(even if you aren't vegan)
Spyro email/Hotel
Spyro email #10: A computer Worm attacks. (more description to be added)
Cast (in order of appearance): Spyro, Dragon P. 3.0, Drake, TV, Peachy, Bad Boy, Stinkoman, Homestar, Strong Bad, Guy, Sarah, Homsar, Astromund, Hunter, 1-Up, Alpha CT, Arielle, Stinkoman, Marzichan, Guy in audience.
Places: Spyro's Room, Lab, Couch, SBMRPUSA, Stinkoship, Observation Tower, Ferris Wheel, Satelitte Tower, field, check in counter, Astromund's room, hallway, ballroom, roof.
Computer: Dragon P. 3.0
Date: October 14
Number of Lines: Currently 705
Contents
Transcript
Part 1: The Worm
{Shows a black background. Words in white appear and fade out saying:
A 20th email special:
Hosted by Nickelodeon:{Cuts to a view showing all of Spyro’s house. Ethereal music is playing.}
SPYRO: {off-screen} Yeah! The 20th email special!
{The words “Hotel” appear covering most of the screen. Then it fades out, and the ethereal music stops. Cuts to Spyro at his computer.}
SPYRO: I’m so glad that my 20th email special is finally happening!
{opens email}
ert+
y76p; '0lu8jkyee;u4p;e'/Rh
Strong ba15456 `-------++++++gf
+++++-//==========/*8901ikg
SPYRO: {Reading} Ert plus. Why seven six P. O U H-duh…{Stops reading} What is this? Is this some kind of computer language?
DRAGON P 3.0: Er, yeah. It is. I’ll translate.
{“Translating” Appears on the screen. Then it cuts back to the email where it now says:}
Hi Spyro,
This is a worm.
You're computer will be--
+++++-//==========/*8901ikg
someone
SPYRO: Ah. There we go. {reads email, then starts typing} A worm? You mean a virus? Ah, whatever. I don’t believe in curses. So you have made a crappy special. But, I will open a better email. Dragon P, open another email.
{The words “Sorry, You’ve been infected” appears on the screen in red.}
SPYRO: What! I’ve been infected!
DRAGON P. 3.0: {distorted} Y-y-y-yess-s-s-s-s. S-s-s-s
SPYRO: Well, you have anti virus protection right?
DRAGON P. 3.0: {Low tone} Noooooo-
{The screen goes blank}
SPYRO: Alright. At least I have Drake to fix it. He can probably fix it.
{Cuts to a table in Drakes lab with Drake and Spyro standing behind it. The Dragon P is closed on top of the table}
DRAKE: {baffled} I can’t fix this!
SPYRO: Why not?
DRAKE: Well, have you ever seen me with a computer?
SPYRO: Er no.
DRAKE: Exactly. But, I can tell you about the virus you got.
SPYRO: {Eager to hear more} Go on.
DRAKE: The virus you got is the most advanced virus known to man, and not woman. It is called…
{Zooms into Drakes face showing only his eyes. Everything is a purple colored hue.}
DRAKE: Explodo!
{Lightning flashes behind him. Then cuts back to the original view of the room}
SPYRO: What?
DRAKE: I said…
{Zooms back in Drakes head like before.}
DRAKE: Explodo!
{Lightning flashes again. Then cuts back to the room.}
DRAKE: It is called that because…
{Zooms into Drakes eyes again like before.}
DRAKE: …Explodo…
{Lightning flashes. Then cuts back to the original camera view.}
DRAKE: {Continuing} …Can be killed simply by snapping the part of the wire exactly where it is.
SPYRO: Seems easy enough.
DRAKE: The catch is if you don’t snap the wire where-
SPYRO: {interrupting} Please don’t say that word.
DRAKE: {continuing} where the-er…the virus is in time, it will get to the network, spread around a 4 mile radius, and explode in that area.
SPYRO: I didn’t know viruses could do that.
DRAKE: That’s because the virus isn’t a virus, it’s a worm.
SPYRO: Oh yeah. How do you know all of this?
DRAKE: Well…
{Cuts to an angle showing behind Spyro from Drakes view. Behind Spyro is a guy holding posters with Drakes lines on it.}'
DRAKE: {continuing} I know all of this because-
{The guy switches the poster over showing more lines.}
DRAKE: {Continuing} I just watched a Bill NYE the Science guy show. Yeah. I saw a show.
SPYRO: Oh, well what’s the difference between a virus and a worm?
DRAKE: You know that.
SPYRO: {Angry} Just say it! We have uneducated people watching!
DRAKE: {Sighs in annoyance} A virus can only infect one computer. A worm goes out and infects the network.
SPYRO: {Dramatically shocked} And if it’s a worm affects the network…
{Cuts to a sliced box view with Spyro in the right box and Drake in the left box}
SPYRO: {Dramatic} The explosion could be bigger than 4 miles!
DRAKE: {Simultaneously, and unenthusiastic} The explosion could be bigger that 4 miles.
SPYRO: {Dramatic} NOOOOO!
DRAKE: {Simultaneously, and unenthusiastic} Nooo.
SPYRO: We have to stop it! {Runs off-screen the right}
DRAKE: {Watching Spyro} Hey, wait up! {Runs to the right, but hits the slicing box wall and falls down un-balanced}
{Cuts to Bad Boy and Peachy watching, while sitting on the couch}
TV: Adult Swim at 11:00 AM is brought to you by Chucky Chesses, and the NRA.
PEACHY: I guess companies are running out of things to sponsor.
{Something then crashes through the wall making lots of smoke and rubble. A shadow then is seen in the dust, and it comes out revealing that it’s Dragon P. with mechanical stilts and flailing mechanical arms. Dragon P then walks off-screen without Peachy or Bad Boy looking like they noticed.}
PEACHY: So, watched any good movies recently?
{Spyro runs out of the hole in the wall and stops when he sees Bad Boy and Peachy}
SPYRO: Hey guys-
{Peachy and Bad Boy look at Spyro and the hole in the wall.}
BAD BOY: Hey, what did you do to the wall?
SPYRO: I didn’t do that, it was-
PEACHY: Oh I know who did it. And I can prove it!
{Cuts to Spyro sitting in a chair next to Bad Boy. Peachy is sitting across from a table with a lie detector hooked up to Spyro.}
PEACHY: Now BB, ask Spyro a question.
BAD BOY: Ok. Where were you on the night of the 9th?
SPYRO: Watching TV.
PEACHY: He’s lying.
BAD BOY: Is your favorite color pink?
SPYRO: No.
PEACHY: He’s lying.
BAD BOY: Do you not like riding ponies?
SPYRO: Uh…yeah
PEACHY: He’s lying.
SPYRO: Crap.
BAD BOY: Now, did you break a hole in the wall?
SPYRO: No.
PEACHY: He’s lying.
SPYRO: Alright, what kind of lie detector is that?
PEACHY: The most advanced.
SPYRO: {realizing} Wait, is that a photocopier?
PEACHY: Alright, you got me.
SPYRO: Ok, now I’m going to stop an exploding worm.
PEACHY: He’s lying.
SPYRO: Well I’m not not not not not not not not going to stop a worm.
PEACHY: He’s lying.
SPYRO: I am. So, so long. {Runs Off-screen, and slowly leans back on} Sucker! {Leans back off-screen}
{Cuts to infected Dragon P walking through the pathway in SBMRPUSA}
SPYRO: {running on-screen, barley keeping up with Dragon P} Hey! Wait up! I need to snap the right part of the infected wire! {Starts gasping in fatigue} Just…Hold…Still. {he falls off-screen backwards}
{Cuts to Spyro laying down on the ground on his back gasping}
SPYRO: I’m…Gonna…Need…Something faster.
{Cuts to Spyro and Stinkoman flying the inside of the Stinkoship.}
SPYRO: So, this thing can go fast enough to catch up to a computer going at 10 miles an hour?
STINKOMAN: Yep. The Stinkoship never fails. Anything with Stinko in the beginning of a thing never fails. {Short pause} Except for the Stinkosoap. Too much controversy in the name.
SPYRO: Well, you better check the radar, because we landed on Turkey.
STINKOMAN: Oh, well we have hyperdrive, so it doesn’t matter.
SPYRO: Oh, no, I’m not talking about the country, I mean that your ship is currently so bad, we landed 10 seconds ago…
{Cuts to outside the ship showing that the ship is head first in the ground at a 45 degree angle to the ground. Under the ship, you can see what appears to be some large sized bird feet flailing around.}
SPYRO: {Continuing}…on next years Thanksgiving turkey.
{Cuts to Spyro (looking through binoculars) standing on a balcony high up above the ground showing most of SBMRPUSA in the background. After about 6 seconds of looking around, Cuts to Spyro’s view in the binoculars showing a bunch of game stands and entrances to rides. In a crowd of people (some of which appear to be cardboard cutouts), Spyro zooms in showing Dragon P in the crowd. Cuts back to Spyro replacing the binoculars with a walkie talkie}
SPYRO: {To the Walkie} Spyro to anyone listening, over. Krtzz.
HOMESTAR: {Through the Walkie} Hello mysterious voice.
SPYRO: {To the walkie} Homestar, is that…ah, you’ll work fine. Now, if you can, I need you stop the computer with legs walking down the road, over. Krtzz.
HOMESTAR: Hmm…Why?
SPYRO: {To the Walkie} Look, if you don’t, then this carnival would be huffing puffs, and searching through marshes until they mellow, over. Krtzz.
HOMESTAR: {through the walkie, and excited} Did you say Fluffy Puff Marshmellows?
SPYRO: {Correcting} No, I-
HOMESTAR: {Through walkie and ignoring} I’m on it!
SPYRO: That worked out fine.
STRONG BAD: {Off-screen} Hey!
{Zooms out showing that Spyro is on an observation tower. The passengers are Strong Bad, The Cheat, Director, Stan Banana, and Ductape Blader.}
STRONG BAD: Can you get this ride moving again?
SPYRO: Uh…yes. {To walkie} This is Spyro to tower staff, please get the ride moving, over. Krtzz.
{Cuts to Homestar running down a road}
HOMESTAR: So, how will I stop this Computer {Pronouces it Com-pu-tor}. Hmm…{Stops running} I got it! I’ll give it that last piece of that sandwhich with too much mayo! Luckily I have it conveniently placed in my skirt. {Takes out a crumb of a moldy sandwich from his pocket.} Now, to find that box.
{Cuts to Spyro looking in binoculars inside a Ferris wheel’s top seat.}
SPYRO: Hmm…
{Cuts to a view of the binoculars showing a similar image as the first view. The Binoculars scroll up showing that Dragon P is headed towards a satellite tower. Then cuts back to Spyro.}
SPYRO: That’s the satellite tower that provides internet and electricity! Which can only mean one thing. {Gets out a phone and dials it}
{The Screen then splits in half through the bottom left corner to the top right corner. Drake on the lower half (In an unidentified location) picks up the phone.}
DRAKE: Hello?
SPYRO: Drake, I need to ask you a science question.
DRAKE: Hold on a second.
{Spyro’s half of the screen slides off showing that Drake is on the Ferris wheel as well, and is one seat lower than Spyro.}
DRAKE: {Waving at Spyro} Hi Spyro! I can see you from here!
SPYRO: {Realizing and double takes left looking at Drake} What the-never mind. Drake, what happens if Dragon P. takes control over the Satellite Tower?
DRAKE: Umm, are you trying to make this show educational?
SPYRO: No, but just tell me.
DRAKE: If Dragon P. takes control over the Satellite Tower while infected, then he’ll gain enough strength to infect the whole internet.
SPYRO: {Short pause} Oh. I hope Homestar is doing fine with catching Dragon P.
{Cuts to Homestar waiting on the side of the road holding the crumb.}
HOMESTAR: Ok. Let’s see that box go through this trap. {Calling off-screen} Hey, Box! I got a crumb that’s not moldy!
{Dragon P. Walks through the road ignoring Homestar.}
HOMESTAR: Aw man. My plan failed.
{A guy (who is dressed in the FBI uniform Ex: Black coat, glasses, ear piece, etc) walks up to Homestar}
GUY: Are you Homestarrunner?
HOMESTAR: Why? You want an autograph?
{The guy puts handcuffs on Homestar Feet (probably because Homestar has no visible arms).}
GUY: We are Walkie Talkie Communication Center. You're under arrest for not using walkie language.
{Cuts back to Spyro watching Homestar through binoculars (noted by Homestar reflected in the lenses).}
SPYRO: Ok, I stand corrected.
DRAKE: So, Are you going to stop Dragon P, or not?
SPYRO: No isn’t an answer now.
DRAKE: What if it was “Will you take this check of one septillion dollars?”
SPYRO: {Thinking} I…can only assume that mean “Spyro is cool.”. So, I’m going to stop it.
DRAKE: But how?
SPYRO: The only choice I have left, is to destroy Dragon P.
DRAKE: Aw man. That’s harsh.
SPYRO: I know. But it’s the only choice I have.
DRAKE: Ok. How will you destroy it?
SPYRO: Quit asking questions. {Jumps off the seat.}
{Cuts to the bottom of the Ferris wheel, where a trampoline is placed where Spyro landed. Insead of Bouncing off, Spyro breaks through the material and makes a big hole through the ground. He get’s up unharmed.}
SPYRO: {Angry mumbling} Stupid…Laws…Physics. {Runs off-screen}
{Cuts to Spyro running down the street very quickly, and stops after a few seconds. Then cuts to Spyro’s view showing Dragon P. is in place of attaching to the Tower. Then cuts to a view showing the other view of Spyro. He looks to his right (where a squirting the target game stand is) and picks up a water gun. He aims it and fires. Cuts to the stream of the water rushing towards Dragon P, and it hit him. Dragon P. starts short-circuiting and starts twitches while sparks are going haywire around him. Dragon P. then blows up in a firey explosion. Cuts back to Spyro with a smirk on his face.}
SPYRO: And that’s the way how you do it.
{Cuts back to the tower showing that the tower is short-circuiting as well. Cuts back to Spyro with a shocked expression. He looks to his left and sees a emergency alarm. Zooms into it showing that it says:}
{Pans right showing another alarm that says:}
{Zooms out showing both of the alarms. Spyro pulls them both simultaneously. A ringing alarm then goes off. Cuts to Spyro running away from the tower screaming.}
SPYRO: {Horrified} RUN! THE TOWER MIGHT BLOW!
{Cuts to a full view of the park. A bunch of dots (people) run out at the same time and run off-screen. The theme park then blows in a atomic explosion.}
Part 2: The Hotel
{Shows the destroyed remains of SBMRPUSA, which is a giant pile of wood and debris about 4 feet high. Opaque brown smoke is also covering most of the screen. After 5 seconds, Spyro emerges out of the pile of ruble gasping for air.}
SPYRO: {Gasps about 3 times, and then blankly looks around} Woah, that was pretty nasty. {Short Pause} Wow, the entire Amusement Park…Destroyed.
{Screaming is heard followed by a crash shaking the screen. Spyro quickly turns around to see what happened. Pans over left showing Peachy and Bad Boy, with a shaky expression, sitting on the couch.}
PEACHY: {Pause} Spyro, what happened?
{Cut’s to a zoomed out view showing everyone.}
SPYRO: Dragon P, that’s what happened.
PEACHY: Ah. So now what?
SPYRO: Nothing.
PEACHY: Nothing? There’s no other plan?
SPYRO: Not that I know of.
{Drake rips out of the backrest of the couch.}
DRAKE: Don’t ask me any questions. I’m closed.
PEACHY: {Retaliated} Wait! {Looks up} Your house isn’t fully destroyed yet!
{Cuts to a view next to Peachy’s head, but looking up at the house where one side of the house has broken off.}
PEACHY: {Continuing} Maybe we can still live there.
{Cuts back to a normal view of Peachy.}
SPYRO: {Walking onscreen, and speaking sarcastically} Well, the invisible staircase is next to the concession stand.
PEACHY: {looks around} Where’s that?
{Spyros head expands almost off-screen while looking at Peachy with an enraged expression. The volume of Spyro’s scream makes the screen rumble, and Peachy just leans back blankly.}
SPYRO: {Shouting} EXACTLY!
{They both return back to their normal positions.}
PEACHY: Jeeze, somebody got off the wrong side of the bed.
SPYRO: {Grunts} Yeah.
{Cuts to a flashback of Spyro’s room. Spyro is sleeping in his bed, and after 3 seconds, he gets out on the left side half awake. The camera Pans left showing a sign on the wall that say’s “Electric Eel pit side of the bed. Spyro falls in a hole after getting out of bed, followed by a splash, and Spyro screaming to visible electric shocks. Then cut back to the present.}
PEACHY: Well, is that guy {Point off-screen, pans right showing that he’s pointing to Bad Boy} still alive? He hasn’t said one thing yet.
BAD BOY: Yes I’m alive. Just give me time and silence to think.
{Silence. Cuts to individual shots of everyone looking at Bad Boy (who is off-screen). It stops at Drake (who is looking the other way).}
DRAKE: Hey! Look at that thing!
{Cuts to Bad Boy still pondering. After 5 seconds, he looks up hearing a soft noise. The noise gets increasingly louder, and the noise sounds similar to a Helicopter. Bad Boy looks up and sees a helicopter in the distance, and his expression changes to an excited expression. Cuts to a zoomed out view showing everyone. Bad Boy jumps out of his chair and points to the copter.}
BAD BOY: {Excited} Look! We’re saved!
{Drake walks on-screen with a yellow creature with a sucker nose and tentacles sucking on his head. Peachy looks at him strangely.}
DRAKE: Look at what?
{Cuts to the copter (with the pilot unknown since he’s darkened up) descending down to the everyone.}
DRAKE: {Off-screen} Oh! That thing.
{Cuts to a black background with white colored words that say “One landing later”. Cut’s to everyone next to the landed copter. Sarah steps out of the copters door.}
SARAH: {Bewildered} Woah. What did I miss while I was gone?
BAD BOY: {Baffled} How can you afford a copter?
SARAH: {Sarcastic} Hello! Number one businesswoman? {Produces a piece of paper from the side of her, and holds it up to everyone’s faces.}
DRAKE: {squints at the paper} Hey, Look! I’m number 2!
SARAH: Anyways, {takes back the paper} answer the question, please.
SPYRO: Dragon P got infected by Explodo, the virus, and short circuited while attached to the satellite tower.
SARAH: Ah. Well, I always come up with a back up plan in case we have nowhere to live. {Claps twice}
{The Screen starts to rumble. Everyone look at the camera. Loud metal bangs start occurring every 2 seconds. Cuts to individual shots of everyone looking at what’s happening. Sarah looks smug, Bad Boy looks intimidated, Spyro is shocked so much, his jaw literally dropped to the floor, Peachy looks pretty interested, and Drake isn’t paying attention, and instead is yanking off the yellow creature on his head, and succeeds eventually. Then cuts to what appears to be a Marriot hotel almost completely out of the ground. Then the hotel rises once more with another bang. Pauses for 5 seconds. Then cuts to Peachy with amazed look.}
PEACHY: Wow. That’s one heck of a hotel!
DRAKE: {running past Peachy} I wonder if it has an arcade!
{Cuts to Sarah with a Stop sign in a hand.}
SARAH: Stop!
{Drake runs onscreen and skids and stops when Sarah says “Stop”}
SARAH: I’m not letting you go in for free.
{Cuts to Bad Boy}
BAD BOY: But I’m your brother.
{Cuts to a zoomed out view of everyone}
SARAH: I don’t care. So you got 10,000 to pay me?
{Everyone else reaches into their pockets and pulls out a couple of coins.}
SPYRO: All right, so what does everyone got?
PEACHY: I got 27 cents.
BAD BOY: I got 5 dollars and a starburst.
SPYRO: I got 2 dollars and 55 cents.
DRAKE: {Holds up a Hypercube} Let’s check my 3 piggy banks. {shakes out 3 piggy banks and a hammer. He picks up the hammer and smashes the 1st one. Inside it seems to be more broken green glass.} Uh oh. My priceless lamp was in that one. {He walks up to the second piggy bank, and before he smashes it, the piggy bank comes to life and runs off-screen.} Oh yeah. I only had two piggy banks. {He walks up to the 3rd piggy bank and smashes it open. Out comes out 5 strands of bacon. He picks up one of the strands.} Uh…{To Sarah} do you accept bacon?
SARAH: Sorry. No money, No dice.
BAD BOY: {Begging} Aw come on. Isn’t there another way?
SARAH: {Thinking} Well, there is one way, but you wont like it.
BAD BOY: {Intimidated} You don’t mean-
SARAH: {Interrupting} Yep. You will have to get…
{Cuts to a extreme close up of Sarah’s mouth with the background darkened.}
SARAH: {continuing} …Jobs.
{Cuts to a front view of everyone else}
EVERYONE: {Complaining} What!
{Cuts to a view of Peachy}
PEACHY: Make us!
SARAH: {off-screen} Ok.
PEACHY: You and what army?
{Multiple machine guns load ammo and locking on are heard off-screen. Zooms out showing an entire battalion of soldiers behind 3 tanks locked on to Peachy.}
SARAH: {Short pause} The army.
{Cuts to Spyro dressed in a check in persons uniform. Spyro is just standing there extremely bored.}
SPYRO: {pause} Man, this is boring. I don’t think I could of gotten a worse job than this.
{Bad Boy walks on screen dressed as a maid.}
BAD BOY: Dude, I’m the maid. I have to clean stuff.
SPYRO: So? I have to wait here.
{A toilet flushing is heard off-screen. Then a huge stream of water faucets out off-screen. Drake walks in relieved, and dressed as Mario.}
DRAKE: {relieved} Man, I just made the mother of all turds. {The rooms starts to fill up with water} So, {To Bad Boy} are you going to clean it up?
BAD BOY: {Pause, the water level is at everyone’s chest and is rising very quickly} Well, don’t ask me to clean it. You’re the plumber.
DRAKE: Oh, I thought I was the carpenter.
SPYRO: No, {points off-screen} he’s the carpenter.
{Cuts off-screen showing that Spyro was pointing at Jumpman, the original Mario from Donkey Kong, standing on 3 stacked chair and jumping up and down to avoid the water. Then cuts back to the counter later in the day, when there’s no flood.}
DRAKE: {Walking on-screen} Well, I took care of that problem.
SPYRO: Good, Sarah told me to tell you that we’ve got another clogging on floor five.
DRAKE: {Moaning} Aw. I’ll take awhile. {Walks off-screen}
SPYRO: Jeeze, at least he gets to do stuff. I have wait here monotonously until I actually get someone here. {Sighs}
{A bell jingles, waking Spyro slightly. Homsar walks in.}
HOMSAR: HeEeEeEy JuUuys, I need a place to stay.
SPYRO: Well, We got the first room open. 350 bucks please
HOMSAR: I seEeEeEm to be short by a lot.
SPYRO: Alright, don’t waste my time then.
HOMSAR: OoOoOoh NoOoOoOoO! I think I made a reservatiooooon.
SPYRO: No you didn’t.
{Homsar runs off-screen}
HOMSAR: YeEeES I did! DaAaAaAaAaAa!
{Homsar gets punted on and off-screen, and followed by a crash.}
SARAH: {Walking on-screen very ticked off, and holding a sign.} Alright, new rule. {Walks to the back wall, and tapes the corners of the sign to the wall revealing that the sign says:}
SPYRO: Ok. I doubt we’ll be seeing him again. Or any relatives.
SARAH: We’ll see about that. {Walks off-screen}
{Drake comes on-screen half his normal size.}
SPYRO: {shocked} Woah! What happened to you?
DRAKE: Apparently, there was a turtle in the toilet. I touched it, and I shrank. So, do you got that mushroom pizza I ordered?
SPYRO: Uh yeah, {produces a pizza in a box from under the counter} it came in minutes before you left.
DRAKE: Thanks, {Takes the pizza box, and opens the box and takes one bite out of a piece. Then he grows to normal size (in the same style as Mario does, including the sound effects.)} Ok, you can have the rest. {Hands Spyro the pizza box, and walks off-screen}
SPYRO: I hate mushroom.
{An Astromund walks on-screen}
ASTROMUND: Hi.
SPYRO: {Immediately after and Startled} Wah! How you get here without the bell ringing?
ASTROMUND: There’s a hole in the door. Anyways, I’d like to make a reservation.
SPYRO: For how long?
ASTROMUND: Well, I how much for 3 days?
SPYRO: 500 dollars.
ASTROMUND: Oh, well I got eighteen other people staying here. So that would be 9,000 dollars.
SPYRO: {Disappointed} Aw man. I need 10,000 to stop working here. And hardly anyone visits here.
ASTROMUND: I tell you what. If you satisfy me while I stay here, I’ll tip you an extra thousand dollars.
SPYRO: Woah! Really? Isn’t that expensive for you?
ASTROMUND: Nope. I’m a rich writer.
SPYRO: Oh, well I don’t read, so I wouldn’t know you.
ASTROMUND: It’s ok. Well, my men and me will be getting to our rooms. {Almost walks off-screen but then walks back.} Oh, and I almost forgot. There are a couple of people looking for a guy named Spyro. Do you know anybody with that name?
{Cuts to Arielle, Hunter, Stinkoman, 1-Up and Alpha CT yelling at Spyro up against a wall.}
HUNTER: Dude, me and Arielle were only outside the carnival.
1-UP: Me and Stinkoman were getting pudding.
ALPHA CT: I was with my date.
EVERYONE: Now what happened?
SPYRO: {Guiltily} I…uh…Dragon…Ok you see, there were dragons. Yeah dragons… with guns- no wait, nuclear fusion blasters. Yeah, And they armed at Drake while he was showering, so he couldn’t fight, and I came in with Excalibur, and had an epic battle on top of the Sphinx. But one of them slipped on soap, and fired at the rides place, and Sarah opened this place. Yeah, that’s what happened.
{Silence}
STINKOMAN: That’s the third Dragon attack this week. I should be challenging them by now.
SPYRO: {Admitting} All right! Dragon P. got a worm, and infected the Satellite Tower, and short-circuited while assimilating the energy.
HUNTER: You got to spend some time off that laptop.
ARIELLE: So you got a room for us?
SPYRO: Yes…second floor. They have your names on it.
ARIELLE: Ok {Walks off-screen}
1-UP: I’m going to eat my Puuduu! {Walks off-screen}
HUNTER: Hope the beds are comfy. {Walks off-screen}
STINKOMAN: {Short Pause} Now Spyro, does this place {The door bells jingle} have any {Looks off-screen} cha…uh…
{Cuts to Marzichan walking down the hall in slowmotion with a warm fuzzy pink background with soothing music playing. After 7 seconds cuts back to Stinkoman watching her lovestruck(noted by Marzichan reflected in his eyes). Then cuts to a view behind Stinkoman showing that Marzichan is walking towards him. Cuts back to a view of Stinkomans face. Stinkoman is now sweating and twitching his eyelids. Then cuts to a view showing everyone in the room.}
MARZICHAN: Hey, Alpha, how’s it going?
{A turntable stopping sound effect is heard. Stinkoman’s face is now frozen.}
ALPHA CT: It’s been going good. Now, This place is our new home ever since we can’t get to the other one.
{A tire screeching sound effect is heard.}
SPYRO: {Confused} Wait a second, you’ve been living in my house?
MARZICHAN: Uh, Yes. And I have been ever since Sarah and Arielle moved in.
SPYRO: Well I never noticed.
ALPHA CT: Ok. Could you make a reservation for our date tonight?
{Stinkoman fall backwards}
SPYRO: Uh sure, could you stay back for a second?
ALPHA CT: Sure. Marzichan, you can go up to the room.
{Marzichan walks off-screen}
SPYRO: Alpha, how did you score a girl that pretty?
ALPHA CT: Sarah gave me tips.
{Zooms into Stinkomans head with Alpha’s line echoing 5 times. Stinkomans eyes then glow red.}
Part 3: The 3 part (AKA: I couldn't think of a better 3rd part title)
{Shows a hotel door with 686 as the door number. Spyro’s head comes upt to the door and opens it. Cuts to a front view of the inside of the door showing Spyro holding a pillow.}
SPYRO: Room service.
{The Astromund walks onscreen and gets the pillow}
ASTOMUND: Why thank you sir.
SPYRO: So, uh, I hear you’re a writer.
ASTROMUND: Yes, I travel the country researching peoples heritage.
SPYRO: So you came here to research the people’s heritage?
ASTROMUND: Oh no. I got everyone in this region. I just came here for a break.
SPYRO: Wait, you got everyone here?
ASTROMUND: Yes.
SPYRO: {Asking} Might I see some of you’re books?
ASTROMUND: Sure, they’re over on my bed {points off-screen}. And you can also take the computer magazine.
SPYRO: {Walks off-screen, and then back on holding 3 dictionary-sized books} Thanks. {Walks out the door.}
{Cuts to Spyro sitting at his desk reading one of the books he got}
SPYRO: Hmm…{Turns a page} Ooh. Homsar got married? Heh. Wonder who his offspring was? {Turns page and looks at it in shock}
{Cuts to the page Spyro was looking at, and it shows under a picture of Homsar and an unknown picture of the wife was a picture of Peachy sneezing. Cuts back to Spyro still in shock. He looks to the left, and it pans left showing the “No Homsar or Homsar relatives” sign taped to the wall. Cuts to Peachy standing outside the main door, with Spyro behind it.}
PEACHY: {Turning around} You’re kicking me out because I’m Homsars son?
SPYRO: Look man, it’s Sarah’s rule, all right? If it were up to me, you’d still be in this building.
PEACHY: {Angrily} So why can’t you bend the rules?
SPYRO: I’d get fired, and then all of us, except for Sarah, will have no money.
PEACHY: {Arguing} I was working too!
SPYRO: {quickly} Uh, no you weren’t. {Slams the door}
PEACHY: {Shouting in rage} FINE! I WASN’T! I’LL JUST LEAVE NOW! GOOD RIDANCE TO YOU PEOPLE!
{A shoe falls down from above knocking on Peachy’s head}
DRAKE: {Off-screen, and a few floors above} Shut up! I’m trying to unclog this bowl!
{Peachy takes out a bowler hat similar to Homsars and places it on his head. Then he walks off-screen. Cuts to a bathroom door, where a toilet flush is heard, then Drake comes out of the door exhausted.}
DRAKE: {Breathing hard} Man…Who knew that cleaning scat would be so hard.
{Sarah walks on-screen.}
DRAKE: {Quickly} SARAH!
SARAH: What?
DRAKE: I need some sort of promotion.
SARAH: You don’t have a TV show. Why would you need newspapers to-
DRAKE: {Interrupting} Not that kind of promotion.
SARAH: Exactly. You have no TV show, and newspapers are not going to criticize it because it doesn’t exist. Plus I’m not moving you up from lower to middle class.
DRAKE: {Whining} Aw, come on! I’m tired of cleaning crap up, and sick of wearing this ugly uniform. You’re a girl! You should know fashion.
SARAH: There’s no uniform. You chose that outfit.
DRAKE: That’s not the point. The point is, I want to be the entertainment of the hotel, or something like that. Anything that doesn’t involve stuff that comes from people’s bowels.
SARAH: {Thinking} Well…Ok. You can host the 7:00 entertainment
DRAKE: {Slowly} Yeeeeeeah!
{Cuts to a stage in a ballroom with mostly Astromunds at the tables. Drake walks on pulling a big machine on wheels covered up by a white cloth.}
DRAKE: Hi everyone!
{People continue to talk}
DRAKE: I said…Hi everyone!
{People still continue to talk. Drake pulls out cotton from his pocket and stuffs it in his ear. He then pulls out the same horn from Girls and pushes the button making a loud noise, causing everyone to be silent.}
DRAKE: Now that I have everyone’s attention, hi everyone!
{Pause}
GUY IN AUDIENCE: You’re boring! BOOOOOO!
{Drake chucks the horn at off-screen hitting the guy.}
GUY IN AUDIENCE: Ow! My browser!
DRAKE: Anyways, I’m Drake, and this…
{Pulls off the sheet covering the machine revealing that it’s the laser similar to the one in Girls.}
GUY IN AUDIENCE: What is it?
DRAKE: It’s a mutation ray.
GUY IN AUDIENCE: You’re turning people into X men?
DRAKE: {Agitated} Will you shut up? {Normal voice} Anyways, I’m going to need a volunteer for this.
{Pause}
DRAKE: Ok, if no ones going to volunteer, then the test subject will be…
{He Reaches in his pocket and pulls out an apple}
DRAKE: {Continuing} This apple.
GUY IN AUDIENCE: But why-
DRAKE: {Cutting of} Shut up. So, I place the apple down.
{He puts the apple down next to the laser, and sits down}
DRAKE: I aim…
{Cuts to the computer on the laser locking onto the apple. Cuts back to Drake looking at the aiming computer.}
DRAKE: I fire!
{Drake presses a green button that says “mutation!”. Cuts to a full view of the stage. The laser charges up with a yellow glow, and then zaps the apple. The apple glows green, and then turns to a purple apple with yellow polka dots. Everyone then ooohs, but Drake gets out of the lasers chair unsatisfied.}
DRAKE: That’s strange, it’s supposed to get hairy and grow arms out of it’s stem. {Walks closer to the apple.} I wonder what happen-
{The apple explodes firing a green ray out to the audience. Cuts to the crowd showing a green ray ricocheting off the walls and ceilings, where the audience panics and avoids the ray in terror. Cuts back to Drake dressed up in a baseball uniform with a bat.}
DRAKE: Don’t worry I have this under control!
{Cuts to Spyro holding a tray up to his face. The ray ricochets off the tray (while turning the tray into khakis shorts) off screen. Cuts to Drake where the ray comes straight at him and he smack the ray with his bat off-screen. Cuts to the ray zooming at the ceiling, and crashing through it. Cuts back to Drake (now dressed in his regular clothes, with a relieved look on his face.}
DRAKE: Phew. Had that ray touched a human body, who knows what would of happened. Something must of mess up the ray, cause that wasn’t exactly what was planned. Well, luckily no one was hur-
{A loud crash occurs shaking the screen, switching views with the audience looking in awe. Cuts back to drake with no expression.}
GUY IN AUDIENCE: What was tha-
DRAKE: {Interrupting} Shut up. It was just the heating system. Now anyways-
SARAH: {Off-screen} HOLY CRAP!
DRAKE: Sounds like Sarah on the top floor.
GUY IN AUDIENCE: How would you know-
DRAKE: {Interrupting} Shut up.
SPYRO: {In the audience} Should we check it out?
DRAKE: Why not?
{Cuts to the audience running out of the room out into the hallway. Then cuts to the roof top door where the whole group led by Spyro floods out of the door.}
SPYRO: {In total shock} Woah.
{Zooms out dramatically showing a crashed satellite smoking uncontrollably. Sarah, next to the satellite, is extinguishing the satellite with a fire extinguisher. Spyro walks up to Sarah.}
SPYRO: {Confused} What happened here?
SARAH: A green ray zapped out of the building, and 10 seconds later, this satellite crashed down.
SPYRO: Oh, that must explain the pillows as the wings.
SARAH: What do you mean?
SPYRO: The ray came from Drakes mutation ray.
{The camera focuses out to the crowd with Drake standing in front. Zooms in quickly to his face.}
DRAKE: {awkwardly} Hehe…I’m so fired aren’t I?
SARAH: {Off-screen} You’re fired.
DRAKE: {Immediately} Ok.
{Cuts to Spyro sitting behind his counter laid back with a unidentified magazine in his lap. The words, the next day appear, and then fades out.}
SPYRO: Ooh, yeah. You look perfect.
{Cuts to a first person view of Spyro showing that he’s looking a laptop models.}
SPYRO: Man, I would buy you sweetie.
{Cuts back to the first view.}
SPYRO: If only I had money.
{An explosion is heard, vibrating the screen slightly. Spyro looks up in confusion.}
SPYRO: {Confused} Uh…what was that?
{Smoke starts coming out of the vent behind Spyro. Spyro quickly turns around, and turns back around panicking.}
SPYRO: {Panicking} Ok, Ok, so, what do I do?
{Pans left showing a fire extinguisher on the wall. Spyro runs up and breaks the glass and snatches it. Cuts to the elevator, where Spyro runs on-screen and pushes the up button.}
SPYRO: {Impatient} Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
{The elevator door opens up. Spyro goes in and presses a button. The door closes. Cuts inside the elevator with Spyro waiting. The elevator pings. Spyro looks up. Cuts to the elevators floor identifier, showing that it says “1/2”. Cuts to the door opening up showing Drake walking in. Cuts to a front view of the elevator.}
SPYRO: There’s a floor 1/2?
DRAKE: Nah, the elevator got stuck there so I decided to make a room there.
{Pause. Drake then farts. Spyro runs to the floor buttons and pushes floor 2 multiple times really quickly. The door opens up, with Spyro running out.}
DRAKE: {to Spyro} He who smelt it dealt it!
{Cuts to Spyro running down a hall where it is increasingly getting smokier.}
SPYRO: Whoever is in danger, I’ll save you!
{Spyro stops where there is no smoke, and Sarah seems to be already extinguishing some scraps of smoking metal.}
SPYRO: What happened?
SARAH: I was walking through this hallway when a bomb exploded somewhere near me.
SPYRO: Oh. Well, this won’t happen again will it?
SARAH: No. {Takes a step forward and fall a little bit forward, revealing that she stepped on a trap. About 7 arrows are fired in front of her, missing her by an inch. She steps backwards anxiously.} On second thought, yes.
SPYRO: Um, how many times did something try to kill you?
SARAH: I lost count. So, your going to find out who has been trying to kill me.
SPYRO: Cool. My new name for now is…Inspector Clueless!
{Pause}
SARAH: No. Just no.
SPYRO: Oh, uh, how bout…Sherlock Holes!
{Pause}
SARAH: Still no.
SPYRO: How bout…Scooby Doody and the gang!
{Pause}
SARAH: Better off going with the Sherlock Holes one.
SPYRO: Sure. {Pause} See ya. {Runs off-screen}
Part 4: Who is the Culprit?
{Shows Spyro at his desk looking writing something down}
SPYRO: Hmm…
{Sarah walks on screen}
SARAH: Have you found out the culprit yet?
SPYRO: No, but I do have a whole list of suspects.
SARAH: {Impatient} Well…read them.
SPYRO: Ok.
{The background behind Spyro and Sarah turns black. A rotating model of Drake appears onscreen.}
SPYRO: Suspect 1: Drake. Why? Because he seemed to have wanted a beter job, and his chance was blown. You didn’t even give him a chance to try again.
{The Figure of Drake vanishes and a rotating figure of Peachy appears onscreen}
SPYRO: Suspect 2: Peachy. You didn’t make an exception for him to stay because he was related to Homsar.
SARAH: But If I let Peachy in, Homsar would want to stay because Peachy has an exception.
SPYRO: {Countering} Homsar’s the freakin captain of the Gravy Train. I’m sure he has better business to do. Anyways, suspect 3: Your brother.
{The Peachy figure fades out and a rotating figure of Bad Boy appears on screen.}
SARAH: Ok, now you’re making stuff up-
SPYRO: {Interrupting} I’m not making stuff up, yo. That dude is seriously envious of you. And really hates you. If he got rid of you, maybe he would of gotten your money.
SARAH: {Thinking} Hmm…Still pretty stupid.
SPYRO: Shut up. Anyways, suspect 4-
SARAH: {Interrupting} There’s more-
SPYRO: Shut up. Suspect 4: Stinkoman.
{A Rotating figure of Stinkoman appears onscreen in a Marshie style (looping upwards from the top of the screen to the middle of the screen.)}
SARAH: Why?
SPYRO: He’s in his room crying because the girls he fell in love with is taken by Alpha, and he said that you gave him tips.
SARAH: You sure he’s not mad at Alpha?
SPYRO: No. Anyways, suspect number 5: Me.
SARAH: Uh…are you applying that you tried to kill me?
SPYRO: No, but I am implying that I really dislike you. Ok, that’s a rap.
{The background fades back to its original form.}
SPYRO: Now I got to interrogate these suspects.
SARAH: {uneasily} Oh, yeah, about that. I hired another detective to do the job.
SPYRO: {whining} But I’m Sherlock Holes!
SARAH: Exactly.
SPYRO: {Short pause} You’re lucky I’m not the criminal.
SARAH: We’ll see about that.
{Cuts to an interrogating room with the same lie detector (or copy machine) as Peachy used earlier. Sherlock, from Sweet Cuppin Cakes, is sitting in a chair across from Drake.}
DRAKE: So why did Sarah tell me to come back here?
SHERLOCK: Bloorple bloorple bloorple.
DRAKE: {Apprehending} Ooh! Investigation for a culprit.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple.
DRAKE: Oh, not investigation. You just wanted to talk.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple?
DRAKE: I lost my job because something went wrong in my presentation. My laser presentation.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple?
DRAKE: Yeah, my boss is pretty harsh.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple?
DRAKE: Yeah I hate her. I used to be a plumber when I have experience in the fields of engineering.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple?
DRAKE: No, I’m not dumb.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple? Bloorple Bloorple?
DRAKE: You have a weird accent. Are you from the south?
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple!
DRAKE: Shut up.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple.
DRAKE: {Laughing} Hahaha! That’s one interesting story.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple.
DRAKE: Ok, I’ll be leaving.
{A radial transition scene occurs, and now Peachy is sitting in the chair}
PEACHY: Why am I here? Is this an interview?
SHERLOCK: Bloorple.
PEACHY: Oh. Well, shoot.
SHERLOCK: {Asking} Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple?
PEACHY: I got kicked out of my apartment for being the heir of the gravy train.
SHERLOCK: {Questioning} Bloorple?
PEACHY: Yeah, my boss is a butt face.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloorple Bloorple?
PEACHY: No way man, she’s a freaking hot head.
SHERLOCK: Bloorple Bloo-
PEACHY: {Shouting} THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER! {Peachy grabs under the copy machine and flips it’s over onto its surface. Then he stomps his way out the room.}
{Pans left showing Spyro holding the lie detectors graph results.}
SPYRO: He’s lying.
{Fasts forward to Bad Boy sitting in the chair now.}
BAD BOY: You wanted to see me?
SHERLOCK: {Dark tone} Bloorple Bloorple.
BAD BOY: A conspiracy?
SHERLOCK: {Dark tone} Bloorple bloorple bloorple.
BAD BOY: My sister…uh…you know…
{Bad Boy races out of his seat to the door and slams the door open and turns left. After 2 seconds, a crash is heard. Then Bad Boy is seen through the crack of the closing door running right.}
SPYRO: {off-screen} He’s lying.
{Fasts forward to Stinkoman sitting in the chair}
SHERLOCK: {Empathetic} Bloorple bloorple?
STINKOMAN: I'm in love with a girl, but she’s taken.
SHERLOCK: {Asking} Bloorple?
STINKOMAN: He got tips from this hotels boss.
SHERLOCK: {Questioning} Bloorple?
STINKOMAN: I feel like challenging the crap out of her!
SHERLOCK: {Suggesting} Bloorple Bloorple?
STINKOMAN: No way! If I did that…I…uh…what was I gonna say?
{Cuts to Spyro sitting at his desk reading a magazine.}
SARAH: {Walking on screen} Hey, could you take care of some diarrhea in toilet 3, floor 2?
SPYRO: Why can’t you get BB to do it?
SARAH: He’s the one who made it.
SPYRO: Oh. Well, he’s the maid/plumber. Tell him to do it.
SARAH: I need to keep you occupied.
SPYRO: I am reading, and you could let me work on solving the mystery.
SARAH: {Sighs} Fine. Go ahead.
SPYRO: Woot! I’ll go investigate the crime scenes! First to prove Drake is innocent! {Dashes off screen}
SARAH: Uhh...That's not the crime scene.
{Cuts to the ballroom where Drakes laser is still there. Spyro, now wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat and holding a magnifying glass, is glancing around the laser. Zooms in to the side of the laser.}
SPYRO: {popping out from behind the laser} Hmm…Drake said that the laser didn’t work right. He said something about it supposed to grow arms and hairy. Let’s open this sucker up!
{Cuts Spyro’s view of the other side of the laser showing a hatch. Spyro breaks open the hatch and sticks his head inside.}
SPYRO: {Slightly obscured voice} Hmm… Let’s see here…wires…bolts…Easter Eggs…{realization} Hey! What’s this? {Reaches his hand inside}
{Spyro takes his head and hand out of the hatch holding a fried banana.}
SPYRO: A banana? {Slight pause} Oh yeah. I wonder how this got here? {Pause} Well, I’m done here.
{Cuts to Spyro investigating when Sarah got attacked. Spyro looks around with his magnifying glass questionably.}
SPYRO: Hmm…Who is the culprit? {Looks down at something} AHA! What’s this?
{Cuts to a view of the floor showing a gray liquid on the floor. Spyro holds the magnifying glass over the liquid giving it a closer look. Cuts back to Spyro who has some of the liquid on his hand. He sniffs it twice and then eats it.}
SPYRO: Blech…strawberry flavor. {Slight pause} Wait, that’s not strawberry…that’s another element…
{Cuts to Spyro at his desk. reading his magazine.}
SARAH: {Walking on-screen} What are you doing? I thought you were investigating.
SPYRO: I am. This is what I was doing at the scene at the crime.
SARAH: Even if you were, you should be investigating something else. Or read a better magazine or book for that matter.
SPYRO: Hey, this magazine is much better than a genealogy book written by…
{Pause. Zooms in quickly to Spyro’s face who expression is frozen in mid sentence.}
SPYRO: That’s it!
SARAH: What’s it?
SPYRO: The culprit! Order everyone in this building, including Peachy and Drake to come to the ballroom!
SARAH: But who-
SPYRO: {Interrupting} Just do it! {Runs off-screen}
{Cuts to the ballroom with everyone, including the Astromunds in the room. Spyro walks on the stage from behind the curtains.}
SPYRO: Hello everyone!
{Everyone continues to talks}
SPYRO: Jeeze…{Pulls out a microphone, and starts talking, but is interrupted by a microphone screech silencing everyone.} Ok, Hello everyone. I have all summoned you here because I have figured out who the culprit is. But let me go over the facts, eh?
{White fades out. Cuts to a flashback of Sarah walking, and then a bomb is thrown in her arms. She throws it off-screen exploding.}
SPYRO: {Voiceover} Apparently, some dude wants to kill Sarah. No ones is sure who done it, until now.
{Cuts back to Spyro.}
SPYRO: {Dramatic Questioning} Could it of been…
{Cuts to Drake sitting at a table drinking some liquid.}
SPYRO: {Continuing} …Drake? He got fired by Sarah, and possibly wants revenge?
{Drake looks around anxiously. Cuts to Peachy sitting next to Drake watching Spyro impatiently.}
SPYRO: Or was it Peachy? No Homsar relative’s rules were established, and he got kicked out. Plus he’s got no money.
PEACHY: I do so.
SPYRO: Shut up.
{Scrolls up to Bad Boy sitting across from Peachy.}
SPYRO: Or could of it been Bad Boy. Envy could of taken over his control and tried to kill his own sister.
{Cuts to Stinkoman Sitting backwards.}
SPYRO: Or was it Stinkoman? Or was it Colonel Mustard?
{Cuts to Colonel Mustard, from Milton Brasleys board game Clue.}
COLONEL MUSTARD: I’m telling you, I saw Professor Plum do it in the Library with a lead pipe!
{Cuts back to Spyro}
SPYRO: It could have been any of those people. But I have evidence that will narrow it down to one person.
{Fades out white. Cuts to a flashback of Spyro in the elevator with Drake.}
SPYRO: {Voiceover} It couldn’t of been Drake, cause he was with me during the assault. And trapped on the 1/2 floor.
{Cuts to a flash back of Sherlock interviewing Bad Boy.}
SPYRO: It could have been B.B, cause he ran away during interrogation. But we found out that he had major diarrhea.
{Cuts to Peachy being kicked out.}
SPYRO: It couldn’t of been Peachy, because he was on the Gravy Train at the time. And that’s just an assumption.
{Cuts to Stinkoman standing in a field.}
SPYRO: During interrogation, Stinkoman didn’t sound like he wanted to kill Sarah, so he’s now exempt.
{Cuts back to Spyro in the real world.}
SPYRO: And now, the killer is…
ANNOUNCER: Who is the culprit is it Peachy? Drake? Bad Boy? Stinkoman? 1-Up? Chef? Officer Barbrady? Jimbo? Mr, Garrison? Wait, are they even from the same show? {Pause} Oh. Never mind the last 4 people.
Take a minute to decide who it is. When you’re ready, click the link below.
