Conshow/57

Summary

Sarry Bcott has his hellish mansion demolished because he couldn't pay the bills on time, that and they wanted to make way for a new interworld highway. The only way he can get his mansion back? By retrieving the persifact "Diamon Towell", of course! Also, Conchris accidentally locks everyone out of his house, leaving them out in the freezing cold.

Transcript

{Open to Hell, yeah, that's right, Hell. Sarry is lying down in front of a bulldozer which is in front of a mansion, the mansion appears to be owned by Sarry because of the mailbox sitting outside the gates. Instructor is the one manning the bulldozer}

INSTRUCTOR: OH COME ON! ARE YOU GOING TO MOVE OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SIT THERE?!

SARRY BCOTT: Not until you don't demolish my house!

INSTRUCTOR: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH DAMAGE THIS BULLDOZER WILL TAKE IF I RAN IT OVER YOU?!

SARRY: What?

{Instructor drives the bulldozer over Sarry, comically squashing him into a pancake}

INSTRUCTOR: NOTHING AT ALL! HA HA HA HA HA! REFERENTIAL HUMOUR! HA HA HA HA HA!

{Cue intro}

{Open to The Streets, Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia, Chrionroar and a frozen Forest is outside Conchris' house}

CONCHRIS: Guys, guess what?

{Cruroar opens his mouth to say something, but is suddenly interrupted by Cieeia}

CIEEIA: What?

CONCHRIS: We're not the main focus of this epissode!

CRUROAR: Sweet!

CIEEIA: Let's have a party! {pulls out a keg} I've got the alcohol!

CONCHRIS: I don't know how you are carrying it but THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! Let's have a party... in my house... like right now...

{Conchris ogles the door disconcertingly, Cruroar and Cieeia watch with anticipation, Chrionroar is seen in the background licking a stop sign and getting his tongue stuck to it. Cruroar finally opens his mouth to say something}

CRUROAR: Are you just going to stare at the door all day or are you just slow?

CONCHRIS: I can't.

CRUROAR: And why not?

CONCHRIS: {whilst keeping a straight face} I. Forgot. The keys...

{Cruroar leaps a few feet into the air with a shocked expression}

CRUROAR: WhaaaaAAAAAAAAATTTTT?!

CONCHRIS: Yep, it appears that we're locked out of the house.

CIEEIA: Why can't you just break the window?

CONCHRIS: Because the windows are made of the finest Glassium Alloy!

{Pause. After a few seconds of silence, a portal from Hell opens up, Instructor is seen on the other side holding Sarry by the collar. He kicks Sarry out of the portal}

INSTRUCTOR: AND STAY OUT! {rubs hands together as if he was wiping something off his hands}

{The portal closes as Sarry gets up from the remnants of the snow and spits out a few pieces of metal, he then looks up at the group}

SARRY BCOTT: You guys have got to help me! My mansion in Hell has been... {close-up} re-possessed! I'm no longer a popular demon! You gotta help me!

CONCHRIS: And why? It's only a mansion.

{Sarry gets up from the ground and grabs Conchris by the collar, lifting him a few feet off the ground}

SARRY: It's not any mansion! {drops Conchris onto the floor} It's MY mansion! And now... I'm broke! And worse... I have to live with MORTALS! {starts crying} It's dreadful...

CONCHRIS: Gee, I'm sorry.

SARRY: No... I'm sorry! {picks up Conchris and puts him on his feet and then dusts him off} But please, can you tell me where I can find a great new product to sell?

{Pan over to reveal Cieeia holding a map, she looks at it questionably}

CIEEIA: Well, I have a map, somehow. I somehow always had it for some reason and I've never really figured it out. It's supposedly a treasure like a "Diamon Towell" or something like that.

{Sarry suddenly snatches the map off of Cieeia with his hand and reads the map}

SARRY: Abandon all hope to all ye who enter... {looks up from the map} My lord! It appears to be the treasure of the long dead "Diamon Towell"! He made a treasure with the same name as him... I don't really know what happened to him afterwards though. He sent out this map to one random person in hopes that someone could free him from his torment. Conveniently, it appears that YOU, dear lady, happen to be the lucky one. Thanks for the map. {puts on a helmet} Now, I'm off to find that there treasure! Later!

{Sarry runs off into the distance, knocking over Chrionroar and his stop sign along the way (Chrionroar is still struggling to get his tongue off the sign)}

CRUROAR: Wow... that was... a rather stupid monologue.

CIEEIA: So... now what?

{Conchris is seen thinking for a bit before suddenly coming up with an idea}

CONCHRIS: How about we go bother Clark... I mean, Sirhcnoc!

CRUROAR: That's the worst idea I've ever heard...

{Conchris looks at Cruroar with an evil glare}

CRUROAR: I LOVE IT! Let's go!

{Cruroar, Cieeia and Conchris wonder off into the hills to find Sirhcnoc's Lair. Chrionroar finally manages to get his tongue off the sign, only to have it stick to the tree}

CHRIONROAR: {slightly muffled due to the fact of a sticky out tongue} I HAS TEH TREEVITUS!

{Cut to the picture of the map seen from earlier, which is just a map of Wikity, a trail can be seen going from Conchris' house to the great big X on top of Wikity City Hall, however it seems to be going around in circles as picture-in-pictures can be seen with Sarry doing random things and going to random places}

{Picture-in-picture montage:}

• {The first picture-in-picture fades in on the top left of the map as the trail stops by Wikity Mall, Sarry is seen manning the Weapons Shop but is then assaulted Yffulfs with guns, he quickly retreats into his underground tunnel, the picture-in-picture then fades away}
• {The second picture-in-picture fades in on the top right, about two seconds after the first one had faded away, the trail stops nearby GATES TO HELL Some Kinda Building, Sarry looks at the portal to Hell Some Place inside the building and sighs, he then walks on as the picture-in-picture slowly fades away}
• {The third picture-in-picture fades in on the bottom right, about one second after the second one had faded away, the trail stops near the docks, Sarry walks along looking at the scenery until he bumps into a stereotypically muscular sailor, the sailor turns around and punches Sarry away, the trail on the map can be seen going from the docks to Wikity Hall, the picture-in-picture, along with the map, fades away}

{End montage}

{Cut to the inside of Wikity Hall, Mayor Spyden is seen carrying some boxes when Sarry suddenly flies in and crashes into Spyden. Sarry pokes his head from the piles of boxes that Spyden had dropped and consulted the map}

SARRY: Apparently, the treasure chamber is somewhere around here!

SPYDEN: May... I help you?

{Sarry suddenly sits up and turns around with a scared expression on his face}

SARRY: Wh-wh-who are you?

SPYDEN: Mayor Sssssssspyden, mayor of... Wikity City... And you are?

{Sarry opens his mouth as if to say his name but is then interrupted by Spyden}

SPYDEN: Oh wait... you're SSSssssarry, correct? An immigrant from... what was that place... Hell?

SARRY: Err... yes, erm... You don't suppose you've seen any giant red Xes around here somewheres?

SPYDEN: In fact... I do... come...

{Spyden helps Sarry onto his feet and walks off with him into a corridor}

{Cut back to The Streets outside Conchris' House, Conchris is sitting under the tree, which had a bite taken out of it, writing something in a notebook. Cieeia is curled up near the door to the house, shivering. Cruroar slowly walks up to Conchris}

CRUROAR: {voice starting to sound sleepy} Hey... man... what are you... doing?

CONCHRIS: Why so slow?

CRUROAR: It's not... me... it's the... cold... it's getting to me, you see? My voice... kinda... slows... down... in the cold... somehow...

CONCHRIS: Why not warm yourself up? Also, to answer your question: None of your beeswax.

CRUROAR: OooooOOOoooOOOooooOooo...'kay... I guess... I should go over... there... by Cieeia... she... seems pretty... lonely... see ya...

{Cruroar slowly walks off}

CONCHRIS: Let's see... then we add the lasers to this jet and...

{Forest, who is in an ice cube, falls down onto Conchris from the tree}

CONCHRIS: Ouch...

{Cut to a rather dark chamber, Mayor Spyden is seen holding a wooden torch with Sarry tailing behind him, they reach an altar with the name "DIAMON TOWELL" on it. Spyden makes a motion to Sarry to stay where he is and begins to approach the altar, he pulls out an ankh jewel and places it into the altar, it suddenly jolts to life and a strange figure appears in a blinding light, Sarry shields his eyes as Spyden just blankly looks at it. The light gives way to reveal that the figure is really a human with his torso being made out of a diamond-studded towel}

SARRY: Diamon... Towell!

DIAMON TOWELL: Hello and welcome to Demonic Idol! I'm your host, Diamon Towell!

{Sarry walks up to Spyden and looks at Diamon's general direction}

SARRY: What is this?

DIAMON TOWELL: Ah! A contestant! I've been waiting for one for years, don't you know? I need to pass on in this life you know? But I can't leave because of this stupid towel! {begins picking at his towel-like skin}

SARRY: Err... um... what would you want me to do, exactly?

DIAMON: I want you... {close-up} to sing!

SARRY: {gasps} But I can't sing! I've got an F on Music at Demon School because 99% of the marks was from singing!

DIAMON: Huh. I was hoping that a good musician would come this way to my tomb in Wikity that I had hidden in Wikity Hall because I asked the mayor to. Okay, here's the deal, you sing a song and if I say that it is good, I'll be free and you get the diamond towel, agreed?

SARRY: Err... sure, why not?

DIAMON: Well, give me your best shot... or your worst...

{Suddenly, spotlights shine on Sarry Bcott out of nowhere, he hesitates nervously}

SARRY: I... err... I... would like to... sing a song... called... err... The Sign Song... by... me...

DIAMON: {taps his foot} Go on. I'm waiting...

{Sarry looks about for a bit before plucking up the courage to go on, he stands up straight, sweating, and begins to sing, horribly}

SARRY: {singing}
Signs are beautiful.
Signs are great.
They tell where to go~
And when you're late~.

Oh signs! Wonderful signs,
helping you to find
your place in this world
and everything within~.

Signs, they are cool!
Signs, need a pool!
Signs, they are great!
Signs, don't be late!

SIGNS! WONDERFUL SIGNS!
WONDERFUL SIIIIGGGNNNNS!

Oh, Signs are really helpful... don't you know?

{Spyden takes off his earmuffs that he has inexplicably put on, Diamon cringes at the song as it goes}

SARRY: So... err... that was great... wasn't it? He he...

DIAMON: I think... that was dreadful. That was the worst song I have ever heard in my life, I'd rather have a cat scrape at my ears whilst listening to the drone of some idiots at the Bed-Factor! This is by far THE worst song I have ever heard!

{Diamon Towell pulls out a spear from his altar and aims it at Sarry}

DIAMON: I hope you're prepared...

MAYOR SPYDEN: Wait!

{Diamon and Sarry look at Spyden, expectantly}

MAYOR SPYDEN: I may not have the best singing... nor am I much of a song writer... but please, give me a chance, would you kindly?

{Diamon pauses to think on what Spyden had said, he then drops the spear and looks at Spyden}

DIAMON: Well, do it...

{Mayor Spyden clears his throat and stands up straight, he then pulls out a sheet of paper}

MAYOR SPYDEN: I call this one "Uncle Spyden's Creepy Song. {singing}
It was once a dark and stormy night...
the storm was enough to give you a fright...
Amongst the mist, a child stands tall,
but he wasn't frightened at all...

That's because he was...
The Vampire Child.
Swooping on unsuspecting children...
Making them cry,
Surely you'll die
of fright from his ugly grin.

Only one night, when he was alone,
He pulled out a checkers board and maybe a phone.
The zombies came out to play,
they decay during the day.
But what fun they had,
the laughs, they're glad!

And when he grows up one day,
the child will look back on May,
he will miss the dreadful screams about...
The Vampire Child!

And now, that's the end of the story.
I'm really sorry for not having a lorry.
Making up rhymes is truly fun,
but, oh no! Where's my plate of buns?!
There can only be one man...
The Vampire Child!

{Spyden stops to take a bow as Sarry looks on with awe, Diamon watches Spyden looking unimpressed}

DIAMON: I've heard worse... but it was... okay in the least. I suppose you win, Mr. Spyden.

MAYOR SPYDEN: I don't suppose you'll be handing us the Diamond Towel?

DIAMON: Oh yes! Finally, I can leave this place in peace! {slowly disappears into the light, dropping the diamond towel before he leaves} See you suckers!

{Diamon Towell floats up the light and is promptly sucked in. The light suddenly disappears as the diamond towel flumps to the floor, Spyden picks up the towel and hands it over to Sarry}

MAYOR SPYDEN: It's all yours.

SARRY: I don't have any words to thank you with, mister mayor! Some people would turn me away because I was demonic!

MAYOR SPYDEN: I never turn anyone down... now... please leave... before security finds you here...

{Sarry runs off with the towel with Spyden tailing him}

{Cut to a white space, Cruroar wakes up, sleepily}

CRUROAR: It's... stopped... being cold... hip... hip... horray! Horray for... the sun...

{Pan out to reveal Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia and Forest are somehow dead}

CRUROAR: Oh... way to crush... my dreams... writer...

WRITER: {god-like} Would you stop talking like that?

CRUROAR: No.

{Cue credits}

{Open to Hell, Instructor is lying in front of a giant bulldozer. Sarry Bcott is seen manning the bulldozer in front of a house}

SARRY: NOW IT'S MY TIME TO DEMOLISH YOUR HOSUE!

INSTRUCTOR: NO, NOT MY-

{Sarry rolls the bulldozer over Instructor, whilst laughing evilly. An explosion is suddenly heard and Sarry is sent flying}

{Cut to a black screen with the word "END" on it}

Extension

{After ten seconds, the screen fades out to reveal the Writer's office, the writer is busy writing something on a piece of paper, which remains unseen throughout the scene}

VOICE: Are you really sure? Three more episodes, and you're calling it quits?!

{The writer looks up from his writing and turns to face the portrait of Wiki TV's president's face, he quickly throws a punch, but stops before it even hits the portrait}

VOICE: Alright then, calm down.

WRITER: I'm just getting tired of this, I want the series to end on an even number.

VOICE: Right, writer. Let's get going. Time to make your place in whatever's left of the history.

{Fade to black}