Conshow/59

Summary

Chrionroar is given author powers for a-YOU KNOW WHAT?! I QUIT!

"But Mr. Summary G-"

SHUT UP! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF TRYING TO COME UP WITH SUMMARIES! {throws an unseen book at the other speaker} DO IT YOURSELF!

{Some heavy footsteps are heard right before an unseen door slams behind it}

"Sigh... Right, let's see what I can do.."

"Chrionroar is given author powers by the author for a day, what could possibly go wrong? EVERYTHING"

Gee, wish I really thought of that...

"Quiet you."

CAST (In order of appearance):

Cold Opening:

• Conchris
• Cruroar "Jake" Goodwin
• Cieeia Goldilin
• Writer
• Writer's Imaginary Advisor

Episode 59:

• Chrionroar
• Rabbits
• Guard
• Mud Monster
• Stop Sign and Yield Sign Villagers
• Rabbit King
• Judge

Transcript

{Open to Conchris' House - Living Room, the room is very, very dusty with a few cobwebs scattered about. Conchris slowly gets up from behind the sofa}

CONCHRIS: Wow... that explosion from the vacuum cleaner must've knocked us into a coma...

{Cruroar slowly rises from the sofa's cushions, dressed like a vampire. Conchris opens the curtains (whilst struggling to walk though) to let in some light. Cruroar hisses at the light}

CRUROAR: OW MY FACE! {jumps out of the sofa cushions and onto the floor}

CONCHRIS: Well, it's about time you stopped getting assimilated with the sofa!

CRUROAR: It's not me, it's the sofa!

CONCHRIS: Really? Then I suppose you've seen Chrionroar saying something smart for once.

CRUROAR: No, not really.

CONCHRIS: By the way, where's that girl?

CRUROAR: What girl?

CONCHRIS: You know? Yellow jumper... Green hair? Your friend?

CRUROAR: Cieeia! {suddenly jumps onto his feet and begins to frantically search the room} Oh god, I hope she's okay.

CIEEIA: {distant voice} I'M UP HERE!

CRUROAR: WHERE?!

CIEEIA: {distant voice} Ugh... LOOK UP HERE! IN THE STAIR ROOM PLACE THING!

{Cut to the landing, Cruroar walks in from the living room and looks up to see Cieeia hanging from a ceiling-attached lamp. Conchris walks in and spectates the spectacle}

CONCHRIS: Wow... How long have you been hanging there?

CIEEIA: Erm... I dunno... for as long as YOU have been stuck in a coma?

CONCHRIS: Shut up! At least I didn't hang from there for months on end!

CIEEIA: WELL, AT LEAST I...

CRUROAR: QUIET! Cieeia, can you get down from there?

CIEEIA: I can't!

CRUROAR: Why not?

CIEEIA: I'm... I'm... scared... of heights...

CONCHRIS: Ha ha ha! You're afraid of heights!

{Cruroar kicks Conchris in the shins}

CONCHRIS: OW! DAMN IT! {falls over}

CRUROAR: How about I catch you?

CIEEIA: Umm... sure... I guess.

CRUROAR: Right, jump!

CIEEIA: Okay! {closes eyes and lets go of the lamp}

{Cieeia lands on Cruroar with a thud}

CRUROAR: Ow...

CIEEIA: Thank you! {hugs Cruroar}

CRUROAR: I think my ribs just cracked...

{Cut to the Writer's Desk, the writer is thinking about what to write next}

WRITER: Damn it! Think! What could possibly be a good thing to write about nowadays?

ADVISOR: {from an unseen source} Perhaps you could, I dunno, write about your characters?

WRITER: I'm doing that! I'm just trying to write about Mayor Spyden!

ADVISOR: Well then, why don't you write about someone else? How about Mr. Goodwin?

WRITER: I've already written an episode for him...

ADVISOR: How about that girl? That sweet, sweet girl... What's her name? Cieeia?

WRITER: She had an episode about her last episode!

{Pause}

ADVISOR: Well... how about...

{Writer suddenly gets up from his chair and makes his way to the door}

ADVISOR: Wait! Where are you going?!

WRITER: I'm going on holiday! {puts on a trilby hat} Put someone else in charge, I don't care! As long as those people at Wiki TV like it!

ADVISOR: But...

{Writer opens the door and walks out, slamming the door behind him, the advisor (still unseen) sighs}

ADVISOR: I wonder if I should play character lottery?

{Cue intro}

{Cut to the basement in Conchris' House, Chrionroar is holding what appears to be a calculator when he is zapped by a green bolt of lightening}

CHRIONROAR: I smell like bacon!

ADVISOR: {sighs} Yes, Chrionroar, you have been chosen to be the author for the day, do... whatever it is authors do nowadays, I don't know...

CHRIONROAR: Hurr?!

ADVISOR: {sighs} Why did I choose an incompetent fool?

CHRIONROAR: I CAN DOES IT BETTAR DOC! GIVE MEH ANOTHER CHANCE!

ADVISOR: Fine. You have all the powers of an author, you can manipulate the environment, the setting, the scenery and all the characters {Chrionroar summons a sandwich, with a stop sign} and... what the hell do you think you're doing?

CHRIONROAR: I HAS TASTY SANDVICH! {messily eats the sandwich} OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM GROM! {speaking with mouth full} What are next master man?

ADVISOR: Where did you learn your eating habits?!

CHRIONROAR: {mouth still full} The habits shop!

{Cut to the Habits shop in Wikity Mall, an old man stands at the counter, he sighs. Behind him is a collection of habits which include "putting your feet up at the table", "locking doors and windows", "teabagging dead corpses" and other junk.}

HABITS SHOP CASHIER: Why did I get hired for this job?

{Cut back to the basement, Chrionroar has already summoned a wave of signs of different varieties}

ADVISOR: Oh for the! Gah! Right, I'm leaving. I'm not going to act like your conscience, if you have one. So, see you.

CHRIONROAR: SEES YA LATAR MASTER MAN!

{Chrionroar looks to the right and then to the left before staring intently at the screen}

CHRIONROAR: CANS I EATS YOU?

{Cut to Conchris' room, Conchris is wearing a welding mask repairing an unseen object, Cruroar walks in}

CRUROAR: Erm... Conchris?

{Conchris turns around and pulls up his welder's mask}

CONCHRIS: Yeah?

CRUROAR: Since when did the sky turn red and white?

{Cut outside to reveal that the normally blue sky has turned into a red-white coloured sky}

CONCHRIS: Pfft, you and your lame questions. I don't think the sky had turned red or white!

{Cut back inside Conchris' room}

CRUROAR: But it's true! Really!

CONCHRIS: What's next? The table in the kitchen turns into a "Yield" sign? Pfft!

CIEEIA: {off-screen, barely audible} CRUROAR! CONCHRIS! Come down here!

CONCHRIS: {sigh} What now?

{Cut to the kitchen, the table has turned into a giant "Yield" sign, Cieeia stares at it in horror as Conchris and Cruroar walks in}

CONCHRIS: What's the matter, mis- {notices the Yield sign} WHOA! What on earth happened to our beloved table? Have you been using MY inventions again?

CIEEIA: N-No!

CRUROAR: I don't any of us knows the code to your safe!

CONCHRIS: Quite, quite. Now, tell me, what happened.

CRUROAR: {looks at Conchris with a confused look} Since when did you start to question people?

CONCHRIS: Since, now. Because... well, I have a A* in questioning people.

CRUROAR: Really?

CONCHRIS: Ha, no.

CIEEIA: Well, erm... how can I put it? I was going to eat some lunch at the table, but when I turned around from making said lunch, the table and the lunch turned into signs! I can't eat signs!

CONCHRIS: I think I know someone who does... Forest!

{A 30 MPH sign floats up to Conchris, Conchris looks at the sign in bewilderment}

FOREST: Yes, I am a freaking sign. Stop looking at me like that and tell me what is it that you morons need done.

CONCHRIS: E-Erm, yeah. Forest, any guesses as to whom the perpetrator was?

FOREST: If I were to take a wild guess, then... YES IT IS CHRIONROAR! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE THE MOST IDIOTIC INVENTOR OUT THERE!

CONCHRIS: At least you didn't get to meet Joel... Joel Dawson. I hear that guy cancelled Bonus Stage years ago.

CRUROAR: Wasn't that Ph-

CONCHRIS: {holds his left hand up to Cruroar's face} Shutup.

{Pause}

CIEEIA: W-Well, aren't we going to do some 'bout this?

FOREST: Aren't we going to fix your grammar?

CIEEIA: I hate you, so much, Forest. You know that?

FOREST: I hate you too, moron. Let's be hate buddies.

CIEEIA: GRR!

CONCHRIS: Let's stop idling about and do something!

CRUROAR: Aww! But I want more hats!

{Pan over to reveal Cruroar with a batter's helmet, a bow and arrow and a native shield, Conchris, Forest and Cieeia look at him with a confused look}

CRUROAR: What? WHAT?!

CONCHRIS: {normal look} Nothing, let's go... {points to the door in a dramatic fashion} TO THE CAR!

{Cut to the car, Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia and Forest get into the car. Conchris is in the driver's seat. Forest has also somehow turned back to normal}

CRUROAR: Erm... are you sure you know how to drive?

CONCHRIS: Yeah, I sure do! Move the wheel to turn, hold 2 to accelerate and press 1 to brake, and shake the wheel to do tricks.

CIEEIA: Is that why the wheel looks like a Wii Remote?

{The camera turns to reveal the wheel looks a bit like a Wii Remote in a Wii Wheel}

CONCHRIS: Yes, let's go!

{Cut to the Streets, the car's tires screech as it begins to move, the car then promptly crashes into the children's crossing sign}

CONCHRIS: Whoops, wrong button.

{The car starts moving forward and off-screen, Chrionroar flies by with magical pixie dust following him}

CHRIONROAR: I IS MAKES THIS A WONDURLAND!

{Cut to Wikity Square, there are several giant mushrooms and the fields are sickingly cute with similarly cute rabbits and caterpillars populating the area. The car rides into the scene and stops beside an unchanged tree. Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia and Forest get out of the car}

FOREST: {stares at the scenery in bewilderment} Oh. My. Lord. I. I think I'm going to puke... {face slowly turns green}

CONCHRIS: You moron! Robots can't p-

{Forest throws up off-screen, Conchris looks down with a disgusted look on his face}

CONCHRIS: Urgh! Not over my SHOES!

CRUROAR: Who would do such a thing?

CIEEIA: The kind of person with an insane mind, perhaps?

{One of the sickingly cute rabbits hop up to the group}

RABBIT #1: {cutesy voice} Hello there, strangers! Welcome to Wikity Wonderland!

{Forest throws up again, off-screen}

FOREST: Oh god... did I somehow end up in Hell?

{A portal to said place opens up, Sarry pops out of the portal}

SARRY: Actually, you're n- {looks at the scenery} I stand corrected... See ya! {pops back into the portal, the portal then closes behind him}

CONCHRIS: Okay, now I'm convinced... what should we do?

CRUROAR: Erm... maybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-{Conchris slowly becomes annoyed}-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, something... no, I've got nothing.

CIEEIA: Me neither.... I think.

FOREST: Can we get out of this hell before my circuits fry up from this cuteness?

CONCHRIS: I couldn't agree more... I guess... get back in the car. Here's the keys... {hands the keys to Cruroar}

CRUROAR: Why give me the keys?!

CONCHRIS: Because... I think I'm turning into one of them...

CIEEIA: Oh great! It's that Onion people episode all over again!

CONCHRIS: {points somewhere off-screen} Get back in the car, there's a lion!

{A lion chases after Cruroar, who runs back into the car, but not before taking Forest and Cieeia with him. Cruroar then starts the engine and drives off}

CONCHRIS: Ngrh... Time to find the source of this problem...

{Pan over to reveal a poorly built castle}

CONCHRIS: Maybe that... castle holds the answer...

{Conchris begins his journey to the castle, he walks by several places that have been changed by Chrionroar, including:}

• {Place has turned into a house with a giant pie on top of it}
• {The City Hall has been turned into a house of giant playing cards}
• {The Aquarium has been turned into a giant whale}
• {And the Mall has been turned into a giant flower}

{Conchris finishes his journey just outside the castle, where Chrionroar is sitting in a throne made out of cards}

CHRIONROAR: CAN IS HELPS YOU?!

CONCHRIS: Chrionroar?! Was it you behind this mess?

CHRIONROAR: YES INDEEEEEEEEEEEE33333333eee3e3e3ed!

CONCHRIS: Can we not have letters and numbers used in the same word? Please? Also, can you change this place back to normal?

CHRIONROAR: NOES! I WRITES TEH STORY NOW!

CONCHRIS: Oh god... please don't tell me...

CHRIONROAR: IT ARE MY SHOE NOW! AND YOU GUYZ WEAR MEAN TO ME! SO I LOCKS YOU IN CELL!

{A giant cage suddenly appears around Conchris}

CONCHRIS: Cra-

{Cue credits}

SUMMARIE

TEH RABBIT KING HAS BIRTHDAY TOODY!

TRANSCIPRT!

{Cue intro, severely messed up because of Chrionroar's antics}

{Open to Chrionroar's Castle of Randomness - Throne Room, a guard who looks like a playing card walks in and kneels before the throne, Conchris' cage is suspended over boiling grass}

GUARD: Your highness! The rabbit king is having a birthday today, and he wants you to come. As we all know, our king is the best at parties.

CHRIONROAR: I HAS TEH INVITES?! I SHALL COMES!

CONCHRIS: Can I come too?

CHRIONROAR: NOES! I HAS TEH READY! {jumps off the throne and starts flopping about like a fish, he eventually flops off-screen}

CONCHRIS: {sighs} There bettew be a way out of this mess...

{Cut to the corridor of Chrionroar's Castle, Chrionroar is skipping along with the guard (who is just walking along)}

GUARD: I'm sure you know where the rabbit king's palace is, so we have no need to rush you to get ready. Anyway... {the two stop at a door} May I get the door?

CHRIONROAR: NO! I HAS TO GEOS! {crashes through the door, skipping merrily down the path}

GUARD: {watches Chrionroar for a bit before sighing} Why do we even have doors to this place?

{Cut to the path leading to the Rabbit King's palace, Chrionroar is skipping merrily along until he encounters a giant mud monster terrorising a village of signs}

MUD MONSTER: ROAAARRRR!

STOP SIGN VILLAGER: HELP! SOMEBODY HELP US!

CHRIONROAR: {superheroic voice} NEVAR FEER CITIZANS! I HAS TEH CASE! {flies towards the mud monster}

{The mud monster sees Chrionroar coming and swats him away, Chrionroar crashes into a nearby hut made of cards. Chrionroar gets up and brushes himself off}

YIELD SIGN VILLAGER: Are you okay, sire?

CHRIONROAR: YESH! {takes a bite out of the Yield sign} I ARE OFF! {flies off towards the monster, again}

YIELD SIGN VILLAGER: Ow, my head!

{The mud monster starts to eat several signs before being smacked in the back by Chrionroar, forcing the monster to cough up the signs. The monster turns around and is met with Chrionroar's face. The monster then explodes into a muddy mess, the villagers cheer}

STOP SIGN VILLAGER: YAAAAY! Oh great one! How can we thank you?

CHRIONROAR: I ARE OFF NOW! {flies away}

{Cut to the car, Cruroar is driving along with Cieeia and Forest}

CIEEIA: Shouldn't we go back for him?

CRUROAR: Nah, I don't think he would be taken away that easily.

FOREST: I never really liked him.

CIEEIA: Humph! The nerve! Nobody left behind, right?

FOREST: Wrong, you idiot, if it wasn't for the PG-13 rule, I would've started to question more personal things about you!

CIEEIA: SHUT UP!

CRUROAR: Do I have to turn this car around?!

CIEEIA: YES!

{Cruroar slams on the brakes and turns the car around}

CIEEIA: Thank you, Crury... {giggles}

CRUROAR: Oh... umm... don't call me that...

FOREST: Ha ha, you {censored} moron!

CRUROAR: Wait... what is that castle up ahead?

{Cut to outside Chrionroar's Castle of Randomness, the car slowly screeches to a halt outside the door, Cruroar and Cieeia gets out of the car}

CIEEIA: Aren't you getting out?

FOREST: No, I'm going to drive away... with my mind. Goodbye. Forever. {drives away in the car, despite there being no driver}

{Cruroar and Cieeia watches the car drive away before it crashes into a nearby tree and explodes in a mushroom cloud like explosion}

CRUROAR: Ooh... that must've hurt...

CIEEIA: How about we explore this castle?

CRUROAR: Erm... great idea?

{Cut to the throne room inside Chrionroar's Castle, Conchris has been writing lines on a nearby wall}

CONCHRIS: ...and then there was that time I threw a grenade at Cieeia... and...

{Cruroar and Cieeia burst in, with two dead guards being thrown in before them}

CONCHRIS: Wow, what an awesome entrance. What took you guys so long?

CRUROAR: Apparently, through some kind of plot hole, we somehow managed to kill around fifty guards on the way here.

CIEEIA: No we didn't! They were on lunch break! These two dead guards were what we found in the garbage!

CRUROAR: Oh, no wonder why they smell like eggs...

CONCHRIS: Can you get me out of this stupid cage?!

{Cruroar pulls out a solar gun}

CRUROAR: What's the magic word?

CONCHRIS: Please?

{Cruroar shoots the rope holding the cage, the cage then suddenly disappears, sending Conchris to the floor}

CONCHRIS: Ouch. {gets up and brushes himself off}

CIEEIA: Who owns this place?

CONCHRIS: Chrionroar. He locked me in this cage and now he's running about with author powers under his belt!

CRUROAR: GASP! It's just like a bad fan fiction!

CONCHRIS: Except we are not, we're going to have to track him down and beat him to the punch!

CIEEIA: How about we just wait until the episode ends?

CONCHRIS: That's a bad idea, who knows what'll happen next?

CRUROAR: This episode gets marked for deletion?

CONCHRIS: You know, I don't think that fourth wall even exists anymore, it's probably just a pile of rubble by now.

CIEEIA: Aren't we supposed to track Chrionroar down?

CONCHRIS: Good idea.

{Cut to the Rabbit King's Palace, Chrionroar is busy balancing several plates, knifes, animals and many assorted objects on his chin, the Rabbit King applauds him}

RABBIT KING: Bravo! Bravo! Chrionroar! I knew you were so awesome at party tricks!

CHRIONROAR: THANKS KINGS! {turns to the camera} AND YOUS CANS TOO IF YOU SNED ME MILLION SIGHS! {winks}

{Cue credits, halfway through the credits, it cuts off to reveal Conchris, Cruroar and Cieeia at the entrance}

CONCHRIS: Stop right there! We're the fun police and we're going to wreck your party!

CRUROAR: But I like parties.

CONCHRIS: Shut up.

RABBIT KING: INTRUDERS! GUARDS! GUARDS! {Several armed rabbit guards appear} Get them!

{Fight music plays}

{Conchris dodges the first rabbit guard and ducks under the second, he then jumps on several guards to get a 1-Up}

{Cruroar punches a rabbit guard and throws him at the other guard that was approachng him, he then fires a solar beam at the rabbit guards closing in on Cieeia}

CIEEIA: Phew! That was close!

CRUROAR: Don't sweat it. Forget it.

RABBIT KING: Bah! My guards are worthless! {pulls out a cutlass} Engarde!

CONCHRIS: {pulls out a laser blade} You too!

{Conchris and the Rabbit King start fencing, the two are in a stalemate until Conchris' blade melts the Rabbit King's... that didn't sound right in the slightest...}

CONCHRIS: Ha! I win! I win!

RABBIT KING: Please! Have mercy!

CONCHRIS: No.

{Conchris goes to stab the Rabbit King but then hunches over}

CONCHRIS: Oh god!

CRUROAR and CIEEIA: Gasp! Oh no!

CIEEIA: What's happening to you?!

CONCHRIS: Argh... I think I'm becoming a rabbit myself... {starts to grow rabbit ears}

CRUROAR: Oh god! What do we do?

CIEEIA: Maybe there should be some way we can end this?

CRUROAR: {lightbulb appears above head} Ah-ha! I have an idea! It involves stealing a joke from some other place but it might just work!

{Cut to Wikity Courthouse, the judge is minding his own business until the phone starts ringing, the judge then picks up the phone}

JUDGE: Hello? Who is this? Why is this scene so familiar? Or referentially?

CRUROAR: {on phone} Hello, my good sir, I believe it had come to my attention that you suck, badly.

JUDGE: W-Wait! Who are you? How'd you get my number? How'd you get a phone in the first place?

{Cut back to the Rabbit King's palace, Cruroar starts to glow}

CRUROAR: Eat my reference to some webtoon, you fiends!

{Cruroar explodes in a similar manner to a nuclear bomb, the explosion is played out in slow-motion. Pan out to reveal Aria and Mr. Person watching the explosion}

ARIA: Whoa! I'm so glad I didn't get caught up in that explosion!

MR. PERSON: Yeah, can't wait for-

{Mr. Person gets zapped by some lightning}

MR. PERSON: Ouch... {falls over}

{Cut to the white space, Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia, Chrionroar, Rabbit King and his guards, the rabbits and the sign villagers pop in}

CONCHRIS: That was awesome! Especially the part where rocks fell and everybody died!

CRUROAR: Nearly everyone.

CIEEIA: Wait... what about Chrionroar and his powers of some sort?

WRITER: {off-screen} I'll take that thank you very much! {zaps Chrionroar, Chrionroar falls down lifeless on the floor}

CONCHRIS: Oh my god! You killed Chrionroar!

CRUROAR: Who knows where you go if you die in here?!

{Cut to Hell, Sarry Bcott is driving about in his boat car when Chrionroar teleports in}

CHRIONROAR: I ARE IN HEAVAN?!

SARRY: OH GOD N-

{Cue credits, for reals}

END

WRITER: {voice over} Wow, what a plot hole filled episode...

{After ten seconds, the END screen fades into the Writer's Office, an apparition of the Advisor appears by the door, the Writer turns around to face the advisor}

ADVISOR: Good work, man. Now let's take down the last episode! {takes a bite out of a ghostly chocolate bar}

{Montage: (The scene is the Writer's Office unless otherwise stated)}

• {The Writer is at the desk, lifting piles of books glued to each other}

ADVISOR: Work 'em, man, work 'em.

• {The Writer is making a paper maché castle, the advisor paces back and forth}

ADVISOR: Make it faster! FASTER! {The writer assembles the castle faster}

• {Cut to the Streets of Wikity, the Advisor is riding a bike with the Writer following him in a pink jogging suit}

ADVISOR: Keep going, man, keep going.

WRITER: How does this help me with writing the last episode again?

{Fade to black}