Conshow/66

Summary

Clark is in need of a new sidekick, and thus goes under the guise of Clark the Gift Shop Guy to procure one!

CAST: Clark the Evil Guy, Clark the Gift Shop Guy, Conchris

INTRO GAG: Jake Goodwin and Katie Goldilin's screen is replaced with Clark the Evil Guy, Conchris's screen is replaced with Clark the Gift Shop Guy and Aria and Mr. Person's screen is replaced by various non-descript characters with no name. Clark stands alone in the end.

Transcript

{Open to a non-descript evil lair, Clark is busy watching evil television detailing the triumphs and failures of his fellow villains}

CLARK: Bah! Curses and what not! Why can't I be as good as a villain as those fools?! One of them is even a ROBOT! I can't compete with that!

TV: And now for a re-run of an old episode of the Conshow, in memoriam of those who lost their lives in Wikity all those years ago... {sniff} may you all rest in peace...

{The Conshow Season 1 intro plays in the background, Clark watches the TV}

CLARK: Of course... I need a new sidekick! One that will not die on me during a season finale! One that I can depend on for evil and nefarious deeds! But how...

SIRHCNOC: {on tv} So, you may have found out my identity. In the day, I am Clark... the... Gift Shop man! At night, I am SIRHCNOC! HA HA HA HA HA!

CONCHRIS: {on tv} You're not a superhero.

SIRHCNOC: {on tv} I'm a villain, does that count?

CONCHRIS: {on tv} Whatever.

CLARK: Hm... {poses triumphantly} Of course! I shall don my guise as Clark the Gift Shop Guy and find a suitable companion with which to share my evilness with! We will both spread chaos throughout Reedsen! Ha ha ha ha ha ha... HA HA HA HA HA HA! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-{cough} {splutter} -ow my throat...

{Intro}

{Cut to a gift shop, Clark is standing at the register, seeing off his last customer and looking bored}

CLARK: Thank you, come again... {sigh} Man, it sure is boring, this job... you don't even get paid. In fact, there's no money in this city's economic system...

{Zoom out to reveal the shop itself, adorned with several tit-tat and stuff}

CLARK: THEN WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS GIFT SHOP?!

{Zoom back in, Clark puts on a pondering face, complete with gesture! (Batteries not included)}

CLARK: Well, at least I get exposure...

{Cut to the sky, the sun is just setting as the moon slowly makes its way up to take the sun's place}

{Cut back into the gift shop, slowly being shrouded in darkness as Clark stares out of the window}

CLARK: Oh no... a full moon! {hunches over} ARGH! GARGH! I'm turning... I'm turning into... {collapses}

{Clark pops up a few seconds later, looking only slightly different, sans glasses}

SIRHCNOC: A VILLAIN! MWHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! HA. HA... Ha... {looks down at himself} How'd this fool anybody?

{Sirhcnoc hops over the counter and makes his way out of the gift shop, out into the open air}

SIRHCNOC: Now... what nefariously evil plot should I get myself into today? Hmm... {extreme close up} A NEW SIDEKICK! {Pan out} HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

{Cut to the Reedsen meeting hall, several people mill about doing whatever they do until Sirhcnoc busts in through the front door}

SIRHCNOC: WELCOME TO SPANK CITY, POPULATION: WHERE'S THE SIDEKICKS AT?!

{The people stop to turn and stare at Sirhcnoc}

MAN #1: Well... I don't know where the sidekicks are...

WOMAN #1: Me either.

SIRHCNOC: Seriously? There's no sidekicks here? What kind of messed up place is this?

MAN #2: Reedsen, my good sir. May we interest you in our brochure? {holds out a pamphlet reading "Visit Sunny Reedsen! Fun and fun and fun and prizes!"}

SIRHCNOC: Uh... no? I live here? Anyway, is there any sidekicks with which I can do my evil with?

MAN #2: Evil? Did you say evil?

SIRHCNOC: Yeah. Hurting people, making babies cry, poking the poodle, stuff like that.

MAN #1: Sorry, but we don't tolerate evil in our community.

SIRHCNOC: But you let me attack those guys last time!

MAN #1: Well, uh... get him!

{The crowd of people slowly advance on Sirhcnoc}

SIRHCNOC: This is horrible... HORRIBLE!

{Cut to a street, Sirhcnoc is tied upside down above a pit of sharks with laser beams attached to their heads}

SIRHCNOC: So I don't get a fair trial? I wasn't actually planning on doing evil right now, I mean...

MAN #1: Enough! You've already proven yourself to be an evil villain and you must face the consequences!

SIRHCNOC: Isn't this a bit excessive? You could've just, you know, reprimand me or something.

MAN #1: We will do no such thing!

SIRHCNOC: Lame.

MAN #1: Now, face your destiny! {pulls a lever, allowing the rope to slowly drop Sirhcnoc into the pit of sharks}

SIRHCNOC: Shoot.

{Cut to Jake's House, Conchris is looking out the window}

CONCHRIS: Oh look, they're slowly tormenting our designated villain to death... No, wait that's terrible! {runs off}

{Cut back to the street, Sirhcnoc is just inches away from being bitten by the sharks}

SIRHCNOC: This... is gonna hurt.

{Grey screen. "TO BE CONTINUED" is written on it followed by "NEXT TIME ON CONSHOW..."}

{Cut to the street, Sirhcnoc's face is being continuously blasted by a laser beam}

SIRHCNOC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

{Credits}

Written by Conchris

Thanks:
Stuff

No Thanks:
Not Stuff
Laziness

Next time on Conshow:
"We Want Our Idiot Back!"