Markie & BurninatorBoombox Emails/PWNZORS

WARNING! THIS EMAIL DOES NOT MEET MBPR INCORPORATED STANDARDS! HELP STANDARDIZE THIS AND WE'LL ALL BE HAPPY!!!

Overview

Markie tells a John Henry-esque story, Lord, Lord!

Cast (in order of appearance): Markie, Koopantiero, Fisherman Goomba, Dr. Mario, Some Random Doctors and Doctresses who happen to play Genome Soldiers, Mario, Luigi, BurninatorBoombox, Waluigi, Wario, Random Choir Members, John. T. Meyertoad, Kamek, Bowser, Some Announcer

Transcript

MARKIE: {typing in "Markie_email_inbox.exe"} Oh, it's the time again that never gets old, never gets old like ye old email! {presses enter}

Dear Markie,
Why are you so awesome? Could you tell me a
nonsensical story that is supposed to tell me
why you are so awesome but really does
nothing but confuse me?
With lots of salmonella,
Jophielleyrljessyicaeal

MARKIE: Dear Markie, why are you some awesome? Could you tell me a nonsensical story that is supposed to tell me why you are so awesome but really does nothing but BREAK THE FOURTH WALL?! With lots of he-who-must-be-named-so, Joe-phee-el-lee-ral-jess-e-cal. Ooh. Nice name. SLIPKNOT!!! {presses enter, starts typing} So, is this email regarding about my status quo of PWN?! Well, um, let's see...I have a big Ion fetish, Lordy Lordy! And...well...ahem. {types in "*cough*AHEM*cough*"}

{Cut to a birds-eye view of Los Santos of San Andreas.}

MARKIE: {off-screen} Eh, wrong backlot.

{Cut then to a warehouse at nighttime.}

MARKIE: {off-screen} There we go. Perhaps.

{Cut inside the warehouse. Koopantiero is wielding two bagatelles in his hands and smacking around an EVERLAST punching bag like crazy.}

KOOPANTIERO: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGHGGGGGGGHHH!!! {subtitles: "KASEHFKSDUIGBEIHGRESDHFDHRDGMESRIGEY8676BVUIUUIUIU!!!!!!11111"}

MARKIE: {voiceover} Koopantiero was once a Koopa obsessed with reverse logic and bread sing-a-longs, for he was the grand-poop-and-teh-ploop-and-teh-Steve-Urkel-and-the of the bread karaoke. Maybe. But then one night...ahem, one Saturday evening of which I have undisclosed for now, as he was fighting the challenge, he suddenly ate his own punching bag. Sorta.

{Koopantiero lunges forward and accidentally gnaws on the punching bag, tearing the cloth apart and revealing stuffed cotton. He gets on his knees, chokes on the cloth, and passes out of the warehouse floor. Fade to black.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} An old fisherman found him three days later while he was finding some salvaged bait...

{Cut to the warehouse again. A goomba with a fishing hat and a fishing rod walks up to the stilled Koopantiero. He shrugs him with his invisible hands.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} The fisherman presumed him as dead but just ran to the nearest payphone and called the nearest hospital in Sarasland.

{Cut to a payphone on the docks near the warehouse. The Fisherman Goomba is dialing 911.}

Fisherman Goomba: 911! 911! Some guy in a warehouse- some guy in a warehouse! He looks like a Koopa! Come quick, come quick!!!

{Fade to black again.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} Shortly after, the emergency team found Koopantiero at the warehouse and took him to the International Sarasian Hospital, where he was placed under three days worth of absolutical surgery. If that isn't a word.

{Fade in to Koopantiero in a hospital patient gown, lying on his bed in his hospital room.}

KOOPANTIERO: Zzzzgh...wh-where am I?

{Cut to the door of the room. Dr. Mario walks in.}

DR. MARIO: Hello-a! This is-a Doctor Mario here. Do you-a want a checkup?!

MARKIE: {voiceover, close up of angry red-eyed Koopantiero} The sudden appearance of Dr. Mario triggered revenge in his head for two reasons: One, Mario beat the crap out of him six days ago, and Koopantiero has been training ever since, and, Two, Koopantiero watched both versions of Kill Bill and the Tampo Email "dark side".

DR. MARIO: Well, would you like a checkup?

KOOPANTIERO: {grabs Dr. Mario by the neck} Well, would you like a DEATH?!

{Cut to outside the room. An explosion is heard, and the door is knocked down by a white blast. Dr. Mario is thrown out of the room, crisped and burnt. Koopantiero runs out.}

KOOPANTIERO: I'm free! I'm free!!!

MARKIE: {voiceover} For absolutely no reason whatsoever, the hospital was warded down by Genome Soldiers who play Doctors and Doctresses, and so the hospital turned into a Metal Gear Solid-esque arena.

{MGS radar appears at top right corner of screen. Birds-eye view of the hospital lobby. Koopantiero jump over the lobby counter and crouches to avoid the sight of an incoming Genome Soldier type. The soldier then walks off to the lobby entrance. Koopantiero jumps out from behind the counter, grabs the soldier by the neck and strangles him fiercely, causing him to choke and faint. The Koopa throws the body over and behind the counter, then quickly runs off through the lobby doors. Cut to the entrance of the hospital. Koopantiero runs out, wearing a brown ragged coat and some pinstripe pants, with sneakers.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} By a chance of fated genes, Koopantiero had a dizzy flashback about bread.

{Flashback of Koopantiero eating bread. Back to reality.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} This sudden flashback turned this moustached Koopa hybrid into a deli Villain of sortacularness. So he janked the local bread store {Koopantiero runs off-screen, random destruction is heard, then Koopantiero returns with a pair of Pumpernickles} and got himself two bread swords and then returned to his warehouse to finish the job. I don't know what job it is, but it must be censored.

{Screen drop transition from bottom: We cut to Markie(minus the hat) visiting Mario and Luigi outside the brothers' pipe house.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} This is where I come in. You see, like that montaged video of me getting that gangsta' hat, I met the Mario Bros., and, well, that's where my hat originated.

MARIO: A-ha-ha-ha-ha-no.

LUIGI: Ignore him, he ate too much pills.

MARKIE: Uh, isn't that regally illegal?

LUIGI: ...nah.

{Cut to the local junkyard. Markie is visible; he is rummaging through a pile of metal, flinging parts here and there, trying to find the right stuff.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} Here I am, trying to find the right stuff to build my very beloved Ghetto Bistro BurnBox. Unfortunately, it took 6 months to do that, for I had to read "Robot Building for Dummies" by Roger Arrick to utilize my 1337 {leet}.

{Cut to inside Markie's treehouse. A montage of Markie reading "Robot Building for Dummies" by Roger Arrick is seen. First, Markie reads in his sofa, reclining back. Then he reads upside down on his head. He then reads with his book in his lap. Then he reads at his desk. We see Markie's eyes in complete blackness next, then finally we see Markie reading the book as he marches to the local Mushroom Junkyard to finish up his project, the exo-skeleton of BurnBox in his hands.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} After that montage, I finished BurninatorBoombox.

{Cut to the basement. Markie and BurninatorBoombox are standing side by side. BurninatorBoombox looks a little rusty.}

MARKIE: Riiiiiiiiise!!!

{A surge of electricity goes through BurninatorBoombox. Silence is heard. Then, BurninatorBoombox flashes red.}

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: G'day, Markie!

MARKIE: {jumps back in surprise} GAH!!!

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: I have been observing your modifications to this Ghetto Box of mine.

MARKIE: Aaaaaaaaand...?

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: My AI has found a name for myself. Just call me...BurninatorBoombox.

MARKIE: Wow, this is sweee-uht.

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: More like, swuuuuuh-at!

MARKIE: Hey, you respond to my every sentence!

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: Wait, I don't do that!

MARKIE: Oh.

{Cut to Wario's Castle. Waluigi is tap-dancing in the grand ballroom with Piranah Plant pots in his hands. The jaws of the Piranah Plants snap to the Riverdance-like music.}

WALUIGI: A-one and-a two! And-a-one-two-one! Tap dance tap dance tap dance pun!

{Wario comes in from the left.}

WARIO: Hey! It's that time again...

{Random choir members materialize in the foreground}

Random Choir Members: TO COUNT OUR MONEY!!!

WALUIGI: Uh, I hate to admit it, but I'm getting bored with this "filthy rich" thing you call-

Random Choir Members: COUNT YOUR DARN MONEY!!!

WARIO: Shut up, brother! Your tap dancing reeks my bulging nose. Time for a break.

WALUIGI: {sigh} Alright, alright.

{Waluigi follows Wario to the left. Fade to black.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} Those two "cool dudes" are Wario and Waluigi, otherwise known to me as the "OVERUNHEALTHY" Wario Brothers. I hate Waluigi because he's just plain annoying and that he popped outta nowhere when I wasn't looking.

{Cut to the living room of Markie's Treehouse. The TV is on.}

JOHN T. MEYERTOAD: {Reporting live on TV} As of yesterday, Waluigi has robbed over 50 banks in the Mushroom Kingdom and has robbed up to 6 million and 25 coins-

{TV flickers off, pan to Markie and BurninatorBoombox sitting on the couch}

MARKIE: Rubbish.

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: I agree. Well, sorta.

MARKIE: {stands up majestically} That long boned guy has to pay for personal reasons I don't understand!

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: Personal reasons you don't understand?!

MARKIE: Maybe. {extreme close-up on his face} TO TEH STARCAVE!!!111 {one one one}

{Batman-esque transition, only with the initials "MK" in place of the Batman logo. Cut to the basement again. The StarBlaster is shown.}

MARKIE: {voiceover} My friend who I met three months ago in this flashback, Drastics, loaned me this silver earthly prototype of a jet. I spray-painted it as you can see in this flashback...

{Montage of Markie and BurninatorBoombox spray painting the StarBlaster blue and yellow. Scene One: Markie and BurninatorBoombox casually spray the craft. Scene Two: Markie sprays using his tongue to hold the can. Scene Three: BurninatorBoombox, with two pincer arms, holds both cans and sprays them in a figure 8 direction. Final Scene: Markie and BurninatorBoombox spray each other, each holding both spray cans of blue and yellow. The background eventually is splattered green. Fade to the complete and well-dried StarBlaster, which is painted blue and yellow and has a slight tint of green in it. Markie and BurninatorBoombox are visible.}

MARKIE: Looks like we're about ready to go, my intellectual humbrate.

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: Humbrate?! You mean hombré, right?

MARKIE: Well, at least I created a new word in my vocab. Now I'll use it...{close-up of nose} FOREVER!!! {pan out} Sorry, that was a mistake.

{Cut to the skies of Mushroom Kingdom, where the StarBlaster is flying. We see the Official Mushroom Coin Vault Bank, which is a pyramid shaped building, in the distance. The StarBlaster swoops down in a First-Person View to the building, and we cut to inside the building. Waluigi is beating an old lady up ruthlessly while Wario drags a heavy bag of coins from the left. The nose of the StarBlaster penetrates through the building's ceiling and hits Wario, knocking him off-screen and sending his bag of gold splattering everywhere. Markie with BurninatorBoombox jump out of the open cockpit.}

MARKIE: {making fists} Freeze, idiot!

{Silence. Then, Waluigi collapses.}

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: I think that was too easy.

{Sobbing is heard from Waluigi.}

MARKIE: Serves him right. OHHHHHHH!!! You died. You gain 82 of 156 points! LOSERED!!!

{Record scratch. Abruptly cut back to the Bluey and Markie.}

MARKIE: {typing} For lack of better length of time, the rest is just a mystery. Speaking of mystery, I bet you can't figure out how the heck I got my treehouse and how I got my NetNavi. And that Ion fetish. But yeah, that's...that's a whole different story. Now we go live to the scene with fellow idiots Koopas. Kzzt.

{Cut to Bowser's Castle. Bowser is sitting on his throne, rubbing his chin, pondering.}

BOWSER: Let's see...ah. I remember that time when this one Yoshi...stole my pizza.

{Kamek comes in from the left.}

KAMEK: Ah, yes, sire, that Yoshi...who ate all your pizza. Isn't it time you burnt him to a crisp?

BOWSER: ...nah. Not enough mileage.

{Automatically cut to blackness. Words appear on-screen:}

Some Announcer: NEXT MARKIE'S HINT!!!

{crickets chirp}

MARKIE: The Narrator did it.

{CREDITS!!!}

Written By: Markie
Scripted By: Markie
Cast:
Markie
BurninatorBoombox
Those who were too lazy to be put in

Special Thanks:
Everyone at the H*R Fanstuff Wiki ProZD Naruto?

No Thanks:
Nobody. How sad.

END NOW!!!

{The hologram projector doesn't come down. Instead, two buttons come down. The left one is titled "(-replay-)" and the other one is "(-back-)".}

Easter Eggs

• Hover your mouse over in the middle of the screen at the end and click it when the mouse changes cursors to see the extended version of "NEXT MARKIE'S HINT!!!"

Easter Egg Transcript

MARKIE: The Narrator did it.

NARRATOR: {scary face appears on screen} OR DID HE?!

Fun Facts

Trivia

• ProZD and Thatkidsam LOVE Naruto. And I just watched something about Naruto with VG Sprites at Newgrounds.

Inside References

• Markie explaining about the "gangster hat" is a reference to hat.
• Markie's Waluigi insulting comes from

Real-World References

• Slipknot is actually a real Heavy Metal band.
• The "NEXT MARKIE'S HINT!!!" segment references to Case Closed and Bonus Stage #68: Who Shot Mr. Malice.