Markie & BurninatorBoombox Emails/amusements

WARNING! THIS EMAIL DOES NOT MEET MBPR INCORPORATED STANDARDS! HELP STANDARDIZE THIS AND WE'LL ALL BE HAPPY!!!

Overview

Markie and the gang visit Markie's theme park-slash-carnivore...PWNZORMANIA!!!

Cast (in order of appearance): Markie, Ticket Booth Guy at the Entrance, Witty Guy, Number One(of HJKL), Vaudeville Entertainer, Blast Maverick, Drastics, BurninatorBoombox, 1-Up, Stinkoman, Joel Dawson, Phil Argus, Blue Laser, Strong Bad, Markie.EXE, Homsar, Homestar Runner, Gunhaver(easter egg), Tampo(easter egg)

Transcript

MARKIE: {typing in "Markie_email_inbox.exe"} I like to thank ThatkidShim-Sham-Super-Sam for greatly using my made up Cheatese guy "Blast Maverick" in Gunhaver emails. Oh, and also because Shimmity-shammity has a lot of fun facts. Wrap your head 'round that, foo'. {presses enter}

You have no new messages.

MARKIE: {pause}...crap, he's right. WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! {runs out of chair}

{Cut to behind the treehouse. Behind it is a HECKA BIG THEME PARK TYPE ATTRACTION.}

MARKIE: {runs in} Alright folks, here's the big time! {pan out for a full shot of the HECKA BIG THEME PARK TYPE ATTRACTION which is actually a big theme park the size of Mountridesplace USA.} I call it...PWNZORMANIA!!! {PAWN-zor-mania} {logo appears, the PWN is crossed out and is replaced with PHONE}

{Cut to the park entrance, which is a row of three one-way ticket booths. Markie is in the foreground. In the background is the Ticket Booth Guy at the Entrance. In line are Witty Guy, Number One, and a bunch of badly drawn stick figures.}

MARKIE: Our irrelevant ticket managers will deliver as fast as the speed of...your face!

{pan in to the ticket booth}

WITTY GUY: Hey, can I get two tickets and a free soda?

NUMBER ONE: You CHEAP JERK! They don't sell soda at the ticket booth. They sell it at the Soda Booth.

{Quick cut to the Soda Booth, or as we like to call it, the "NOT SODA BUT FOR TICKETS BOOTH", a badly made stand selling Goldfish in a glass Rubik's Cube. A hobo is running the stand.}

HOBO: Pillows! ...get your! Pillows?

{brief flash back to the Ticket Booth}

WITTY GUY: Oh! Buuuuuuuuurn.

Ticket Booth Guy at the Entrance: Hey, hey, if you want to commit arson, go arson your wares somewhere else, like, say, a script or something.

WITTY GUY: YOU BROKE THE FOURTH WA-

{Number One glares at Witty Guy}

WITTY GUY: -FERS. Vanilla Wafers.

{Cut back to that "NOT SODA BUT FOR TICKETS BOOTH". It looks like a peanut butter jar filled with Cheetos is on sale.}

HOBO: Va...nillers...wafers...Aaaaaah. Get some? They have to.

{Cut to inside the park. A Vaudeville Entertainer wearing a showtime uniform dances around the park. Blast Maverick is watching him as if he's bored.}

MARKIE: {off-screen} Our totally not-so-carefree entertainers will cheer you up and about whenever you feel bored or insignificantly shaken up a notch!

{pan in to the two}

Vaudeville Entertainer: {humming a broadway tune and doing a broadway dance} Ha hum ha hum, hummmm! Da da da da, da!

BLAST MAVERICK: That's it. {takes out laser pistol} You're dead. {cocks gun}

{Before Blast Maverick can fire, however, we abruptly cut to one of the "Throw Game" stands. BurninatorBoombox is hosting the stand. Behind him are three moose heads. Drastics walks up.}

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: Press your luck! Throw three rings correctly and win some prize! Like, per se, a stick impaling, or so.

DRASTICS: Um, okay. {charges up fist with blue aura and throws the aura at the moose heads, causing them to turn into ash}

BURNINATORBOOMBOX: Holy Bajeezus! You win...NO PRIZE!

DRASTICS: WHAT?! {sweatdrop}

{Pan to a "Test Your Strength"-esque kind of game. 1-Up and Stinkoman are in front of the queue line.}

MARKIE: {announcing off-screen} Our fun kiddie...sorta...games will entertain you till your brains fly offa your wheelchair or something! Like our awesome TEST TEST MIKE TEST YOUR YOURS YOU'RE A STRENGTH STRONG! game!

1-UP: Oh boy! {brandishes large cartoony mallet} This challenge will surely prove that I can become the next guy! I'll probably receive sushi! Or better yet, some pudding!

{1-Up whacks the leverage at the bottom, sending the metal ball flying up. It soon hits the bell, but in a turn of events, penetrates it, flying in the air and suddenly becoming a huge ball of fire. It lands on 1-Up, smushing him to death.}

STINKOMAN: {laughing} HA HA HA! YOU DIED! HA HA HA! You won some pudding! HA HA HA! You're certainly not the guy!

{Cut to some very big roller coaster named "IONIZER". The color scheme is light blue and gray. We cut to Joel and Phil at the front of the queue line.}

MARKIE: {announcing off-screen} We offer the best and most idiotic puke-puking coaster around! Like our Number one Grammy award winning modernization of "those coasters jim & jam", IONIZER!!!

PHIL: This park is stupid.

JOEL: Then why did you decide to go here in the first place?

PHIL: Eh, suicide.

{Now we cut to the front of one of the coaster trains. A calm and bored Joel is at the right seat(left side), and Phil is screaming his guts and eyeballs out at the left seat(right side). The coaster goes in a 150 MPH Corkscrew motion.}

PHIL: AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggghghghghghghghgbbbaaaaaaaaaaaa-

{Abrupt cut to the ride exit. Phil is seen on the floor, lifeless and bloody.}

JOEL: {his face appears on-camera in a close up} And that's what happens when you commit suicide on a coaster.

MARKIE: {off-screen} BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!!! {Joel's facial expression is suddenly shocked}

{Cut to the food court, which is actually two tennis courts combined. A lemonade and hot dog stand borders the front wall. Blue Laser is waiting for his order. Markie, who is currently serving as the stand manager, is wearing a chef's hat, emo sunglasses, white gloves, and brandishing the PAN OF PERIL a la Chef Torte.}

MARKIE: We have a 100% percent {extreme close up} 100 PERCENT {back to normal} food serve policy and satisfaction rating! That is, last time we checked, which is about three seconds ago!

BLUE LASER: WHERE IS MY RELISH AND MUSTARD HOT DOG?! SERVE ME ONE NOW OR I WILL LOATHE YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!

MARKIE: {groans} Get out of here, Lance Wilson. Nobody likes your style.

BLUE LASER: THAT'S JUST PLAIN GREAT!!! {flounces off}

{Cut to the park entrance/ticket booth once again. Number One and Witty Guy are still waiting in line.}

WITTY GUY: Hello? Our tickets? Of doom? And peril?

NUMBER ONE: {whispers} D-don't forget {elbow nudges Witty Guy} AND DEATH.

WITTY GUY: No, that would just be sane.

Ticket Booth Guy at the Entrance: {inside booth} Um, hold on...{rambling of contraptions is heard} I think I got it! {electric zapping, then collapsing is heard}

NUMBER ONE: {looks at Witty Guy} He's dead.

WITTY GUY: No he IS! NEVER! IS! WOULD BE! ...erm, yeah, he is. I'm going in now.

{Witty Guy enters the park, leaving Number One behind to fend for himself}

NUMBER ONE: Wait! Get me an extra large ICEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!...

{Cut then to a talent show stage. Strong Bad is up, apparently dancing and singing to some rock-pop song.}

MARKIE: {announcing} Talent shows will be held here 284 days a year, with the exception of Cellphone days and persecutions of wallets!

STRONG BAD: {singing} And you can buy me some chocolate flavored purses! And you can buy me some vanilla flavored The Cheats!

{canned clapping, then time bombs fly out of nowhere at Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: {POW!} Ooof! Wha- hey! {dodges} What the crap are you do-

{Cut to a cyan obelisk in the center of a garden. A few people are standing around it, in awe of its...travesty.}

MARKIE: {announcing} One of our newest features, "Dumb Advice from a NetNavi", will make you use Cheese Whiz as your new grease remover in no time!

{Close up of the obelisk. On one of the obelisk's sides is a widescreen TV monitor showing Markie.EXE.}

MARKIE.EXE: ...and when you see the pizzarazzi...SHOOT THEM GOOD OL' CAMERAS!!!

{Cut to the people standing around the obelisk. They actually look like the press. They take out their notepads and start writing down what Markie.EXE said.}

{Finally, we cut to a bomb shelter with a lot of distorted mirrors. Homestar is walking around confusedly.}

MARKIE: {announcing} If this park isn't dazingly-thrown-up for you, then why don't you try out WINCHESTERED MIRROR BOMB SHELTER OF COLD WARS!!!

HOMESTAR: {looking in one of the mirrors} Oooh, hello Homeschool Firecracker. How ares me today? You look fine. Mighty Tarzan fine. Gimme all your bucks!!!

{the elevator falls on Homestar}

HOMESTAR: {muffled} Oh cwap! This is definitely not a good day for me Star Runner.

{Cut back to the front of the park. Markie is visible.}

MARKIE: So come on down to the PWNZORMANIA! Only for 395 payments of $103.28 {caption "395 payments of ripoff money" appear, then fade}, we shall possibly condemn you to have fun at this cliché park type thing of sorts! Come in the next 74 minutes and you will receive a "MARS KAY AWEXOME" shirt {"MARS KAY AWEXOME" shirt appears, then fades} for 498 mice! Come now! We're possibly not ripping off Kilroy!

{A hillside view of the park. The hologram projector comes down. After three seconds, the words "ADVERTISING #1" and "ADVERTISING #2" appear beneath the hologram projector.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on "ADVERTISING #1" to see Gunhaver test his strength:

Fun Facts

Real-World References

• This email goes in the style of theme park.