Conshow/62

Summary

Conchris tries to get back into the swing of things by inventing. Jake is not happy about this.

CAST: Conchris, Jake Goodwin, Katie Goldilin, Aria, Mr. Person

Transcript

{Fade into Jake's House - The Hallway, Conchris and Jake are discussing about the implications that the show's reboot could bring}

JAKE: You know, for once, I feel optimistic about all this. I miss all the shenani... shena... shanoligans we get up to, even if they result in painful deaths.

CONCHRIS: Yeah, I do too. {points to behind Jake} By the way, there's an angry bear behind you, I think he wants rent money.

JAKE: Wh-huh?!

{Jake suddenly looks behind him to find that nothing is here}

JAKE: {calms} Oh, there's no bear behind m- {gets mauled by a bear}

{Intro sequence}

{Cut to the Living Room, where Katie is watching TV. Jake stomps in, bloodied, battered and bruised}

KATIE: {glances at Jake in concern} Oh god! Are you okay?

JAKE: {sarcastic tone} Oh, I'm fine, just a few broken bones with a concussion, plus I'm bleeding everywhere. Perfectly fine!

KATIE: {looks skeptical} Uh. Huh. We need to get you checked anyw...

{A blinding flash of light can be seen for a brief moment. When it subsides, Conchris can be seen standing behind the couch, surprising both Katie and Jake, who no longer has any wounds}

CONCHRIS: Ah perfect! The sitcom reactor slash regenerator combo is now working at peak efficency!

KATIE: What?!

JAKE: Oh lovely, so that bear that mauled me in the cold opening was just a test?!

CONCHRIS: Yes.

{Beat}

JAKE: {grabs Conchris by the neck} YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME! I NEARLY died!

CONCHRIS: {looking calm} Okay, I'm sorry that I should've told you sooner. Now if you'll excuse me...

{Conchris suddenly slides out of Jake's grasp, and slinks over the couch accompanied by a slide-whistle sound effect. The pair remaining looks stunned for a moment until Katie decides to speak}

KATIE: ...I... I need something to drink.

{Katie stands and walks off-screen. Cut to the kitchen, Aria is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and staring at a newspaper. Katie enters the kitchen, walking past her to the sink, she reaches over for the tap}

ARIA: {without looking up from her newspaper} I wouldn't do that if I were you.

KATIE: {stops in her tracks} Huh? Why?

ARIA: Conches has made a few modifications to the sink... I'm not even sure what he did to it, but I'd assume it was for comedic purposes.

KATIE: Oh come on, {reaches for the tap again} Conchy can't be that cru- {liquid fire pours out of the sink} WHAT THE-?!

ARIA: Warned y- {glances over to the sink} Oh my... he replaced the water with liquid FIRE?!

KATIE: {stares at the liquid fire for a bit before glancing up to the ceiling} Then that means...

{A loud scream can be heard from upstairs accompanied by shower noises. This goes on for a few seconds as Katie and Aria begin to look more and more concerned for whoever was affected, which turns out to be Mr. Person, who walks in wearing a towel, and looking very, very charred}

MR PERSON: Who turned on the tap? I was having a nice hot shower!

KATIE: Yeah, a shower of FIRE!

MR PERSON: {blinks} Oh... so that's why I was feeling a burning sensation...

ARIA: {looks up from her newspaper, a sly grin on her face} I guess you could say that you were grilled to perfection!

{Rimshot, followed by another rimshot and another and another and another followed by a drumroll}

{Katie stares at the camera, looking on with disapproval}

KATIE: No. Stop that.

{The drumroll ceases}

KATIE: Okay... I think Conches might be going a teeny bit too far. {puts on a look of realisation} Oh no! I need to see if Jake's okay! {runs out of the kitchen with Mr Person and Aria running after her}

{Cut to outside the house, Conchris is caught up in a net trap that's attached to a doorbell with Jake looking on with stern disapproval}

CONCHRIS: Well, I'm regretting my actions already.

JAKE: Uh huh. Might as well stop you before you cause any more damage. Why are you doing this?!

CONCHRIS: Just wanted to get back into the swing of things, bro. Dude. Brodude. Dudebro. Brobro. You know how long this show has been off-air?

JAKE: Five years?

CONCHRIS: Yeah. That's a long time for a train to arrive in Wiki User City.

JAKE: Uh huh, so you're telling me that you're out of practice?

{Inspirational music starts playing}

CONCHRIS: Yeah, for five years I've been on that train and now I get another chance to redeem myself to the world. I want to bring laughter, joy and other such good emotions to all the people ever. Plus I'm sure people are tired of the same old programming Wiki User Network was having. But that's besides the point, what I'm really saying is that I may have planted explosives under the house, which could go off any second n-

{The house explodes in a firey explosion. The screen dims a little after the explosion as credits roll. This goes on for a few seconds before a record scratch noise is heard, bringing the screen back from dimness, and the camera swoops over to Jake's House, perfectly unharmed. Jake and company stare out at the explosion, each with differing looks of concern, with Conchris being the most neutral}

CONCHRIS: Phew, glad they're not us.

JAKE: Uh huh. I'm not letting you touch anything in my house again... again.

CONCHRIS: Right... I promise to be good.

JAKE: Uh huh... {Aria, Katie and Mr Person goes back inside during this part} You know what I think?

CONCHRIS: What? That you are... erm... uhm... hmm... {pulls out a book that reads Witty Comebacks for Amateurs} ...not of the normally accepted orientation regarding genders?

JAKE: No, just that there's a bear behind you. {walks off-screen} Have fun.

CONCHRIS: {looks around} Wh-what bear? Are you lying to m- {gets mauled by a bear}

{Credits}

Created by Conchris
Written by Chrionroar
Starring everyone as themselves

Thanks:
Pigeons
My imagination for giving me a second chance
2009 me
The Cave

No Thanks:
Not pigeons
My mind
2010 me
The Crevice

{END}