Conshow/30

Summary

Stuff happens and such...

Transcript

{Open to Sirhcnoc’s Lair on a Hill, Sirhcnoc is talking to Xavian}

XAVIAN: So, you’ve hired another henchman?

SIRHCNOC: I sure did!

XAVIAN: What is her name, by any chance?

SIRHCNOC: Aria. She’s pretty mad at those troublesome people.

XAVIAN: Perfect... so, should we send her out first?

SIRHCNOC: Indeed.

{Cue introduction}

{Open to The Streets, a boy on a bike pedals past Conchris’ House and throws a newspaper, Conchris opens the door and gets hit in the head by the paper}

CONCHRIS: Ow! I’m not a freaking subscriber, you idiot! I’m-a tell your manager on you!

CIEEIA: Are you shouting at innocent kids again?

CONCHRIS: That bugger threw a newspaper at my head!

CRUROAR: I’m pretty sure he was aiming for the house next door.

CONCHRIS: No, he wasn’t. He was gliding by on his bike and hit me in the head with a thrown newspaper!

CIEEIA: Your point?

CONCHRIS: I want to sue him for no good reason!

{Pause}

CRUROAR: That’s it, I’m going inside.

{Cut to Conchris’ House – Main Hall, Conchris slams the door shut and walks off, the doorbell rings again. Cruroar answers it}

CRUROAR: Yes? Who is it?

ARIA: I have come to kill you! Well, capture you AND THEN kill you!

CRUROAR: I’m pretty sure that’s nice. Later.

{Cruroar slams shut the door}

CIEEIA: Who was that?

CRUROAR: Some girl who wants to kill me.

CIEEIA: That sounds awesome.

{The doorbell rings again, Cruroar answers the door to see Aria throwing a net over Cruroar and Cieeia, Aria blows a whistle and several creatures carry the net away}

CRUROAR: Uh... We’re being kidnapped apparently?

CONCHRIS: {pokes head outside the door} Okay, have fun, see you.

{Conchris closes the door, he throws the remote at the hobo on the couch}

CONCHRIS: Hey! Hobo! We don’t need you anymore!

HOBO: Hobo Joe wants to suck your toe!

CONCHRIS: I’m sure that’s real nice and all but seriously, GET OUT!

{Conchris picks up Hobo Joe and throws him out the window, Forest walks in}

FOREST: Thank god! I was just about had enough with his drunkenness.

CONCHRIS: Did he try flirting with you?

{Forest points her arm cannon at Conchris}

FOREST: Say that again and I’ll blast your guts out!

CONCHRIS: Whoa there! There’s no need for violence!

FOREST: I’ll violently blast your head clean off!

{Forest blasts Conchris’ head off, Conchris suddenly appears behind Forest}

CONCHRIS: And this is why I delve into cloning.

FOREST: What the hell? You’re freaking me out!

CONCHRIS: Speaking of which, I wonder how Cruroar and Cieeia are.

FOREST: They’re probably making out somewheres.

CONCHRIS: That sounds plausible.

{Cut to Sirhcnoc’s Lair on a Hill, Cruroar and Cieeia are being suspended in a cage}

XAVIAN: Wow, it was THAT easy?

SIRHCNOC: Yep. Apparently, surprising people with surprise bu-I mean-capture works pretty well.

ARIA: I want to DESTROY them! Can I destroy them now?!

SIRHCNOC: In due time, my dear. {throws a dog treat at Aria, she catches it in her mouth and eats it} Anyway, we need a plan to capture the other three.

XAVIAN: How about we draw them here with the power of villainry!

SIRHCNOC: That’s a horrible idea, I’m using it.

XAVIAN: Great minds think alike. {a ringtone is heard} Sorry, got to take this. {pulls out a mobile phone and answers it} Hello? What do you mean they don’t taste grrrreat?! WHAT?! You hired a?! Why did I even hire you? Goodbye! {hangs up on the phone and throws it away} Sorry, operation Cereal Killer is about to fail.

SIRHCNOC: Cereal? Killer?

XAVIAN: Yep!

SIRHCNOC: That sounds so evil!

XAVIAN: I’ve killed a few cereal products so far. Namely one.

CRUROAR: But who will wake up in the morning and find that there is no cereal?

XAVIAN: They’ll have to make do with TOAST! HA HA HA HA HA HA!

CRUROAR: That’s a really stupid plan, altering people’s breakfast foods?

XAVIAN: DAMN IT! Stop making me look stupid!

CRUROAR: Furthermore, I’m sure Conches will find you and save us!

XAVIAN: Save you? I made sure that this lair doesn’t appear on any map!

{Cut to The Streets, Conchris picks up a map from the floor}

CONCHRIS: Sweet! Free map!

{A ninja comes out of nowhere with a permanent marker and scribbles out Sirhcnoc’s Lair, he then scribbles on Conchris’ face with a moustache and fake glasses, he then disappears}

FOREST: Ha ha ha! You look stupid!

CONCHRIS: No I don’t! This moustache makes me look cool... Also, I’m sure that Sirhcnoc’s Lair is not under that scribble.

FOREST: I think the lair is over by Some Building is it not?

{Sarry Bcott comes out of nowhere}

SARRY BCOTT: Hi! Sarry Bcott here! Is your map scribbled on by ninjas?

CONCHRIS: Uh... No?

SARRY BCOTT: Then try new Map Washing, CALLAT BING!

FOREST: What the {bleep}? Why are you even advertising anymore?

SARRY BCOTT: I need the money to feed my family!

CONCHRIS: Go advertise somewhere else!

FOREST: For once, I agree with you.

SARRY: {demonic voice} You shall rot in the fires of Hell!

CONCHRIS: Your mom rots in the fires of Hell, I think she's calling out to you for tea time.

SARRY: {demonic voice} You've just made an enemy of the wrong person today! {normal voice} Sorry! I was just trying to act normal!

CONCHRIS: Okay? Now I'm very confused.

SARRY: Hey! I'm a demon turned marketer!

{Cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a Hill, Sirhcnoc is using a telescope}

XAVIAN: You find the others yet?

SIRHCNOC: I have. They're standing there arguing with a demon.

XAVIAN: Awesome. How about we send Aria down for the second capture?

SIRHCNOC: That can be arranged.

{Sirhcnoc picks up Aria and throws her out the window, cut to the Streets, Aria lands in between Conchris and Sarry and gets up}

CONCHRIS: Who are you?

ARIA: You don't remember me?!

CONCHRIS: Of course not! {winks}

FOREST: Memory banks do not recognise you.

ARIA: Grr! Now you die!

{Aria steals Conchris' laser blade and turns it on, she charges at Conchris before he dodges out of the way. Sarry slowly edges away from the fight}

ARIA: Remember me now?

CONCHRIS: I still can't remember you. Besides, BASHING ME AROUND WON'T HELP!

{Conchris throws a few punches at Aria and receives a whack in the face, he walks back clutching his face}

CONCHRIS: Ow! My face hurts!

ARIA: That's exactly what I wanted YOU to feel!

{Aria grabs Conchris and throws him at Forest, they both collide, sending them onto the floor. A net flies over them and the creatures from before pick them up}

ARIA: Take these idiots away!

{The creatures carry the two away, cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill, the creatures throw Conchris and Forest into the cage where Cruroar and Cieeia are sitting in}

CRUROAR: Conches?! What happened?

CONCHRIS: Arguing with a salesman is the worst experience I ever had.

CIEEIA: You argued with a salesman?!

CONCHRIS: Yep, that's one thing off the list of things to do before I die...

XAVIAN: And most certainly, YOUR LAST!

{Xavian comes out of the shadows}

CRUROAR: You again?! Why won't you die?

XAVIAN: I'm invulnerable! I was born as son of a diety! {leans over to Greg and whispers} Am I saying this right?

GREG: {whispering} Yes, you are. I think you're intimidating them.

XAVIAN: {leans back} So, it seems that we have come full circle at last. The four bothersome brats are now in my grasp, waiting to see their fate. Now, what horrible fate awaits you?

CONCHRIS: I was expecting you to tell us your plan to take over the world so that we can kick your butt!

XAVIAN: No, that would be the worst idea a villain has ever done. Besides, I didn't get in the villain's council without experience. How about you four get lowered down into a pit of sharks? {the camera cuts to a giant metal tub filled with water, sharks constantly swim around and one of them pops up from the water} Nah, you would escape anyway... {the camera cuts to a black hole} Or how about being spaghettified by a black hole? Nah, too easy. {the black hole suddenly shuts, the camera then cuts to a gauntlet} Ha ha! Yes! That's the one!

{Xavian pulls a lever and Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia and Forest land into the gauntlet}

XAVIAN: If you can escape from this gauntlet, you will be free.

CRUROAR: You expect us to FLY through rings?

XAVIAN: Ha ha ha! Yes!

CONCHRIS: You're a moron, you know that, right?

XAVIAN: Who is the one trapped in there? Not me, that's who!

CONCHRIS: We will find a way out of here!

CRUROAR: Wait... where's Chrionroar?

{Cut to the train station, Chrionroar is standing near the tracks as the train passes by, he gets sucked up by the turbulence and grabs the bar sticking out of the train}

CHRIONROAR: WHEEE!

{Chrionroar throws himself off the train tracks and starts to suddenly fly across the fields, a boy flies close to him}

BOY: See? You can fly if you think happy thoughts!

CHRIONROAR: I HAS IT PETER PAN! {punches the boy in the face, causing him to fall into the lake}

{Chrionroar flies towards the ruins of Conchris' House, he then lands and crashes into the basement}

{Cut to the Ruins of Conchris' House - Basement, Chrionroar falls down the stairs and ends up falling into a pile of signs, he pokes his head out and looks around}

CHRIONROAR: Honey! I'm home!

{Chrionroar grabs a stop sign}

CHRIONROAR: {girly voice} Oh thank goodness you came! It was horrible! The house blew up! {normal voice} IT DIDS?! OH NOES!

{Chrionroar starts flapping his arms and somehow crashes through the ceiling, cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a Hill, Cruroar climbs over the last ring and helps Cieeia up, they land into an arena}

XAVIAN: DAMN! I was hoping that you would fall victim to crappy controls. But no matter, I shall force you to fight endlessly against our minions! HA HA HA HA HA HA!

CRUROAR: Wow. A test of endurance then?

XAVIAN: Shut up! Now, DIE!

{An army of robots jump down into the arena and starts to walk slowly towards Cruroar and Cieeia, Forest flies down with Conchris and blasts away half of the robots}

XAVIAN: Damn! I forgot that Forest was a robot humanoid! Might as well send out one of my own!

{A bashing noise is heard and a robot humanoid crashes down into the middle of the robot army, he then gets up}

XAVIAN: Meet Codename SD-32131-F! He doesn't have a proper name yet, but nobody cares!

SD-32131-F: Target acquired, commencing combat.

{SD-32131-F charges towards Forest and punches her into a wall, Forest picks herself and starts to have a fist fight with the other robot in the background}

CONCHRIS: Looks like we're gonna have to fight!

{Conchris reaches into his pocket and pulls out a laser cannon, he attaches it to his arm}

CONCHRIS: Good thing I have this!

CRUROAR: Didn't you use your last arm cannon to build For...

CONCHRIS: WHO SAYS I CAN'T BUILD MORE THAN ONE ARM CANNON?! IDIOTS LIKE YOU, THAT'S WHO!

{Conchris charges up a laser and fires it at the mob of robots coming towards him, it destroys a few of them but the rest are half-destroyed, two robots sneak up behind Conchris and push him into the ground, they then start kicking him}

CONCHRIS: Way to. Kick. A man while. He's down. Jerk.

{Cruroar fires off a charged solar shot and Cieeia traps it in the pipe, she shakes it about before letting it go, obliterating the robots in front of her}

CIEEIA: {whilst trying not to cringe from her burnt hands} I like my solar beams shaken, not stirred.

{The robots kicking Conchris throws him up into the air and starts bashing him in the head with their fists, Conchris regains some energy and feebly punches the two robots before hitting the ground}

CONCHRIS: There's no honour in this world!

XAVIAN: Rats! Fire the giant laser that we so happen to have to destroy Wikity!

SIRHCNOC: Giant Laser That We So Happened To Have is good to go!

{Cut to the outside of the lair, the mountain side opens to reveal a giant cannon, it shoots out quickly and aims at Wikity, cut back to the inside}

FOREST: As much as I hate everyone in Wikity, I must destroy the laser. {glances at Conchris} You, idiot, help me out here!

CONCHRIS: Take this!

{Conchris charges at SD-32131-F and bashes his face in with the laser blade, SD-32131-F stumbles back clutching his face}

SD-32131-F: Pain reaching critical level. Engaging final boss mode.

CONCHRIS: Crap!

{The screen suddenly blacks out}

To be continued...

Now.

{Cut back to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill, a giant robot is standing in the middle of the arena, the floor below him collapses and creates a giant metal ring, replacing the floor, Cieeia slips and falls into the pit but is stopped by Cruroar}

CRUROAR: I was about to say "Don't let go!" but you know what people are like nowadays.

{Cruroar throws Cieeia back up onto the ring, Conchris stares in awe}

CONCHRIS: I never knew that Xavian can create such a beast...

XAVIAN: Amazing isn't it? Well, we have a city to destroy, and a world to conquer! Ta-ta!

CONCHRIS: Crap!

{The giant robot fires a laser at Conchris, sending him into a wall, he lands in the control room}

GREG: CRAP! He got into the control room! Get him!

FURRY CREATURE #23: I don't wanna.

GREG: Fine! I shall handle him myself!

{Greg starts gnawing on Conchris' leg but is suddenly thrown off into the arena, he then falls with a splat into the spectator's window}

GREG: I never knew that he was so tough. {slides off the window}

SD-32131-F: DESTROY ALL LIFEFORMS!

{Cut to the outside of Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill, the giant cannon fires a laser at Wikity, the laser makes it close to Wikity before being swallowed by Chrionroar}

CHRIONROAR: EATING LAZORS GIVES ME SUPER STRENGTH!

{Chrionroar picks up a giant boulder and throws it at the giant cannon as it charges another laser, the boulder collides with the cannon just as it fires and it explodes in a very tiny explosion}

CHRIONROAR: I CAN SEE WHAT I IS DOING!

WRITER: {voice} Damn! I'm doing it wrong!

{Chrionroar walks up to the side wall of the lair and pulls out a platform, he then rides it up to the top with elevator music playing, when he reaches the top, Chrionroar cartwheels towards three guards, knocking them off the other side, and then suddenly dives down into the lair}

CHRIONROAR: WHEEE!

{Cut to the arena inside the lair, Conchris is fighting his way through the control room with little effort as Forest tries to damage the robot but with no success}

FOREST: What idiot decided that indestructible robots are the future?

XAVIAN: I did! Now, SD-32131-F, fire your final lasers!

{SD-32131-F traps Forest with a forcecage and starts to charge up his laser, but before he can fully charge it, Chrionroar suddenly crashes through the top and bursts out the bottom with a jigsaw piece}

CHRIONROAR: I AM TEH GUY!

SD-32131-F: YOU KILLED ME! {voice slows down as he says the next line} Fission Mailed...

FOREST: Good!

{Cut to the outside of the control room, Conchris bashes the door down and is face-to-face with Sirhcnoc}

SIRHCNOC: Ah! Want another fist fight, I see?

CONCHRIS: No, a sword fight! {pulls out his laser blade} Engarde!

{Sirhcnoc pulls out his laser blade and they start to fight, Conchris jumps over Sirhcnoc's swipes and punches Sirhcnoc in the face, he then slices at his arms burning him}

SIRHCNOC: ARGH! PAIN!

{Sirhcnoc stumbles back from the pain towards the control panel, Conchris does an overhead swipe, which Sirhcnoc dodges, that hits the self-destruct button}

XAVIAN: NO! NOT THE SELF-DES...

{The lair suddenly explodes and Xavian, Sirhcnoc and Greg are sent flying}

SIRHCNOC: Damn! {glares at Greg} This is all YOUR fault!

GREG: My fault? Blame Mr. X, here!

XAVIAN: SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU!

GREG: TEAM EVIL IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!

{Greg, Sirhcnoc and Xavian disappear into the sky, cut to the ruins, Conchris pulls himself out along with Cruroar, Cieeia and Forest, Chrionroar eats his way out}

CONCHRIS: That was kind of epic.

CRUROAR: Well, I guess.

FOREST: Are you kidding? This episode is the most stupidest episode ever. Why did I even bother helping you guys?

{Conchris pulls out a chip from SD-32121-F's remains}

CIEEIA: What are you doing?

CONCHRIS: Stealing a robot's chip, you'll never know when it will come in handy!

CRUROAR: Don't you think that's wrong?

CONCHRIS: Nonsense! It's not like I'm going to be sued.

{Cut to the outside of Wikity's courthouse}

CONCHRIS: Well, I got sued and lost, but the thing is... {is thinking about what he is going to say but before he says anything else, cue credits}

Conshow
Season 3

Actors as themselves except:
Gary Stu as Captain Awesometon
Shorn as Archaeologist

See you in Season 4!

{Cut to a black screen, Aria stomps on-screen}

ARIA: What about me?! Where WAS I when the lair exploded?!

WRITER: {voice} Oh, sorry.

{A bolt of lightning hits Aria and she disappears, the word "END" appears in the middle}