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Patrick Email.exe/05

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Patrick and Fang Wolf try to get Fang Wolf's arms back from Iori, who somehow stole them. It's hard to do so, so they engage battle at Rhen Var, where it's cold and there's nowhere to hide. Except command posts.

Cast (in order of appearance): Patrick, Fang Wolf, Iori, Mace Windu, Clone Trooper, Stormtrooper, Homestar Runner

Transcript

PATRICK: {typing "patrick_email.exe"} Agent 301 to Control. I have a speeding email that is about to be checked.

{After "HEY!", Patrick whispers "The feds, man. The feds! Don't you remember email 1?"}

PATRICK: {typing} To answer your 2nd question, Iori is a guy who is extremeley annoying. And stupid. That must be why your yelling. To answer your 1st question, I DID NOT STEAL YOUR ARMS! Iori did! I don't know how, but he just did! I seen him yesterday with severed arms, asked him, and he just ran off! {pan out to reveal Fang Wolf's right beside Patrick. Fang Wolf kicks Patrick} Ow! Do you mind?

FANG WOLF: Where's my arms?!?!

{Iori comes in with Fang Wolf's arms.}

IORI: So, you want these arms? Well you can't have them! {runs in circles} Weeeeee!!!!

FANG WOLF: GIVE ME MY ARMS!!!!

IORI: You'll have to catch me if you can first! {runs off}

{Patrick and Fang Wolf chase Iori. They wander into a hallway where Iori is not there.}

FANG WOLF: {shouting} GIVE ME BACK MY ARMS, WHOEVER!

IORI: {offscreen} You'll have to find me, catch me and take the arms away!

{Iori appears behind Patrick and Fang Wolf}

IORI: I'm here!

{Fang Wolf goes to tackle him but Iori jumps up to the ceiling. Iori then lowers from the top upside-down}

IORI: Hello!

{Patrick jumps up and trys to attack him but Iori goes back up. Iori then lowers down by Fang Wolf and pokes him}

IORI: Poke. {goes up a little, avoiding Fang Wolfs attack} Hahahaha! I poked you! Hahahaha! I'm cool! {Iori falls down and lands on his neck} OW!!!! I broke my neck, but I can still stand up somehow! {After 3 seconds, Iori runs away}

PATRICK: That's it. We're going to have to engage in battle. {The war theme from Simpsons episode "Bart the General" plays. Fade to black. Fade to Rhen Var where Patrick is holding a blaster rifle and Fang Wolf has spiked attack boots}

TRANSMISSION: We must get the arms! Master Patrick, Wolf, and Windu has entered the battlefield.

PATRICK: Mace Windu? Whaa?

MACE WINDU: I'm as weirded out as you guys are.

{All three wander off. Patrick shoots a snowtrooper, Wolf kicks a shocktrooper, and Windu slashes at a scout trooper. Patrick shoots an imperial pilot before finding Iori}

PATRICK: There's the idiot! Get him!

{All three chase Iori. Stormtroopers capture Windu and Wolf.}

PATRICK: Give me those arms!

IORI: No!

PATRICK: Give me those arms!

IORI: No!

PATRICK: Gi-Give uh... Give- {Patrick stops running and starts crouching to re-gain stamina}

IORI: No! {Iori trips over Patrick who was on the ground}

PATRICK: Whoa, that was awesome.

{Tons of Clone Troopers come in and helps Patrick handcuff Iori. Patrick takes the arms}

CLONE TROOPER: You're busted, guy with red hair!

PATRICK: Ha ha! You got p4wned! Woo-hoo! {runs off}

{Patrick goes back to Windu and Wolf. there is half the Stormtroopers there was before. Patrick throws a grenade}

STORMTROOPER: Grenade! Grenade! Run!

{Patrick comes in. The grenade does nothing, revealing it to be a fake. Patrick gives Wolf's arms back to him}

FANG WOLF: Yes! I have my arms back again! Thank you!

PATRICK: Your welcome!

TRANSMISSION: Mace Windu, get your butt to Yavin and help us!

MACE WINDU: See you later, guys!

{Cut back to Patrick's computer room, where Patrick and Iori are there.}

PATRICK: Have you learned anything today?

IORI: Yep! Never steal anybodys arms!

PATRICK: So you learned your lesson?

IORI: Nope!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey guys! Patrick, can I borrow your marshmallows?

PATRICK: I didn't have any.

HOMESTAR: Oh. Iori, I'm stealing your marshmellows.

IORI: I didn't have any.

HOMESTAR: Uh-oh. {runs off}

FANG WOLF: {chases Homestar} GIVE ME BACK THOSE MARSHMELLOWS!

PATRICK: Here we go again. Except this time, let's do something different: We will not be involved in any way possible! Oh, by the way Iori, I hate you.

IORI: Thank you!

{The Paper comes down reading: "Click here to email Patrick"}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on Patrick to see another scene.

Transcript

{Fang Wolf is punching Homestar.}

FANG WOLF: Give me those, give me those, I hate you, I hate you-
HOMESTAR: {with Fang Wolf} Ow, ow, ow, ow-

Fun Facts

Explainations

  • Fang Wolf is one of Lucas Aura's characters.
  • When I said "I didn't have any marshmellows", I did in real life at the time. Weird, huh?

Inside References

  • Agent 301 refers to Cheat Commandos: Online, an old interactive from the HRFWiki.
  • One of my lines refers to my first email.

H*R References

  • The easter egg is a reference to a sbemail.

Real-World References

  • The middle of the email is a reference to Star Wars and Star Wars Battlefront.
  • The email rap is a reference to Need for Speed: High Stakes, a line that a cop would say duing pursuit mode.
  • The part before Iori gets arrested is a reference to the Spongebob episode "Pizza Delivery".


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