(even if you aren't vegan)
Spyro email/Hotel/Part 5
SPYRO: The Astromund Writer.
{Everyone gasps. Cuts to the Astromund looking around nervously. Cuts back to Spyro.}
SPYRO: But people, I have reason. He’s not really an Astromund.
{Flashesback to the cover of the Geneology book Spyro was reading.}
SPYRO: He apparently was writing the exact same books as the ones I discovered in the library. By the author “P.P” {Laughs} Hehe. {Serious again}. P P? Sounds familiar?
{Flashes back to Spyro investigating the laser.}
SPYRO: {Voiceover} Also, I found a banana inside the laser. Only me and Sarah know where they are. Locked up in Drakes lab. Drake never knew about this. So only someone who knows labs would be able to get their hands on it.
{Cuts back to real life.}
SPYRO: And that person left their track at the scene of the crime. Platinum. Liquid Platinum. {He walks over to the Astromund Writer.} Sounds awfully familiar?
{Cuts to a front view of the Atromund. Spyro rips off the suit, but it still obstructs the view of the culprit.}
SPYRO: Well, you’re not fooling anyone. The culprit is Platinum Poorbt!
{Spyro throws the suit offscreen where the Astromund really was the Platinum Poorbt Everyone gasps. Cuts to Drake looking at him in shock.}
DRAKE: I knew it all along!
PLATINUM POORBT: {Angry} Crap! My plan was so perfect! How could it fail?
SPYRO: So why did you do it?
PLATINUM POORBT: {Sighs} Well, this will be long. It all started when I snuck in your house to kill Stinkoman. To distract you, I sent the Genealogy email, so you could find my trick book. But then I had even better ideas. I noticed this, Sarah. She was extremely good at making money, and I needed money to pay for other gems for my prototype laser.
SPYRO: Laser? You mean-
PLATINUM POORBT: That’s right, I used Drakes laser as a base. To sneak in here, I disguised myself as an Astromund. But before I had to get rid of Sarah, I had to get rid of everyone who would defend her. I even interrogated two.
SPYRO: Who?
{The Platinum Poorbt takes out a red button control and presses it. Cuts to the Stage showing a metal pole rising out. Attached to it is Hunter and Arielle tied up and gagged. Cut’s back the Platinum Poorbt.}
SPYRO: So you-
PLATINUM POORBT: Yes, I took the banana and sabotaged Drakes laser. I also found that entry showing Peachies relation to Homsar, and I sent Homsar in.
SPYRO: You jerk.
PLATINUM POORBT: So I got rid of everyone, and waited for the moment till Sarah came. So I snuck up, and tossed the bomb. The explosion made my platinum drip a little bit, exposing the evidence. So I got the money somehow, and bought my precious gems and parts for my laser. And I also came up with a brilliant plan!
{Cuts to the door opening. Marzichan walks in.}
MARZICHAN: Hello? Alpha said he’d meet me here.
{Cuts back to Spyro and the Platinum Poorbt.}
PLATINUM POORBT: Ha! And it’s about to start! Oh minions…Al…Sto…Ba…Gos.
{Cuts to all of the Astromunds, where all of them have a hypnotized look. They all run after Marzichan and catch her. Then they carry her to the stage wall, past Hunter and Arielle. They Duct tape her limbs to the wall and then a laser rises out next to the pole. Cuts back to the Platinum Poorbt.}
PLATINUM POORBT: I have hypnotizing powers now. By using it, I can destroy Stinkomans girlfriend!
STINKOMAN: WHAAAAAT?
SPYRO: Who? Oh yeah. Well, you’re not going to get away with this. I’ll stop you.
PLATINUM POORBT: Too bad your feet are cuffed to the ground.
SPYRO: Habblia-What? {He looks down. Scrolls down showing his feet are cuffed to the ground. Scrolls back up.} Yeah, well, you s suck. Ha!
PLATINUM POORBT: Bla bla bla. {Runs to the laser}
{Cuts to the laser showing the Platinum Poorbt is sitting on the seat, and typing some words in.}
PLATINUM POORBT: And now, Plug in the gem. {Takes out a brilliant shaped bronze jewel and attaches it in a hole.} And now Stinkoman, {Faces the crowd} Who do you want to be annihilated? Your girlfriend?
MARZICHAN: {Off-screen} I’m not really his girl-
PLATINUM POORBT: Quiet! {Continuing} Or...{The laser twists to the crowd} I’ll go on a laser spree…On the entire planet, and nothing can stop me.
{Cuts to Spyro}
SPYRO: {horrified} Stinkoman, you got to choose.
STINKOMAN: Can I have use one of my lifelines? {Pause} Aw…If you must kill one of us…Do her, and then me.
PLATINUM POORBT: Cool. That’s what I expected. I was going to kill you afterwards, anyways. {Turns the laser towards Marzichan} And now, let’s do this…{The laser charges up.}
{Cuts to the Door. Alpha is standing there really confused.}
ALPHA CT: Uhh…What is going on?
{Cuts to Alpha’s view showing the Platinum Poorbt about to shoot Marzichan.}
ALPHA CT: What the-You can’t kill her! {He scuttles really fast over to the stage}
{Cuts to Alpha scuttling onstage, and the laser shoots, but Alpha jumps in front of the beam. Milliseconds before impact, everything goes in slow motion. Alpha quickly spins really quickly reflecting the beam off him and it zaps back at the Platinum Poorbt. P P is catapulted backwards off his seat. Cuts to 1-Up staring up at P P in awe. Right when P P falls near him, 1-Up supposedly grabs P P and spikes his down really hard on the ground. After P P’s impact, a red button control comes out of his pocket. 1-Up picks up the control and presses it, causing everyone’s foot cuffs to unlock.}
1-UP: Thanks you hamburger!
PLATINUM POORBT: {in a daze} Ohh…Darn you…Hamburger.
{Cuts to a hamburger in a fast food building, sitting on a table.}
HAMBUGER: {Pause} Man, I seriously need to see a psychologist about thinking I’m getting thanked and darned.
{Cuts to Stinkoman ripping off the duct tape that’s holding Marzichan on the wall.}
SPYRO: {Walking on-screen with Sarah, Drake, Peachy, Bad Boy, and 1-Up.} Well, I solved the mystery, and peace shall reign over this place again. And I had a speech.
BAD BOY: But why exactly did you need a dramatic intro as if this was a movie?
SPYRO: My life is like a movie.
BAD BOY: Oh. It was pretty stupid, though.
SPYRO: Shut up.
PEACHY: You know, I think someone owes all of us an apology.
DRAKE: You’re right. {To off-screen} Platinum Poorbt?
PEACHY: Not him, the her.
SARAH: Oh, all right. I’m sorry everyone.
DRAKE: Apology accepted. Group hug-
EVERYONE ELSE: {Shouting} No!
DRAKE: Just trying to be friendly.
SPYRO: There’s just one thing I don’t get. Who sent me the worm email getting us into this whole situation?
VOICE: I did.
{Everyone gasps. Cuts to the door where a shadow figure is standing there. It hops forward a few times, revealing that the figure is the Head Jaro from Raid.}
HEAD JARO: My troops are gone, and I’m the only one remaining. Well, I was dead until I woke up. Now I wanted revenge on you for killing me.
SPYRO: {Off-screen} Why me?
HEAD JARO: Because you killed me. And now I shall kill-
{A brick is chucked at him from off-screen. It breaks the Head Jaro to bits. Then the bad graphics ghost comes out of the Head Jaro, glares at Spyro, and floats and scurries out of the room quickly. Cuts back to everyone on stage.}
SPYRO: Bricks come in handy. Now, since our payment never came from Platinum, can you still spare us some money?
SARAH: Alright, Fine. You get ten grand. Now go rebuild Mount rides place.
SPYRO: But 10 grand isn’t enou-
SARAH: Don’t push it.
PEACHY: So where can we stay?
STINKOMAN: We can stay at my place. I haven’t been there in a while.
SPYRO: Well it’s settled. We’re staying at Stinkoman’s.
SARAH: Let’s go there via copter.
DRAKE: To the copter!
{A batman transition scene occurs with the copter at the center object. Cuts back to everyone still on the stage.}
SPYRO: It doesn’t work like that. Here’s how it goes. {Points his finger up} To the Sarah-Copter!
{Another batman transition scene occurs. Cuts back showing that everyone had left the stage, and Spyro is still remaining there.}
SPYRO: {Pause} I hate when they do that.
{Cuts to inside the Sarah-copter, which just looks like the inside of the Stinko-Ship, only the walls are painted green. Spyro walks in the door.}
SPYRO: Ok, attendance check?
DRAKE: Everyone including Hunter and Arielle are here.
SPYRO: Great, take-off!
{The copter lifts off the ground.}
SARAH: {Pause} Oh, wait, we forgot about your pet.
SPYRO: Alpha? Well turns this ship around and-
{Pans left showing 1-Up near the control panel.}
1-UP: What’s this button do?
{Presses a button.}
SARAH-COPTER: Hotel destruction activated. 15…
SPYRO: Uh…Why do have that button?
SARAH: {Thinking} Uh…
DRAKE: Hey, I see a The Cheat with a shell coming.
SPYRO: Alpha? Wow, the ray worked. Bring down the ladder!
SARAH: Hey, that’s my line. {Goes over to the door, and opens it and drops down a ladder.}
{Cuts to Alpha running as fast as he could towards the edge of the roof. He then leaps really far looking like he might miss the ladder by a hair. Cuts to the ballroom in the Hotel, where the Platinum Poorbt is waking up from his daze.}
PLATINUM POORBT: Uhh…huh?
HOTEL: 3…2…1…bye bye.
PLATINUM POORBT: Oh…sn-
{Cuts to Alpha in mid air. The Hotel explodes behind him, and everything goes in slow mo. Just about when Alpha is reaching the ladder, the screen pauses.}
ANNOUNCER: Will Alpha reach the ladder? Will P P survive the explosion? Will Sarah find out why she put a “Make the Hotel Explode button?” The answer will be revealed next…now.
{Cuts to Alpha climbing the ladder. Then cuts to the hotel exploding. Then Cuts to Sarah thinking.}
ANNOUNCER: {Voicing each clip} Yes. Probably not. No.
{Cuts to Spyrox6 reading what appears to be a book the size of a dictionary.}
SPYROX6: And my work here is finally done. Good night everybody!
{Credits roll with “We are the Champions” by Queen playing.}
