Ethan & Dolan/Zoo977

Summary

Ethan and Dolan interview Zoo.

Transcript

ETHAN: ...okay. Are we off of commercials now? We are? Oh.

DOLAN: {whispering} Just go!

ETHAN: Okay! Zoo997!

{the audience claps, as zoo's angel comes in from teh top of the screen, and sits on the couch}

ZOO977: Thank's for inviting me. Also, it's 977.

ETHAN: Not anymore it's not.

DOLAN: So what's up, Zoo?

ZOO977: Well, I did happen to be killed last thanksgiving. It was weird.

ETHAN: Was it a horrible stuffing accident?

ZOO977: Try shot through the chest.

DOLAN: ...on Thanksgiving!?

ZOO977: Yep. See, I got a mug! {holds up a novelty mug that says "I was killed on thanks giving, and all I got was this piece of cruddly crap!"} They were giving them out on thanksgiving at heavens gates.

ETHAN: Mmhmm. {takes the mug and throws it into the floor, destroying it} Very nice. Very nice.

DOLAN: But WHY did you get shot on Thanksgiving?

ZOO977: I apparently {using his wings ot show air quotes} ruined someones life, {stops the air quotes} but I don't know how I would do that. Also, I poured horse laxatives into your coffee this morning.

DOLAN: Well, I, being a robot, have no digestive system. I only drink coffee so as to familiarize my appearance with that of the modern human race. And Ethan is only drinking kool aid.

ETHAN: Fruit punch!

DOLAN: Anyway, HOW did you "ruin someone's life"?

ZOO977: Something involving {air quotes} leaving him in a destroyed city that was about to be entirely annihilated. {stops the air quotes}

ETHAN: Was he strong and intelligent?

ZOO977: Yes, why?

ETHAN: I dun know. Maybe I know the guy well. Maybe we're buds. Maybe I'm wondering how you could've been so gosh darn insensitive!

ZOO977: I think I thought he left, I think.

ETHAN: {angrilly} Whatever, man! Just don't go messin with my bud again, you got that!?

ZOO977: Fi-

{a small explosion is heard offscreen. zoo's face scrunches up, and then goes back to normal}

ZOO977: What was that?

DOLAN: I have no idea.

ETHAN: Did you blow up our studio, Zoo?

ZOO977: No, I'd be out of here by now if that were true.

ETHAN: Well you must know SOMETHING about what caused the explosion, ya bum.

ZOO977: I don't know about it.

ETHAN: Don't you lie to me! I'll cut you!

ZOO977: Look, I know nothing about it, case closed, I win, you lose.

DOLAN: Well someone's got to know something!

ETHAN: Reveal your secrets!

ZOO977: That's it. {walks up to ethan, throws him offscreen. splurts some clear liquid onto his chair. zoo sits back down}

DOLAN: What is that stuff?

ZOO977: You'll see.

ETHAN: What the crap, man!? I oughtta slug you!

{Ethan sits in his chair}

ZOO977: Did I ever tell you guys how helpful instant dry super glue can be?

{ethan attempts to get up, but cant}

ETHAN: Aww you didn't.

DOLAN: No, I'm thinking he did!

ETHAN: Get me offa this thing!!!

{instead of getting ethan off of the chair, zoo flips it over. ethan is now supporting the chair on his head}

ZOO977: Now, lets continue the interview. {sits back down.}

ETHAN: {tips over, still stuck to the chair} Now wait just a second! Dolan?

DOLAN: Eh.... Zoo... can you get him unstuck please?

ZOO977: All I will need is a jack knife and some blood buckets, or until the almost end of the interview.

DOLAN: Which is pretty much as soon as this conversation becomes dry...

ETHAN: For the love of god, talk about politics!

DOLAN: Eh..... So, Zoo. What political party are you?

ZOO977: ...why?

ETHAN: {in pain} JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!

ZOO977: I really am not in one. It's really hard to be paying attention to polotics and being the guardian angel of kalt, you know. That kid is a phsyco.

DOLAN: Pardon me?

ZOO977: After marissa took over the email show, I was assigned kalts new guardian angel. Not an easy job.

ETHAN: Hello? Did you guys forget about-

DOLAN: Who is this "Kalt" guy?

ZOO977: An insande kid who is obsessd with squids.

ETHAN: Helloooooooo?

DOLAN: Do you commonly... eh... guard children?

ZOO977: Just him. Did you know I had to prevent him from dying when he swam down to the ruins of the titanic?

ETHAN: YOU'LL BE WITH THE TITANIC SOON IF YOU DON'T FREAKING UNGLUE ME FROM THIS CHAIR!!!

DOLAN: Ethan, shush. So, how long have you been assigned to him?

ZOO977: Since about ten minutes after I was shot.

ETHAN: OH MY FREAKING GOD, SOMEONE UNGLUE ME FROM THE CHAIR.

DOLAN: Well, Zoo. I s'pose it may be coming close to closing time. And before we get outta here and consider ungluing Ethan, anything you'd like to throw in?

ZOO977: Yep. Kalt, get away from the food processor! {picks up a jack knife, walks up to ethan} Are you sure you want to unglue ethan?

ETHAN: You stab me with that knife I swear to God I will never let you live a day in peace.

DOLAN: Go ahead, do what you need to.

ZOO977: Don't say I didn't warn you! {holds the knife above his head, slashes it down quickly. ethan comes off the stool, and stands up. his left leg then begins bleeding} Whoops.

ETHAN: Oh you asked for it! {attempts to punch Zoo. he flies up quickly}

ZOO977: Weee! {begins flying in circles, ethan running after him, trying to punch him}

DOLAN: Well, I s'pose that's all then! Bye now!

{end}