Conshow/63

Summary

Unrelated to the episode title, Conchris and Company go out to find a new antagonist for Season Six and beyond, until they get a surprise visit from their old nemesis.

INTRO GAG: The screen glitches out for a split second, showing evil versions of the protagonists.

Transcript

{Cut to a non-descript office building, Conchris is standing in front of a white board behind a office desk}

CONCHRIS: Okay guys, we need ideas for a new episode. What should we do?

{Swipe-cut to one part of the table, where two men and a woman sits, the man sitting on the end is resting his head on his elbow}

MAN #1: Mr. Person accidentally awakens the ancient ice cream of Ikahulu!

WOMAN #1: Katie and Jake get married!

MAN #2: Reference memes.

{Cut to a shot of Conchris's eyes, which are narrowing in pure anger at the second man. Cut back to the shot of the man, still looking bored}

CONCHRIS: Why you...

{Cut to outside the office building, with the wind whistling and the birds chirping and the sun is smiling. The sun recoils in shock as the man gets tossed out of the window}

{Intro sequence}

---

CONCHRIS: {v.o.} Five friends become the guinea pig of a brilliant writer. The goal? To revive one of the greatest text fics of all time! They failed... Now witness the failure, CONSHOW!!

(Intro proceeds as normal)

JAKE: {v.o.} This intro sounds way too similar to...

CONCHRIS: {v.o.} QUIET YOU.

---

{Cut to Jake's House - Living Room, Jake and Conchris are sitting on the couch, playing a non-descript video game}

JAKE: Boy, this first person shooter sure is invigorating.

CONCHRIS: It sure is. I heard they made it even more dramatic this time, even in the multiplayer.

{Cut to a shot of the tv, showing a split screen. On the left side of the screen, a man gets shot and begins to roll about in pain lamenting his life choices}

MAN: ARGH! WHY! WHY DID I JOIN THE ARMY! {sobs} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-{ded}

{Cut back to the two on the couch, both having looks of confusion}

JAKE: Uhm, should we stop playing now?

CONCHRIS: Yes. That is great idea.

{Cut to a side shot of the front door, which swings open to reveal Katie carrying bags and bags of stuff}

KATIE: Hey guys! I'm home! And I brought stuff!

{Jake bounds into the scene}

JAKE: Oh boy, I love stuff!

{Conchris walks in, less enthusiastic than Jake}

CONCHRIS: Oh boy, stuff. Why'd you bring stuff?

JAKE: Hey! Don't question her! She's allowed to bring stuff whenever she pleases! {leans over to Katie} Amiright?

KATIE: Yeah! {gives Jake a smooch} Mwa!

CONCHRIS: {sticks his tongue out, looking sick} Uwah... I think I'm gonna be sick.

KATIE: Well don't do it in here, do it outside! {points outside}

{Cut to outside the house, where the rain is pouring heavily and stormy clouds gloom over the city of Reedsen}

{Beat}

{Cut back to inside, Conchris stares out for a moment before suddenly regaining colour}

CONCHRIS: I think I'm better now.

JAKE: You sure you're not afraid to get wet?

CONCHRIS: No!

JAKE: You sure?

CONCHRIS: No! I mean, YES!

JAKE: {grins} Are you sure you're not just a little chicken? {starts mimicking a chicken} Cheep cheepcheepcheep cheeeeeeEeEeEeEeE-

{Katie smacks Jake over the head with her bags of stuff, causing him to fall to the floor}

KATIE: There will be no chicken dancing in this house, mister!

CONCHRIS: {points to the floor} Hey, what's that? {kneels down and back up, holding a piece of paper} What's this?

KATIE: Oh, that's a flier for the Villain's Council. Remember those guys?

CONCHRIS: No?

KATIE: Sigh, has time messed with your head?

CONCHRIS: If you count being trapped on a train for five years messing with your head, then yes.

KATIE: Well, it appears that they're having an open day tomorrow, and protagonists, like us, are invited! Isn't that great?!

{Beat. Katie is grinning whilst Conchris looks skeptical}

CONCHRIS: Uhh... no? What if it's a trap?

KATIE: Nonsense, it's not a trap! They assured me.

CONCHRIS: They? As in the ones giving out the fliers or the ones that are i-

{Katie whacks Conchris over the head with the bag of stuff, knocking him unconscious}

KATIE: BOTH!

{Cut to a time card reading "The Next Day" with a little 8-bit jingle in the background}

{Cut to outside the Villain's Council Building - Reedsen branch, Conchris, Jake and Katie are standing outside, with Conchris and Jake both nursing their headaches}

JAKE: This better be worth the headache I had when I got up this morning...

KATIE: Oh come on, Jake, I didn't hit you that hard.

CONCHRIS: Well, you women don't know your own str- {gets whacked over the head by a bag of stuff by Katie}

KATIE: Now, shall we?

{Katie and Jake proceed to enter the building, leaving Conchris behind, groaning in pain. Two people show up to the scene, revealing themselves to be Clark and an unidentified robot}

CLARK: Ah, so the Villain's Council are having an open day today... in this particular city... {pulls out a TV guide} ...where they say the Conshow is being hosted? I thought that was cancelled years ago! What do you think, robot companion?

ROBOT: BEEP BOOP. I AM A ROBOT.

CLARK: {looks confused} Ah. Sure. You are. {shrugs} Whatever, let's just go, I hear they're also hosting Villains Anonymous for Villains that partook in being part of a comedy series, like me!

{Clark enters the building, leaving the robot behind, it twitches a little before suddenly shaking}

ROBOT: BEEP. BOOP.

{The robot explodes, sending Conchris flying into the building}

CONCHRIS: WAAAAAAAH!

{Cut to a non-descript part of the Villain's Council building where Jake and Katie are talking to two similarly non-descript men, one short and fat and one tall and skinny}

JAKE: ...so you see, we're in need of a couple of villains and {Conchris's screams starts to close in} maybe you coul- {gets knocked over by air-to-ground Conchris prompting the two men to laugh nasally before departing. The pair picks themselves up} THE HELL CON?! We're looking for villains here and you're just messing around, as usual.

CONCHRIS: Hey, don't blame me. Blame the fact that I was practically knocked out when Katie here {Katie starts looking slightly guilty} hit me with a bag of stuff. Also, Clark is here. You know, the villain we had in, like, the last five seasons or so?

KATIE: Didn't that Xavian guy take over during season four?

CONCHRIS: Don't question my logic.

JAKE: Wait... what would Sirh... Clark want with the Villain's Council. I thought he gave it up back in episode 60!

KATIE: I'm pretty sure he's looking for a new protagonist to bother...

{Cut to a Villain's Anonymous meeting, various characters from various shows can be seen sitting in a circle, Clark being one of them}

VILLAIN #1: Okay, we got ourselves a new member! Clark, why don't you introduce yourself?

{Clark stands, looking nervous and glancing around}

CLARK: H-Hi, my name's Clark the Gift Shop Guy... and I-I've been a villain of the somewhat popular series known as the Conshow for five whole seasons... w-well, four seasons. And now I... I'm a villain, or have been, in a less than popular series known as Somene's Adventure Or Something.

VILLAIN #2: Or something?

CLARK: Yes. Or something. Th-that's literally its title. Oh god, the bad memories...

{Fade to black, intro sequence}

SOMENE'S ADVENTURE OR SOMETHING

NARRATOR: Adventure, adventure, adventure, yeah.

EPISOD 4 - THEY BEAT UP CLARK

{Cut to a poorly drawn field, where Somene is beating up Clark}

CLARK: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW O-

{Conshow credits sequence, with some names scribbled out}

{DEN}

{Cut back to the Villain's Anonymous meeting, crickets can be heard chirping}

VILLAIN #3: ...damn... you have it really bad.

CLARK: {winces} Yeah... and because of that my reputation was ruined... well, more ruined than it was anyway. I'm a laughingstock amongst my peers AND my enemies.

{Conchris suddenly shows up out of nowhere}

CONCHRIS: Yeah, you're pretty bad for a villain. But it could be worse.

{Beat, Clark stares at Conchris in disbelief}

CLARK: Wait... YOU'RE here?!

CONCHRIS: Why wouldn't I be? I'm the life of the party... so some people say.

CLARK: Then that means... it's true?

CONCHRIS: What is?

CLARK: Conshow's really coming back?!

CONCHRIS: Yeah, so?

CLARK: {glances around for a moment} Can I come back?

CONCHRIS: To what?

CLARK: The show!

CONCHRIS: What show?

CLARK: {starts to look annoyed} THE CONSHOW!!

CONCHRIS: Ooh, that show. It's cancelled.

{Clark puts on a face expressing extreme despair}

CONCHRIS: {grins} Nah, just fooling. Just wanted to see your face wh-{gets interrupted by Clark, who lunges at him}

CLARK: GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH- {lunges at Conchris, exiting stage left}

{Beat}

VILLAIN #3: So... now what?

VILLAIN #2: Time card?

VILLAIN #3: Sure!

{Cut to a time card reading 'LATER'}

{Cut to outside Jake's House, Clark is lying on the ground battered and bruised with Conchris and company looking on}

CONCHRIS: And so that's how we got my old antagonistic rival back.

JAKE: Cool story... I wonder why there was a room filled with lasers.

CONCHRIS: Because it's cool.

JAKE: Oh, we-

{Credits}

Thanks:
Someone

No Thanks:
Noone

{END}