Markie & BurninatorBoombox Emails/Stuntz

Overview

Drastics is one of them scientists at Shroomery Labs. He emails Markie, one of his friends, and asks how he would do his own stunts.

Cast (in order of appearance): Markie, Drastics(email only), Covert OPS Guy, Koopantiero

Page Title: Sly 2^1/2: Cynicalness Among Thieves

Transcript

MARKIE: Zenryoku zenkai II yukagen, {types in 'Markie_'} zenryoku zenshin nuruma yukagen, {types in 'email.'} zenryoku zenkai II yukagen, {types in 'exe'} zensen zenshou II anbai! {presses enter}

Hey Markie!

Just wondering, how would
you do your own stunts?

-Drastics Koopa

Division A of SL

MARKIE: {presses enter and starts typing} Well, Mr. Drastics, how would I do my own stunts? I guess it's...

{The 'Nature's Mysteries' logo from R&C3 comes up.}

ANNOUNCER: One of nature's MYSTERIES!!!

{Logo fade out.}

MARKIE: {continues typing} But seriously, it's not. It's something of a Jet Li or Bruce Lee {types in 'Bruce Li'} or maybe a Jackie Chan or Uncle or Jade or Sapphire or Topaz or maybe...maybe...platinum? Nah. I'd really do my own stunts...um...stunts {types in 'stuntz'} Dangeresque style!

{The transition is a wavy screen thing used to symbolize daydreams of sorts. Cut to nighttime at the east side of the Midas River. One Shy Guy emerges out of a bush. This happens to be Covert OPS Guy. An HKSG64 Sniper Rifle is strapped behind his back, and two grenades are wrapped around his utility belt. He pulls out a walkie talkie.}

COVERT OPS GUY: Unit Mercado, this is unit Charlie, do you copy?

MARKIE: {audible from other end of walkie talkie connection, which is distorted} I can hear you loud and clear, Covert Operations Guy!

COVERT OPS GUY: Good. I'm taking my position near Koopantiero's Fort.

{Covert OPS Guy withdraws his walkie talkie in his utility belt. The background behind him completely turns grey, and these golden words in Impact font scroll by next to C-OPS-G's head from the left with the name capitalized and underlined and the words leaving a streaky effect: "COVERT OPS GUY". Beneath the capital letters are these words in Sly 2 font: "The Demolitions". Cue fade out from flashy word effect.}

{We now see Markie camouflaged behind a trash can just near the corner of the Hotel-like entrance to Koopantiero's fort. He stands up and draws his Ion Cannon out from being strapped on his saddle. The same flashy effect happens to him as with Covert OPS Guy, except the background color is turquoise and these words appear: "MARKIE" and "The PWNAGE".}

MARKIE: {whispering} I hasta keep my low profile. Clean insertion. SOCOM style...

{He goes through the brown front door and walks down the white hallway as seen through the camera. As he reaches the end of the hall, he is greeted by two Koopatrols who dogpile on him. The camera shows him struggling to get free. He shoves one of the Koopatrols with his right arm off of him and kicks his shell so that it collides with the other, thus knocking them unconscious. Markie walks up to the end of the hallway, or the elevator, and presses the 'UP' button next to it. The shutter opens and he is matched with open fire from some Yoshi bandits' Sarasland .22s. The Yoshi draws his Ion Cannon, fires and the three thugs are reduced to cartoony ashes. He steps inside the elevator, presses the button called '6', and the shutter closes.}

MARKIE: Clean insertion done. OPS, reach for the sky, at the top floor.

COVERT OPS GUY: {from walkie talkie} You got it.

{The shutter opens. Markie runs down the hallway. Halfway there, he reaches a four-way intersection. He ducks as two Goomba gunners with ski masks fire their Proton 67s's laser beams. Markie presses a button on his Ion Cannon's nozzle, and the weapon splits into two metal blue pistols. He fires switch-handedly both ways at the gunners, killing them. Markie gets up and reforms the Ion Cannon by smacking the two pistols together. He looks up and sees an air vent above him. Slicing the cover in half with his Ion Blade, and jumps inside. The camera shows him struggling to crawl through the vent. At last, he reaches the light at the end of the small tunnel. He peeks through the vent cover and sees Koopantiero, dressed in a red pinstripe suit, at his desk, with two Koopatrols with Proton 67s's.}

KOOPANTIERO: �Una vez que hayamos enviado el �ltimo del pan italiano del centeno, pronto dominaremos toda la tierra del pud�n! Si existe eso. {translation in subtitles: Once we have shipped the last of the Italian rye bread, we'll soon dominate all of Pudding Land! If that exists.}

MARKIE: Oh my gawrsh! They're...shipping...Italian rye bread! That's just plain sick and wrong and...I don't know why.

{Markie pushes his foot at the vent cover. It falls down, and Markie drops to the ground.}

KOOPANTIERO: �Crap santo! It's my archenemy, Markie, for some reason! Guards, you know the drill! I'll escape outside and-

{He is cut off when the window behind him shatters from being sniped.}

KOOPANTIERO: Never mind. Until then-

{The camera shows that the two dead Koopatrol guards, obviously stabbed in the chest by Markie's now bloody Ion Blade, are dogpiled on top of each other.}

KOOPANTIERO: ...dang. We shall meet again, Markie! I shall now do this disappearing act of mine that will bring this building and YOU down! Toodle-oo, suxxor!

{Koopantiero jumps out the window, and lands on the ground with a THUNK.}

KOOPANTIERO: {audible} Dang...

MARKIE: Oh no! This building will blow any second! Looks like I'm-

{Abruptly cut back to Markie and the Bluey.}

MARKIE: {typing} So you see, my good friend, that what I would do. Compliment me on the AVI movie. I'm off to go sleep...and...dream...and...more dreaming. Later.

{He leaves to the left side of the screen. The hologram projector comes down.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on 'AVI' to see Markie fly an F-18 Hornet.

{Cut to Markie's Bedroom. Markie is holding in his hand a scale model of an F-18 Hornet and waving it around in various actionscripted patterns. He is making various sputtering and zooming noises.}

MARKIE: Brrroooooooommm!!! Brrr-ppppfffft!!! Pfffffffedy-pppfffffffttt!!! Zoooooooom!!! Badabing!!! Blllllloooooooosh!!! Whoooooooooooo!!!

Fun Facts

Trivia

• The whole idea for this e-mail is based on the 'SOCOM: U.S. Navy Seals' game.
  • Although the text things flashing behind Markie and Covert OPS Guy are based from Sly 2: Band of Thieves.

Real-World References

• The opening to the e-mail is part of the song 'Ultra Relax' for the Japanese Anime Series Kodomo no Omocha.
• The flashy text effect is an obscure ref from Sly 2: Band of Thieves.