Conshow/37

Summary

Conchris and company find a teleporter in the ruins of the castle. When they enter it, they find themselves on a strange planet filled with strange emoticons. Can they escape before the eekdancer vs well war gets out of hand?!

Transcript

{Open to the dark, dusty planet, Conchris is searching the ruins}

CONCHRIS: I'm surprised that we got continuity.

CIEEIA: I'm surprised that we haven't gotten off this planet yet!

{Sirhcnoc suddenly appears}

SIRHCNOC: I'm surprised I haven't been beaten up yet!

{Pause, Conchris and Cieeia look at him strangely}

SIRHCNOC: Oh crap...

{Conchris pulls out his laser blade and goes to stab Sirhcnoc, but before he can land the first blow: cue introduction}

{Open to the dark, dusty planet, Conchris is still searching the ruins}

CONCHRIS: That cold opening had nothing to do with continuity.

CIEEIA: All cold openings barely have any continuity.

CRUROAR: What about...

CONCHRIS: ALL OF THEM!

CRUROAR: Sheesh... I hope you die.

CONCHRIS: I hope to find something in this wreckage, {unknowingly uncovers a teleporter} then I can use it against- {gets teleported away}

CRUROAR: Against what? Wily? Light? Me? Is it me?

CIEEIA: I think he teleported away.

CRUROAR: Figures. {throws Nydara onto the teleporter} Give him my regards.

NYDARA: WAIT NO- {gets teleported away}

CIEEIA: Who would build a teleporter in a castle like that?

CRUROAR: I was going to say Your Mom but I wouldn't risk having my arms broken.

{Cieeia, now angry, pulls on Cruroar's arm}

CRUROAR: ARGH! MY LEFT ARM!

{Cut to a field, Conchris suddenly appears on another teleporter, he steps off of it}

CONCHRIS: This place looks like that one place... ah forget it. Referencing things is one thing, remembering things is another thing.

{Nydara suddenly appears}

NYDARA: Yeah, like your mom.

CONCHRIS: Who says you can talk back to me?! I'm the comeback king around here!

{Cruroar suddenly appears, followed by Cieeia}

CRUROAR: I thought it was Forest who was...

CONCHRIS: NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU!

CIEEIA: I care about him!

CONCHRIS: Yeah, but you're a girl. You don't count. Popularity contests are always full of people who don't believe in gender equality. It's to help the female characters win because of their...

{Cieeia whacks Conchris over the head with a hammer, he falls onto the floor, unconcious}

CRUROAR: Where'd you get that hammer?

CIEEIA: Hammerspace.

CRUROAR: Awesome.

NYDARA: Well, we now have a dead corpse.

{Conchris suddenly appears Nydara}

CONCHRIS: Your mom's a dead corpse.

NYDARA: Wha?

CONCHRIS: Shut up and help me get this hover tank working!

{The camera suddenly pans over to a hover tank, Forest is stuck at the bottom, deactivated}

CRUROAR: What the hell? Forest Tank?

CONCHRIS: Yes. {pulls out a phone and dials it, it rings for a bit before somebody picks up the phone}

VOICE: Uh, hello?

CONCHRIS: Can your robot dog turn into a tank?!

VOICE: Uhh... Who is this?

CONCHRIS: I know where you live, Megaman.

VOICE: How'd you know my name? Okay, seriously, it's 2 in the morning. I've got eight robot masters to kill, so see ya.

{The voice hangs up and a tone is heard, Conchris throws the phone at Cieeia}

CONCHRIS: THIS PHONE IS GARBAGE!

{The phone explodes, leaving Cieeia's face charred}

CRUROAR: WE COULD'VE USED THAT PHONE TO CALL FOR HELP!

CONCHRIS: Yeah but I have one free call. It's what those plans do nowadays, they give you free weekend calls but this one allows you to have 500 free calls.

CRUROAR: Who would be stupid enough to waste 499 calls?

CONCHRIS: Your face.

CRUROAR: That doesn't make any sense in that context.

CONCHRIS: It does. You can go die in the desert for all I care.

{Cut to the desert, Cruroar is holding onto a rope by the hover tank as Conchris is watching out for any danger on top with the bionculars}

CONCHRIS: Hey look! Eekdancers!

{Cut to a view of a battlefield through binoculars, several eekdancers dance onto the field and starts to fight with the evil eekdancers. Several explosions can be seen in random spots of the ground, cut back}

CONCHRIS: Yeah, that was cool but I was looking in {points to the left side of the screen} that direction.

{Cut to another view of a battlefield, several well faces walk onto the field and turn several dead eekdancers into their own kind, the faces slowly slide off, cut back, Conchris is severely confused}

CONCHRIS: Ooookay...

{The tank slowly hovers along until it reaches a river, a neckbearded demon pops up beside Conchris}

CONCHRIS: Hmm... how should we get across?

DEMON: FORD! FORD! FORD! FORD! FORD! FORD! FORD! {continues for three actions}

CONCHRIS: Something's telling me to ford... I wonder...

FOREST: How about you go die in a ditch?

CONCHRIS: SHUT UP! You're supposed to be deactivated! Let's ask Mr. Show!

{Cut to a gameshow style setting, Mr. Show walks onto the set}

MR. SHOW: Conchris needs your help audience! Will he: A) Ford? B) Ferry? or C) Die in a ditch? Vote now!

{Cut to a chart, A has the longest bar followed by C and then B, cut back to the desert}

CONCHRIS: I suppose I could ford...

{The tank hovers over the water and onto the other side, Cruroar climbs up onto the top}

CRUROAR: Okay, Conches! Now, you're going to die! Take this! {goes to punch Conchris but keels over} What? {coughs}

CONCHRIS: You've gotten sick! Ha! Thank you RNG!

CRUROAR: Damn it! Ooh... {slowly crawls to the hatch and falls through it}

{Cut to a town, the tank rolls in and throws Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia and Nydara out, Forest disappears in a beam of light}

CONCHRIS: Wow, where are we?

CIEEIA: We're in your dad's town.

CONCHRIS: Your father jokes aren't as funny as your mother, so quit while you're behind.

CRUROAR: {weak} Is there a hospital?

{An eekdancer dances out and notices the group, it dances up to them}

EEKDANCER: HALT! INTRUDER!

CONCHRIS: GET HIM!

EEKDANCER: YIKES!

{Conchris chases after the eekdancer and traps him in a corner}

EEKDANCER: Don't kill me! I haven't had a top of the page dance in my life!

CONCHRIS: WRONG ANSWER! {stabs the eekdancer, he suddenly turns into a well face} What?

WELL: HA HA HA! I WAS A SPY ALL ALONG! Now... FEAR MY WRATH!

{The well face taps Conchris, nothing happens}

WELL: Well... uh... this is unexpected.

CONCHRIS: Your mom. {pulls out a shotgun and blasts Well off the screen}

CIEEIA: Is there a hospital nearby? I don't think Crury's gonna make it.

CONCHRIS: Ha ha ha. Crury? HA HA HA HA HA! It's over there. {points to the right} HA HA HA HA HA!

{The camera suddenly cuts to a hospital, several well faces slide into the hospital as the eekdancers somehow fire their machine guns, Cieeia slowly drags Cruroar onto the scene and the eekdancers stop their firing to aim at Cieeia}

EEKDANCER #1: What's your business here?

CIEEIA: Please! My friend is in need of medical attention!

{A medic eekdancer dances onto screen}

MEDIC EEKDANCER: Medical attention you say? Vonderful! {throws at medkit at Cruroar, it slides off of his face}

CIEEIA: Medkits work?

MEDIC EEKDANCER: Well, sorry! It's not my fault that you english-speaking types can't heal themselves!

{Cruroar touches the medkit and it disappears, he gets up}

CRUROAR: Wow! I feel better already!

CIEEIA: Thank goodness, now tell us: Where can you find a spaceship?

EEKDANCER: Oh, it's right over there.

{The camera pans over to reveal a giant spaceship}

CIEEIA: Awesome! Thanks guys!

EEKDANCER: No problem... Man, I screwed up there.

{Cruroar and Cieeia walk into the spaceship as Conchris walks on screen, the eekdancers open fire on Conchris, riddling him full of holes}

CONCHRIS: WAAHH! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!

EEKDANCER: You killed one of us in front of us! That's why we normally friendly eekdancers open fire on you!

CONCHRIS: I hate you all! {disappears, Megaman style}

EEKDANCER: Mission complete! {A well face appears behind him} Wait, there's somebody behind me, isn't there?

{The well face pulls out a knife and backstabs the eekdancer, another eekdancer appears in the well face's place, all the eekdancers look at him}

EEKDANCER: What? What?

{Cut to the inside of the spaceship, Nydara walks in}

NYDARA: So, this is the "Spac chip"?

CRUROAR: Yep.

CIEEIA: How do you start it?

NYDARA: That button?

{Nydara pushes a button and the ship starts to rumble as several well faces slide into the scene}

WELL: STOP! WE WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO GO ANY FURTHER!

CRUROAR: OH CRAP!

CIEEIA: Hey look! It's writer's block!

{Cut to another part of the ship, a block with the words "WRITER'S BLOCK" written on it is there}

WRITER: {whiny voice} Damn it! What am I supposed to write here?!

{Cut back}

CIEEIA: We can use that to escape!

{Cieeia starts running towards the writer's block and jumps into it, she falls over}

CIEEIA: Well, that was unexpected...

WRITER: {voice} Oh yeah! Now I remember!

{The writer's block is replaced by a mechanical well face}

CIEEIA: Oh... crap...

CRUROAR: Geez, this episode is seriously screwed up today.

NYDARA: You said it.

{The mechanical well face falls over and explodes, it is then replaced by the Writer's Block}

CIEEIA: I'm not going near it. You do it.

CRUROAR: Fine.

{Cruroar touches the writer's block and all the emoticons suddenly disappear from the ship and Conchris appears}

CONCHRIS: So, as I was saying... {looks around} Where am I?

CIEEIA: You're in hell.

CONCHRIS: WHA?! Really?!

CIEEIA: Ha ha ha! Just kidding!

CONCHRIS: You know, this episode has been screwy. I wonder if the writer has gone insane.

{Cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill on Earth, the sanity shifter is pointed outside and is turned on}

SIRHCNOC: HA HA HA! My sanity shifter will change the sanity of the universe forever!

GREG: Err... what about us?

{Pause}

SIRHCNOC: I haven't thought about that...

{A wave of white light covers Sirhcnoc and Greg}

SIRHCNOC and GREG: AAHHHHHHHHH!

{Cue credits}