Conshow/32

Summary

Sirhcnoc decides to send a small army of Yffulf out to abduct and imprison Conchris and the gang, they are then imprisoned on a planet that is barely inhabited

Transcript

{Open to Sirhcnoc's Lair in a Bulding, Sirhcnoc is on the phone}

SIRHCNOC: Yes mother. Yes, I'm studying to be an evil villain, just like you. Yes, I know to wear clean underpants when I take over Wikity. Goodbye, love you too. {hangs up}

GREG: Mother's boy!

SIRHCNOC: SILENCE! What's the progress of the Sanity Shifter?

GREG: It's going swell, but I'm worried that those fools are going to mess it up for us.

SIRHCNOC: We need to bring them out of this planet entirely...

GREG: We are alien creatures, you know. You could just ask US to take them out of the planet.

SIRHCNOC: Awesome! {points in a dramatic fashion} Get the spaceships!

{Cue introduction}

{Open to Conchris' House - Living Room}

CONCHRIS: There isn't much going on today...

CRUROAR: Yeah, but I want more comedic moments and less fighting...

CONCHRIS: Umm... isn't this the part when the house suddenly flares up in flames?

{Greg breaks down the front door with Chrionroar's head and throws him at Conchris and Cruroar}

CHRIONROAR: I'm a battering ram!

GREG: YOU!

CONCHRIS: ARE!

GREG: GOING TO!

CONCHRIS: DIE?

GREG: NO! OUR PLANET!

CONCHRIS: What if I refuse?

GREG: You will die!

CRUROAR: So much for free choice.

{Greg orders several Yffulf to take Conchris and Cruroar into the spaceship in a forcecage, Cieeia slides down the railings of the stairs and Forest teleports in}

CIEEIA: What's going on?

CRUROAR: Uhh... we're being kidnapped? Again.

GREG: You shall be imprisoned on a planet that we USED to live on! Besides, we hate you guys. Get them!

{Nothing happens}

GREG: WOULD YOU STOP {bleep}ING OGLING THEM FOR ONE SECOND AND GET THEM?!

BOB: Oh, sorry.

{Bob fires a sleep ray into the house, a light blue gas slowly flows in}

CIEEIA: No, Officer, I haven't been drinking... {falls over, asleep}

FOREST: Nothing's happening. Ha! Take that!

GREG: Don't worry, I have a chaff grenade for this occasion! {pulls out a grenade and pulls its pin}

FOREST: Wait... what?!

{The grenade explodes and the scene blacks out}

GREG: Oh great! We also made the camera fall asleep!

{Open up to a planet, the camera slowly zooms in on a building to reveal that it is a jail cell, Cieeia and Cruroar wake up to find that they're in separate cells}

CRUROAR: Cieeia?!

CIEEIA: Cruroar?!

CRUROAR: Where are we?

CONCHRIS: {sleepily} Kid Klown...

CIEEIA: There's nobody here...

CRUROAR: Well, it appears that we're on another planet, the gravity here isn't as heavy as back on Earth.

{Conchris wakes up and realises that he is in a cage}

CONCHRIS: HOLY CRAP! I'm in a suspended cage!

CRUROAR: Aww! You get the cage while we get the prison!

CIEEIA: As fair as it wasn't, let's find a way out of here...

{Cieeia takes a pipe out of her pocket and whacks the bars with it, the pipe gets dented}

CIEEIA: I was hoping that would work.

CRUROAR: Well, it didn't. Forest?

{Pan over to reveal Forest wearing a traffic cone on her head}

FOREST: No sir. I-I-I-I-I-I didn't eat the pineapple saucer!

CONCHRIS: Something must have scrambled her circuits because she would not normally act like this.

FOREST: I-I-I-I can does it! Ten thousand, tswames... {hits her head off the bars, a small dent is left in the bars, she then falls over}

CONCHRIS: Wait, where's Major Goatface?

CRUROAR: Huh... Where is Chrionroar?

{Cut to a field, the field is made of a chocolate-like substance, Chrionroar is beamed in and he looks around all giddy like}

CHRIONROAR: I'S IN HEVAN!

{A chocolate bunny hops up to Chrionroar}

CHOCOLATE BUNNY: Greetings, earthling. I hope you came in- {Chrionroar bites off his left arm} ARGH! MY ARM!

CHRIONROAR: Tastes like Chocoirons!

CHOCOLATE BUNNY: ARGH! Now I'm bleeding everywhere! AHHHH! {realises that Chrionroar has bitten off the rest of his body parts} ARRRRRGHHH! THE PAIN!

CHRIONROAR: WHEE! {flies off}

CHOCOLATE BUNNY: Oh well, at least I got insurance. {makes a well face}

{Cut back to the prison, Cieeia is bashing Forest against the bars in an attempt to get out}

CIEEIA: You're no help, Forest.

FOREST: Bubble thoo!

CIEEIA: {throws Forest to the back of the cell} HOW ARE WE GOING TO ESCAPE?

CONCHRIS: No need to shout. This place merely echoes. Ecco... The Dolphin.

CRUROAR: Well, at least nothing else is happening, that's good.

{The lights suddenly shut off}

CIEEIA: AHH! The dark! No... I'll... I'll be good Mr. Bogeyman! {sits down in a fetal position}

CRUROAR: Okay, that does it! {pulls out his solar gun and tries to fire it, he looks at it and it reads "No Sunlight Found"} DAMN IT!

CONCHRIS: Well, I guess we can start our daily series about our situation. It shall be called "Cellblock".

{Cue introduction, again}

{Open to the prison, the camera zooms in on Conchris}

CONCHRIS: Hello, and welcome to Cellblock! On this episode, we're going to try and break out of here with explosives! Take it away, Cruroar!

{The camera cuts to Cruroar}

CRUROAR: This better work...

{Cruroar lights a match and lights the explosives, they explode and the shrapnel flies everywhere, a piece of shrapnel hits Cruroar's eye}

CRUROAR: ARRRRGH! MY FREAKING EYE! {laugh track}

CONCHRIS: What a stupid idiot! {laugh track is louder}

CRUROAR: I'll kill you!

CONCHRIS: Whoa! No need to be violent! Let's check on Cieeia!

{The camera cuts to Cieeia, still in a fetal position}

CIEEIA: I've seen the light... it was scary... so many tales untold... SO MANY SUNS HAVEN'T SET! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! {bashes head off the wall}

CONCHRIS: That's all the time we have for today, ladies and gents! See you next time when we destroy the world! {laugh track}

{Cue credits}

{Cut to the prison, an alarm sounds and the bars lift and the cage suddenly breaks, causing Conchris to hit the floor}

CONCHRIS: Whoa! Who did that?

CIEEIA: FREEDOM! AT LAST! FREEDOM! {kisses the ground outside the cell}

CRUROAR: I feel kind of bad for Cieeia.

CONCHRIS: Well don't. She's gone insane now.

CIEEIA: INSAN?! ME?! I-I-I'm not insane... just... just... scared. Yes. Scared...

CONCHRIS: Whatever, let's just go and explore the planet.

CRUROAR: But what if the planet's air is unbreathable?

CONCHRIS: You don't know your video games and your cartoons, do you? We don't need silly space stuff to breathe in space!

{Cut to the outside of the prison, Conchris, Cruroar (carrying Cieea) and Forest drag their way out, gasping for air}

CRUROAR: What was that about breathable air?!

CONCHRIS: I didn't know the air was 90% Carbon Dioxide! GACK!

FOREST: This is what happens when you abuse the power of fuels, you idiots.

CONCHRIS: Shut up! We're trying to breathe here...

{Cut back to the inside of the prison}

CONCHRIS: Well, that wasn't such a good idea.

FOREST: About 99.9999999999% of your ideas suck!

CRUROAR: Well, the toaster is a good idea.

CONCHRIS: STOP TALKING ABOUT THE TOASTER!

CRUROAR: Well, what now?

FOREST: How about we sit here and wait to die?

CONCHRIS: Nah, that's a great idea. Let's find a way to breathe here! {looks around to see a oxygen converter} Awesome! Just what we need! {pulls out a needle from it and sticks it in him} It tickles.

FOREST: Why are you doing drugs?!

CONCHRIS: Silly Forest! These aren't drugs! They're more like special ones.

CRUROAR: I dunno, I mean. {Conchris picks up another needle and points it at Cruroar} AHH! Don't point at me with that needle!

CONCHRIS: HOLD STILL!

{Cut to the outside of the prison, Conchris, Cruroar (w/ Cieeia) and Forest are now standing}

CONCHRIS: Finally! {looks around} Wow, this planet is a wasteland.

CRUROAR: Well, it could be the planet that those furry creatures come from.

{A furry creature pops out of a nearby bush and gestures the trio to come with it}

CRUROAR: Wha?! It wants us to follow it?

CONCHRIS: What's the worst that can happen?

FOREST: I can think of a few things. Like you being cooked for a delicious dinner and whatnot.

{Forest notices that Conchris and Cruroar are gone}

FOREST: Nobody even listens to me anymore.

{Cut to the inside of a house, the furry creature opens the door and walks inside, Conchris, Cruroar (w/ Cieeia) and Forest walk inside, minding not to bump their head off the top}

FURRY CREATURE: Greetings Earth people. Do not be alarmed, I am not one of that human's minions.

CRUROAR: Well, that's good to know.

FURRY CREATURE: You know that human right? Evil looking, has a rather crazy yet mean personality?

CONCHRIS: Sirhcnoc!

FURRY CREATURE: Right. He took everyone away from here, except me. He decided that if I wouldn't join him, I can sit here and die.

CONCHRIS: Sad tale.

FURRY CREATURE: And the worst part is... he converted my boyfriend into a pet minion!

CRUROAR: What?! You're Greg's girlfriend?

CONCHRIS: Well, it's kind of hard to believe since they're a different race and all.

FURRY CREATURE: Yes. Greg used to be a nice friend, he'd always look out for me. Too bad he's evil now.

FOREST: You'll get no sympathy from me. {points arm cannon at the Furry Creature} Now die!

FURRY CREATURE: YIKES!

CONCHRIS: Whoa! Forest! No need to try and kill stuff!

FOREST: Why not? I haven't killed a thing this episode.

CONCHRIS: Is there anyway off this planet?

FURRY CREATURE: There is, I have a spaceship out back. Here, I'll show you.

{Cut to the outside of the house, a giant ship shaped like a rocket is sitting there with a ramp leading into it}

FURRY CREATURE: Here it is. I suppose if you're going to leave so soon to find Greg...

CONCHRIS: Yeah, we're going to try and find our way back to Earth. I'm sure it won't be far...

{Cut to the inside of the ship, Conchris is at the controls}

CONCHRIS: Alright! Now let's see... {pushes a red button} THIS ONE!

{The ship coughs and splutters and then it fills with smoke, Conchris and Cruroar stumbles out coughing and choking}

FURRY CREATURE: {sighs} I suppose I have to help you humans with operating it.

{Cut backt to the inside of the ship, the furry creature is at the controls}

FURRY CREATURE: Okay, engaging launch sequence! {pushes three buttons, pulls a lever, pushes a few more buttons, spins a knob and flicks a switch} We're ready to go at anytime!

CONCHRIS: Let's go!

FURRY CREATURE: Alrighty then!

{The ship rears up and blasts off out of the planet and stablises, cut back to the inside of the ship}

FURRY CREATURE: Auto-pilot should be on.

CONCHRIS: So, how long would it take to get back to Earth?

FURRY CREATURE: About 18 episodes, also known as this whole season.

CRUROAR: WHAT?! This season has TWENTY episodes?!

{Pause}

FURRY CREATURE: I guess there's no turning back now. Besides, I want to give Greg a piece of my mind. I mean it, literally, I'll take a chunk out of my brain and throw it at him.

CONCHRIS: You're a weird race.

FURRY CREATURE: Yeah, but then again, so are you. You and your cars and your TVs and your... UGH! The name's Nydara by the way.

CRUROAR: That's funny. I thought all of those furry creatures have boring human names.

NYDARA: The females get the weird names whilst the males get the boring human names.

FOREST: Are we there yet?

CONCHRIS: NO!

{Cue credits, for reals}

{Cut to a black screen reading "END", Chrionroar skips in and then out with a mob of chocolate animals chasing him}

CHOCOLATE ANIMAL #3281: HOW CAN HE SKIP SO FAST?!