Conshow/47

Summary

Stuff?

Transcript

{Open to the base's lobby, Conchris and Cruroar are watching TV}

CONCHRIS: Man! Being a star of this show is neat, don't you think?

CRUROAR: Eh.

CONCHRIS: "Eh"?

CRUROAR: Yeah. Eh.

CONCHRIS: Screw you. We're going to replace you next episode.

CRUROAR: You can't replace me! Not as long as I have this CARD! {holds out a card that reads "Get out of replacements free!"}

CONCHRIS: {thinking} Damn, he knows my secret weakness...

{Cue intro}

{Open to Xavian's Battleship - The Brig, Xavian is observing the view in front of him as several Yffulf are busy tapping away}

XAVIAN: When I find the rest of those meddlesome fools, I will give them a piece of my mind!

{A Yffulf suddenly looks up expectantly}

XAVIAN: Not literally.

{The Yffulf droops his head down}

XAVIAN: When I find those rebels, Project Death Star will commence!

YFFULF #1: Death Star? Are you sure that you're not ripping off an old movie?

XAVIAN: NO!

{A beeping sound is heard}

YFFULF #2: Dude! We, like, totally found the dudes we were looking for... dude...

XAVIAN: Eh, I knew they were on that planet all along and that their BASE was in the middle of the city. Looks like I have to pay them a "friendly" visit. {grins evilly}

YFFULF #1: Can I come?

XAVIAN: NO!

{Cut to the base, Forest is standing there deactivated with a few wires sticking out}

CONCHRIS: So, the voice box finally arrived and I am just about to finish installing it.

CRUROAR: I'm sure that by installing that voice box that a legion of evil aliens will come down and capture us and hold us here for the next three episodes.

CONCHRIS: Ha ha. No. Now, all I have to do is to rewire the voice box to the speaker before I can start her up. {fiddles about with the wire before a sparking noise is heard} Ah! There we go! Now, Forest. Arise!

{Forest's eyes suddenly light up}

FOREST: {monotone} VOICE BOX FOUND. INSTALLING NEW HARDWARE... {pauses} INSTALL COMPLETE! ENGAGING OPERATING SYSTEM! {normal voice} What the hell happened in my blackout?! I could've sworn that some idiot has hit me in the head with a rubber bat!

CONCHRIS: Yeah, that was me.

{Forest chokes Conchris}

FOREST: Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again.

CONCHRIS: ARGH! Let go! {Forest lets go} Phew.

CRUROAR: Isn't this the part where Xavian bursts in and says that he found us?

FOREST: Someone has been reading their scripts today, and it's not a very smart one, at that.

CRUROAR: HEY!

FOREST: Whatever, you have an overpowered war bot at your disposal but because you are all stupid, I shall refuse to help!

{Cut to the outside of the base, Xavian's Battleship hovers overhead, a pod suddenly flies out of it and hits the ground, Xavian walks out of it, dazed}

XAVIAN: Argh... I'm never doing that again. {straightens himself} Ahem. Now to put these de-hydrated alien capsules to the test! {pulls out a packet of capsules, it reads "My First Alien Army!", and dumps them onto the ground before soaking them with water with a watering can he pulls out of nowhere, the capsules become encased in light and several aliens of shapes and sizes appear in place of capsule}

ALIEN #1: At your command, sir.

XAVIAN: Perfect... Now, we must show these fools not to mess with Xavian! THE GREAT! HA HA HA HA HA!

{Cut to the inside of the base, the alarms start sounding}

CRUROAR: What is that?

CONCHRIS: That's the sound of the LHC leaking helium into your face!

CRUROAR: No, that other sound.

CONCHRIS: That's the intruders alarm. They must be attacking us right this minute.

{Cieeia suddenly bursts in}

CIEEIA: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

CRUROAR: Now, calm down Cieeia...

CIEEIA: Don't you SEE?! There's like... a hundred of them out there! How can we possibly save them?

CRUROAR: Okay, deep breaths.

{Cieeia breathes in and out deeply}

CONCHRIS: I guess it is up to me to save me and everyone else! Just call me Marine!

CIEEIA: That doesn't make any sense.

CONCHRIS: Your face doesn't make any sense! Okay fine, call me Conchis. Now... what can I do to stop them?

{Cut to the entrance of the base, a small little dot is sitting near the door}

NYDARA: That's it?

CONCHRIS: Yep!

NYDARA: That's the worst idea I have ever heard.

CONCHRIS: Your mom has worsererererererererer ideas than me!

NYDARA: Learn English.

CONCHRIS: I already have!

NYDARA: {sighs} How could a tiny speck kill those fiends in one blow?!

CONCHRIS: Watch.

{Conchris picks up Nydara and quickly runs away, the entrance bursts open and the aliens charge in, setting off a beeping noise. An explosion is then seen and it wipes out the aliens and pushes Xavian back towards the pod}

XAVIAN: HOW THE HELL?!

CONCHRIS: Ha ha ha! You can't get us!

XAVIAN: I'll show you!

{Cut to the lobby of the base, Cruroar looks out of the window to see several more aliens slowly walking towards the base}

CRUROAR: Oh crap!

CIEEIA: What?

CRUROAR: They're headed right for us!

{Conchris runs in}

CONCHRIS: Wow, that was quick.

CRUROAR: Yeah, I know.

CONCHRIS: Okay, we'll be right back after the break...

CIEEIA: The wha-

{Cieeia gets cut off by the screen quickly fading to black}

{Fade into Sirhcnoc's Lair on a Hill, Sirhcnoc is maintaining the Sanity Shifter as Greg walks in}

GREG: Still maintaining that thing?

SIRHCNOC: {grunts}

GREG: O...kay... {walks over to the table and starts looking for something} Have you seen my notebook somewhere?

SIRHCNOC: {grunts and points at the drawers}

{Greg walks over to the drawers and pulls out a notebook from them}

GREG: You don't look well. Have you been getting sleep?

SIRHCNOC: AHHHHHHH!

{Greg jumps back in surprise}

GREG: YIPES! I forgot that Humans can be scary...

SIRHCNOC: Me no scary. You scary!

GREG: O...kay... lemme go ring up the mental institution... {runs off}

{Fade to black}

{Fade back into the base}

CRUROAR: They're still headed for us!

CONCHRIS: Dude! You so totally stole that joke!

CRUROAR: Nuh-uh!

CONCHRIS: Yea...uh!

CRUROAR: Says the guy who totally stole ideas.

CONCHRIS: Hey, some ideas came from original ideas.

CRUROAR: Your mom came... from an original idea.

CIEEIA: Ooh! Burn!

CONCHRIS: I shall not be defeated!

CRUROAR: Whatever, I shall remind you to the ends of time, because I am the reminderer.

NYDARA: Enough talk about stolen jokes! They're going to break in any second!

CONCHRIS: I say I should go up against them. But Cruroar, will you be my Plan B when things go astray?

CRUROAR: I am not going to be your meat shield!

CONCHRIS: Okay, fine! I'll just run in there with Plan C...

{Cut to a corridor, Conchris walks through as a hole is blasted in a nearby wall, revealing several aliens. Conchris pulls out his laser blade and points at them as if he was challenging them}

CONCHRIS: You know what this is? This. Is. Err.... forget it. Let's fight.

{The aliens run at Conchris as he stands his ground. Conchris tosses some of them in front of him away with his blade as one of them pulls out a little gun. He shoots it and it hits Conchris' blade, making it malfunction and shut off with smoke rising from it.}

CONCHRIS: Well, this sucks. Time for Plan C... {runs away} RUN!

{Cut to the lobby of the base, Conchris runs in}

CRUROAR: What is it?

CONCHRIS: I can't fight them off.

NYDARA: I told you that doesn't work!

{A screen suddenly slides down and turns on to reveal Xavian}

XAVIAN: How are you gentlemen?

CONCHRIS: All our base are belong to you?

{Cruroar glares at Conchris}

XAVIAN: DAMN IT! I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THAT! Anyway... instead of capturing you and tossing you into a jail that you will eventually get out of. I decided that it would be best to keep you in this base until the planet crash lands on Earth.

CRUROAR: What?

XAVIAN: This planet is actually a ship designed by me. {an explosion is heard} Built by me. {another explosion is heard} And you'd best hope {pauses} not squashing you... {pauses as he pulls out a guitar} Now, I shall laugh evilly as this screen rolls up. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! {the screen rolls back up as Xavian laughs and guitar sounds are heard in the background}

CIEEIA: What'll we do 'till then?

CRUROAR: I'd say that we have less references to random crap.

CONCHRIS: {whiny voice} But the references are funny!

CRUROAR: I don't care.

{Conchris glares at Cruroar}

CONCHRIS: We're replacing you next episode.

CRUROAR: Card...

CONCHRIS: DAMN IT!

{Cue credits}