No! Don’t! You’re going to- {kick, Markie cringes}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Homestar Stupor has shaved the day once again! Alright, let’s see…oh, right, Cell 41-B. {walks down} No, you look ugly, monsieur, hey, a chimp! Anddddddddddddddddddddd…{walks on-screen in front of the cell, wearing a red ski mask over his head} Hey, blunderhead! Here’s your side dish! {throws Ion Blade at Markie, who catches it}

MARKIE: Thanks Stuporman! I owe ya one!

{A few slices and dices are heard, and the cell bars are diced into oblivion. Markie comes out of the cell, and suddenly an alarm is heard. Green tints accompany it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh crap! They spotted us! {holds up Twinkie to his face} Stuporman to His Lowness! Time for Plan Z!

{Cut to outside the Mushroom Kingdom Death Row. In the alleyway lies many G-Toads and SWAT Toads, all unconscious. BurninatorBoombox and Homsar are standing next to a ton of gunpowder, firecrackers and dynamite. The gunpowder is surrounding the wall.}

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: {with a glass cup to his “face”} Aye aye, Stuporman!

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaAaAaAaA…

{Homsar’s hat catches on fire and he starts spewing out flames. As soon as the first flickers hit a molecule of gunpowder in 10000x magnification, we abruptly pan out. The whole Death Row explodes into a thousand pieces, and for some reason a lot of convicts in orange jumpsuits run free.}

HOMSAR: Run, Johnny! Run like the day after Wednesday!

{Cut to the lobby. The four guys are shocked at what they see.}

JIMMY TOAD: Okay, so this can’t be the work of the Macro Siren Bread Army.

EDDY TOAD: They would.

{Markie, Homsar, BurninatorBoombox and Homestar Runner/Stupor walk into the destroyed lobby.}

MARKIE: Well, what did I tell ya? The purpose of life can come in handy!

MARUUX-II: That, and your friends just blew up a legalized security system. Now you’re on the run.

KING APPLE MARO: It’s for their own good, though.

{Everyone laughs, then suddenly Markie forcefully laughs, and everyone stops laughing.}

MARKIE: What? I want one of them solemn moments.

{Pan out to reveal a still of this moment in some kind of photo album. Written in pen next to it is “Unintelligible Solemn Cop-out that kills off carp”. Pan out even more, and we are inside one of the Mushroom Castle’s large guest rooms, lined with blue wallpaper and two military-style bunk beds, three beds each. Markie is sitting on a chair, reading the photo album to many Toadlings who are wearing Lombax earmuffs.}

MARKIE: …and that is how we are on the run from many policemen and a psychopathic and probably narcotic Macro delta type. The end!

TOADLINGS: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

MARKIE: {eyes turn red, shouts} NOW GET OUTTA HERE YOU ROTTEN BRATS!!!

{Cut to outside the Mushroom Castle. A window is smashed open, and all the Toadlings are thrown out, screaming. We pan down to the castle grounds. A large, gaping hole is in the center of a small garden. A few Toadlings fall through the hole before we cut back to the guest room. Markie walks up to the Bluey OS 289 on the writing desk and starts typing.}

MARKIE: {typing} So you see, Mr. Purpose of Excaliburicious Hitchhiking, it is true that I can be non-sequitur and defy your laws using just clever wiki-ing. For making fun of my font, DE-

-FLEETED!!!

MARKIE: …carp!

{In another part of the guest room, we see Homestar lying back in one of the bunks after a hard day, munching on a Hostess cake and sipping an X-Travaganzal Cold Yonder. Markie walks up to him.}

MARKIE: Hey, Homestar.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey. Just eating away at a…{sobs inconsolably}…LI’L BRUDDER!!! {jumps up} OH HO HO HO HO!!! {lands} I CAN’T GET BACK TO MY OWN ALTERNATIVE!!! {rolls around} BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA… {stops sobbing} Oh, right, right. {ahem} Decomposing myself.

MARKIE: Dude, stop with the random act. If we’re going to stop this madness-

{BurninatorBoombox falls from above and crushes Markie.}

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: I’m in.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, if this involves bread-sing-a-longs, count me in as well.

HOMSAR: {wobbles from the left} DaAaAaAaAaAaA!!! Spoon of prejudice, untie!

MARKIE: {gets up} Urngh…let’s…get this show on the road...guys. {the four huddle together} Now, here’s the plan…

{Pan out once again. Kozantiero and Lower Mans are watching the plan again in the Control Room.}

LOWER MANS: They want to destroy us.

KOZANTIERO: I want to go to the bathroom.

LOWER MANS: Shut up.

{The new hologram projector comes down. It reads "Finally, no more disorganization! - Email Markie at [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Kozantiero to see what happened to Jimmy and Eddy Toad.

{Cut to the blown up death row. Jimmy and Eddy Toad are still standing there. Police sirens are heard, and John T. Meyertoad II and Goobeck come in and push them away off-screen.}

• Click on Lower Mans to bring up two pages of the photo album.

PAGE 1, PHOTO 1: The same photo found in the email.

PAGE 1, PHOTO 2: Homsar eating a stick of dynamite in a sewer.

PAGE 2, PHOTO 1: Bird's-eye view of a manhole. Smoke pours out of it.

PAGE 2, PHOTO 2: BurninatorBoombox chasing a few Macro Siren Troops down.

PAGE 2, PHOTO 3: Two G-Toads beating up Markie in the SWAT Truck.

• Click the first photo to view this sub-par (no offense) memoriam:

IN MEMORY OF RAINER
"We'll never see you again."

Fun Facts

Trivia

• Markie has a problem with his font. Really.
• The next email will be completely unrelated to the emails in this email.
• To find out why Markie is in prison, read formatting.

Inside References

• Since the upgrade of the Bluey OS 289 to the Director's Cut version didn't show itself, I added in this fact of auto-defleeting at the last minute.
• Operation: Takeover was last mentioned in TimeShine.

Real-World References

• Homestar crying about Li'l Brudder is a reference to crying.
• Homestar also references to bread sing-a-longs.
• The blowing up of the death row scene is inspired from a Ren and Stimpy|Ren and Stimpy episode. (article removed due to inappropriate content)
• The Purpose of Life is very obvious.
• It's weird how prisoners play the harmonica. They just do.
• Why the Toadlings wear Lombax earmuffs refers to Ratchet: Deadlocked.
• "Tookie" will be executed sometime in December. He co-founded the Crips and turned a new leaf in Death Row. I'm sorry. I just am.
• Homsar references the cult movie The Day After Tomorrow.
• Markie pronounces Joshua's full name. Sorta.
• My Wife And Kids is a dysfunctional sitcom. Really. It's...absurd. The bird.