Conshow/33

Summary

Conchris and company land on a planet consisting of Onion People, little do they know that they too will become one of them. Meanwhile, Chrionroar goes on a epic journey in Candyland.

Transcript

{Intro}

{Open to the ship's bridge, Cruroar is busy typing in what seems to be a blog}

CRUROAR: {typing and thinking} Day 02 on this epic space journey. We've finally driven clear of the planet and are headed back to Earth. Umm... We've gotten a lot of problems with the lower deck, it was filled with strange creatures, wild ones. Nydara told us not to go in there unless we like getting eaten, which I don't. So anyway...

{Forest pops up behind Cruroar}

FOREST: How cute. Writing to your blog? What are you writing? My life is a joke? Or how about: I want to end my life?

CRUROAR: I can't have a piece of privacy here!

FOREST: Maybe you should being so emo and writing to your blog as if your life depended on it!

CRUROAR: Okay... now I'm going to go cry in the corner, jerk. {runs off, crying}

FOREST: Once again, I am Queen of Mean!

{Conchris pops in from the right side of the screen}

CONCHRIS: Queen of Dumb!

FOREST: Shut up! I can't even have a proper title without YOU ruining it!

CONCHRIS: Hey! It's not MY fault that you are an idiot!

FOREST: Don't even come here with a lame comeback like that! Now I'm going to send a million hate mail to your YouTube account.

CONCHRIS: Psh, having a YouTube account is overrated.

FOREST: You're overrated.

{Cieeia sneaks up on the two and bashes the both of them with the pipe}

CIEEIA: YOU'RE BOTH OVERRATED! Gawd... I finally have that out of my system.

{Cieeia walks off, leaving Conchris and Forest on the floor}

CONCHRIS: {dazed} One day, the evil fuzzles will take over the world...

FOREST: {gets up} Screw you! {runs off}

{Cut to the Navigation Room, Cruroar walks in and taps Nydara on the shoulder}

NYDARA: Yes? What is it?

CRUROAR: I've been wondering, how long is it until we get to Earth?

NYDARA: About a million years away.

CRUROAR: Wha?!

NYDARA: I was kidding! {A beeping noise is heard} Uh oh! We're being pulled into a planet's gravitational pull! HIT THE DECKS!

{Cruroar throws himself down on the floor, Nydara puts on a helmet and hangs onto the chair}

{Cut to the outside of the ship, the ship is slowly pulled towards a planet shaped like an onion, the camera slowly zooms into the planet as the ship slowly approaches}

{Cut to the vast desert of the planet, a giant magnet is seen pulling in the ship, the ship collides with the magnet and the ramp opens, causing Cieeia to fly out of it and hit the floor. Conchris, Cruroar, Nydara and Forest are also seen jumping out of the ship and find themselves surrounded by Onion people}

CONCHRIS: Where are we?

CRUROAR: These guys don't look very friendly...

NYDARA: These are the Onion People. Our race hasn't been good friends with them, in fact, we use them as slaves.

CONCHRIS: You use onions as slaves?!

NYDARA: Yes!

ONION MAN #1: Intruders! What are your names and your motive for coming here?

CONCHRIS: My name is Conchris, an Earthling Human. We weren't supposed to be coming here!

ONION MAN #2: But you did! We saw you! You were trying to destroy our magnet!

NYDARA: {whispering} Psst. They try their hardest to create a reason to kill somebody.

CRUROAR: {whispering} Wait... what?!

ONION MAN #2: GUARDS! {Several armed onions roll in} Take them away!

{The armed onions drag Conchris and company off the screen, with the exception of Forest}

FOREST: I am not scared by your assaults, try as you might.

ONION MAN #2: Don't worry, we have a chaff grenade just for robots like you. {pulls the pin and throws it at Forest, it explodes, dazing Forest}

FOREST: Fliffle Ghasdra... {falls over}

{The scene fades to black}

{Meanwhile...}

{Open to the Chocoking's castle, Chrionroar is thrown on screen by a mob of chocolate animals, the king wakes up}

KING: Huh? Wha? Who art thou?

CHRIONROAR: I ART MURDERER!

KING: You sure are. Seeing how you eat our people without our permission, I'd like to send you on a quest of epic proportions...

CHRIONROAR: I LOVE FETCH QUESTS!

KING: Sure... Anyway, we have some rebels outside of town, they hate us and they have stolen MY amulet. Find it and get about a hundred chocolate coins from them and then come back here and I will grant the title of Banana King.

CHRIONROAR: I CANS BE BANANAR KING?!

KING: Yes. Now go! {pulls a rope, which encases Chrionroar in a cannon which is then promptly fired out of into another castle}

{The scene fades to black}

{Open to the Onion King's throne room, Conchris and company are thrown onto the screen}

CONCHRIS: The ride here was very painful.

CRUROAR: What's the big idea, capturing us?!

CIEEIA: Yeah! What's the big idea?!

NYDARA: What's the big idea?!

ONION KING: Ah! Visitors! We've been waiting for foo-I mean-visitors for a long time.

NYDARA: It's not much of an honour to meet you.

ONION KING: I see that you and your race is still as annoying as ever, but I forgive you for that. Anyway, I'm sure you're hungry from that space journey, so I ordered some food from Cooksar Baker.

CONCHRIS: Couldn't get your chefs to do the work?

ONION KING: They're being used as torturers right now.

CRUROAR: Can't argue with that.

ONION KING: Anyway, I'll just get the table ready again.

{The Onion King pulls a rope and the table suddenly bursts through the floor, it is littered with all kinds of food}

CIEEIA: I'm not exactly THAT hungry. Besides, I just ate!

CONCHRIS: {already at the table} What are you? An anorexic? This food is great!

{Conchris, Cruroar and Nydara sit at the table and begin to eat, Cieeia sits down, uncomfortably}

CIEEIA: What if they poisoned it?

CONCHRIS: Nobody listens to you.

CIEEIA: Cruroar does, right?

CRUROAR: {mouth full} Huh? Uh, yeah.

CIEEIA: Spit that out!

{Cruroar spits the food out of his mouth to the side}

CRUROAR: It tasted a bit onion-like to say the least...

ONION KING: {thinking} Yes... eat up and soon you'll become one of us! Ha ha ha ha ha! I love my job.

{Cut to the outside of the onion castle, the ship has landed outside}

ONION KING: See you! We'll be always waiting for you in open arms. But why can't you stay?

CRUROAR: Are you kidding? We need to get back home and this place smells like onions, and it's beginning to make me cry!

ONION KING: Well, I guess so. Farewell!

{Conchris and company get on the ship, Forest bursts out and grabs on the back of the ship as they sail up into the sky again}

ONION KING: My plan is going perfectly...

{Cut to the inside of the ship}

CONCHRIS: Wow, what a day. We hadn't a fight yet, but sure. It was nice of him to give us food for the way home.

CIEEIA: That's very suspicious, I mean, people don't just give you food when they capture you and then let you go...

CONCHRIS: Nah, you're a woman. You just think these things because you are, in fact, a woman.

{Forest crashes in}

FOREST: I was about to say that! Stop trying to steal my moments of glory!

CONCHRIS: As if you had any, psh.

CRUROAR: Just be quiet for a second!

{Pause}

CRUROAR: Thank you.

CONCHRIS: Well, I'm very tired, so I'm going to bed. {glares at Cruroar and Cieeia} You better not be doing any funny business whilst I'm asleep!

CRUROAR: Oh, we won't!

CONCHRIS: Okay. Night.

{A door slides open and Conchris steps inside and throws himself onto the bed, he then falls asleep, the door then shuts}

CIEEIA: So, what funny business are we going to do?

CRUROAR: Well...

{Cut to the Logic Games Room}

CIEEIA: YES! YES! {Zoom out to reveal that they were playing a game of Scrabble} I made a word with the letter "Q" in it!

FOREST: I can only spell out this word. {moves hand away from the board to reveal the word "Youreallgonnadie"}

CRUROAR: Why is it that I always lose?

CIEEIA: Aww, don't be too hard on yourself!

CRUROAR: I'm not! It's just that you have better luck than me!

CIEEIA: Have you done something to tick off Lady Luck in the past?

CRUROAR: Well...

{The scene slowly fizzles away to a field, Cruroar is walking along until a fairy pops out of nowhere}

FAIRY: I am Lady Luck! You must find my toothbrush! You have ONE second!

CRUROAR: Wha...

LADY LUCK: YOU ARE OUT OF TIME! I hereby banish you from receiving any more quests for 7 years!

{Lady Luck then disappears in a puff of smoke}

CRUROAR: I wasn't even looking for one in the first place!

{The scene shifts back to the Logic Games Room, Nydara can be seen arguing with a floating head}

CIEEIA: You were issued a quest by Lady Luck?!

FOREST: Maybe the gods decided to give him a fighting chance for he is the biggest loser I have ever seen in my life.

CIEEIA: You can shut up for the rest of this episode, starting now. {pulls out a hammer and bashes Forest}

CRUROAR: You can just switch her off.

CIEEIA: And risk her blasting my face off?

CRUROAR: Does she even follow the robot's code?

CIEEIA: I dunno, let's ask Conchy.

{Cruroar and Cieeia walk to Conchris' room, they slide open the door and find an onion in the bed}

CIEEIA: Oh no! We're snowed in!

CRUROAR: What? {notices the onion} Conches!

CONCHRIS: Huh, I feel a lot smaller somehow, with pretty small arms and legs...

CRUROAR: Oh my god. What happened to you?!

CONCHRIS: I don't know. I fell asleep and then woke up like this.

CIEEIA: How are you even talking?

CONCHRIS: You seen the Doll episode? Yeah, I can speak without any lungs. Everyone can.

CRUROAR: Well, let's put you somewhere where we can see you and hope you don't fall into the vents below.

CONCHRIS: Sounds like a plan.

{Cut to the kitchen, Conchris is placed on the counter near the entrance to the vents, Cruroar turns his back on Conchris as a gust of wind picks Conchris up and into the vents. Cruroar turns around and notices that Conchris is gone}

CRUROAR: OH CRAP!

CIEEIA: What?

CRUROAR: He's gone!

CIEEIA: OH NO!

{Pause}

CRUROAR: Eh, let's go play video games.

CIEEIA: Good idea.

{Cruroar and Cieeia walk off as the camera zooms in on the vents, cut to the lower decks, Conchris flies out of the vents and lands in a bowl}

CONCHRIS: Where am I? Is this Hell?

{A beast walks over to the bowl and eyes Conchris hungrily}

CONCHRIS: Nice... beast?

{The beast roars and Conchris jumps out of the bowl and dives into an empty crate, he then looks amongst a clearing of beasts}

CONCHRIS: Yikes, Nydara wasn't kidding about this. Might as well wait for an opening.

{Two beasts walk in and challenges each other to a breakdancing competition, music starts playing as one of them starts to breakdance, this continues for the both of the beasts}

CONCHRIS: Yikes. They can actually dance? {notices that he is saying things loudly} Oop!

{The beasts stop dancing to turn towards Conchris, more beasts pop up in front of him}

CONCHRIS: Oh hey guys... I'm not a tasty snac- OH GOD! {notices a beast putting salt on him} YIKES!

{Conchris starts to run as the beasts scamper to snatch him up, a beast snatches him up and licks his lips, Conchris jumps out of his hands before the beast bites him, causing him to bite his finger, he then cries in pain. Conchris continues running towards the door and trips over a flask of dark green liquid. He picks it up and starts to head for the door until a beast blocks his way, Conchris slides under the beast as it tries to grab him and hops up the stairs, the beasts look at him in anger}

BEAST: DAMN! He got out of our aggro line!

BEAST #2: Oh well, we'll eat later...

{The beasts slowly walk off, mumbling amongst themselves as Conchris slowly opens the door and runs out. Nydara scoops him up}

CONCHRIS: AHH! DON'T EAT ME!

NYDARA: Who says I'm going to eat you? I was looking for that flask! {sets Conchris and the flask on the lab surface} What happened to you?

CONCHRIS: I got turned into an onion and was sent down the vents into some kind of horror show!

NYDARA: Must've been the food. You are what you eat.

CONCHRIS: Well, turn me back into a freaking human!

NYDARA: {sighs} Those onion people have a sick sense of humour, using people's misery for their own kicks.

{Forest pops in from the right side of the screen}

FOREST: Those kind of people I like!

NYDARA: Yes. Yes. Wait a second, weren't you supposed to be lying in a trash heap in the Logic Games Room?

FOREST: No, I reactivated and killed the two that were causing me trouble. Look at what they did to my face!

{Forest shows a picture of her face covered in scribbles with a moustache}

CONCHRIS: You look stupid!

FOREST: How about I kill you too!

NYDARA: No! Don't-

{Forest blasts Conchris but accidentally hits the explosives instead, cut to the outside of the ship a small explosion can be seen}

{Cue credits}

{Cut to a black screen with the word "END"}