Spyro email/N00b language

Spyro email #19: Spyro attempts to translate a n00b written email.

Cast (in order of appearance): Spyro, Drake, Man with Huge Mouth, The Square, Alpha CT, Commander X, Allon, Dragon P. 3.0, Homestar, Bubs, Hunter, Peachy.

Places: Spyro's room, Couch, Library, Classroom, Bubs Ring Toss, Hallway.

Computer: Dragon P. 3.0

Date: May 12, 2006

Number of Lines: 152

Transcript

{Shows Spyro at his computer}

SPYRO: Email spelled backwards is Liame {pronounces it Lee-om-ee.}

{Opens email}

Subject: umm

dera spryo
aet a stake befor yoo
dye uf poisuneng

-n00bm4n

SPYRO: {Doesn’t read it but instead looks blankly at the email} Uh…what the crap does this say? {Scans through the email} Uh…I think it says…Aw, who am I kidding. I don’t speak n00b language. {To Dragon P.} Dragon P, give me options.

{Cut to a little bit more zoomed in view of Dragon P.}

Option 1

Forget about email and do a different one.

SPYRO: {Reading} Forget about email-{Stops reading} No way, man.

Option 2

Answer email. Simple.

SPYRO: {Reading} Answer email. {Stops reading} I’ll sprain a Mussel.

Option 3

Build Gotard a Female Poodle.

SPYRO: I know that the 4th one is usually it. So next.

Option 4

Learn the n00b language.

SPYRO: {Reading} Learn the n00b language. {Stops reading} YES! That’s what I’ll do!

{Cuts to the Couch with Drake reading “Speaking 1337 4 Squares”}

SPYRO: {Walking on-screen} Hey Drake, I noticed that you’re reading a n00b speaking book. Might I read it?

DRAKE: Hold on. Let me finish this page.

{After 5 seconds the screen flashes white, and everything instantly turns into Teen Girl Squad format. Neither Spyro or Drake seems to notice.}

DRAKE: This book is totally crushing.

{The Man with the Huge Mouth in his Children Van (only it says Library) crashes through the wall and runs over Drake.}

MAN WITH HUGE MOUTH: Overdue notice!

DRAKE: Ow! My page!

{The Screen flashes again and everything turns back to normal format (The broken wall is there, and the book is missing).}

SPYRO: Oh. Guess I should go get my own book.

{Cuts to inside the library book aisle (The same one in Geneaology with Spyro looking around.}

SPYRO: {Scanning the shelf} Lets see…{Mumbles something to himself} Aha! Here it is! {Holds up the “Speaking 1337 4 squares” book.}

{Cuts to the reading table with a white square reading a different “4 squares” book. Spyro walks on-screen and sits down next to the square and starts reading.}

SQUARE: {looks at Spyro} Ah. Learning 1337 4 squares. I highly prefer it.

SPYRO: {looks at the Square dully} Go away you length times height thing.

{The Square hops away sadly.}

SPYRO: {Reading book} Hello. If you are reading this book, chances are that you just got emailed in n00b language. That is obviously called “1337”. 1337 isn’t like Engrish or Spanglish, it’s pretty much using other syllables for letters. Example: O are replaced with 0’s. Got it? Let the lesson begin. Chapter 1…

{A radial transition wipe is done. Spyro is now sleeping on the book snoring. A book from below the table is thrown up lightly on the table, and Alpha CT pops his head from under the table and opens the book vertically revealing that the title is called “Dating for Crabturtles”. After 5 seconds, Alpha drops the book on it’s front and looks at Spyro annoyed by his snoring.}

ALPHA CT: You know, People can’t read if you snore like that.

SPYRO: {Waking up} Huh, what? Alpha? Is that you.

ALPHA CT: The one and only…Not really.

SPYRO: Where have you been? Arrested again?

ALPHA CT: No. After last time here, I got a date.

SPYRO: {Shocked} No freakin way, man!

ALPHA CT: Yes freakin way, man. And thus, I’m trying to get tips.

SPYRO: Try books that were written by Pom-Pom. He gets all the ladies.

ALPHA CT: That is very helpful. Forget this book. I’m checking out the Pom-Pom series. So, is that a Dating book you’re reading?

SPYRO: No. It’s a 1337 language book.

ALPHA CT: Well forget books. Those are for squares. That’s why it says that.

SPYRO: Oh. Do you know 1337 language?

ALPHA CT: Yeah, man. It’s easy. I’ll teach you.

{Cuts to CT standing in front of a black board (With a triangle on it.) while on a stack of books.}

ALPHA CT: Now this is a triangle.

SPYRO: {off-screen} Heh. More like, Biangle.

ALPHA CT: A triangle has 3 sides and is very important in life.

{Cuts to Spyro sitting in a school chair and desk. Next to him are Comander X and Allon from Space Tree.}

COMMANDER X: I thought this was a 1337 speaking course.

ALLON: Yeah, and where’s Space Tree?

ALPHA CT: {off-screen} Uh…He’s suspended…in space…he got what deserved.

ALLON: Well…he did-

{Cuts back to the view showing Alpha CT next to a red button control.}

ALPHA CT: {Annoyed} Shut up, Allon! {Presses button}

{Allon and Commander falling is heard off-screen. Cuts back to the school desks showing that Allon and Commander have fallen through a trapdoor.}

ALPHA CT: {Off-screen} Now then, let’s return to the lesson now.

SPYRO: Uh, Alpha, can we not talk about triangles and talk about 1337 language?

ALPHA CT: Fine. But triangles are important, remember that.

{Fades to black. The phrase “2 hours later” appear and then cuts back to Alpha who has written “1337” all over the board.}

ALPHA CT: Now, do you get it now?

SPYRO: {Off-screen} I sure do.

ALPHA CT: Good, now lets take a test.

{Cuts to the Dragon P with Spyro in front of it, and Alpha sitting on the table next to the monitor.}

ALPHA CT: Now open Instant message and chat with someone.

{Spyro types Run IM.exe. Then immediately, Spyro gets a IM from a guy named “Someguydawg”. Spyro accepts the chat and the chat is as followed:}

Someguydawg: HaY! W@z^! LOL!!!!11!!111
Spyro: Im d0n9 Fin3! ROLF
Someguydawg: WH@@@@@T?!?! JU5t FIN3?!!?!?!
Spyro: Uh…Y3@h?
Someguydawg: Y0u p@5t th3 t35t. Hav3 a tr0ph7.
Spyro: Y@7!!!!11!!11!1!

{Spyro then logs out.}

ALPHA CT: You did a great job! A plus!

SPYRO: Yay, now can you translate this email? {opens the email from the beginning}

ALPHA CT: Let’s see…{Scans through the email} almost. The stake part has me stumped. Knowing that n00bs spell wrong, is it Steak or Stake?

SPYRO: I don’t know. You’re the master.

ALPHA CT: We’re going to have to do another test. Go to the n00bs and ask them.

SPYRO: Ok. Dragon P, track the email sender.

DRAGON P. 3.0: Well, the sender is named…Oh my. The sender is Homestarrunner.

SPYRO: Huh. He’s in the wrong time.

DRAGON P. 3.0: No he’s not. The carnival is a part of the world that is a time machine to 2006. You should know that.

SPYRO: I do. Our viewers don’t.

{Cuts to Homestar playing ring toss at Bubs ring toss stand.}

HOMESTAR: So, what do I win if I get a ring in?

BUBS: You get to choose the prize. {Angrily} Now pay up!

HOMESTAR: {Produces a dollar from the side of him and lays it on the counter} Here. Now, {Picks up a ring on the counter and chucks it at the bottles} Go in!

{The ring ricocheted off the bottles and while it’s in midair, one of the bottles stretches out and widens it’s mouth and swallows the ring, and then snaps back to it’s original form.}

BUBS: {Shocked} What! No. It’s supposed to be impossible!

HOMESTAR: Well, not impossible for Kim Possible and Me.

{Spyro walks onscreen}

SPYRO: Homestar, I got an email from you and, I have no idea what it says. {Realizing} I mean, I have no Idea what it says.

{The Subtitles “I h@v n0 id3@ wh@ I7 $@y$” appear at the bottom of the screen.}

HOMESTAR: {Lowering eyebrow} Speak normal, n00b.

SPYRO: Oh, um, what did you email say?

HOMESTAR: Eat a steak before you die of poisoning!

SPYRO: Oh. {Irritated} I went through a whole 4 hours just for this?

HOMESTAR: Yep.

SPYRO: Well, I already ate a steak. So I’m gonna hunt down every n00b. Starting with…{Shouting} YOU! {Produces a cork gun from off-screen, and points it at Homestar.}

HOMESTAR: Ooh. Cool toy.

{Spyro shoots the Cork gun at Homestar. He falls down after 2 seconds of the cork touching him.}

HOMESTAR: Ow. That hurt.

SPYRO: And now, to hunt things down. {Runs off-screen}

{Cuts to Hunter watching TV at the couch.}

HUNTER: {Dully} I haven’t seen Spyro around. Could this day get better?

SPYRO: {Running on-screen} HUNTER! {Interrogating} Are you a n00b?

HUNTER: No, why?

SPYRO: I’m hunting down n00bs. For I am…

{Cuts to Spyro in a jumping pose in front of a Purple radial gradient background}

SPYRO: Spyro, n00b Hunter.

{Cuts back to the couch}

SPYRO: And you can be…

{Cuts to the same background, only with Hunter sitting on the couch as the posing thing}

SPYRO: {Voice over} Hunter, n00b…uh…Spyro.

{Cuts back to the Couch}

HUNTER: No.

SPYRO: Ok, I'll fight them myself.

{Cuts to Spyro walking down a hallway.}

SPYRO: {Looking Alert} You have to be careful. N00bs could be lurking around anywhere…

{Suddenly, something swoops out from off-screen and latches onto Spyro’s head, and Spyro starts running around screaming in terror.}

SPYRO: {Panicking} AHHH! GET IT OFF! GET OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!

{Peachy runs on-screen wondering what the commotion is. He then starts chasing Spyro around, and eventually tackles Spyro and take the thing off revealing it’s a Metroid.}

SPYRO: {Getting up} What was that?

PEACHY: {Inspecting the thing} It looks like a…Metroid.

SPYRO: Oh. That’s not a n00b.

PEACHY: Ah. N00b hunting?

SPYRO: Yeah.

PEACHY: Well never fear. I know how to hunt. For I am…

{Cuts to Peachy posing in front of the purple gradient background.}

PEACHY: Peachy, n00b Spyro.

SPYRO: {Off-screen} Great! How do I do that?

{Cuts to Spyro and Peachy in the computer room with a boombox playing “Everybody to the Limit” in the open window.}

SPYRO: {Dully} This is the expert hunting method.

PEACHY: Yep.

SPYRO: {Complaining} Where’s the action here? And adventure? And where is the Gourmet Recipes?

PEACHY: We don’t need action to hunt. The n00bs are already winning Spelling Bees at this point.

SPYRO: {Walks up to the boombox and pushes it out the window.} This is not what I had in mind of hunting n00bs.

PEACHY: Hey, n00b hunting is a patient sport. And that boombox costs a lot of money. It’s waterproof!

SPYRO: {Accepting} Ok, I guess n00b hunting isn’t my sport.

PEACHY: Now go get that boombox back.

{Cuts to the outside view of the window where there’s a hole under the window. Spyro pops his head out and looks down.}

SPYRO: Uh-Oh. I forgot about the security hole to the tunnel. {Looks up} Well, tune in next time for Spyro’s 20th email special! Yay!

{Fades to black. Then fades to the tunnel showing the boombox (Still playing) floating in water downstream. It then hits something black pile of rubble. After 3 seconds, a red dot glows in the figure. The paper comes down.}

Fun Facts

• Alpha CT didn't teach Spyro full 1337. He used @'s as A's when they should be 4's.
• Spyro asks Dragon P. for choices to do, simmilar to when Jimmy Nuetron asks Gotard for choices.
  • Dragon P suggests to "Build Gotard a female poodle" which is one of Gotards suggestions in the original movie
• 1337 is what some n00bs talk like on the internet.
• 1337 Talk 4 squares is a parody of “____ For dummies” book series.
• There are a few Space Tree references.
  • Space Tree while in class teaches Commander and Allon, but only talks about Triangles.
  • Allon is always told to Shut up
  • “He’s Suspended..into Space” was quoted by Space Tree.
    • Actually, it was “Yeah, but you’re suspended{Ejects Allon}…Suspended into Space.”
• The Man With the Huge Mouth ran over Drake similar to him running over the “No i in team guy” in TGS episode 2.
• When Alpha CT says "The one and only...Not really." is refering to that there are a lot of characters on the wiki named after Alpha, Beta, Delta, Gamma, and Omega, all Greek letters.
• Spyro calls the Square a "Length times Height thing", which is what Drake called them on Girls

Rating

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