Conshow/51

Summary

Sirhcnoc decides to go to the TV Station and try to make people his slaves.

CAST (in order of appearance): Sirhcnoc, Greg, Bob the Yffulf, Conchris, Cieeia, Cruroar, Forest, Chrionroar, Aria, Mr. Person

Transcript

{Open to Sirhcnoc's Newer Lair on a Hill, Sirhcnoc opens the door}

SIRHCNOC: AHH! The fresh scent of home! Finally, I can try my best to take over Wikity!

{Greg comes up behind Sirhcnoc and leans out}

GREG: Umm... The past fifty episodes weren't your best?

SIRHCNOC: They were! But now, I've come back after a short course in villainy and now... {in a demanding pose} SLAVES! BUILD ME A GIANT GOLF BALL!

{The camera turns around to the control room, the wind whistles and a hay bale rolls around somehow, turn back to reveal a surprised Sirhcnoc}

GREG: Did you forget? Your slaves now work under Sarry Bcott after an agreement was settled in Hell Court.

SIRHCNOC: {mumbling} Damn that stupid lawyer...

{Cut to a gold mine, Sarry is standing at the entrance as Bob walks out, covered in coal}

SARRY: Have you found it yet?

BOB: Well, I found this shiny diamond! {holds up a diamond}

{Sarry Bcott slaps the diamond out of Bob's hand}

SARRY: You idiot! I meant the souls of dead miners! Go back in there and don't come out until you find one!

BOB: {sad, whilst shuffling away} Yes sir...

{Cue intro}

{Open to Conchris' House - Living Room, Cruroar is watching TV with Cieeia as Conchris bursts in}

CONCHRIS: Good morning, you two! Man! I am feeling extra awesome today! Must've been that awesomeness potion I left in the fridge about three episodes back... that nobody seen me do... at all...

CRUROAR: Shut up. We're trying to watch this silly show where the man goes all like "IMMA EAT YOUR FACE" and this other guy is all like "DURRRRR". Also, how the hell do you teleport back here and back there three episodes ago? It's not even possi-

CONCHRIS: I was thinking with portals. {wellface}

{Pause}

CRUROAR: You know what? Your logic is illogical, please refrain from damaging my brain.

CIEEIA: Hey! You could make a neat song out of that!

CRUROAR: Please don't.

CONCHRIS: Whatever, I'm-a leave you two losers to your losery business, while I hang out with the cool crew!

CRUROAR: {whiny voice} But I thought you said that I was cool!

CONCHRIS: Yeah, until you mangled my toaster!

CRUROAR: It was possessed! Jeez!

CONCHRIS: Fine! I'll leave you... now... later. {runs off}

{Pan over to the kitchen, Conchris suddenly pops up}

CONCHRIS: Hey! Forest! Chrionroar! How are you two doing?

FOREST: Everytime you do that, it makes me wish that I didn't save you at all.

CHRIONROAR: I LEIK CHEEZ!

FOREST: Err.. sure, sure you do.

CONCHRIS: Ha ha ha! You make the greatest comedy duo that this show has on offer!

FOREST: Really? I fail to see how an idiot and a robot can be a great comedy duo of the show. In fact, I think you, Conchris, are the greatest comedy act ever.

CONCHRIS: Whoa, really?! I didn't know tha-

FOREST: Your stupidity makes people laugh and stupidity is what I hate, get out of my site before I TERMINATE you.

CONCHRIS: Okay, okay. Jeez. {to self} Somehow, I wish that I didn't wander into that construction site.

FOREST: You have five seconds. {points cannon at Conchris} Five... {continues counting as Conchris runs off}

{Cut to The Streets, Aria is busy watering the plants as Conchris bumps into her, she turns around and grabs Conchris by the collar}

ARIA: LISTEN, IF YOU DARE TAKE THE WOMEN'S SPOTLIGHT ONE LAST TIME, I'LL... oh, you're not her.

CONCHRIS: Yeah? So?

ARIA: Well, I was thinking. You have contacts with the writer right?

CONCHRIS: Yeah? So?

ARIA: Can you tell him if I can be a major character... PLEASE?

CONCHRIS: Yeah? So?

ARIA: You're just repeating your last line over again, aren't you?

CONCHRIS: Oh right! Sure, why not? It'll be hilarious to annoy the writer again, like last time.

{Cut to Conchris' House - Conchris' Bedroom, Conchris is holding a phone with a grin on his face}

WRITER: {over the phone} I swear, once I find out who you are, I will slice your throat so deep that your name will be DEAD! Got it?

CONCHRIS: Yes, you stupid losing mongrel!

WRITER: WHAT?!

{Cut back}

CONCHRIS: So... can you let me go now? I need to go place.

ARIA: Sure. {throws Conchris onto the ground and resumes what she was doing}

{Conchris gets up and runs off, cut to the TV station, Sirhcnoc and Greg walks in wearing disguises, Sirhcnoc is wearing a fake moustache with a name tag that reads "Clark" whilst Greg is wearing his human costume from the Halloween Episode}

RECEPTIONIST: Can I help you sir?

CLARK: Err... yes, me and my buddy Greg have been thinking about starting up a new show on the city-exclusive Wikity channel. You don't suppose you have any empty slots, do you?

RECEPTIONIST: We have one free slot available and its the worst we got. The slot includes 30 seconds of air-time with 5 minutes worth of advertisements, are you sure you want it?

{Clark and Greg look at each other}

CLARK: I don't know. Do we want a 30 second time slot?

GREG: It was YOUR plan, I'm only playing along with it!

CLARK: Fine, I'll go ask...

{Clark turns to the receptionist}

CLARK: Erm... but what if one of the show hosts happen to have a... you know... 'accident'?

RECEPTIONIST: What kind?

CLARK: Oh I dunno, poisoned... stabbed... choked... incinerated... {Greg sneaks into a set with a laser gun in hand, screams are heard in the background as Clark lists the accidents} drowned... choked... old aged... arrowed... {Greg reappears with different clothing and no laser gun} Err... that's about it, really.

GREG: One of your show hosts just died.

RECEPTIONIST: Well, that sucks for them. That was a 3 minute time slot with a -10 minute advertisement time. I'm assuming you're taking it?

CLARK: Yes. Yes. We'll take it.

{The Receptionist types some stuff in the computer}

RECEPTIONIST: Your order has been processed, have a nice day now.

CLARK: Thanks, we will. {walks off and into the set doors with a strange device} We will...

{Cut to a time card that reads "Two days later...", it stays for a few seconds before disappearing}

{Cut to a view of a ruined Wikity, Sirhcnoc is laughing maniacally in the background}

SIRHCNOC: Hahahahahaha... Wahahahaha... MWHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! {zoom out to reveal that he is, in fact, looking at a picture} Well, that's what SHOULD'VE happened but I never really started up the hypno-ray yet.

GREG: Well, why not?

SIRHCNOC: I'm an idiot when it comes to hypnotising. I got an F in my hypnotising class back in Villain School, it's not my strongest point but...

{Pause, Greg becomes increasingly annoyed}

GREG: Well?!"

SIRHCNOC: Well what?

GREG: I meant, well, are you going to finish that sentence?

SIRHCNOC: I was expecting you to burst in and say, "Whatever, just fire the hypno-ray already!"

GREG: Oh. Whatever, just fire the hypno-ray already!

{Sirhcnoc presses a button, cut to outside the TV station, the radio dish starts sending out radio waves, cut back to the inside}

SIRHCNOC: There, that was surprisingly easy.

GREG: Wait, if we try to use that little show to hypnotise people, wouldn't this show get cut off too?

SIRHCNOC: Well, no. We're only trying for Wikity. I don't think I can even infiltrate the other cities without getting beaten to a pulp.

GREG: But aren't you a member of the villain's council?

SIRHCNOC: For this particular country, yes.

GREG: Whatever, I'm not going to continue on. Let's just do what we're supposed to do and such.

SIRHCNOC: Laugh maniacally?

{Pause}

GREG: Well, I was hoping that we could go and get Pizza but that works too.

{Sirhcnoc and Greg starts laughing manaically, zoom out of the TV station and pan over to Conchris' House}

{Cut to Conchris' House - Living Room, the TV suddenly comes to life and starts playing a show with a swirling background}

VOICE: Obey me Sirhcnoc. You will obey Sirhcnoc. Sirhcnoc is your friend. Your best friend. You will work for Sirhcnoc. Praise Sirhcnoc. All Praise Sirhcnoc. All Prai- {gets shut off}

{Cruroar walks in, sleepily, with a remote control in his hand}

CRUROAR: Yeah, no.

{Cieeia gets up and yawns}

CIEEIA: Thanks for that. Strange voices make me sleepy. I always wonder why I slept down here last night.

{Pause}

CRUROAR: Wait... isn't this the part where Conchris bursts in yelling about how awesome he is?

{Pan over to reveal Forest holding a toaster}

FOREST: Oh. So you don't like me filling in for him whilst he is gone, then?

CRUROAR: Why must you be annoying?

FOREST: Maybe you should go and do something about the zombified people outside, you dolts.

{Pause}

CIEEIA: Oh my god! Crury! Quick! We must do something!

CRUROAR: You're right! {close-up} Fetch me my Solar Gun...

{Cut to the streets, several people with faded-out eyes start ravaging the streets, destroying signs and setting fire to the trees. The screen pans to the right to see Chrionroar defending a stop sign from the aforementioned people}

CHRIONROAR: IT'S MY STOP SIGNZ! NOES ALLOED TO TOUCHZ IT! {looks over at the stop sign to see a man with a knife trying to cut it, Chrionroar then smacks the man off with his head}

{Cruroar and Cieeia burst out of Conchris' house wearing shades, they land in a dramatic fashion with action music playing in the background, they then start groaning about their pains}

CRUROAR: Oww... forcing Forest to self-destruct for this episode is just... ow...

CIEEIA: Who would be packing about 50 tons of explosion material inside ONE robot?

CRUROAR: Actually, I think the correct term is Fembot.

CIEEIA: Whatever. Let's just go... place...

CRUROAR: You should really stop stealing our lines.

CIEEIA: {whiny voice} But I like stealing your lines!

CRUROAR: Fine. Let's go place...

{Cruroar and Cieeia walks along but are stopped by Aria holding a lawn mower}

ARIA: {monotonous} You dare not to be hypnotised by Sirhcnoc's great will? You must die! {throws the lawn mower at Cieeia}

{Cieeia dodges the lawn mower and smacks Aria in the face with the pipe, she falls over, unconscious}

CIEEIA: That was too easy.

CRUROAR: Well, these are people we're talking about. {driving noises are heard} Wait.. WHAT'S THAT?!

{Cut to the road of the streets, Mr. Person is driving towards Cruroar and Cieeia in a truck with a crazed look on his face, the two dodges out of the way and he ends up hitting Chrionroar instead. Chrionroar then eats the truck and spits out Mr. Person and the Stop Sign, unharmed, somehow.}

CRUROAR: Yeah, let's just skip ahead to the TV Station...

{Cut to a time card that reads "2 hours of people smashing later..."}

{Cut to the outside of the TV Station, Cruroar and Cieeia walks into the station to find Conchris}

CRUROAR: Conchris?

CONCHRIS: {monotone} Obey Sirhcnoc!

CIEEIA: NOT YOU TOO!

CONCHRIS: {normal voice} Dude, I was trying to fit in with the crowd! Sheesh!

CRUROAR: Oh. That's... stupid of us...

CONCHRIS: Meh, there's noises next door and I'm hoping that I could smash it.

CIEEIA: How could you smash noise?

CRUROAR: That's an interesting question, Cieeia...

{Pause}

CONCHRIS: Well?

CRUROAR: Well what?

CONCHRIS: Weren't you about to answer that question?

CRUROAR: I'm not answering it!

CONCHRIS: {sighs} Whatever. I'm totally going in now that you guys snapped me out of it.

{Conchris kicks down the door to the set, Sirhcnoc and Greg stops their maniacal laughter to look at Conchris}

CONCHRIS: I have come to smash your noise. And your doors. And your butts... And I'm all out of gum. Will you lend me any?

SIRHCNOC: CRAP! I was totally not expecting YOU to show up again!

CONCHRIS: Dude! You're the only two villains in this show!

GREG: Well... what about the demons?

SIRHCNOC: Well... they don't count, so anyway... {realises that the machine was smashed in} DAMN IT!

CONCHRIS: Yeah! I totally kicked your machine! Now to smash your butts!

{Conchris raises his foot to kick Sirhcnoc, cut to the outside of the TV station, Sirhcnoc and Greg fly out of the station through a window and land in a pool of water, Sirhcnoc clamours up for air}

SIRHCNOC: Thank goodness for this conveniently placed pond!

{Shark fins slowly rises up to the surface}

GREG: Err... Sirhcnoc?

SIRHCNOC: Yes?

GREG: This is the part where we get beaten up by something, right?

SIRHCNOC: Right...

{Sirhcnoc's face shows an expression of shock}

SIRHCNOC: RUN!

{The screen suddenly goes black and the yelps and cries of Sirhcnoc and Greg are heard in the background}

SIRHCNOC: YEEEEOW! AH AH AH! IT HURTS!

GREG: Ow. Oof. Eeek. Ah... Oh... Ow...

{Fade into Conchris' House - Living Room, Conchris, Cruroar and Cieeia are on the couch}

CONCHRIS: We totally saved the day.

CRUROAR: Yeah, great. Now let's watch TV.

{Cruroar turns on the TV that shows a creepy faced man in the shadows, eerie music starts playing for a while until Cruroar turns it off in shock}

CRUROAR: On second thought, maybe not...

{Cue credits}