Conshow/27

Summary

Conchris gets turned into a doll by an accidental firing of a ray! Who is responsible for this garglemesh?

Transcript

{Open to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill, Sirhcnoc is rifling through the cupboard, throwing out his old weapons}

SIRHCNOC: {pulls out a dead shark with laser beams attached to its head} Throw it out. {throws it away} {pulls out a jar of peanut butter} Peanut Butter? Nah. {throws it away} {pulls out a ray} What the? I don't remember having this ray... {reads the label} Dollarama... Hmm... Sounds like a stupid ray name. {throws it away, the ray lands on the floor and starts firing in random directions, one of them hitting Sirhcnoc} What?! I'm a doll now? Great, what's next? We get sold for merchandise?*

{Cue introduction}

{Open to Conchris' House - Living Room}

CIEEIA: Forest? Can I ask you something?

FOREST: No. Now go away.

CIEEIA: It's about Cruroar.

FOREST: Oh please. Go right ahead as I ignore you.

CIEEIA: If I were to say to Cruroar right now what I feel, and we both agree. Wouldn't that cause drama?

FOREST: The only drama you will get is the kind of drama you don't see on forums. Speaking of which, I think that green-haired idiot is watching one right now.

CIEEIA: Forum Drama?

FOREST: Yes.

{Cut to the sofa, Cruroar is watching T.V}

LAMEXZSOR2321: But you banned my bestest friend without even warning him! That's admin abuse!

ADMIN: You are an idiot, I banned him for a reason.

LAMEXZSOR2321: I'm going to complain on YourSpace and rally a bunch of people against you!

ADMIN: Just you try and stop me!

AWESOMEMAN327124312: lol leik u shud gtpfo teh forums cuz we pwn teh forums! lol!

{Admin raises his hammer and bashes Awesomeman327124312 with it, canned laughter can be heard}

CRUROAR: I don't find this vaguely amusing and how is this scenario based on forum drama?

CONCHRIS: Nah, I found it amusing when the noob got owned.

CRUROAR: You're making things worse for me, you know.

CONCHRIS: Yeah, that's what your mom said!

CRUROAR: You're a real jerk you know that? I hope you disappear.

{A beam of red light shoots in and hits Conchris, he shrinks behind the sofa}

CRUROAR: Wow, I didn't know you had the Invisibility spell!!

CONCHRIS: Maybe you should look behind the sofa?

{Cruroar looks about for a bit}

CRUROAR: Seriously, are you invisible or something?

CONCHRIS: NO! Look behind you!

{Cruroar looks behind the sofa and is shocked to see a doll that looks like Conchris}

CRUROAR: GAH! Oh, it's just a doll... that looks like Conchris. Doesn't look dangerous.

CONCHRIS: If I had use of my arms, I would severely choke you.

CRUROAR: Wow, it's a talking one too!

CONCHRIS: Seriously, pick me up or I will murder you.

CRUROAR: Okay!

{Cruroar picks up Conchris}

CONCHRIS: Okay, good. Thanks.

CRUROAR: Wait a second, Conches was behind the couch a second ago!

CONCHRIS: Yeah, I've been turned into a doll of some kind.

CRUROAR: Then why can you talk... without any lungs whatsoever?

CONCHRIS: Dude! This transformation gave me free talk box action! Too bad it didn't come with moving limbs.

CRUROAR: Well...

{Cieeia walks in}

CIEEIA: Aww! How cute! Talking to your doll like that!

CONCHRIS: Talk about how cute I am again, and I'm seriously considering moving you two out of the house.

CIEEIA: AH! It talked!

CONCHRIS: Yeah, so? I can't move my arms though.

CIEEIA: It's cursed! Cruroar, get rid of it right now!

CRUROAR: But it's Conchris! He's been turned into a doll!

CONCHRIS: Yep. I've been turned into this garglemesh.

CIEEIA: Garglemesh?

CRUROAR: Gargle... what?

CIEEIA: If you're the real Conchris, he would react to me saying that his inventions are all toasters!

CONCHRIS: For the last time, THEY ARE NOT TOASTERS!

CIEEIA: Okay, you pass. But what should we do with him?

CRUROAR: I say we find the cause for this dollerisation.

CONCHRIS: I say... yeah, that's a great idea... for once.

CRUROAR: Well, {throws Conchris over his shoulder, Conchris falls down the stairs to the basement} we should get going.

CONCHRIS: {as Cruroar is speaking} Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Help. Me. Please. Ow. Ow. Ow...

CIEEIA: Sounds like a plan!

{Cruroar and Cieeia walk out of the house, Chrionroar bursts in wheeling a wagon full of stop signs, he opens the door to the basement and flicks it on}

CONCHRIS: Hey! Doofus! Can you help me up?

CHRIONROAR: IT ARE VOICE HEAD AGAIN!

CONCHRIS: No... Can you help me?

CHRIONROAR: SURE GOD!

CONCHRIS: Uh... I think I've landed beside the sign that says "No Smoking".

{Chrionroar throws the signs on the wagon at Conchris}

CONCHRIS: Ow...

CHRIONROAR: WHERE ART THOU?!

CONCHRIS: OVER HERE IDIOT! GAWD!

{Chrionroar reaches into the pile of signs and pulls out Conchris}

CONCHRIS: Thanks.

CHRIONROAR: GASPZORS! IT ARE DOLL SENT FROM HEAVENS! MUST SACRIFICE TO GOD OF DOG DUCKS!

CONCHRIS: Someone help me...

{Cut to The Streets, Cruroar and Cieeia are looking at a map}

CRUROAR: I think that we can trace the source to Some Building!

CIEEIA: I thought it was... Sirhcnoc, was it?

CRUROAR: I dunno, it seems too stupid for him to even use.

CIEEIA: Why would he use it?

{Cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill, Greg walks in}

GREG: Sirhcnoc? The daily planning can't go on without- {notices Sirhcnoc as a doll} Hello? What's this?

SIRHCNOC: It's about damn time you showed up!

GREG: ARGH! It talks!

SIRHCNOC: Can you find me a way to get me out of this doll form?

GREG: What? Why do you want to be a real boy?

SIRHCNOC: BECAUSE I WAS A REAL BOY UNTIL THE RAY FIRED, OKAY?!

GREG: Alright! Alright! Sheesh! You're asking for this show to get deleted if you started swearing at me!

SIRHCNOC: Swears? {breathes in as if he was about to say something}

{The screen suddenly flashes to black with the words "BUFFERING" on it}

WRITER: {voice} What? You were expecting me to push it above PG-13? It ain't going to happen.

{The screen flashes back to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill}

SIRHCNOC: Freaking and crap.

GREG: Are you done now?

SIRHCNOC: Yes.

GREG: Good, because I was about to die of hunger if you kept going.

SIRHCNOC: Well sorry!

GREG: Okay, we'll try and find the ray that can return you to normal.

{Greg starts looking around and conveniently finds it sitting RIGHT next to the dollariser, he fires it at Sirhcnoc and Sirhcnoc turns into his normal self}

SIRHCNOC: Phew! I thought I was going to look cute forever!

GREG: To be honest, you did look kind of cu...

SIRHCNOC: Do you want me to shove those words up your butt?

GREG: No...

SIRHCNOC: THEN SHUT UP!

GREG: Sorry.

{Sirhcnoc picks up the Dollariser and walks outside to meet Cruroar and Cieeia}

SIRHCNOC: How did you find me here?!

CRUROAR: We used a cheat code!

CIEEIA: Yeah!

SIRHCNOC: I knew having someone blurt out the password will get me in trouble. So die! {fires the Dollariser in different directions} HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

{Several beams miss except one, which hits Cruroar}

CRUROAR: Ow.

CIEEIA: Cruroar! You've been turned into a cuter form of yourself!

CRUROAR: Yeah, great. Now get him!

{Cieeia pulls out the pipe and clonks Sirhcnoc over the head with it}

SIRHCNOC: Why do I always lose?

{Sirhcnoc falls to the floor, unconscious. Greg walks out}

GREG: Everything all right?!

CIEEIA: How can I turn doll people back to normal?!

GREG: Uh... I don't see what you're talking {Cieeia pulls out Cruroar's Solar gun} abOUUT?! Okay! Okay! DON'T SHOOT ME!

{Greg hands Cieeia over the De-Dollariser, Cieeia shoots him with the dollariser anyway}

GREG: Meep...

{Cut to Conchris' House - Main Hall, Conchris is lying on an altar as Chrionroar is dancing around it}

CONCHRIS: Uh, help?

FOREST: No. Although I hate the idiot's actions, it is fun watching you get murdered.

{Cieeia bursts in with Cruroar and fires the De-Dollariser at him, Conchris gets off the altar and punches Chrionroar to the floor}

FOREST: Oh... There goes my fifty bucks...

CRUROAR: Why aren't you turning me back to normal?

CIEEIA: Oh! {fires the De-Dollariser at Cruroar, turning him back to normal}

CRUROAR: Phew! Thanks! I wouldn't survive another minute not being able to move my arms and legs.

CIEEIA: But you looked cuter as a doll!

FOREST: Oh boy...

CRUROAR: Well, I suppose I would.

CONCHRIS: Can we end this episode right now? I mean, the viewers aren't about to sit through ten minutes of listening to how great it is being a doll.

{Cue credits}

{Cut to a black screen with the words "THE END" on it}