Conshow/49

Summary

Why do I keep doing this anyway?

Transcript

{Open to the White Screen of Continuity, Conchris suddenly pops up from the bottom of the screen}

CONCHRIS: Before we can get Episode 49 on the road, the writer would like to thank everyone for watching this and those guys down at Decentville from that show that I can't remember for giving the writer inspiration to do this oh dear god help me I'm trying to talk without punctuation. Here's hoping for another 50 episodes after the fiftieth. {looks to the side} Err... we're not going to go insane and go back in time, right?

CRUROAR: Well, I will. If you begin to act all stupid.

CONCHRIS: Ha ha ha! No. {shoots Cruroar with a gun}

CIEEIA: You killed him!

CONCHRIS: So what? He died several times before.

CIEEIA: I see your point but why'd you shoot him?

CONCHRIS: VIOLENCE!

{Conchris shoots Cieeia}

CONCHRIS: That was less funny than I expected. Oh well. {pushes a button}

{Cut to an image of Earth, it explodes}

{Cue intro}

{Open to Xavian's Battleship, Xavian is holding a giant cannon, looking like he's struggling to hold onto it}

XAVIAN: He he he. With this Screen Timeinator (tm), I can steal the main character's screen time and use it for my very own show: The Xavian Show!

YFFULF #24: {sarcastically} Yeah! That's totally original!

XAVIAN: It sure is!

{The Yffulf facepalms and sighs}

XAVIAN: Now, I'm going to fire my lazor.

YFFULF #54: Why don't you reference more memes?

XAVAIN: That's the best idea ever!

{Cut to the base on the nameless planet, Conchris had somehow chained himself up on a wall. Cieeia walks in and looks at him in surprise}

CIEEIA: WHAT THE HELL?!

CONCHRIS: Forest decided it would be funny if I died from starvation. So she placed a whole bunch of chains and locked me in a pod so I can't escape. I need your help. Check out the enclosed instruction book at the bottom of my feet there...

{Cieeia picks up the instruction book and reads it}

CIEEIA: It's an instruction book for a GAME!

CONCHRIS: Oh.

{The screen darkens}

CONCHRIS: Is there a blackout?

CIEEIA: I don't think so...

{Cruroar runs in}

CRUROAR: Something's wrong!

CONCHRIS: What? Spy's sapping your sentry?

CRUROAR: Ha ha, very funny... Anyway, WE'RE LOSING OUR SCREEN TIME!

{Pause}

CONCHRIS: Oh, so that's why the screen darkened.

CIEEIA: They just did it for dramatic effect.

NYDARA: {voice only} Yep!

KYLERA: {voice only} We did!

CONCHRIS: Crap.

{Cue intro?}

{Open to Xavian's Battleship, Xavian bashes down the door with Chrionroar and throws him off the screen}

XAVIAN: Honey! I'm home!

{Canned laughter plays in the background}

YFFULF #321: {faking a female voice} I'm over here, sweetie!

{Xavian walks to the left}

XAVIAN: I brought home someone I value dearly.

YFFULF #321: {still faking a female voice} Who is it, dear?

XAVIAN: He's my co-worker from work!

YFFULF #321: What's his job?

XAVIAN: LHC - World Destroyer.

{Canned laughter}

YFFULF #321: Well, come on in!

{Another Yffulf walks in wearing a nametag reading "Hi, My name is: Dan"}

XAVIAN: Here he is!

DAN: {high pitched voice} Why hi there!

{Canned laughter}

DAN: It's because I was inhaling HELIUM wasn't it?

{Canned laughter}

XAVIAN: He became a Helium Tester for about a minute before he started making out with balloons.

{Canned laughter}

YFFULF #321: That's.... very interesting, deary...

{Canned laughter...}

DAN: Are we going to have canned laughter after EVERY line?

{Harder canned laughter}

{Cut to the base on the nameless planet, Conchris is severely pale}

CONCHRIS: Must... find... a... way... OUT OF HERE!

{Conchris throws a remote at Cieeia, hitting her in the head}

CONCHRIS: I know! I'll go and have a {to self} secret adventure!

CRUROAR: Yeah, su- {notices that Conchris is gone} Wow. He sure is fast...

{Cut to a corridor, Conchris walks along it}

CONCHRIS: I'm going on a secret adventure! Going on a secret adventure! To see what I can... err... forget it... {smacks face-first into a door} OW! This door wasn't here before!

{John suddenly appears behind Conchris}

JOHN: That's because it wasn't!

{Conchris jumps a bit and turns around}

CONCHRIS: How do you know?

JOHN: Dude. To open this door, the generator must be destroyed. And I highly doubt you'd be able to access it from her- {notices that the door is open} Why must I be proven WRONG?!

{Zoom out to reveal Cruroar watching John on a screen}

CRUROAR: Now you know how Cruroar feels.

{Cut to Xavian's Battleship, the three are now sitting at a table, eating dinner}

YFFULF #321: So, honey, how was your day?

XAVIAN: We destroyed the world.

{Canned laughter}

YFFULF #321: {voice loses fake female voice} Really?

XAVIAN: Yeah.

DAN: It was full of naughty things!

{The canned laughter gets louder}

{The screen flashes white and Yffulf #321 is replaced by another Yffulf}

YFFULF #456: It appears that I've went to surgery.

XAVIAN: At the dinner table?!

{Canned laughter}

YFFULF #456: Yes.

DAN: {voice slowly lowers in pitch} So are... Wait a second... {pulls out a balloon full of helium and sucks some helium in, the voice is now high pitched again} So, are we going to show her our job of destroying the world or not?

{Canned laughter}

{Cut to the generator room, several Yffulf guards it. Conchris stands by the entrance as he pulls out his laser blade, he then slices at two of the guards before falling onto the catwalk below him. A giant robot turns around and aims at him, Conchris dodges the missiles that the robot fired and falls into a small barrel. The guards suddenly surround it as Conchris bursts out wearing Forest Armour. He changes to a blue and cyan colour palette and shoots the robot, making it explode. He then jumps down to see a room full of generators}

CONCHRIS: With one blow, I can cut off all the power supply... Or I can kill everyone on this planet, whichever comes first...

{Cut to Xavian's Battleship, Xavian and Dan are in front of control panel with the crosshairs pointed at a Death Star like planet}

XAVIAN: Let's destroy the world!

DAN: YEAH!

{Xavian pushes the red button and a loud humming sound slowly fades in}

XAVIAN: We're ready to fire in 5...

{Cut to the generator room, Conchris swings his blade at one of the generators}

XAVIAN: {v.o} 4...

{The generator explodes}

XAVIAN: {v.o} 3...

{The humming sound stops}

XAVIAN: {v.o} Oh fiddlesticks, what now?

{The screen slowly changes colour to black and white, as Conchris puts on a top hat}

CONCHRIS: {silent, a black screen pops up with the words that the characters were going to say} It appears that I've hit the wrong generator.

{Conchris looks around}

CONCHRIS: AH! Here's the one! {swings the blade at the camera, it suddenly shuts off}

{Cut to Xavian's Battleship}

XAVIAN: {silent} What the hell happened?!

DAN: {silent} I dunno...

YFFULF #456: {silent} Err... I think I know...

XAVIAN: (What?)

YFFULF #456: (Someone broke the soundinator, which keeps this planet from turning into a world of black and white style movies.)

XAVIAN: (That's just bloody great!)

{The lights suddenly switch off}

XAVIAN: (BLEEP!)

{Cut to the base on the nameless planet}

CRUROAR: (Conches, what the hell just happened?)

CONCHRIS: (I have bashed down all the generators, even the one that gives us important oxygen!)

CRUROAR: (Well, we're gonna die)

CONCHRIS: (Totally.)

{Cut to the White Space of Death, Conchris, Cruroar and Cieeia suddenly appears}

CRUROAR: {voice} Well, we died.

CONCHRIS: Certainly.

{Fade to black}

{Open to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill, a small table slowly rises through the ceiling as thunder and lightening strikes outside. Greg can be seen playing an organ}

GREG: Are you sure playing an organ can bring things to life better?

SIRHCNOC: Yes! Now keep playing!

{An electrical shock is seen and the robot on the table suddenly flumps onto the floor}

SIRHCNOC: He's alive! We did it! We brought a robot back from the dead!

GREG: Yeah, great. Now can I stop playing?

SIRHCNOC: NO!

{Cue credits}