Conshow/23

Summary

Page Title: Underworld Caves 3 - Now with MORE alien creatures that are MAGICAL!

Cast (in no particular order): Mayor, Agent, Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia, Forest, Chrionroar, Warrior, Lizardman, Mayor's Long-Lost Grandfather, Instructor

Transcript

{Open to the Mayor's office}

MAYOR: Those kids have been ruining my city for two seasons now! I'm not letting them ruin it in the third!

AGENT: And how are you supposed to do that?

MAYOR: By banishing them to the underworld! You know? Where there are lizardmen and the place is cold and people somehow manage to live down there anyway?

AGENT: Why are we doing this?

MAYOR: Because of what I said!

AGENT: Oh right, let's do this...

{Cue introduction}

{Open to Conchris' House, Cruroar is watching TV}

ANNOUNCER: We'll be right back after all these useless messages!

{The TV's scene switches to White Space, a strange man flies in}

MAN: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL... {this continues}

CRUROAR: This ad is just about as annoying as that headache relief ad!

{Cruroar switches the TV off}

CRUROAR: {yawns} Man, I'm so tired today, I don't know what came over me...

{Conchris suddenly appears}

CONCHRIS: Hello!

CRUROAR: GAH! Why are you trying to scare me?!

CONCHRIS: It's because we have been invited to a party... in the underworld... caves... of... exile.

CRUROAR: Would you stop pausing with ellipses?

CONCHRIS: NO!

{Cieeia walks in}

CIEEIA: A party in the caves? Sounds like a trap to me!

{Forest jumps in with Chrionroar locked in a cage}

FOREST: How about we all go?

CONCHRIS: Well, the mayor invited all of us to it...

CRUROAR & CIEEIA: That doesn't sound suspicious at all!

{Cruroar and Cieeia look at each other for a second}

CRUROAR: How'd you know I was about to say that?

CIEEIA: I just know...

CONCHRIS: Well, let's all go to the party anyway!

{Conchris runs out of the house with the others. Cut to the outside of the caves, they all run on-screen}

CONCHRIS: All right mayor-man! We made it to your stupid party! Now what?

MAYOR: I want you to go in there and retrieve the lost amulet of Wikity. It's been said that whoever wields it will become instantly liked by everyone and have every damn superpower on the internet!

CONCHRIS: {gasp} Even?

MAYOR: Yes, even firing your lasers...

CONCHRIS: AWESOME! {runs into the cave}

CRUROAR: We're still suspicious, are you sure that you're not trying to lure us into a trap of some kind?

MAYOR: Nah, I'm pretty sure it isn't!

CIEEIA: Then why are you meeting us in person here?

MAYOR: I like to savour the moment...

CIEEIA: You're not even paying attention to me, are you?

MAYOR: What? I-I am! Now, go in the caves!

CRUROAR: We won't!

MAYOR: Agents...

{Several agents grab both Cruroar and Cieeia and tosses the two of them into the cave}

FOREST: Despite the fact that I hate those three, I do agree that there is indeed a trap of some kind.

MAYOR: I'll trap you like a Night Trap!

FOREST: Don't tell me that there are vampires in that cave?

MAYOR: What? No. Of course not!

FOREST: Then why the hell are you not in the caves?

MAYOR: I like the outside of the caves. NOW GO!

{The Mayor picks up Forest and Chrionroar and tosses them into the cave, he then pushes a boulder and locks the cave}

AGENT: Are you sure that this is a good idea, sir?

MAYOR: Yeah, what could happen? They learn magical powers?

{Cut to a part of the somehow lit caves, Conchris picks up a crystal}

CONCHRIS: Sweet! Now I can cast Fireball!

CRUROAR: Well, don't cast it at me...

{Conchris chucks a fireball at Cruroar, a number pops up reading "0"}

CRUROAR: Ha ha! You suck at hitting with fire!

CONCHRIS: It seems like we're in some kind of shareware RPG or something...

CIEEIA: Does this mean I'll be stuck with casting spells?

CONCHRIS: Nah, you should go with strength. We can go about picking everything up and become encumbered AND suffer a penalty to our action points and magic!

CRUROAR: Sounds like a plan!

{The group walks about in the caves before finding a town}

CIEEIA: What's a town doing in the caves?

CONCHRIS: Shush! They'll hear you!

{Cruroar walks up to a guard}

CRUROAR: Where are we?

GUARD: Welcome to Genericville!

CRUROAR: Okay, that answers my question.

CIEEIA: Do you know where the exit is?

GUARD: I have no idea what this "exit" is.

CIEEIA: DAMN YOU!

CRUROAR: Is it just me or does this season somehow became more and more video game reference type?

CONCHRIS: Nonsense! It isn't!

CRUROAR: Denial's the first step to recovery!

CONCHRIS: Damn you!

{A warrior with a Lizardman jumps in}

WARRIOR: Would you get a load of these newcomers?

LIZARDMAN: Yes, even the ones of the female persuasion. Mmm...

CIEEIA: Awkward...

CONCHRIS: Listen buddy, who gives you the right to talk about us in front of us?

WARRIOR: We are adventurers! We go out and do stupid quests for people because they suck at defending themselves for gold!

LIZARDMAN: Yeah!

WARRIOR: What are you looking for?

CONCHRIS: We're looking for the lost of amulet of Wikity!

WARRIOR: {gasps} We're just so happening to look for it as well!

CRUROAR: Yeah!

WARRIOR: Forget it, you're only level one! Go grind in some abandoned fort or whatever!

CONCHRIS: We'll do just that!

{(Time Card: 30 Hours of stupid quests and grinding later) Cut to the outside of the Magical Fort}

CONCHRIS: We are now strong enough to take on the challenge!

FOREST: Let's roll!

{The group approaches the door and bashes it down with Chrionroar's head, they all walk in}

CONCHRIS: This place seems deserted. Come on, let's leave!

VOICE: I don't think so!

{The shadows dissipate to reveal an old man}

CRUROAR: Who are you?

MAYOR'S LONG-LOST GRANDFATHER: I am Wikity's first mayor. I went down here to protect the amulet of Wikity from ever reaching the surface.

CONCHRIS: We're here to take it!

MAYOR'S LONG-LOST GRANDFATHER: You fool! If you take it to the surface, bad things will happen!

CONCHRIS: So? It's not like demons are going to burst out of the ground and try to kill us.

MAYOR'S LONG-LOST GRANDFATHER: It may even destroy the Real World Universe as well!

CRUROAR: It's that dangerous? What's next?

MAYOR'S LONG-LOST GRANDFATHER: Well, if you want it THAT badly... come and get it.

{Conchris walks up to the amulet and takes it, he is then hit by the Mayor's long-lost Grandfather's magic missile}

CONCHRIS: Ow! What the hell man!

MAYOR'S LONG-LOST GRANDFATHER: I know all kinds of magic! Let's fight!

{Conchris pulls out his laser blade and walks up to the Mayor's Grandfather, he slices two times dealing 9999 and 9993 damage}

MAYOR'S LONG-LOST GRANDFATHER: Your strength is so high! How did you get so much strength?

CONCHRIS: I cheated!

MAYOR'S LONG-LOST GRANDFATHER: {tries to cast a spell but fails} Damn! Oh well, time to beat each other senseless...

{Conchris and the Mayor's Grandfather start bashing each other. (Time Card: 10 Years Hours later) They are both battered}

MAYOR'S LONG-LOST GRANDFATHER: I underestimated you! Now you can have a really crappy ending!

{The Mayor's Grandfather falls to the ground}

CONCHRIS: Awesome! Let's go home!

FOREST: We never got any lines in this fight, ever!

{Cut to Conchris' House, Conchris is wearing the amulet of Wikity}

CONCHRIS: Everything worked out after all!

CRUROAR: No, it didn't. Also, what's that portal to Hell doing here?

{Conchris turns around and gets mauled by Instructor}

INSTRUCTOR: THAT'S FOR NOT INCLUDING ME IN SEASON TWO!

{Cue credits}

{Black Screen: "END"}