Markie & BurninatorBoombox Emails/formatting

Overview

It's not the best. Really. Lower Mans breaks the fourth wall again?! Oh give me a break. And due to the Queen always getting herself in perilous sit-e-ations, um, crap, I forget.

Cast (in order of appearance): Maruux-II, Various Toads, Lobby Manager, Homestar Runner, King Apple Maro, Jimmy Toad, Eddy Toad, Markie, BurninatorBoombox, Homsar, Various G-Toads, Queen Rose Maro, Ackellnats, Kozantiero, Lower Mans

Page Title: KATAMARI DAMASHII~ TEH LAWLZ

Transcript

{Open up to Maruux-II stumbling down the sidewalk, clutching his left shoulder in agony. He falls down, and a few passerbys look at him.}

TOAD #1: Hey, everyone, this guy’s falling down and taking it like a baby. Look at him, LOOK AT HIM!!!

{Almost instantly, a crowd of Toads and Yoshis crowd around the injured Maruux-II. Some throw garbage, tomatoes, and honeydew melons at him.}

TOAD #2: Hah, what a freaking sap.

TOAD #3: Yo bozo! Get a life.

CROWD: KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!

{Record scratch, and we quickly fade to a hospital lobby. Maruux-II is standing at the front counter, bewildered. The lobby manager, a green Yoshi in a white jacket, waves a hand in his field of view.}

LOBBY MANAGER: Hello? Are you in your own little world sucking your thumb while being curled up in a fetal position that reminds me of them creepy harlequin fetuses that shock you with no eye pupils?

{Maruux-II abruptly jolts awake.}

MARUUX-II: MOMMY MOMMY I’M AWAKE COFFEE EGGS BACON TO THE TRENCH COAST…wait a minute. {stands straight} Sorry. Flashback discount stupidity. Oh, yes, right. Ahem, can you direct me to room 305?

LOBBY MANAGER: Yes, I can.

{The lobby manager flicks his wrists, and we cut to a white hallway. A snack vendor is in one side, and Homestar Runner, a safety blanket wrapped around his neck, is bashing his head against the snack vendor. It seems to make gurgling noises for each hit.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ow! Stupid! Vending! Machine! Why! Why! Why! Times two! Won’t! You! Operate! I! Need! Some! Good! Fluffy! Puffy! Snacks! Attacks! Gah! Gah! Brain freeze! Brain freeze!

MARUUX-II: {walks onscreen} You know, you don’t have the right currency.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What! You! Say! Ow! Owie! Mommy! My brain! It hurts! {falls down, exhausted} Ah, I give up.

{Maruux-II just shakes his head and walks off-screen, to a door labeled “305”. Opposite of the door is a bench, and King Apple Maro is sitting on the bench, reading a magazine that is titled “THIS CRAZY CRAP CONCERNS YOUR FUTURE”. Jimmy Toad is recording something on a tape recorder, and Eddy Toad looks like he’s praying.}

JIMMY TOAD: …and unfortunately we do not have any evidence to support the occasion that the train wreck was caused by the bowler hat we found at the crash site. End transmission. {clicks tape recorder off} Oh, hey…uh…what’s your name?

MARUUX-II: Mar-oocks. Two.

JIMMY TOAD: Um, Mar-ecks? Marluxia? Monteco? Mephisto? Muggle? Montana? Minnesota Cuke? Metric system? Millikin? Mobasco? Mar-oocks?

MARUUX-II: Just call me Marcks for the time being.

JIMMY TOAD: Roger. {salutes}

MARUUX-II: Please don’t do that. {holds up yellow orb} Remember the last time you did that?

{Flashback to 2074, at a funeral. As the casket is lowered into the ground, and sobbing commences, Jimmy Toad is one of the ten soldiers to salute. An atomic explosion goes off in the distance. Everybody points at Jimmy, and they dogpile on him. The scene freezes momentarily and turns greyscale, and a headline is seen.}

TOAD RESPONSIBLE FOR ACCIDENTAL ATOMIC EXPLOSION OF OLD ISLE DELFINO
In a funeral today for Wario last name omitted on purpose, the soldiers paid tribute to him by saluting, and coincidentally, everything went to hell after that. OMFG LET’S BLAME IT ON JIMMY TOAD, YO continued on page A3

{Flashback to the hallway. Jimmy Toad stares at the orb in disbelief.}

JIMMY TOAD: W-wow. Sure hope they don’t catch me.

{Cut to near the hotel the next morning. The streets are near empty, and Markie, Homsar, and BurninatorBoombox are their normal selves now.}

MARKIE: …and so she said to the kid, “OH MY GOD LET’S MAKE OUT!!!”

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: Dude, that’s a borrowed joke. To make a not so borrowed joke you gotta piece it from your mind.

MARKIE: Ah. {clears throat} So then the kid said-

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaAaAaA!!! Humbrates gone wild!!!

MARKIE: Um, I hate to admit it, {stops walking} but you ruined the joke along with knowing a short-term running gag and also breaking the fourth wall.

HOMSAR: Doooooon’t look at me, make sure you break it loose!

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: Riiiiiiight. {points pincer at random direction} Hey, what’s over there?

MARKIE: Habila-hup-deuce?! {looks “over there”} That’s odd. You never see a hippie mob and G-Men surround a site of some murdering and slaying before.

{Cut to the front door of the hotel. A Toad with a swat helmet restricts the doorway with the same yellow tape. Pan out. Many G-Men…G-Toads with black fedoras and black sunglasses and black tuxedos are surrounding the entrance.}

VARIOUS G-TOADS: Who did this crime? Who was the victim? Who were the killers? Where is the king if we need him? Whose laptop was this?

{One of the G-Toads holds up the Bluey OS 289. Markie is wide-eyed.}

MARKIE: {jaw drops} Haminah-haminah-haminah-haminah…{eyes turn red}…haminah-haminah-haminah…

{BurninatorBoombox slaps him with a random can.}

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: Dude, that’s your laptop. Might as well ask them for it before they incinerate it into the deepest bowels of {close up, orange background with demons prancing around} HADES!!!

{Pause.}

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: That’s right, {here we go again} HADES!!!

MARKIE: For a while there I thought you were going to say “the specialist.”

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: Dot dot dot?

MARKIE: Please.

{Cut to the entrance. Markie walks up to one of the G-Toads.}

MARKIE: Sir, can I-

G-TOAD: {quickly punches Markie to the ground by accident and turns around} Who said that? Was it the guy in that wetsuit over there?

{Pan to the streets. A Yoshi in a wetsuit is standing there, shivering. Many G-Toads dogpile on him. Cut back to the G-Toad.}

G-TOAD: Or was it that guy who tried to assassinate me from the rooftops?

{Cut to the rooftops. A cutout of an assassin is standing there. Many G-Toads dogpile the cutout. Back to the G-Toad.}

G-TOAD: Or was it…

MARKIE: Sir, I wanted to ask you a personal question, {gets up} but you punched me square root in the face…nose.

G-TOAD: Son, this is no time for speaking. We have a laptop to incinerate. We believe it is the spawn of Satan.

MARKIE: …so what you’re trying to say is that I am experiencing psychic turmoil as I relive my nightmares from playing that one game?

G-TOAD: If you mean that horrible video game called “Barbecuing is fun in the name of Justice”, then of course.

MARKIE: …wait, what? Can you hand me the computer?

G-TOAD: No comment.

MARKIE: How about now?

G-TOAD: No comment.

MARKIE: How about now?

G-TOAD: Still no comment.

MARKIE: How about n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-now?

G-TOAD: St-st-st-st-st-st-st-st-still no c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-comment.

MARKIE: Now?

G-TOAD: No.

MARKIE: Now?!

G-TOAD: No.

MARKIE: RIGHT NOW?!

G-TOAD: ARREST THIS FREAK!!!

{Pan out. G-Toads jump out to dogpile Markie. Before they can, we cut to inside a SWAT Truck. Markie is in holographic handcuffs. Cut to outside the truck. It drives away from the scene slowly.}

G-TOAD #2: Well, we sure showed that guy.

G-TOAD: {taking a sip of coffee} Yes.

G-TOAD #2: And we sure showed this laptop {holds up Bluey, but it is gone} WHAT THE CRAP?!

{Okay, so the G-Toads dogpile that one guy. Cut to Homsar and BurninatorBoombox next to the scene.}

HOMSAR: {hat turns into a helmet, starts wobbling away offscreen} AaAaAaAaAaAaAaA…

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: C’mon, not so fat midget, let’s reassemble at where some guy Maruux-II location is be of. I think. {strolls off-screen} I need to lay off the stuffy chips.

{Cut to a dark room in the Macro Siren Bread Army HQ. Two stasis chambers are shown, one with Ackellnats inside, asleep, and the other with Queen Rose Maro inside, also asleep. Pan out, Kozantiero and Lower Mans are next to a control panel.}

LOWER MANS: Yessssssssss. Pretty soon-

KOZANTIERO: Wait, did you just imitate that one snake on the Fanstuff-

LOWER MANS: Yesssssssss, idiot. Markie is starting to weaken.

{Pause.}

KOZANTIERO: What makes you think that?

LOWER MANS: Um, well, he’s been arrested for stuff.

KOZANTIERO: What a relief.

LOWER MANS: He is starting to weaken along with his inability to write transcripts such as the one we are in now. Yes, I am breaking the fourth wall. I am known to do that.

KOZANTIERO: You know I have strict fines for vandalizing property, right?

LOWER MANS: 500 coins plus 5 more for each vandalism over maximum fine.

KOZANTIERO: {shocked} Why- wha- ngh- jckt- shut up!

LOWER MANS: Yo momma.

{Pause}

LOWER MANS: If I keep up with this, then my plan will not be executed. Plus we don’t get to see the email. Speaking of email...I have an idea to check emails.

{Lower Mans flicks his wrist and we pan to the wall on the right. A holographic display of one of Markie’s emails is shown.}

What would it be like if
nothing was formatted correctly?

KOZANTIERO: Ah, the email with no replies. Probably one of them no namers. Like one of those people said-

LOWER MANS: I know. Scriggity…{cough}…Mike Control. Anyways, formatting is one of my five basic structures of my spirit. Part of my soul will die if everything wasn’t formatted correctly.

KOZANTIERO: {wearing a pretzel hat with a “prez, dawg” stickynote on it, taking notes} Yeah?

LOWER MANS: And that this is just one of them cop outs.

{Pause/silence, whichever.}

KOZANTIERO: So…are these two peoples killed off? Because if they are, {brief shot of stasis chambers} then operation “Takeover”…

LOWER MANS: …will fail.

{Other pause/silence}

LOWER MANS: Wanna order pizza?

KOZANTIERO: SECURITY!!!

{Slam. Pitch blackness. The stasis chambers are illuminating in the dark.}

LOWER MANS: You will pay for this.

KOZANTIERO: Please cooperate with my guards, oh humble…deity?

{The new hologram projector comes down. It reads "Finally, no more disorganization! - Email Markie at [email protected]".}

Easter Eggs

• Wait four minutes to hear an extra soundbite:

KOZANTIERO: No, seriously. Security?

LOWER MANS: Stop being an idiot and bake some pizza. I need it to balance everything in delicate order. Ha ha ha.

KOZANTIERO: Ha ha ha? Don't make me zap you.

LOWER MANS: Don't make me electrofizzle you.

KOZANTIERO: Is that even a word?

LOWER MANS: Now are you going to bake me some pizza?

KOZANTIERO: Nah.

Fun Facts

Explanations

• People being killed off is parodied here. Queen Rose Maro and Ackellnats being killed off, sorta, um, results in them being used for diabolical purposes. Lower Mans killed them off, not Markie the author. He did not kill them off just because they didn't fit in well with the plot. They were killed off because of Queen Maro Rose being prone to injuries and dramatic accidents (read: Princess Peach Toadstool) and Ackellnats for no reason. Probably for random fun.
  • This is also why Lower Mans answered the email in a weak fashion. Don't worry, kiddies, Markie's going to answer it next email.
• The opening is part-random parts-prophetic. FIGURE IT OUT, YA MORICE.
• Kozantiero and Lower Mans have agreed to team up during the course of a few emails.

Inside References

• Humbrates and "The Specialist" are noted.
• The headline is based on Iraq.

Real-World References

• The G-Toads are lightly based off of the G-Men in The Milkman Conspiracy of the most excellent gaming thing Psychonauts.
  • Markie's first line in this email also bases from said game.
• The names Jimmy Toad references:
  • Marluxia is the name of the bad guy with pink hair in Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories.
  • Mephisto has something to do with the Bible.
  • Minnesota Cuke is the name of an Indiana Jones parody brought to you by Big Idea, those guys/gals that make VeggieTales.
  • Muggle is a term for "ordinary human" in Harry Potter.
  • Millikin is some kinda school. YOU CAN'T FIND IT.
• "Habila-hup-deuce" is from Under Construction.
• I don't know Wario's last name, okay?! Sheesh.
• A harlequin fetus is a image used in TONS of shock sites/web pranks. The are the ULTIMATE in weird n' sick n' twisted.