Ethan & Dolan/The Final Debate

Summary

Will and Ethan compete in the last presidential debate

Transcript

{open in a large auditorium, with Ethan and Will standing at two podiums opposite eachother. Cut to the moderator, Dolan, at the table in front of the stage}

DOLAN: Hello and welcome back to the final presidential debates. If you are just joining us, we have Ethan running against current president Will the Ball. We are now on the topic of "The Future." Ethan, how do you see the future with you as president?

ETHAN: Well, Dolan. Of course things would be at least 10 times awesomer. I mean economic instabilities? Forgot about 'em! We'll like ALL the countries eating out of OUR hands, and won't take crap from no one!

DOLAN: ...okay... President The Ball, your response?

WILL: Well now wait a second. How exactly do you plan on accomplishing that, Ethan?

ETHAN: Eh... I'm Ethan.

WILL: But that doesn't explain anything. You just-

ETHAN: Look it doesn't matter HOW, it'll just happen when I'm president.

DOLAN: Now, Will, what would the future be like if you continued to be president?

WILL: Well, Future is a rather vague term. Of course no one can truly predict the future, but I'm sure you're well aware of my "No Newb Left Behind" system which has already insured many new and productive users which will certainly lead to a brighter tommorow. I will also soon be initiating a ban on all memes, so more intelligent work gets done.

ETHAN: Whoa whoa whoa. Ban ALL memes???

DOLAN: Ethan, please do not interrup-

ETHAN: No but seriously? All memes?

WILL: ye... yes.

ETHAN: Dude can we get a dunce cap in here?

DOLAN: Allright that's enough. Ethan, please keep this debate civilized. Now, Will, what do you see the future as if-

ETHAN: Hey, he just got a question it's my turn!

DOLAN: Yes but I was-

ETHAN: {mocking} Yes but I was just blah blah bloo blah. Pssh. Ask me this question.

DOLAN: {sighs} Okay. Ethan, what do you see the future as if Will continues to be president?

ETHAN: Well their certainly won't be any fun left in the country, whatsoever. And probably all these "newbs" will just become boring old guys who sit around and talk about java companies!

DOLAN: Okay, Will.

ETHAN: Wait, I wasn't finished. With Will as president, nothing awesome will get done. A vote for me is a vote for awesome! {cheers from the audience}

DOLAN: {pause.} Are you done now?

ETHAN: Yes.

DOLAN: Okay, Will. What do you see being the future is Ethan gains the presidency?

WILL: If Ethan is elected, do you really think all that he said is gonna happen? He's got no backing to how exactly he's going to save us. The country would be thrown into chaos! A president, who doesn't understand a standard government system? Would you vote for that?

DOLAN: Okay, we go to our viewers from the audience now for our final questions. Our first question is from Baddington Starsman. Baddington?

{cut to out in the audience. BadStar stands up}

BADSTAR: I have a question for both of you. What do you plan on doing about the war in Iraq? And whats your favorite cookie?

{cut back}

DOLAN: Will, you may go first.

WILL: Well, thank you for asking such a worthwhile question. I for one believe there never was any real point for a war in Iraq. As president, I would move our troups out, and create a peace treaty with the Iraqi government. Perhaps set up an alliance even. Oh and... eh... Oatmeal raisin.

DOLAN: And, Ethan?

ETHAN: Lemme start off by saying, that this "War" in Iraq is just a myth. {gasps from the audience} I know for a fact that there's a Beatles Reunion band playing a huge concert over there like 24/7. So there's really nothing to do about it. I mean, we Americans sure do love the Beatles!

DOLAN: Wait, do you have any actual evidence of this?

ETHAN: Eh... not it's in my... other pant legs...

DOLAN: Okay... and you're favorite cookie?

ETHAN: Chocolate chip.

DOLAN: Now, our next question comes via text message from "Raiku". It says, "Question for Both: What would you do to help our community?" Ethan?

ETHAN: Now, just the fact of knowing I'm president is a sure enough way of making the citizens feel at least 10 times awesomer. So that's a start. And then I'd probably build some bridges and hospitals and crap. That seems to go over real well...

DOLAN: Will?

WILL: Now, unlike my oponent, I actually have a steady plan. First, we lower taxes and feed money back into the communities, for education and other neccesary programs. And to pay back our debts to other countries, I say we-

DOLAN: Sorry, we seem to be out of time.

WILL: But! ...eh...

DOLAN: This concludes the 2008 presidential debate between current president Will the Ball and Ethan. Thank you for watching.

{Ethan springs up in front of the camera}

ETHAN: YEAH! VOTE ETHAN! YEAH!

{Dolan forces him down}

DOLAN: Okay that's enough!

{end}