Conshow/41

Summary

Stuff

Transcript

{Open to the base's lobby, Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest, Nydara, John and Kylera are there as Conchris walks in holding a tape}

CRUROAR: What's that you got there?

CONCHRIS: A link to the past, otherwise known as your mom.

CIEEIA: No seriously, what is it?

CONCHRIS: No need to put words in his mouth, Cieeia! This is a tape from the past. Basically, Forest is used to store past memories into her hard drive. She can store up to about 500 past memories before she is forced to remove them, otherwise, she is forced to work at 25% capacity.

FOREST: {musical jingle} (I hope you die for rummaging around on that hard drive!)

CONCHRIS: Shut up. Now, I'm going to force you all to watch this video.

{Groaning is heard}

CRUROAR: You know, we can just leave.

CIEEIA: Yeah! What he said!

CONCHRIS: That is why I booby trapped the couch to keep your strapped to it.

{Cuffs appear out of nowhere and grabs Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest, Nydara, John and Kylera's legs and hands}

CONCHRIS: Now, you aren't going anywhere for these two episodes.

CRUROAR: TWO?!

CONCHRIS: Yes. {turns to face the camera} And YOU'D better enjoy it too before I strap YOU to the seat as well!

{Conchris pulls out a VCR and places the tape inside. The camera zooms in onto the projector screen}

{Open to a black screen, text that reads "Episode -1 - Welcome to Wikity!" is displayed at the bottom for three seconds before fading away}

{Cue introduction}

{Open to Conchris' Apartment - Main Room, Conchris kicks the door down}

CONCHRIS: Hey guys! Guess what?

CRUROAR: What?

CIEEIA: Who?

CHRIONROAR: WHEARS?!

FOREST: What?

CONCHRIS: I have sold enough support bots to-{zoom in} destroy all humanity {zoom out}-er... I mean, be able to buy this really sweet house in Wikity.

CRUROAR: Wikity? What's that?

CONCHRIS: It's the place of dreams, Cruroar. Broken ones. You know, last year, I heard that they took part in a road blocking contest.

CIEEIA: Who won?

CONCHRIS: Onett. Again. For the one hundredth time.

CIEEIA: Wow, that's... not very impressive.

CRUROAR: Whatever, I'm not moving from here! I've grown immune to that hobo stench in the streets.

{Cut to the streets, Cruroar is walking along and trips over a hobo}

HOBO: HOBO JOE LOVES YOUR TOES!

{Cruroar gets up and brushes himself off, he then kicks the hobo off-screen}

CRUROAR: Sorry, my toes aren't for sale, stinky.

HOBO: {as he flies away} Tooooooeeeeesssss...

{Cut back to the apartment}

FOREST: How far away is Wikity? I tried to check my satellite but I can't find it.

CONCHRIS: That's because Jibble Maps failed to update. Wikity is just a new settlement and they're literally paying random people to move in.

CRUROAR: Were you paid?

CONCHRIS: No, the free money sign ups were finished when I got there. It's about one month away.

CRUROAR: ONE MONTH?! That's it, I'm not moving.

CIEEIA: Well, Conchris does have a point, Cruroar...

CRUROAR: Yeah, so?

CIEEIA: Think about the sights you can see. You said that you were bored of seeing the same thing over and over again.

CONCHRIS: Ha ha ha! That thing was actually a painting of a factory, you kept looking out at it, think it was real. You fail a depth perception.

CRUROAR: Well you fail at... grr... winning!

CONCHRIS: That's weak, little girl.

CRUROAR: I'm not a girl.

CONCHRIS: Cruroar is a girl, right? I never really thought about it until now.

CIEEIA: {slaps Conchris} He is not! He's my best friend!

CONCHRIS: Let's just get going.

CRUROAR: Are we going to bring the idiot with us?

{Conchris looks at Chrionroar as he devours three pedestrians and two stop signs}

CONCHRIS: Yes.

{Cut to the inside of the car, Conchris is driving with Cruroar and Cieeia in the back seat, Forest in the front seat and Chrionroar pretending to be a dead body in the boot}

CONCHRIS: We only have one month to get there, so...

CRUROAR: So what?

CONCHRIS: Did you two ever go beyond the friends part?

CIEEIA: What kind of stupid question is that?

CRUROAR: A question that idiots will ask, right?

FOREST: As amusing as it may be, I decline that statement.

CRUROAR: You shut up!

CHRIONROAR: Is thar police?!

CONCHRIS: Shut up, I'm trying to drive here.

{A lorry's horn is heard as Conchris' eyes widen}

CONCHRIS: OH CRA-

{The car gets hit by the lorry, sending it flying down a cliff, it then lands perfectly upright on the road at the bottom}

CONCHRIS: Is everyone alright? Did anyone put their tray tables up and have sat in an upright position?

CRUROAR: I'm fine.

CIEEIA: Seconded.

FOREST: That hurt, somehow.

CHRIONROAR: {suddenly appears behind the car covered in glass and blood} Why YARS!

CONCHRIS: Okay, let's go.

{Conchris turns on the ignition and the car explodes, sending Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest, Chrionroar and Conchris into the forest, Conchris crashes into a campfire, he gets up, not noticing the flame in his hair}

CONCHRIS: Okay, minor setback. I'm sure we can arrive in Wikity in... three years or so.

{Cruroar jumps out of the bushes}

CRUROAR: THREE YEARS?! Right, that's it! I'm going to choke you and choke you and CHOKE YOU! {does so}

{Cieeia falls out of the tree and hits Conchris on the head on her fall down}

CIEEIA: Oh thanks! I thought I would never survive that fall!

CRUROAR: Eh, that works too.

CIEEIA: So, how are we going to get to Wikity?

CRUROAR: STOP GOING ON ABOUT WIKITY!

{Cruroar sits on a fallen tree trunk}

CRUROAR: How are we going to get back?

{Cieeia thinks for a moment before shaking Conchris awake}

CONCHRIS: Cave Story... Huh, wha? What do you want?

CIEEIA: We need a way to get to Wikity, do you know of a way?

CONCHRIS: Hmm... Maybe, just maybe...

{Pause}

CIEEIA: What?

'CONCHRIS: Sorry, I forgot what I was trying to say... But with a little tinkering...

{Pause}

CIEEIA: Are you going to finish that sentence?

CONCHRIS: Shouldn't you go and listen to whatever it is that you girls listen to? My voice doesn't need to distract you. But if I can somehow...

{Cieeia punches Conchris in the face}

CONCHRIS: {dazed} Banana Phone. {falls over}

{Cut to the road, Forest has turned into a car, Chrionroar is tied to the roof with rope. Cut to the inside of the car}

CRUROAR: This is what you could come up with?

CIEEIA: Forest can transform into anything?

CONCHRIS: Well, if I can deactivate her first. She's a bit difficult to deactivate.

CIEEIA: Too much information...

CONCHRIS: I'm sorry if I somehow gave away too much info.

CRUROAR: How fast does this car go?

CONCHRIS: Over 9,000.

CIEEIA: Wha? Seriously?

CONCHRIS: Yes.

CRUROAR: Isn't there a speed limit on this road?

{Cut to the road, the car drives quickly by as several police cars gets caught in its turbulence left behind it}

CONCHRIS: Nah, they probably don't care...

{Cut to the streets, the car suddenly stops and the police cars fly over the group as they get out, causing a fire somehow}

CONCHRIS: Well, here it is...

CRUROAR: It looks like... something I've never imagined it would be.

CONCHRIS: I told you it was a sweet house!

CIEEIA: Err... yeah. It looks okay.

CONCHRIS: Come on! I'm sure we'll love it here in Wikity!

CIEEIA: Well, no turning back now, right Cruroar?

CRUROAR: {gazes into space} Huh? Wha? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah...

CHRIONROAR: I GETS TOP BUNKZ!

{Cut to the inside of the house, the door suddenly bursts open and Conchris walks in holding Chrionroar like a spear, he then chucks Chrionroar down the stairs to the basement}

CONCHRIS: He can have the basement.

CRUROAR: Er... why?

CONCHRIS: He can stash his signs down there. I hear there's a pretty good selection around here. He can also play Dennisses and Dunjins with random people.

CIEEIA: Where... do we sleep?

CONCHRIS: Upstairs, come on. Have a look.

{Cut to a bedroom in the house, Conchris opens the door}

CONCHRIS: Here you go.

CRUROAR: Why is there only one bed here?

CONCHRIS: It's because they thought you two are together or something.

CIEEIA: As much as I like Cruroar, I don't think sharing the same bed will help us sleep in the night.

CRUROAR: Yeah! Who knows what would happen?

CONCHRIS: Okay, fine. I'll get the freaking chainsaw... {walks out of the room} Geez...

{Cut to the house's main hall, Forest is standing there as Conchris walks in with a chainsaw}

FOREST: Do you have any rooms spared for me?

CONCHRIS: Upstairs, 1st door on the right.

FOREST: Thanks. {walks off}

{Cut to the basement, the bed stands in a clearing of the basement. Conchris walks in wearing welder's goggles with the chainsaw}

CONCHRIS: Now, comfy apparition! Prepare to split into two! {turns on the chainsaw and saws the bed in half} HA HA HA HA HA HA... HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHA! {coughs} Man, sawdust is bad for my throat.

{The bed now lays, collapsed}

CONCHRIS: Now to rebuild this bed!

{Cut to Cruroar and Cieeia's room, there are now two beds, Cruroar is inspecting the two of them for breakages and cracks}

CONCHRIS: So? Did I pass?

CRUROAR: Not bad. Though you could've made mines bigger.

CONCHRIS: Shut up! I don't have good center perception!

CIEEIA: At least he tried!

CRUROAR: Yeah, I'm sure he did.

CONCHRIS: Why don't we go explore the city?

CRUROAR: How about we stay at home to have a rest for the day?

CONCHRIS: That sounds so stupid. You're hired.

CRUROAR: Excuse me?!

{Cut to a mysterious building on a hill, a silhouettes of one man and a strange creature are watching Conchris and company via camera}

????????: So, they finally moved to Wikity. And I was hoping that they will never move... My plans to reprogram those robots failed!

????: Yeah, that's because he had an assistant robot turned warbot via engineering.

????????: Oh, we'll get them next episode... Nehehehehe...

????: Will this episode ever make it to the public eyes?

WRITER: NO!

{Cue credits}

{After the credits, the projector screen turns off and the camera zooms out to the base's lobby again, Cruroar has fallen onto the floor, trying to wiggle his way out, John is asleep and Forest's eyes start twitching}

CONCHRIS: That was ONE of the records stored in there. I have another record right he-

{Cue credits, again}