Difference between revisions of "Conshow/54"

Latest revision as of 08:06, 17 December 2014

Summary

Ever wonder what the Hammerspace Dimension would be like? No? Well, me neither. Chrionroar and Forest end up in the Hammerspace Dimension with the Dimension Traveller and loses it. After a bit of exploring, they must return home. Can they find the Dimension Traveller and return to Earth? Of course not, they need W$1000000 and 1280 fame before leav- You know what? Nevermind that last statement.

Cast (In order of appearance): Conchris, Chrionroar, Forest, Worker(s), Sirhcnoc, Greg, Creepy Guy, Hammerspacial Wraiths, Cruroar Goodwin, Police Officer(s), Professor Stereotype, Mayor Spyden

Transcript

{Cue intro. When the intro goes about half-way it suddenly stops and falls apart to reveal Conchris on a black screen}

CONCHRIS: What? No cold openings today? Is the writer getting too lazy?!

WRITER: {voice} SHUT. UP! {zaps Conchris}

{Conchris turns into a pile of ash, which promptly falls off-screen, replay intro}

{Open to Conchris' House - Kitchen, Conchris is fiddling about with a small device, Forest walks in}

CONCHRIS: {not looking up from his work} What the hell do you want?

FOREST: What?! I did not expect to see this kind of behaviour today! Did you drink some Serious-ade?

CONCHRIS: Shut up. I'm trying to work.

{Conchris continues to fiddle about with the small device and then gets frustrated, he promptly throws it into the bin with a basketball hoop hanging over it}

FOREST: What was that?

CONCHRIS: I was hoping to create a small ball that could stave off bad clichés but apparently, we already had too many clichés and that freaking device won't work here.

FOREST: So what? It was a stupid device!

CONCHRIS: I was going to... You know what, forget it. Where's the loser duo?

FOREST: Oh, you mean Cruroar and Cieeia? I killed them.

CONCHRIS: Wait... {stands up} WHAT?!

FOREST: They were trying to stop me from hacking your stupid computer.

{Pause}

CONCHRIS: Something tells me that you're lying. Anyway, I'm off to Wikity Hall. The mayor called me for some kind of... problem... Later! {runs away}

FOREST: I guess I should start exploring too.

{Chrionroar suddenly bursts out of the cupboard, several cereal boxes and tins fall to the floor}

CHRIONROAR: I CAN COMES?!

FOREST: Err... sure... whatever... {pulls out a collar} Wear this.

{Cut to the Wikity Mountains, Forest and Chrionroar are standing outside the volcano}

FOREST: Somehow, we managed to get here. I feel like something is going to happen.

CHRIONROAR: STOP SIGNS!

{Chrionroar runs into the volcano and jumps on the slightly charred Dimension Traveller, Forest walks in to see what is going on}

FOREST: The hell? I thought this hunk of junk was destroyed at the beginning of Season... 2, was it? Whatever.

{Chrionroar bites into the stop sign part of the Dimension Traveller, it starts to malfunction. A portal suddenly appears beside it, sucking Chrionroar in. Forest tries to resist jumping into the portal}

FOREST: There is no way I'm going in there.

VOICE: OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

{A giant hand comes out of the portal, grabs Forest and pulls her in, it then drags in the Dimension Traveller as the portal closes}

{Cut to a strange purple-blue field, Chrionroar flies in and Forest is promptly tossed to the ground. Forest gets up}

FOREST: Where the {censored} am I?

WORKER #1: You're in the Hammerspace Dimension, my friend. Finest dimension ever.

FOREST: Wait... Hammer...space?

WORKER #1: Yeah, you know. Hammerspace. The kind where cartoon characters and the like store their unneeded items and whatnot and save them for later.

FOREST: {monotone} ERROR CODE #2414 - SURROUNDINGS DOES NOT COMPUTE. ACTIVATING EMERGENCY PROTOCOL.

{Forest blasts the worker with her arm cannon}

FOREST: {monotone} DANGER CIRCUMVENTED. {normal voice} Come on. We're going to find a way out of this hell hole!

CHRIONROAR: BUT I LOVES TEH REALM! ME WANTS TEH SIGNS!

FOREST: Fine! I can't believe I got stuck with you...

{Chrionroar and Forest walk off-screen}

{Cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill - Sirhcnoc's lab, a phone on a desk starts ringing, Sirhcnoc walks in wearing a welder's mask and enters it}

SIRHCNOC: Mfff muh?

{Silence}

{Sirhcnoc pulls up the welder's mask}

SIRHCNOC: Anyone there?

{Pause}

SIRHCNOC: Yeah? Well, up yours too!

{Sirhcnoc slams the receiver down and walks over to the lab desk he was experimenting on, Greg walks in}

GREG: Who was that?

SIRHCNOC: I don't know! Probably some stupid prankster or something. Probably nothing.

{Sirhcnoc holds up a sheet of glass}

SIRHCNOC: There! This would do nicely for my evil windo-

{A creepy looking guy appears from the shadows and stares at Sirhcnoc through the glass, Sirhcnoc suddenly grows pale until he puts down the glass. The creepy guy is nowhere to be seen.}

SIRHCNOC: Greg?

GREG: Yeah?

SIRHCNOC: Did you see something?

GREG: No, why?

SIRHCNOC: N-Nothing, really.

{Greg sighs and walks off}

{Cut to a field, a sign is seen and reads "Hammerspacial Fields - Watch out for Hammerspacial Wraiths!", Chrionroar grabs the sign and bites on it. Forest walks onto the scene, Chrionroar continues to jump about like an excited dog}

CHRIONROAR: I has a sign!

FOREST: Yeah, good for you. Also, what is that?

{A large ghostly figure appears from the shadows and assaults Forest, she dodges quickly and shoots it but to no effect, Chrionroar pulls out a drinking straw and drinks the figure, it screams in pain as Chrionroar does this. Pause after that.}

FOREST: The more time I spend around you, the more I want to kill you. THAT WAS MY KILL!

CHRIONROAR: I ARE KILL STEALAR 2012! FAR MEH!

FOREST: You know, if it weren't for your immunity to death, I would've killed you by now...

{A text prompt pops up from Chrionroar's head, it reads ">Look at factory"}

FOREST: {sighs} Just when I thought you couldn't get any weird- {turns around to see a factory} Wow. I can't believe they conveniently place a freaking factory in the middle of nowhere!

{Chrionroar walks up to the door and the said text prompt now says ">open door"}

{Cut to the inside of the factory, the factory is dark with non-descript walls. There are also several conveyor belts lying about with several different items. Chrionroar picks up the stop sign from one of the belts and proceeds to eat it}

CHRIONROAR: YUMMY STOP SIGNS!

{The chewed up remains of the stop sign suddenly appears on the belt}

CHRIONROAR: OH BOY! SECONDS! {picks up the sign and eats it}

{The remains of the stop sign re-appears on the belt, Chrionroar continues to chew on it until there are merely metallic "crumbs"}

FOREST: I wonder how the loser is doing?

{Cut to Conchris' House - Living Room, Cruroar stumbles in, half of his body looks scorched}

CRUROAR: Oww... that hurt. {falls onto the sofa} I wonder what's on? {picks up the remote without looking and presses the power button}

{The TV switches on to reveal Bob the Yffulf in front of a factory in Hammerspace}

BOB: ...are now in Hammerspace. It is a really strange place with a weird colour scheme. The factories here are like little storage places where other people can take advantage of them. Getting your own Hammerspacial space is for free and by doing so, you can pull out things like a small chip {shows a computer chip} to a massive nuke {camera pans over to show a security screen showing Mr. Person looking through his pockets and somehow pulling out a nuke, it rolls away as he looks at it, surprised.}. But I'm not here to create a documentary on it, that's Newsman McNewsman's job. Me? I'm here because of a special report.

CRUROAR: {suddenly sits up} Special report?

BOB: Yes. Special report. Apparently, two people were caught breaking into Hammerspace earlier with a so-called Dimensional Traveller, which was an invention of Conchris' that allows anyone using it to travel to any dimension and universe at anytime. It was damaged by a bite from an unknown source, probably human. It is currently being sent to the Hammerspacial Incinerator where it will be incinerated and the two invaders WILL be caught and tried for "breaking and entering". That's all for Wikity News, back to you Newsman.

{The scene on the TV cuts to the news studio, Newsman McNewsman stares at the camera, jealously}

NEWSMAN MCNEWSMAN: {mumbling} I hate that {censored} co-anchor so much. {notices that the camera is recording and suddenly puts on a bright face} Thank you, Bob. In other news, it appears that... {becomes inaudible}

CRUROAR: Huh. Hammerspace? What kind of crazy story will they come up with next?

{Cut to the factory, Chrionroar is merely looking through the items, shoving signs into his bag as he goes. Forest waits by the door impatiently}

FOREST: Can we go now? I'm getting rather pissed off.

CHRIONROAR: I HASN'T FINDS ALL TEH SIGMS YET! {picks up a wooden sign and throws it into his bag}

FOREST: Think about what your stupid act will cause in this dimension!

CHRIONROAR: I HAS NO TEIM FOR REPREUSSION!

{Cut to a random field, a man with a hammer walks in}

MAN: This should be a nice spot for a sign! {reaches into his pocket and fishes about in it for a sign but comes out with nothing} What the? {reaches into his pocket again but still pulls out nothing} Where the bloody hell are my freaking signs going?!

{Cut back to the factory, the door bursts open to reveal five police officers with guns, Forest turns around and walks away from the officers to face them}

POLICE OFFICER: THIS AREA IS STRICTLY OFF LIMITS.

FOREST: I knew this was a bad idea.

POLICE OFFICER: THIS AREA IS STRICTLY OFF LIMITS.

CHRIONROAR: THERE'S TEH NO SIGNS!

POLICE OFFICER: THIS AREA IS STRICTLY OFF LIMITS.

FOREST: Shut up. {shoots the police officer}

POLICE OFFICER #2: {stuttering} Th-th-th-th-th-th-they ki-ki-ki-ki-ki-ki-killed M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-Mr. Re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-repeaterson-son-son-son. Ge-Ge-Ge-Get the-the-the-the-the-them.

POLICE OFFICER #3: {robotic voice} Roger that, RED LEADER. {pulls out a missile launcher and fires a missile at Forest, which she promptly dodges}

{Forest blasts down the third police officer, grabs Chrionroar and runs off, the remaining three chase after them, with the second one lagging behind}

{Cut to a pixelated view of the fields of hammerspace, an arrow points to the left side of the screen reading "GO!", Forest runs on-screen with Chrionroar in tow. As she runs off-screen, the three police officers chase after them. Cut to a construction site, Forest climbs up the ladder and promptly stomps on the girders to misshapen them. The police officers come on-screen}

POLICE OFFICER #2: S-S-S-S-S-S-S-So any-any-any-any id-id-id-ideas-as-as-as-as?

POLICE OFFICER #3: Get in position and wait for my go.

POLICE OFFICER #4: {text pops up from the bottom of the screen} (i say we go kill teh gurl! lol!)

POLICE OFFICER #3: Affirmative.

{The third police officer starts running along the girders, Forest notices this and throws several barrels down at him in order to slow his ascent. He jumps over the first ten barrels and starts to climb up the ladder, on which he is promptly killed by the eleventh}

POLICE OFFICER #3: MAN DOWN!

POLICE OFFICER #4: (mybe i shud get them.)

POLICE OFFICER #2: G-G-G-G-G-G-Go ahead-ahead-ahead-ahead-ahead-ahead.

{The fourth police officer promptly dies from the first barrel thrown at him}

POLICE OFFICER #2: {sighs} Gues-Gues-Gues-Guess I have to-to-to-to do it mysel-sel-sel-self.

{The second police officer lags over the first eleventh barrels and suddenly appears at the top}

POLICE OFFICER #2: Now-now-now-now-now-now you are coming with-with-with me-me-me-me-me-me!

FOREST: Negative. {blasts the second police officer off the girders}

{The screen suddenly turns black with the words "GAME OVER" in the middle}

{Cut to the construction site outside of the pixelated world, Forest looks around and sees the Dimension Traveller being carried away to Hammerspacial Incinerator}

FOREST: My day just isn't getting any easier...

{Forest hops down from the construction site and runs towards the incinerator. Chrionroar lazily falls down from the construction site and starts looking around before being seen by police officers}

POLICE OFFICER #6: STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM! Your spree is at an end, pay the fine now or it's OFF TO JAIL for you! Your stolen goods are now forfeit!

POLICE OFFICER #7: Ignore the idiot, he thinks he's a guard. Anyway, let's go. {arrests Chrionroar but not before he flies away} Crap...

{The fifth police officer shows up on the scene}

POLICE OFFICER #5: What'd I miss?

{Pause}

POLICE OFFICER #7: A whole freaking bunch of crap.

POLICE OFFICER #5: {slaps forehead} There goes my vacation days...

{Cut to the Hammerspacial Incinerator, Professor Stereotype is at a chalk board examining the Dimensional Traveller}

PROF. STEREOTYPE: Ah! Zery good! Zery good indeed. Zis is ze pinnacle of future science! I must have eet!

POLICE OFFICER #8: Sorry sir, we must incinerate it.

PROF. STEREOTYPE: But you must hand eet over to me!

POLICE OFFICER #8: Sorry sir, we must incinerate it.

PROF. STEREOTYPE: Are you just repeating ze same crap over and over?

POLICE OFFICER #8: Sorry sir, we must incinerate it.

PROF. STEREOTYPE: Oh shut up! {stabs the eighth police officer, gaining several glances of the Hammerspace workers} Vhat?

{Forest bursts in guns blazing, several factory workers dash for the emergency exit, which then reveals a black hole, it sucks in several more. Professor Stereotype grabs the keys to the Dimensional Traveller and steps inside, it then starts up}

FOREST: Oh no you don't! {grabs onto the Dimension Traveller just as it starts to open a portal}

PROF. STEREOTYPE: ZIS IS AMAZING! I'VE NEVER SEEN SOMETHING LIKE IT! Oh... what does this button do?

DIMENSIONAL TRAVELLER: {robotic voice} LOCATION SET TO: WIKITY HALL. HANG ON TIGHT.

{The dimensional traveller flies through the portal and the portal closes}

{Cut to Wikity Hall, Conchris is bargaining with the mayor}

CONCHRIS: Look, Mr. Spyden, I've murdered about a hundred rats in that there cellar, now you either GIVE me the money or give me the money! What say you?

MAYOR SPYDEN: My my. I think that you should be doing... things for free...

CONCHRIS: You know, the way that you ogle people kind of makes feel uncomfortable.

MAYOR SPYDEN: I'm... sorry... if I seem... creepy to you...

CONCHRIS: Yeah, you should be... {The dimensional traveller appears behind Conchris, he turns around to see it} What the hell?

MAYOR SPYDEN: My word!

{The dimensional traveller stops and Forest slides off of it. Professor Stereotype walks out of the Dimensional Traveller, dizzy}

PROF. STEREOTYPE: Ooh... where am I?

CONCHRIS: Wikity.

PROF. STEREOTYPE: ACH! I THOUGHT I LEFT ZIS PLACE TO PURSUE SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH!

CONCHRIS: Sure, whatever.

{Forest gets up and aims her arm cannon at Conchris, Professor Stereotype and Mayor Spyden}

FOREST: You three must all shut up! {fires her arm cannon, blasting Conchris and Professor Stereotype into the wall of the hall. Mayor Spyden remains unscathed} The hell?

MAYOR SPYDEN: You can't do that to me. Run along now. {pushes Forest out of Wikity Hall}

CONCHRIS: {croaky voice} Ow... cue... credits...

{Cue credits}

{Fade into a throne room, Chrionroar is sitting at a throne with a hat made out of signs on top, the camera slowly zooms out from Chrionroar to reveal several people standing upright in the hall holding a variety of signs. As the camera reaches the doors, the doors close to reveal a message that reads "And so, Chrionroar became some sort of god in some sort of crazy cult and became king of the signs after the mishap in Hammerspace... or did he?"}