Conshow/21

Summary

This is a VOLCANO! And nothing YOU say can change it!

Transcript

{Open to the inside of a volcano, several bits of furniture are scattered about}

CRUROAR: Wait, how can we LIVE inside a volcano?

CONCHRIS: That's easy, it's inactive.

CRUROAR: Inactive, huh? That sounds like the writer on a bad day.

{Cut to the Writer's desk}

WRITER: HEY! I resent that!

{Cut back to the volcano, lava is slowly seeping in}

CONCHRIS: Well, let's get this show on the road!

CRUROAR: Wait, wasn't...

{Cue introduction}

{Open to the inside of a volcano, Chrionroar is swimming in lava, Cruroar walks in}

CRUROAR: What on earth are you doing?

CHRIONROAR: I HAS RED TUNIC!

CRUROAR: Yeah, that's great. How is it supposed to make you RESISTANT to lava?

{Forest butts in}

FOREST: You idiot! He's an abomination to all mankind! He is resistant to every element known to everyone!

CRUROAR: Are you saying that he bends all the laws of the universe?

FOREST: Unfortunately, yes.

CRUROAR: Okay... I guess he is a freak of... {Chrionroar hops out of the lava, his lower body is all skeletal} GAH!

FOREST: What the?

CHRIONROAR: I HEARS IT'S TEH NUE STYLES! TRY IT!

{Chrionroar picks up Cruroar and throws him into the lava}

CRUROAR: OH GOD IT BURNS!

{Conchris walks into the scene}

CONCHRIS: Hey, have you seen the idiot around here? I need him to try out my newest invention!

FOREST: He's too busy burning himself to death!

{Cruroar jumps out of the lava, half of his body is burnt}

CONCHRIS: Yeah, you look good burnt like that!

CRUROAR: Well, it's not. What about this newest invention?

CONCHRIS: It's the Dimension Traveller! With it, we can travel to different dimensions and ruin everything for everyone else!

{Pause}

CRUROAR: Wouldn't that ruin the space time continuum?

CONCHRIS: Your face is the space time continuum! No, seriously, try it.

{Conchris pushes Cruroar into a machine labelled "NOT THE TARDIS", Cut to inside the machine}

CRUROAR: Well, it's certainly bigger on the inside than it is on the outside...

CONCHRIS: Yeah, I finally discovered how to abuse hammer space and bend it to my own will.

CRUROAR: Wow, for once, I'm actually impressed.

CONCHRIS: It only took me about 365 days to find it out.

CRUROAR: Don't you mean a year?

CONCHRIS: Yeah but I like to annoy people by using the longer version.

{Cieeia walks in, all tanned}

CIEEIA: Woah, I never knew volcanoes can give you tans!

CONCHRIS: Cieeia! You're right on time to check out my latest invention!

CIEEIA: So, is this a giant toaster? Ha ha ha!

CONCHRIS: I wish I can punch you but I'm too nice to do that, I'll just let the machine do it for me.

{Conchris presses a button and a giant boxing glove comes out of nowhere and hits Cieeia, she rubs where it hit her}

CIEEIA: Ow! That hurt!

CONCHRIS: It's not a toaster, it's a Dimensional Traveller!

CRUROAR: Well, where SHOULD we go?

CONCHRIS: Good point. I think we should go into an alternate universe.

CIEEIA: Sounds like a plan!

{Conchris hits several buttons, twists several knobs, flicks a few switches, pulls some levers and places a can of Pepsi into the fuel tank}

CRUROAR: This machine is powered by soft drinks?

CONCHRIS: Yes, now hang on tight!

{The machine starts rumbling, cut to the outside, it starts to disappear slowly. After it had disappeared, Forest slowly sneaks onto the scene}

FOREST: Finally, they're gone! Time to have a robotic party! {walks off}

{Cut to a place that looks like Wikity, the machine fades into view and stops, Conchris and Cieeia w/ Cruroar stumble out}

CIEEIA: That's the last time I travel dimensions!

CRUROAR: Urgh... I think I just lost my lunch...

CONCHRIS: Well, we're here. Now what?

VOICE: I say you should die!

{Cut to a part of The Street, Alternate Universe Conchris, Cruroar and Cieeia have their weapons drawn, Dun dun dun!}

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE (KNOWN FROM THIS POINT ON AS A.U) CONCHRIS: Who are you three, AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY TURF!

A.U CIEEIA: Yeah, like, what are you, like, doing on his turf?

CONCHRIS: It's worse than I imagined it! He's wearing a cowboy hat AND his hair is red!

CRUROAR: Geez, is that REALLY the Alternate Universe me? He looks smaller...

A.U CRUROAR: You look too tall to me! {kicks Cruroar in the shins}

CRUROAR: OW MY SHINS!

{Cruroar falls over in pain, Cieeia kicks A.U Cruroar into a nearby manhole and places the cover}

A.U CIEEIA: And who are you, like, supposed to be?

CIEEIA: I'm Cieeia!

A.U CIEEIA: Like, oh my gosh! That's, like, my name too!

CONCHRIS: I don't like the looks of you...

A.U CONCHRIS: You're right! We don't like you either! But I don't understand you! Try speaking American, it's the only language I understand IN AMERICA!

CONCHRIS: Oh great, another reference? This is getting way out of hand here, in America. DAMN IT!

A.U CONCHRIS: Let's fight, in America!

{Conchris and his Alternate Universe self jump up with their blades drawn, they clash against each other, Conchris wins the final clash and drop-kicks his Alternate self}

A.U CONCHRIS: You can't defeat me! I know all of your moves, in America!

CONCHRIS: Would you stop pretending to be Bandit Keith for ONE second and fight me like a man?

A.U CONCHRIS: Well, show me your moves!

{Conchris charges at his Alternate self, he continuously dodges out of the way and knocks Conchris back}

A.U CONCHRIS: You're pathetic, come on!

CONCHRIS: Hang on, lemme change controller ports...

{A menu similar to the PS3's in-game menu pops up, the cursor highlights "Controller Port" and switches it to two, it then disappears}

CONCHRIS: Ha! Now I know your weakness!

A.U CONCHRIS: NO! NOT THE SECOND CONTROLLER PORT! THAT'S MY ONE WEAKNESS!

CONCHRIS: And you know what else is your weakness?

{Conchris pushes his alternate self down some stairs}

CONCHRIS: Stairs.

A.U CONCHRIS: ARGH! Wait, how can stairs be my other weakness? I mean, I have legs after all.

CONCHRIS: Well, I decided to say that for the comedic factor, too bad that people will probably hate it anyway.

{Alternate Universe Conchris lands at the bottom of the stairs, he gets up and runs back up, once he reaches the top, he notices the machine fading out}

A.U CONCHRIS: YOU! STOP GETTING AWAY SO SLOWLY! DAMN IT! {the machine disappears, he points at A.U Cieeia} WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING?

A.U CIEEIA: I'm, like, a on-looker, not a, like, fighter.

A.U CONCHRIS: GRR! {A.U Conchris slices at A.U Cieeia, she falls over}

A.U CIEEIA: Ow! That, like, hurt!

A.U CONCHRIS: It better!

{Cut to the inside of the volcano, the machine fades into view}

FOREST: See you later, Airman. It was nice knowing you! Oh hey, you didn't happen to notice anything out of the ordinary?

CONCHRIS: Did you just invite the robots of the world to come over here?

FOREST: No? Also, the volcano is about to erupt.

CONCHRIS: Nah, it won't. It's been dormant for quite a-

{Cut to the outside of the volcano, it explodes sending Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest and Chrionroar into the air}

CONCHRIS: -while...

CRUROAR: Dormant, you say? I'LL DORMANT YOUR FACE!

{Cruroar starts choking Conchris, they all hit the ground, cut to the hospital}

DOCTOR: Wow, that was a very nasty burn you've gotten from the volcano, be glad you're still living.

CRUROAR: Conches, what made YOU THINK it was DORMANT?!

CONCHRIS: I completely forgot that Mount Wikity explodes twice a year.

CRUROAR: Gawd! I wish I could kill you, but that requires use of my legs and arms, which are all bandaged up. Forest?

{Forest runs in and chokes Conchris and Cruroar}

FOREST: WHY DON'T YOU TWO JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?!

CIEEIA: Ow... I'll be glad to recover next episode...

{Cue credits}

{Cut to a black screen with the word "END" on it}