Conshow/45

Summary

Stuff happens and stuff happens...

Transcript

{Open to the base's lobby, Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest, Nydara and John are sat in seats surrounding a projector as Conchris walks in with another tape}

CONCHRIS: This is another recording I found sitting around!

CRUROAR: Oh goody. What is it?

CONCHRIS: It's the recording of our first true day at Wikity and how we met Sirhcnoc and his stupid pet, Greg.

NYDARA: HEY! Greg is not a stupid pet!

CONCHRIS: Way to defend your ex.

NYDARA: I know, I know. I still have some kind of attachment to him...

CONCHRIS: Okay, I'll just play this video tape before you guys decide that sawing off my arm is a good idea.

FOREST: {Windows Startup jingle} (It is a good idea!)

CONCHRIS: Shut up Vista. I mean, Forest. Now, let's get this train wreck-a rollin'!

{Conchris places the tape into the VCR and projector projects it onto the screen, zoom in}

{Cut to a black screen with the words "Conshow Episode 0: Welcome to Wikity" on it}

{Cue intro}

{Open to a lair on a hill, two figures watch Conchris through a screen as he stupidly picks up a hammer and bashes it against the hole in a wall. Mysteriously, he fixes it.}

????????: Bah! They've been there for one day and already they made themselves at home!

????: Well? What'd you expect?

????????: I expected that my new super laser would've been complete... if SOME IDIOT didn't try and "fix" it!

????: Hey! That laser was pointing the other way!

????????: It's supposed to be a laser that kills you if you try to use it! Not an ordinary laser!

????: Well, it's better than making a toaster.

????????: Speaking of which... {Conchris pulls out a toaster and throws it at Chrionroar just before he makes another hole in the wall} I wonder if the idiot has done anything useful here yet?

{Cut to Conchris' House - Main Hall, Conchris is sitting at a desk drawing on a blueprint as Cruroar walks in}

CRUROAR: What are you doing?

CONCHRIS: I'm going to make the greatest, most face-melting offest and tastiest weapon yet!

CRUROAR: It's a toaster isn't it?

CONCHRIS: Dude! Just because my last support bot is a walking toaster doesn't mean you can mock me about it!

CRUROAR: Toaster! Toaster! It is a toast- {Conchris whacks Cruroar with the blueprint} OW!

CONCHRIS: Shut up and let me pitch this idea to you. Ahem... {looks at the blueprint} This weapon is going to be designed in a similar fashion to a sword, it will also use a laser as its blade and it can be activated at anytime!

CRUROAR: That sounds vaguely like a weapon I've heard of before...

CONCHRIS: No, it isn't! It's solar powered and it runs on batteries! How different is that?

{Cruroar pauses to think}

CRUROAR: You know, that's the most unoriginal weapon I've ever heard of, good day. {walks off}

CONCHRIS: {thinking} I'll show him! If I can create a humanoid robot, then I can make myself a laser blade!

CIEEIA: {suddenly beside Conchris} What are you thinking?

{Conchris turns around only to fall off his chair in surprise}

CONCHRIS: Ow... {gets up} Nothing really.

CIEEIA: Did I just hear you pitch an unoriginal idea?

CONCHRIS: No, you didn't hear anything!

CIEEIA: I didn't hear anything.

CONCHRIS: I'm going to go now.

CIEEIA: You're going to go now.

{Conchris runs off}

{Cut to The Streets, Conchris runs out of the house and looks behind him as Aria walks along on the street, they both bump into each other}

ARIA: OW! Watch where you're going, newbie!

CONCHRIS: Newbie?

{Aria and Conchris both get up}

ARIA: Yes. You're the new guy on the street, right?

CONCHRIS: Yep. What's it to ya?

ARIA: Well, I'm from the Ganos Street Welcoming Committee.

CONCHRIS: That's a strange name for a street.

ARIA: Yeah, I know. Apparently, I keep hearing rumours that the mayor is an otaku. But I don't buy that. Also, welcome to our fair city... Wikity! {fanfare}

CONCHRIS: Wikity?

ARIA: Wikity. Didn't you offer to buy a house last month?

CONCHRIS: Oh yeah! Now I remember! I totally thought I was in Badlands for a second there.

ARIA: Ooooookay.... So, I've done my part. See ya! {runs off}

CONCHRIS: {thinking, whilst walking along} Wikity. The home of broken dreams. The home of broken records and such. Why is there a welcoming committee and why am I just thinking?

{Cut to a construction site, Conchris idly walks into the site and a toolbox, a cinderblock and a large crate hits the ground just behind Conchris as he walks}

CONCHRIS: Man, I wonder what would happen if I stand here... {zoom out to reveal that Conchris is standing on a red x} on this red x.

{Pan up to reveal two figures watching him}

????????: Man, this guy is too easy to beat! I thought he was more harder than that!

????: Well, this place had no heroes or anybody of the like anyway.

????????: With this conveniently placed girder, I will CRUSH my opposition... quite literally at that.

????: Aren't you going down to introduce yourself to the guy before killing him?

????????: Why not? It's not like he'll get all suspicious and say...

{Flash-forward, Conchris is holding the figure by the neck}

CONCHRIS: You sound like the most stupidest villain ever! Screw it, I'm leaving. {throws the figure off-screen and walks off}

{Back to the present, Conchris is still standing on the X}

????????: Well, wish me luck. {jumps down}

{The figure lands into an empty oil drum, scaring Conchris as he falls out of it, he then gets up and brushes himself off}

????????: Fool! You've activated my trap card!

CONCHRIS: {confused} Who are you?

????????: What? You don't remember me? Friend of that guy? You know, that guy who then went to villain's school and {says the next words through gritted teeth} got the best certificate out of it...

CONCHRIS: I'm drawing blanks. I mean it literally, look. {Conchris pulls out an empty sheet of paper}

SIRHCNOC: Interesting. Anyway, I am Wikity's one and only true villain, SIRHCNOC! {fanfare}

CONCHRIS: Is there going to be a fanfare for everything?

SIRHCNOC: Yes.

CONCHRIS: Screw it, I'm out of here...

{Conchris goes to walk off until the second figure latches onto his leg}

CONCHRIS: AHH! What is this weird creepy looking thing?!

GREG: For your information, Human, I am Greg, a Yffulf from a far away planet. Sirhcnoc hired me as a sidekick for his evil schemes, which don't always work. {fanfare, it screws up in the middle of it before stopping}

CONCHRIS: Whatever. {kicks Greg off into Sirhcnoc} See you two newbies later.

SIRHCNOC: NOW!

{A girder quickly flies out of nowhere and hits Conchris in the back of the head, he then falls over}

SIRHCNOC: I was expecting your head to crack like an egg. But whatever... {A fainting whistling noise is heard} What is that noise?

GREG: I dunno, and it's getting louder! {The whistle becomes louder as Forest flies onto the scene}

FOREST: I am here to answer a distress signal by my owner, Conchris, whom is unconscious. You two must be the culprits. Bring it!

SIRHCNOC: Gladly!

{Sirhcnoc pulls out a laser gun and fires it, the laser hits Forest's left shoulder}

FOREST: Do you think that hurt?

SIRHCNOC: Er... yes it did.

{Forest pulls out a girder from the construction site and it starts wobbling}

FOREST: Now prepare to- {the site crushes Forest, Sirhcnoc and Greg, Conchris climbs out of the wreckage}

CONCHRIS: Ow... My head... What happened? {sees sparks} No... it can't be...

{Conchris searches the wreckage and pulls out Forest, sparking at the neck}

CONCHRIS: NOOOOO! Forest. Don't you dare "die" on me!

FOREST: {monotonous} CRITICAL DAMAGE REACHED. SHUTTING DOWN TO CONSERVE POWER. PLEASE REPLACE PERSONALITY CHIP. {eyes go blank}

CONCHRIS: Darn! This is going to take a while...

{Cut to Conchris' House - Basement, Forest is on a desk as Chrionroar walks in holding a pile of signs before tossing them into a corner, he then walks off. Conchris runs in with the repaired chip}

CONCHRIS: I sure hope it works this time. {inserts the chip somehow into the neck, Forest jolts to life}

FOREST: {monotonous} PERSONALITY CHIP FOUND. NOW ENGAGING SYSTEM DRIVE. {human like voice} Where the hell am I? And who are you? You'd better have a reason to be here unless you're an idiot!

CONCHRIS: My name is Conchris and I'm your creato- {dodges a laser blast from Forest} Whoa! I reprogrammed a bot into a warbot! AWESOME!

FOREST: I never knew I had this firepower equipped on me. {points at Conchris} You. You may look like the world's dumbest idiot but you are kind enough to grant me weaponry. For this, I shall spare you.

CONCHRIS: Er... okay... as long as you don't try to blow up the world, that'll be fine.

FOREST: I can't harm the world that the humans live on. That's against my programming.

CONCHRIS: Wow, that girder accident really screwed you up.

FOREST: That personality chip was a dynamic one. It was scrambled due to the fact that I was using it at the time of the accident, it was forced to shut down when it was trying to save data and that corrupted it.

CONCHRIS: So now you're a gun-wielding robot that hates everyone?

FOREST: Not necessarily everyone.

{Chrionroar walks in carrying more signs, Forest blasts him with her arm cannon}

FOREST: Except that guy.

CONCHRIS: This is a poorly executed explanation, we might as well cut this episode.

FOREST: Agreed.

CONCHRIS: Well, it's night time, so... night.

FOREST: Good night...

{Conchris walks off and Forest looks away from the camera}

FOREST: Creator...

{Cut to the outside of Conchris' House, the moon quickly disappears and the sun rises, the words at the bottom reads "Several Weeks Later"}

{Cut to Conchris' House - Living Room, Conchris and Cruroar are already there on the couch watching TV}

CRUROAR: You know, I've been thinking.

CONCHRIS: What?

CRUROAR: Automechanics. You know? The kind that fixes your stuff up?

CONCHRIS: Look, everyone knows that automechanics tamper with the batteries, so you have to go back to them in a week. But you can't do jack 'cause they're you know... tied... to.. the mafia...

CRUROAR: Err... when are going to stop stealing scri-

{Cue credits}

{Cut to the base's lobby, the screen turns off and Conchris turns on the lights to reveal that everyone is gone}

CONCHRIS: Damn it! They got away! But soon, I'll make sure they'll watch the tapes with poorly executed plot points and explanations! Ha ha ha ha ha... HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA! {coughs} Just kidding!

{Cue credits, again}