Difference between revisions of "Conshow/68"

Latest revision as of 16:16, 25 December 2014

Summary

Chrionroar sends Conchris and his arch-nemesis Clark on a mission to- CHKZZ -We interrupt this broadcast of the Conshow to bring you something completely different

INTRO GAG: There is none.

Transcript

{Open to Chrionroar's house, Conchris, Clark and Chrionroar are standing around a table with a map}

CONCHRIS: So, let me get this straight, Clark, you went and moved the Sanity Shifter all the way into the Ameotian Jungle?

CLARK: Yep. Nobody wanted the parts so I did the next best thing.

CHRIONROAR: N'yes. And this machine is my ticket to returning to the show. I miss being less smarter than I was, truly. The nuclear explosion from episode 60 changed me for the worse.

CONCHRIS: Well, okay... we'll go get your... thing.

CHRIONROAR: Goodie! I'll have Alpha-Fred see you out, take care!

{Alpha-Fred rolls on in and starts escorting Conchris and Clark out}

CLARK: Why do I get the feeling that this isn't a good idea?

CONCHRIS: It's just your nerves. Now, let's go... on an ADVENTURE! {jumps out a nearby window}

{Beat}

CLARK: {to Alpha-Fred} Does he know that we're on the fourth floor?

ALPHA-FRED-001: Not entirely sir.

{A dull thud can be heard, followed by Conchris yelling out an ouch}

CLARK: Guess not.

CONCHRIS: {faintly} I guess I misjudged...

{Intro, part way into the intro, white noise begins to intrude upon the screen before covering it completely. After a few seconds of pure white noise, the noise dissipates to reveal a new screen reading}

We interrupt this broadcast of the Conshow to bring you something completely different...

{Cut to an inspector's office, a chair at the desk is turned around so it is difficult to see who is speaking}

PERSON: It's been a good number of years now. Cases turn up and get solved. It's a tough life, if you're not up to the task.

{Pan to a close-up of the speaker's eyes, closed shut}

PERSON: But now, the cases I've been getting have been far and few in between, and it's all because of this new gang that's been stalking the streets. Their prowess of intellectual knowledge is astounding even if only one or two of them actually know what they're doing. I know what I must do.

{Person's eyes open, revealing them to be cat's eyes}

PERSON: Eliminate the competition.

{Intro}

{Clip of a group of people sitting on a couch, supposedly watching TV, a violet-haired boy wearing a beanie hat pops up from behind the couch, flailing in panic. Text appears beside this person, indicating them to be called "Will"}

{Next clip shows a blue-haired girl finishing up getting dressed, turning around to face the camera, stretching and yawning. "Alys"}

{Another clip of two people, male and female, the male being a catperson, fighting over the last fish before dropping it. "Hanna" and "Tal"}

Animalia Investigatus

{Intro end, cut to a store with police cars, and a beaten up car, parked outside, camera slowly pans in}

STORE OWNER: Thanks so much you guys for coming at a short notice!

{Cut to the inside of the store, Tal is balancing himself on the aisles as Will and Alys watches on in worry}

HANNA: Oh, you know, it's no biggie. We were in the middle of something important but it's always nice to help a person in need!

{Flashback to Hanna's room, typing at her computer}

HANNA: {dictating out loud to herself} And so Clawed and Sephira looked deep into each others eyes and they leaned in for...

{Tal suddenly kicks down the door}

TAL: Will got us another case! Come on, let's go!

HANNA: {shocked} What?! But I was about to finish my fanfiction!

{Tal grabs Hannah by the collar of her shirt, pulling her along as she flails}

TAL: No time for that, come on they're already waiting.

HANNA: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo...

{Cut back, Tal has collapsed onto the floor}

HANNA: {feigning a smile} Yup, always nice...

STORE OWNER: Sure. Anyway, someone got murdered... {camera cuts to the line of tills, a chalk outline covering the self checkout} ...right about here. At least, I think they were, they were babbling something about how He Comeths or something, I dunno, some Cthulhu crap.

{Camera cuts back, Tal is right behind the store owner, giving him a fright}

TAL: You DO NOT talk crap about our Dark Lord!

{Beat}

STORE OWNER: {regains composure} Right, okay, well, I'll leave you guys to it. Bye. {runs off}

{Cut back to the self checkout, shadows of the group can be seen overlooking it}

HANNA: Hmm... milk stains... washing powder everywhere... maybe a couple of eggs...

TAL: Think the guy that makes those videos on how to do stuff is behind it?

HANNA: Actually... {gasps} Of course! {points accusingly at the checkout} It was the self checkout that killed 'em!

{beat, the screen on the self checkout changes to a big question mark}

SELF CHECKOUT: What on earth are you talking about? I did no such thing!

HANNA: {pulls the self checkout out of the ground, dragging it with her} Case closed, you're going to jail, miss.

SELF CHECKOUT: What? But I did no such thing? I am innocent I tell you?

HANNA: Yeah, yeah, save it for the judge...

{The trio watches Hanna exit, stage left, before Will tugs on Tal's jacket}

TAL: What is it?

WILL: U-Uhm... well... erm... {points off-screen} L-Look...

{Cut to a wall, on the wall, painted in ketchup, the words spelt are "HYTHCA SHALL COME TO REAP THE SINNERS"}

TAL: What the?! When'd that get there?

{Lights suddenly turn out, causing screams from the two that are not Tal, though he, instead, squeals like a little girl, only their eyes are visible}

TAL: I-It's okay... it's okay... it just got dark in here... in the middle of the day. I'm sure there's a logical explan...

{Monster noises}

TAL: Okay, maybe we should run... N-{Camera pans over to see both Will and Alys is missing}-ow... YIPE!

{Tal starts running as a monster, glowing brightly in the darkness, chases after him, slowly gaining up on him}

TAL: {huff} Must... {puff} ...not... {huff} ...be... {puff} ...the first... {huff} ...to die... {puff}

{Close up to a string of rope which Tal trips over, causing a mechanical sound to play as a ketchup bottle swings over his head, hitting the monster in the face, knocking it over}

MONSTER: OW! OW! THAT FUCKING HURTS! DO YOU KIDS HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH IT HURTS WITH GLASS IN YOUR MASK HOLES?! AUGH!

{Will and Alys come out of hiding, causing a clatter of cans, they share a glance of worry before clamboring out as Tal picks himself up off the ground}

TAL: There, you see kids? All you need to do is to run, and then the monster will eventually trip up and get ketchup on his face. {poses heroically} Now to see what the real monster is!

{Tal reaches down to try and pry the monster's face off. Despite it looking like a mask judging by the way it's being pulled off, it refuses to budge.}

MONSTER: Fool, you think you'd find out my true identity? I superglued my face on! WAHAHAH-{scratches at his mask}-wait... HOW AM I GOING TO TAKE THIS OFF?!

TAL: Well... I suppose you'll be finding out... {grabs handcuffs given to him by Alys} ...IN JAIL!

{Cut to the monster behind bars, ketchup still pouring from his face, the scene eventually reveals itself to be a police van being driven off into the distance}

TAL: Well, that's another case solved, good job team!

{Hanna walks in, battered and bruised. Will and Alys seem concerned}

HANNA: You sure? The case was already solved a while ago!

TAL: I... what happened to you?

HANNA: Eh, turns out it was the store clerk that did it and the self checkout was just an accomplice. Got into a fight, too. {holds out her arm} Got some wicked cool scars, though, wanna see?

WILL: {shrinks, fidgeting} U-Uhm...

ALYS: No... t-thank you...

TAL: Well, in any case, we just bagged ourselves a monster, gang. Let's go celebrate with some ice cream!

{Will and Alys perk up slightly at the mention of ice cream, Hanna seems disappointed with not showing them her new scars}

HANNA: Aww... well, I'd better have chocolate.

{Credits}

Investigatus Animalia

Written by Conchris

Thanks:
Smash 4
ORAS
Helix Fossil

No Thanks:
Life
Dome Fossil
Procrastination

NEXT EPISODE:
The Day That Time Forgot To Change The Batteries On The Clock

{Static}

We now return you to Conshow, already in progress

{Cut to Conchris and Clark, crushed underfoot by what looks like a giant dinosaur, loud roaring can be heard off-screen}

CONCHRIS: {weakly} Well...

CLARK: {weakly} ...we're screwed.

{Credits, again}