Conshow/22

Summary

Let's go to Hell Temple! Yeah! Everyone loves Hell Temple! It's so much fun! WHEE!

Transcript

{Open to The Streets}

CONCHRIS: So the insurance company called, and get this, they asked me if I wanted fuzzy dice. What kind of insurance company offers free fuzzy dice?

CRUROAR: The kind that lures you in with good deals?

CONCHRIS: Yeah, I think you're right about that. That reminds me, since when did any company get good deals?

CRUROAR: Ever since we moved in, duh!

CONCHRIS: Yeah, I think... {gets crushed by an anvil}

{Chrionroar bursts his head out of the anvil}

CHRIONROAR: That was fun! AGAIN!

{Cue intro}

{Open to Conchris' House - Main Hall, Conchris runs in holding three tickets}

CONCHRIS: Good news! I just won some exploration gear and three tickets to the ruins of Wikity!

CRUROAR: Yeah, where do you keep getting those tickets?

CONCHRIS: Your mom gave them. That's right, I know your mom lives! Loser.

CRUROAR: How could you win something from a mother? Seriously?

CIEEIA: Yeah, how?

CONCHRIS: She gave them to me in exchange for something else...

CRUROAR: Eww, too much information.

CONCHRIS: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!

CRUROAR: Oh, then what?

CONCHRIS: That toaster I made back in Season One.

CRUROAR: Then where'd the exploration gear come from?

CONCHRIS: I stole them.

CIEEIA: Wait, WHAT?!

CONCHRIS: I was just kidding! Geez, I bought them off some guy on eBiki. He told me that the gear can magically make a montage out of climbing, so that was pretty cool.

CRUROAR: So, who are you going to bring?

CONCHRIS: Us three! It'll be fun!

{Forest bursts in}

FOREST: Can I stay here and look after the house?

CONCHRIS: No, you can go dig a hole in Texas. {hands Forest a shovel along with a one-way ticket to Texas and back} Here, have fun digging!

FOREST: I hate you so much right now.

{Chrionroar floats in}

CONCHRIS: You're going to a kennel.

{Cut to the Dog Kennels, Chrionroar is locked in a kennel}

WOMAN: Are you sure that he is a dog and not a human?

CONCHRIS: Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's a dog. His mother was probably one.

CHRIONROAR: BARK! BARK!

WOMAN: I question your intelligence.

CONCHRIS: You'll never appear in this series again!

WOMAN: What did I do to deserve this! {runs away crying}

{Conchris turns around towards Cruroar and Cieeia}

CONCHRIS: Let's go.

{Cut to the Jungle, Conchris is cutting away the vines with his laser blade with Cruroar and Cieeia following, Cieeia is trying to swat flies away from her}

CRUROAR: Wow, who knew that jungles had ticket booths?

CONCHRIS: Yeah, they were there to prevent deforesters, the penalty for not obeying the rules here is punishable by death.

CIEEIA: Sounds harsh.

CONCHRIS: Yeah, but I don't believe them.

CIEEIA: Why not?

CONCHRIS: They ruin TV.

{The trio make it to a large clearing, in the middle is the ruins. There are also huts surrounding it}

CRUROAR: Are you sure that this place is safe? What if there are natives here?

CIEEIA: Now I'm even more scared!

CONCHRIS: I don't gave a damn about this native crap, I'm giving a damn about the ruins!

{Conchris walks up to the ruins and touches the stone panel in the middle of the door, it opens and suddenly several natives surround him, they pick him up and carry him over to the elder's hut}

CONCHRIS: I'm being kidnapped apparently?

CRUROAR: Sounds fun, we'll follow you.

{Cut to the inside of the Elder's hut, the natives throw Conchris down, Cruroar and Cieeia shoves their way in}

ELDER: Ah! It's been a while since we have seen our last visitors!

CONCHRIS: What do you want old man?

ELDER: First off, I am Elder Durcets.

CONCHRIS: Fine, but seriously, what do you want?

DURCETS: We have been waiting for somebody like you for a long time.

CONCHRIS: Cut to the chase already!

DURCETS: Fine, the ruins have a sacred treasure that is guarded by many booby traps. Many have tried and they all failed. Are you a bad enough dude to accept this challenge?

CONCHRIS: I'm a bad enough dude! Now bring it on!

{(Time Card: "2 Hours Later") Cut to the inside of the ruins, Conchris is brutally beaten, Cruroar is missing a limb and Cieeia is perfectly fine}

CONCHRIS: Okay... we're nearly there...

{Zoom out to reveal that they're on a stone platform with a pit of endless death below them}

CONCHRIS: Just one more jump!

{Conchris jumps and misses the final ledge, he falls into the pit and dies, words pop up in the middle that reads "Game Over"}

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} Yeah, that's what WOULD'VE happened if we went into the bottom door.

{Cut to another part of the ruins, the trio stumble upon a room with seals}

CONCHRIS: Awesome, do you have any seals?

CRUROAR: What seals?

CONCHRIS: You didn't bring them didn't you?

CRUROAR: I thought they wouldn't be a plot device!

CONCHRIS: You idiot! Stay here, I'm going to go collect all four of them by myself!

{Cue montage song (Suggestion: Play anything explorer-type.)}

{Cut to a part of the ruins, Conchris grabs a seal and gets run over by a boulder, he somehow makes it out alive}

{Cut to the middle of the ruins, Cruroar watches as Conchris pitifully tries to get into the hole in the ceiling, he finally succeeds and gets a seal}

{Cut to the ocean, Conchris pokes his head out and is confused as to where he is, he swims to an island and finds a real seal, the seal spits out a seal that Conchris picks up}

{Cut to the village, Conchris buys a seal for 999 coins}

CONCHRIS: I knew all that saving and loading could come in handy!

{Cut to the middle of the ruins}

CONCHRIS: Let's see what happens when I do this...

{Conchris touches each seal and the walls collapse as they end up in Black Space}

CRUROAR: What the hell?

{A strange white figure appears}

CONCHRIS: Excuse me, are you the final boss?

FIGURE: I am, now, solve all the puzzles to defeat me!

CONCHRIS: Screw it, I'm going to read a walkthrough.

{The figure transforms into a fountain, Conchris throws a coin into it. The figure then transforms into a giant beast, Conchris uses the axe to hit it in the eye. The figure transforms into a pair of eyes, Conchris strikes the right, left, right right, left, right, left, left and then right eye. The figure starts jumping about}

FIGURE: DAMN! How could you do those so quickly!

CONCHRIS: I use walkthroughs! Only 2.99 at CheatersMart! Available everywhere except where you look!

{Conchris strikes the figure down}

FIGURE: YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS! {disappears}

{The ruins start to rumble and a gem flies into Conchris' hand}

CONCHRIS: Sweet!

CRUROAR: Wow, treasure for no effort. It seems like...

CIEEIA: LOAD-BEARING!

{The ruins start to rumble again, the ceiling starts to cave in}

CONCHRIS: DASH FOR IT!

{Conchris, Cruroar and Cieeia run for their lives, Cieeia trips on a rock and reaches out to Cruroar for help. Cruroar turns around to see a piece of ceiling about to crush her. He jumps towards her and pulls her out of the wreckage before it collides. The trio then quickly run out of the ruins, stopping to catch their breath}

CONCHRIS: Phew! I thought we were goners!

CIEEIA: Yeah!

CONCHRIS: Thank god we have this! {holds the gem up to the sky, an archaeologist comes out of nowhere and whips Conchris, he then takes the gem}

ARCHAEOLOGIST: See you later, suckers!

CONCHRIS: HEY! GET BACK HERE! {runs after the archaeologist}

CRUROAR: I wonder how Forest is doing right now?

CIEEIA: She's a robot, she'll survive the heat.

{Cut to a desert, Forest is at the top of the hole with a treasure chest}

FOREST: Who knew that this place had so much treasure?! Maybe if I can find some more...

{An atomic bomb drops out of nowhere and hits Forest, obliterating the treasure chest. Forest lands in Wikity, unharmed somehow}

FOREST: Oh, I forgot. This show loves to ruin your hopes and dreams. Maybe next time I'll be the lucky one!

{Cue credits}

{Black screen: "END"}